"AMI!" Her mother's voice cut through the music. "Come help carry!"
Calanyx hopped up from her bed, not sure whether to be happy or annoyed. She had the house to herself the last couple of weeks and it had been great not having to keep her music at a 'reasonable level' or explain the occasional blaring of the smoke alarm. But... she had also missed her mom. A little.
As they hauled suitcases in her mom caught her up on family in Japan she hadn't seen for years. After a while she just tuned it out and focused on helping sort the contents of the many bags.
"...is yours." Her ears perked and she looked up as her mom handed her a round tin covered in elaborate decorations. It had chrysanthemums and rings in an intricate pattern around the edges with a large chrysanthemum covering the top. "Your grandmother was going to give it to you as a wedding present as it was given to her by her grandmother but her health has not been very good and she fears she won't be able to make it that long."
"Of course she will..." Calanyx said. She didn't like the idea of losing her grandmother, she missed her a lot... but she was pretty old and it wasn't like there was a serious relationship going that would leave anyone optimistic about marriage...
With an encouraging nod from her mom, Calanyx opened the tin to find a beautiful old bronze mirror. Smiling, she examined it closely, admiring the turtle and mum design on the back as well as the polished metal that formed the reflective surface. It was only a little bit larger than a compact mirror but she loved it.
After extricating herself from her mother, she went to her room, did a quick check online and got everything she needed. She spent the next hour cleaning and polishing the old mirror. It wasn't too tarnished but certainly neglected. It had to have been in that tin for a long time. Once she had finished she looked in to the flawless polished mirror with a satisfied smile... but the smile faded as she saw so clearly all of her flaws. All the little things she didn't like about herself...
Her shoulders drooped as she let out a heavy sigh. "Why do I even get my hopes up? He'll never fall for someone as plain as me..."
"Anata wa utsukushii desu." Her reflection said with a bright smile. She almost dropped the mirror but surprise was almost immediately replaced by excitement – Zell was going to love this! 'You are beautiful', it took her a moment to realize it had spoken in Japanese.
"Do you speak English?" She asked in Japanese, looking at this mirror in a new light. It had been passed from grandmother to granddaughter at least twice so it was old enough... it must be a Tsukumogami! There were legends that any item over one hundred years old may develop consciousness. Before meeting Zell she had just laughed that sort of thing off but now she saw it every day and from much newer items than this. It was so cool to have one of her own!
"No. Is that the language you were berating yourself in?" She asked.
"How do you know that is what I was doing?" Calanyx asked, frowning.
"I have seen that expression many times." Her reflection answered. "It is a lie. Tomoko women have always been beautiful, intelligent, and talented. What fool would ignore you?"
"His name is Zell." She said with a small smile. Beautiful, intelligent, and talented... she hadn't given it much thought but it was true that most of the women in the family were pretty if not stunning. Even as old as her grandmother was, she had a sort of regal beauty. "He's been teaching me about all the amazing things in the world most people don't know about. Stuff like amazing talking mirrors."
"He is your teacher? What will happen when you are no longer his student?" She asked.
"That... is a good question..." Calanyx said, her smile fading. She hadn't considered that. She had been so busy learning she never looked beyond the studies. "I guess I'll just be a better assistant."
"Oh..." Her reflection looked disappointed.
"What?" She frowned. "I love being his assistant!"
"Yes... but you could be more. When a proper master has finished training his student, they should be masters themselves." The mirror pointed out. "If you are his student it would be only fair for him to accept you as a full partner – not just a permanent servant."
She started to protest but sighed. That's pretty much what she was... however much she enjoyed the work, she was just a servant.
"Are there other masters who might teach you? One who could train you to be an equal?"
"Probably... but I like Zell!"She protested.
"He must like you if he agreed to teach you – but would you rather he like or respect you?"
"I want him to love me." She sighed, falling back on the bed.
"Is he so special?" The mirror asked, curious.
"Well, yeah. He's handsome and smart and determined and compassionate... and passionate..." Calanyx smiled and sighed as her mind returned to those all too rare kisses.
"He must not be too intelligent or he would not leave you in such an uncertain state. Perhaps you should seek a new teacher..."
"But..." She began to protest.
"It is rare for a teacher to see a student as anything more. A master would keep his assistant at an arm's length. You must discover where you stand now and where you are going. If he will always look down upon you we can become masters in our own right so that we may look in to his eyes."
"We?" She asked, surprised.
"Of course." Her reflection smiled. "I will always be here to help you."
Calanyx's smile faded a little. Would Zell let her keep the mirror?
"What is wrong? Do you not want that?"
"Of course I do!" She said quickly. "You are great! It's just... he may want you to stay with him..."
"Why? Is he vain?" She asked, confused.
"No." Calanyx laughed. He didn't act like it, anyway. "He collects sentient items. He would want to talk to you and make sure you are all right."
"Of course I am all right!" The mirror laughed. "I am out of that dark, lonely box! All I have ever wanted is a beautiful friend – what more could I ask for?"
"Awww!" She smiled. "You're so sweet! You do seem to be fine. He will probably let me keep you, anyway."
Her reflection looked so pained it was almost heart breaking. "Would you surrender me so easily? I ask so little... I only wish to remain with you."
"I suppose I don't have to tell him about you..." She admitted – a little uncomfortable with it, though.
"All women should have at least one secret." Her reflection giggled. It was a harmless secret so she agreed and spent half the night talking with her new best friend.
The next morning she had a difficult decision to make. She wanted to take the mirror to classes so they could talk... but she would go straight to work afterwards... In the end she set the mirror in front of a TV so she could start learning English and promised she would be home as soon as possible. The mirror remembered so many interesting things from its early life and promised to teach Calanyx everything she knew. There were so many stories of her family...
It was hard to focus during class and even her afternoon at work didn't hold her attention as it always had before. She couldn't shake the mirrors' questions, either. She paid closer attention to the way Zell acted and talked to her that evening. It was hard to tell... As she learned more he did give her more responsibility and access to cool things... but would she be treated as an equal eventually? Would she have to find a different teacher so she could return to help him as a real partner? Is that what it would take to prove herself?
She was still feeling lost and frustrated when she got home, finally relaxing as she picked up the mirror.
"The world has become strange while I was in that box..." Her reflection said uncertainly.
"Yeah." Calanyx laughed. "People are more relaxed and the definitions of beauty have changed a lot."
"Some things never change, though. While details in cosmetics may have shifted somewhat, the preference of form has not. Women in your family have always carried those traits. You seem to have chosen a 'Gothic' style..."
"Yes! It's great, isn't it?" Calanyx grinned. "I love the freedom of it! Individuality and unique styles are really appreciated by other goths."
"I would like to know more about this style." Her reflection smiled. Calanyx squealed in excitement and took the mirror to the computer.
"Hey... Do you have a name?" She asked as she started opening tabs to sites with clothing and makeup examples.
"No... You are the first person I ever spoke with. I have never thought to choose a name." She admitted.
"Well, we need to pick something good for you. I don't like thinking of you as an item."
Her reflection smiled as they continued the search and considered names. After much discussion they the mirror finally decided on Nocturne, a pretty name with a nice but suitably gothic meaning. Over the next few days Calanyx got little sleep, staying up late to talk with Nocturne. She was most interested in fashion and listened with a smile as Calanyx blew off steam about any number of little things that happened. They experimented with different makeup tricks while Nocturne thought about what was troubling her friend and offered advice. She was once carried around by Calanyx's great great grandmother and learned quite a bit about human interaction during that time. She had a lot of great suggestions and was always able to turn Calanyx's thoughts to something more cheerful and productive.
By the third day she started skipping a few classes in favor of naps so she could be awake all night with Nocturne. They had worked out a new look for her – a beautiful makeup style and a new outfit. Calanyx's biggest hesitation was Nocturne insisting she set aside the beloved cat ear hoodie. She felt it would be better to have a spider theme with this outfit rather than cat. Spiders were powerful, she pointed out. Small but deadly, feared, respected. They were even considered good luck in many cultures. They created – no matter how many times someone destroyed their webs, they rebuilt. Though she would miss the comfort of the hoodie – having something to hide behind... she loved the image Nocturne wove of spiders. She wanted to be like that.
Nocturne helped her find a strength she hadn't thought she had, she gave her so much confidence over the last few days... Now if only Zell would see her as Nocturne did...
She fell asleep again still talking to Nocturne and dreamed of her life if nothing changed. She would end up working in a lab, taking a low paying job that would allow her the hours to work with Zell. She would be a glorified housekeeper while he traveled the world finding new items, not having to worry about his house or those within it. She would grow old... alone... still waiting for him to do more than offer a kiss now and then.
She woke on the edge of tears.
"Are you all right?" Nocturne asked.
"Yeah... yeah..." Calanyx mumbled. She needed answers.
It was Saturday morning and, though tired, she wanted to take Nocturne to see a goth club. All the pictures on the internet were nothing compared to the real thing. She wanted to see the dancing, the clothes and makeup, hear the music.
First she had to work. Maybe.
Nocturne was right. What would be the point to working with Zell if that was the future she had to look forward to?
Whether she stayed to study a while and help out or not... when she left there she would head out to show Nocturne the world. She put on the makeup very carefully, following Nocturne's instructions before pulling on the short sleeved kimono style dress. She adored it, black fabric with spiderwebs printed on it. Purple silk lined the neck and there was a dark purple waist cincher in place of an obi. White tights made sure her legs matched her face. She finished with simple Mary Jane shoes, a few silver bangles, hoop earrings and a black choker with a silver spider hanging from it. Some purple nail polish, matching lipstick and a bit of eye shadow – just barely enough to be seen. A little black mascara to create 'legs' at the corners of her eyes. It was simple but the effect was wonderful. She looked so... classy. She looked like a modernized gothic geisha!
"I told you that you were beautiful." Nocturne said with satisfaction. It was the first time she had to agree.
Part of her was a little intimidated by this... but even that was a thrill. If this didn't get Zell's attention nothing would. She had to know... if things didn't go well with him, she would need a night on the town even more than she already did. Nothing could help a bad mood quite like good music and good company.
She hid Nocturne outside the gates to Zell's house – not wanting to take any chances. Of course he wouldn't steal her... but... the thought of losing the mirror was just painful. She finally had someone who understood and loved her for who she was... saw all her potential and helped her bring it to reality. With an assurance she would either be back soon or in a few hours... but either way not too long... she headed in to the house.
Zell was at the computer in the library doing some research – nothing new there. She strode over, never having felt quite so strong, and grabbed the edge of the back of his chair. She pulled it out and spun him around to make sure she had his full attention. He stared in surprise for a moment – normally she would have enjoyed the attention but there were other things on her mind. "Will I always be an assistant here?"
"What do you mean?" He asked after a moment. She hadn't meant to sound quite so demanding but it did make sure he took her seriously.
"Hakkiri kotaenasai. If I work hard... study everything available... what happens when you run out of things to teach me? Will I still be just an assistant?"
"Well, that will be up to you." He said with a smile. "If you want to remain my assistant I won't argue. If you want to see the world and get first hand experience I'll support that choice, too."
"Sugureta." She relaxed, smiling. "You haven't said anything about the new look!"
"Hadn't really had a chance." He chuckled. "What brought this on?"
"Everyone needs a little change now and then. Like it?" She grinned, pirouetting.
"You look great no matter what you wear... but yeah, I do." Zell smiled. "So no special occasion?"
"Iie." She shrugged. "It's been a stressful week. I'm going to go to a club or two this evening."
"Sounds fun. Room for one more?" He grinned, winking.
She laughed, heading to her waiting stack of books. "Sumimasen – girl's night out."
"Maybe next time, then?" He asked, his smile fading.
"Of course." She smiled, sitting down and trying to focus on the words – but all she could think about was Nocturne waiting outside. Calanyx opted to skip her usual studies, took care of what responsibilities she had taken on and slipped out early. She retrieved Nocturne and headed to the nearest bus stop. It was early enough she wanted to take a longer route so they could see more of the sights. She wasn't too worried about being seen talking to a mirror in public – in a city like Portland someone in an odd outfit talking to herself wasn't worth batting an eye. People would assume it was some kind of custom phone case and she had an earpiece on.
"It went well, then?" Nocturne asked.
"Yeah!" She grinned. "I am not limited."
"That is one concern down." Her reflection nodded. "Now the question is whether he will allow limit himself emotionally or really see you."
"There is that." Calanyx sighed. It wasn't as easy to just come out and ask something like that. Business is one thing... but she was almost afraid of the other answer. "I think I'll just see how things happen. I'd rather hold on to hope than have it broken."
"That is foolish. Minds can change but it will not happen if he does not know where to look." She scolded.
"Oh, he knows." Calanyx said, glad her blush couldn't be seen under the makeup.
"Knows what?" Zell asked, dropping into the seat beside her.
She gasped, tucking Nocturne away. "Nothing..."
"You should have told me." His disappointment was evident in the soft words.
"Why?" She asked defensively. "Nocturne is fine – she's not violent and doesn't need therapy."
"Sometimes the need for help manifests in ways other than violence." Zell said, choosing his words with care as he rested a hand on her arm. "Please, Calanyx... bring her with you next time you come over."
"She was given to me..." She said, bringing Nocturne back out with no small amount of reluctance. "I don't want to leave her there. She's been stuck in a box for so long..."
"That alone is good reason to bring her in." He pointed out. "How long was it? How do you think you would handle long solitary confinement?"
Calanyx took a breath to argue, not liking his insinuation – her reflection looked even more angry. "He has no right to make you do anything you do not wish. This is a good time to distance yourself. We should go our own way and when we return he will see that his concerns were wrong!"
"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with her." Zell added before Calanyx could say anything. "But she may not even be aware of some of the things that are bothering her. You've seen this before. I don't speak enough Japanese to help her myself, either. I'll need you there – I'm not going to keep her, alright? Just... please... bring her in."
"I... don't know..." She said, torn. Both of them made good points. It was true that she had seen items in the past that seemed nice on the surface but had a dangerous streak in the right circumstances. But... Nocturne wasn't one of them! If she walked away now she could keep working with Nocturne on her own terms, using her own judgment. When they succeeded and she proved herself worthy he might...
He leaned over, whispering in her ear. "Is she trying to turn you away from me? Giving you good reasons to ignore my requests and advice?"
She jumped, as much from the tickle of his breath as the truth of his words.
"Do not let him sway you!" Nocturne all but shouted. "He is unworthy of you! We shall find someone better!"
He ignored the mirror's outburst and sat back, watching Calanyx but not removing his hand from her arm. Her head was spinning and everything seemed muddled and... wrong. Nothing made sense and she suddenly felt so very alone and exposed, all the confidence she had felt just moments before drained away.
"No! Do not listen to him! He is making you weak!" Nocturne wailed. "You are better than him! Stronger!"
"She is right to say that you are strong." He murmured, ignoring the fact that a few other passengers on the bus had taken an interest after the mirrors' last outburst and were watching them. "You are strong and smart, Calanyx. And you know what the right thing to do is."
At last she nodded. "Yeah... Can we go back?"
He smiled, squeezing her arm and sliding his hand down to clasp hers. The whole trip back Nocturne begged her not to give her away, not to abandon her, not to listen to the foolish man who only wanted to use her. Calanyx just wanted to cry, she hated to see Nocturne so upset and tried to reassure her but the mirror was inconsolable. Zell assured her it would be alright and while she knew that there was no reason for Nocturne to fear therapy, even though she knew Zell would never lie to her and he had promised not to take the mirror from her, it took every bit of her will to keep from running. She shared Nocturnes' fears and found herself questioning Zell even though her brain knew there was no reason for it.
She was confused, exhausted, scared... and when they came around to the right stop, glad that Zell was there to help her up. Every step was a battle and it grew harder the closer they got to the house. Seeing the trouble she was having, Zell wrapped an arm around her waist and helped her maintain a steady stride.
Calanyx had no memory of passing through the door. The fear and panic became so strong she lost consciousness before he ever reached for the doorknob.
Therapy was not as fun with Nocturne as it usually was. Calanyx had to translate as the two talked and the mirror did not have many good things to say the first few days. She was furious that Calanyx would choose Zell over her even though she wasn't being surrendered or anything. She spent most of the time accusing her of betrayal.
Zell talked her into leaving Nocturne in another room for a while so he could talk to her alone. She had returned to her old clothes and spent most of the private sessions deep in the hood of her jacket, embarrassed that she had been caught off guard by Nocturne. She had been so easily manipulated and Calanyx still wasn't sure how much of what Nocturne said was worth believing. How much had she said just to gain her trust? To get her to abandon everyone else? After spending almost one hundred years alone in her tin, she had a fear of abandonment and a desperate need for love and attention. It was so easy to see now that Calanyx had taken a step back.
Even though he didn't seem to dwell on it, she could tell Zell was upset, hurt by how easily she had been convinced to turn against him. At least she thought he was... it was so hard to tell how much was true and how much she was projecting. They had decided the mirror had found a way to get into her head and manipulate her. As long as she had Nocturne nearby there may be some connection she could use. Even though Calanyx hated the idea of being manipulated she couldn't bring herself to just abandon her, either. Nocturne needed someone she could trust...
As happened most days, Calanyx promised to return the next morning and went to get the mirror she both loved and feared.