Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor the hilarious posts from DearBlankPleaseBlank that I've used in this story.
A/N: This is a collection of one-shots that are all inspired by some of my favorite submissions from the website DearBlankPleaseBlank. I hope you enjoy them, as I plan on making this a series! They're all mostly based around Kurt and Blaine, with a dash of other characters and couples thrown in for good measure. Hope you like!
Dear older brother,
When I asked you "how far" you went on your date, I meant the LOCATION…
Sincerely, scarred for life.
Kurt kicks Finn's door with the side of his foot, balancing two glasses of warm milk in his hands. The door swings open, and Finn gestures for his brother to come inside.
"Hey, Kurt," Finn greets, and Kurt gives him a warm smile before setting the two glasses of milk down on Finn's desk. He sits in the desk chair and grabs his milk, taking a sip of it silently. Finn crosses the room and takes his milk before going back to sit cross-legged on his bed.
"So, how are you and Blaine?" Finn asks, trying to start conversation. Kurt sets down his milk and clasps his hands together in his lap.
"He said he loves me!" Kurt squeals, his face brightening with a giant smile. Finn's eyebrows rise.
"Really? Do you love him back? Do I have to kick his curly-headed ass?" Kurt shakes his head, laughing at Finn's clenched fists.
"No ass-kicking is necessary. Besides, the last time you punched a curly-haired guy, you got kicked out of prom and Rachel got slapped." Finn frowns, taking a silent sip of his milk.
"He provoked me," Finn defends quietly, and Kurt nods mockingly.
"I'm sure he did. Anyway, I do love him back. And I told him so." Kurt smiles at the memory, and Finn can't help but feel happy for his brother. "But enough about me," Kurt picks up his glass of milk and takes a drink, "How are things with you and Rachel?" Finn smiles brightly again, looking excited.
"It's great! We went on a date last night, and she said that she wants to go out with me again!"
"That's great!" Kurt is happy for Finn, he knows that Quinn and Finn didn't make a very good couple anymore, and he truly wants to see Finn happy again. "So, where'd you go?" Kurt asks, and Finn looks confused.
"What do you mean?"
"How far did you go?" Finn blushes, and Kurt is confused at why.
"Well, I'd say about third base. She still won't let me go all the way, though." He says sheepishly. There's an awkward silence as Kurt thinks about it for a moment, then he immediately sets his half-full glass of milk down on Finn's desk, stands from the chair, and calmly walks out of the room.
"Where are you going?" Finn calls after him, and Kurt stops in the middle of the hallway to holler back at him,
"To go throw up, Frankenteen. I meant where you took her for the date, not how far she let you go with her. I am officially scarred for life from the image of you and Rachel Berry 'getting it on' on top of her Strawberry Shortcake inspired bed."
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for giving me the family I never had.
Sincerely, Adopted Son.
Seventeen-year-old Kurt Hummel groans and turns his eyes away from the sun spots that stream in from his window. He glances at the clock on his bedside table, and notices it's about ten in the morning on Saturday. He rolls out of his twin bed and steps into a pair of slippers. He looks over to his brother's bed and sees that it's empty. He finds it strange, since the teenager always sleeps in as long as possible on the weekends.
He sniffs the air and smells pancakes, and realizes that that's why his brother is up so early: breakfast. He stumbles down the stairs, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and walks to the kitchen.
"Hey, honey!" His mom, Carole, calls without even turning away from the stove to look at him, and he smiles softly. "Can you go wake your brothers and sisters up?" She asks, turning to smile at him, and Kurt nods before leaving to go find his siblings.
He enters a room with large, pink 'B' and purple 'Q' signs on the door. He shuffles over to the bunk bed and gently shakes the sleeping girl on the bottom bunk. She rolls over and groans a little in her sleep, and Kurt smiles at the ten-year-old.
"Quinn, honey, it's time for breakfast." He whispers to her, and she frowns before turning to glare at him with glazed hazel eyes.
"Kurtie, is that you?" A soft voice asks from the top bunk, and Kurt straightens to look at the small, blonde eight-year-old.
"Hey, Brit-Brit." Kurt says, and the girl throws her arms around him in a tight hug. He lifts her out of bed and sets her on the ground, and she sprints out of the room to bound down the stairs to the kitchen. Kurt and Quinn hear her yell an excited "Hi, mommy!"
"Carry me." Quinn mumbles sleepily, and Kurt bends over to scoop her out of bed. They leave the room and walk down the hall together, Quinn waking up slightly. They approach another bedroom, and Kurt opens the door with one hand while balancing Quinn at the same time.
"Sammy-boy! Artie! Time to get up!" He calls, and the two boys both mumble for him to go away. He ignores them and walks over to the first boy's bed, shaking the brunet. Artie groans, but sits up in bed anyway. Kurt sets Quinn down to help the fifteen-year-old find his glasses. Artie stands from bed and takes Quinn's hand to lead the girl downstairs to join Brittany.
Kurt crosses the room to Sam's bed, literally ripping the covers off Quinn's twin brother's body. Sam turns over onto his stomach and pulls his pillow over his head. Kurt sighs and grabs the pillow too, pushing Sam off the bed and onto the floor. Sam lands with a thud, and he moans. Kurt laughs before helping the ten-year-old to his feet.
"I hate you." Sam mutters, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and cracking his back.
"I know you do, but you'd never have gotten up if I didn't do that." Sam shrugs and wanders out of the bedroom, Kurt following him close behind. They amble down to the dining room, where Quinn, Brittany, and Artie are setting the table. Kurt leaves Sam to help them and goes into the kitchen where he finds his mother.
"Where's Finn?" He asks, and she spins around from the stove.
"He and Puck are outside with dad, something about the car not working. Why don't you go out and tell them breakfast is ready." Kurt smiles and nods at her once more and walks out the back door, going around to the garage where his father is laying underneath the family van. Finn is inside the car, turning the key and looking confused while his best friend, Puck, stands next to him, yelling something about the clutch. He shakes his head, covering a laugh with his hand.
"Hey, guys, mom said breakfast is ready." He calls, and Finn almost falls out of the car he's so excited, and Burt rolls out from underneath the car, rubbing his oily hands on his old jeans. Finn runs inside, Puck following him with a shake of the head. Kurt waits for his father, and Burt clamps a hand down on his shoulder with a small smile.
"Morning, Kurt." He says.
"Good morning, dad." Kurt replies as they walk around the garage to the door, Kurt opening it and holding it for his dad.
"So, how are things with you and that Blaise-kid?" Burt asks, and Kurt rolls his eyes while trying to cover up his blushing cheeks.
"It's Blaine, dad. And things are going great." Kurt tells his father as they enter the dining room, and Burt shoots him a content glance before sitting at the head of the table. Kurt watches as his family all scramble for seats as Carole brings out enough food for an army, which is fitting because their family is large enough for one.
He takes a seat between Brittany, who is excitedly chatting to Artie from across the table about a cat named Lord Tubbington, who's really fat and cranky, and he sometimes thinks he's human, but that's okay, because cats have feelings too, and Sam, who is telling Finn all about the game of basketball he played at recess on Friday and about this girl who's name is Mercedes and is the best singer he's ever heard and she's seen AVATAR and how cool is that?
Quinn is talking to Puck, and the eighteen-year-old boy smiles at the stern look she shoots him for making fun of her penguin pajamas because, you Neanderthal, they're really comfortable.
He sees his mom and dad meet each other's eyes from across the table and they smile, both sharing that look of Look at these wonderful kids; how did we ever get so lucky?
Frankly, Kurt can't help but agree. He's extremely lucky. Because even though Quinn and Sam were in foster care because their parents were incredibly abusive, and Brittany was a premature baby of a teenage mother who didn't want her, and Puck isn't part of the family, but really, he is because he spends most of his time here and Carole treats him like a son, and Finn and Artie are actually brothers, but couldn't be more different, and Burt and Carole aren't his real parents, and he isn't really related to any of the people sitting at this table, and his birth family aren't living anymore, he knows that this is his real family and he'll always be loved no matter what.
"Kurtie, are you okay?" Brittany asks innocently, and he smiles and wipes away the stray tear that rests on his cheek.
"I'm wonderful, boo. Please pass the bacon." The family starts into loud conversation again, and Kurt doesn't see the second look that his parents share. The one that says We're not the lucky ones; they are.
Dear Homework,
Game Over.
Sincerely, Facebook
|Kurt Hummel: Damn you, Facebook! *shakes fist*
(Mercedes Jones, Tina Cohen-Chang, Rachel Berry,and 17 other people like this)
Finn Hudson: whats wrong?
Blaine Anderson: Facebook isn't that bad!
Kurt Hummel: It is when you have a three page essay due tomorrow and
Facebook just keeps staring at you from the side bar, begging you to just stalk your friends and boyfriend for one more minute…
*!*
|Blaine Anderson to Kurt Hummel: You were stalking me? I'm flattered
Kurt Hummel: Eat shit.
(Wes Adams, David Williams, and 73 other people like this)
Blaine Anderson: Kurt!
Kurt Hummel: Blaine!
Blaine Anderson: Kurt…!
Kurt Hummel: Blaine!
Blaine Anderson: Kurt, go do your homework.
Kurt Hummel: You suck.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: haha, i bet he does!
(Jeff Bueller and Nick Lynch like this)
Blaine Anderson: You wish, Puckerman ;)
*!*
(Finn Hudson, Santana Lopez, Artie Abrams,and 26 other people like this)
|Finn Hudson: someone tell Kurt Hummel to get off facebook and do his homework!
(Mercedes Jones and Rachel Berry like this)
Tina Cohen-Chang: Don't you live with him?
Finn Hudson: …yeah.
Sam Evans: just walk upstairs and tell him yourself.
Finn Hudson: too much work, dude.
*!*
|Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray: Have you started your essay yet?
Quinn Fabray: what essay?
Kurt Hummel: The one in English that's due tomorrow…
Quinn Fabray: Well, shit.
(Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones like this)
*!*
|Mercedes Jones to Kurt Hummel: Boy, have U even started that damn essay yet?
Kurt Hummel: Define 'started'…
Kurt Hummel: I've definitely CONSIDERED it!
Mercedes Jones: There is no hope for U.
*!*
|Kurt Hummel: is gonna go do his homework.
Finn Hudson: FINALLY!
Brittany S. Pierce: but kurtie, u were gonna come over and have a slumber party with Santana Lopez and me :(
(Santana Lopez likes this)
Kurt Hummel: Fuckkkkkkkkkk…
(Blaine Anderson, Finn Hudson, Wes Adams,and 65 others likethis)
Kurt Hummel: Be over in half and hour! :)
Dear guys,
If your chest hair resembles a sweater, then it's time to trim it.
Sincerely, grossed out girls
Kurt wasn't used to guys with chest hair. In prior instances, every shirtless guy he'd ever seen has a smooth chest like himself. Granted, those guys were Sam and Finn, and though Sam's chiseled body was hot, he found that he wasn't really in to it. And don't even get him started on Finn- a year ago he'd be jumping up and down at the thought of Finn strolling down the hall in his boxers, but after living with the guy and seeing him pick shirts off the floor and sniffing them before throwing them on, he wasn't really turned on by that anymore.
Frankly, he thought chest hair was kind of gross. True, the only time he'd ever seen it was in movies, and it was always on grossly unattractive men. He'd never understood teenage boys' obsession with their first chest hair, and he accepted that he probably never would.
And then one night, during a particularly steamy make-out session on Blaine's twin bed at Dalton while his roommate was out of town, Blaine made a move to remove Kurt's shirt. Kurt was a little hesitant at first, afraid that Blaine would laugh at his skinny frame, but then Blaine was sucking on his neck and holy shit, why isn't this shirt already off, so he complied and unbuttoned his shirt quickly, throwing it somewhere for him to find later and think why didn't I fold it, these wrinkles are gonna be a bitch, but he really didn't care at the moment because Blaine's hips were bucking upward to meet his and he decided he really wanted Blaine's shirt off too. He began unbuttoning it, and was surprised at what he found.
Blaine was hot. Kurt eyed him hungrily as Blaine kissed along his jaw-line, and almost moaned when Blaine's stomach and chest flexed as he switched angles. Kurt brought a hand up to run along Blaine's chest, feeling the contours and dips and holy fuck, is that chest hair?
He looked down and, sure enough, Blaine's entire chest had short, dark hair on it, leading from under his collarbone to a little trail from his belly button to the waistband of his jeans.
And it was fucking sexy.
"Kurt," Blaine moaned, and Kurt snapped his head up to meet his boyfriend's gaze. "Why'd you stop?" Kurt blushed, leaning in to kiss Blaine lightly before pulling away.
"I got distracted." He replied, and Blaine laughed once before reclaiming his lips.
That's when Kurt decided that, fuck yes, he really liked chest hair. But only on Blaine.
Dear Rose,
There was definitely enough room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack.
"I don't get it." Blaine says suddenly, looking over at his boyfriend. Kurt wipes at the embarrassing tears on his cheeks.
"What don't you get?" He asks, and Blaine furrows his eyebrows in concentration.
"Why'd she let go?" Kurt rolls his eyes, but Blaine doesn't notice. "I mean, she told him never to let go, and then she practically pries his hand from her own." Blaine is deep in thought again when Kurt throws a pillow at his face. He looks up at his boyfriend, and sees that Kurt is glaring at him with his arms crossed, and that sight would normally scare the shit out of him, but the effect of Kurt's bitch glare is a little dimmed by the fact that his blue eyes are red from crying and he's wearing blue satin pajamas and fuzzy slippers. "What?" He asks defensively.
"I am never watching a movie with you again. You're horrible." Blaine stares, slack-jawed.
"What did I do?" He questions innocently, and Kurt snorts and throws his hands in the air.
"You just picked apart one of my all-time favorite movies." Kurt says defensively, picking at piece of popcorn from the bowl sitting on the bed next to them.
"Hypocrite!" Blaine cries, pointing a finger at him. "You're constantly criticizing movies, especially the action ones I pick out!" Kurt narrows his eyes.
"They're action movies. They're just asking for criticism." Blaine huffs and crosses his arms, an action that Kurt reciprocates, throwing in a flip of his bangs for good measure. They sit in silence for a moment before both bursting out in laughter at the same time. They laugh for a few more minutes; long enough for the tension that had occupied the room to dissipate.
"But, seriously, I don't understand this movie at all. I thought they said it was unsinkable!"
A/N: I hope you found these some-what funny, and I want to know if you guys think I should make this a series type-thingy-ma-bober. ;)
You should also tell me if any of these need to be full-length fictions, or if they should just stay one-shots. Personally, this was my FIRST EVER experience writing a Facebook fic, so I hope I didn't butcher it too badly. Also, the fourth one was the closest thing to smut I've ever written, so I'm crossing my fingers that it didn't suck!
Anyway, please just give me some feedback! Thanks!
lessthanthree,
Max