Chapter 1 - Sleeping With A Broken Heart

She slowly opened her eyes and watched the rays of sunlight streaming through the blinds hit the wall. She felt comfort and warmth. She felt secure. She realized as she lay on her side that his arm was wrapped around her waist. He knew she was awake so he pulled her closer to him. She obliged and willingly shifted her body to be closer to him, curving to spoon against him. He kissed her on her bare shoulder and neck.

"Good morning, Joss."

She felt tears stinging in her eyes but blinked them away. She chose not to respond. Instead, she wrapped his arm tighter around her, wanting to find refuge in his warmth.

"Turn around and look at me," he requested with soft assurance.

She shook her head and held on to him tighter.

"Joss. Look at me."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she turned over. Her eyes remained closed as she buried her head in his bare chest, breathing in his scent. One hand gently rested on his chest, while the other hand rubbed his back.

"Look at me," he pleaded.

"No. Why can't we just stay like this? I don't want to look at you. Every time I do, you leave. I don't want you to leave, John."

"I'm not going anywhere. I just want to see you. I want to look in your eyes. I want to look into the eyes of the woman I love."

She took in a deep breath and released it shakily as she opened her eyes. She brought both hands to his chest now, her fingers splayed against the smooth planes and contours of his chest. She slowly looked up from his chest to his neck, to his lips, to his nose, and finally to his eyes. Beautiful azure eyes filled with warmth and love. He smiled at her and she smiled back while silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

"That wasn't so hard was it?"

She let out a small chuckle despite herself. "More than you'll ever know."

He reached up to wipe the tears from her face. "Don't cry. I told you that you weren't alone and I meant it."

"I know. But that doesn't make it any easier... I miss you, John. I..." As her words trailed off she heard the sound. A ringing sound. A sound she was all too familiar with. She closed her eyes and moved closer to him, but felt him slipping away. The warmth she once felt was fading fast.

The ringing sound was louder now and she felt herself being drawn to it. "No..." she croaked as she turned her body towards the sound. She stretched her arm and reached out to hit the classic alarm clock on her nightstand. She slowly opened her eyes and realized she was the only one there and the bed was still as cold as it was when she fell asleep last night. She sighed as she stared at the ceiling trying to find the courage to get up and face another day, trying to move on.

She got out of bed and went to the bathroom to go through her morning ritual. After getting dressed, she went to the kitchen, started a pot of coffee, and put two slices of bread in the toaster. She had to remember to eat. Too many people had recently commented on how thin she looked.

After struggling with eating the first piece of toast with butter and jam, she was thankful for the sound of her cell phone ringing. Looking at the caller ID she couldn't hold back the smile on her face.

"Hey, mom!" She heard Taylor's chipper voice through the receiver.

"Hey baby boy. I'm happy to hear from you. To what do I owe such an early morning phone call from you?" she asked with a smile on her face.

"Nothing, I was just calling to check on you. Making sure you were alright."

She paused before replying. "I'm fine, baby. Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"I'm heading there now. You were on my mind and I called to check on you. You seemed down last time I spoke to you."

"Thank you for checking on me, but I want you to keep your head in those books. I'm fine. When do you think you'll be coming home to visit?"

"Probably not until Thanksgiving break, mom."

She sighed. "I don't see why you had to go to all the way to Duke. There are plenty of great universities here in the northeast. You know... closer to home."

She could hear the smile in his voice. "I miss you too. I gotta run. I'm about to walk inside the classroom. Bye mom."

"Bye Taylor. I love you."

"I love you, too."

She put the phone down on the table and stared at her unfinished breakfast.

Joss actually managed to get quite a bit of work done today. Today she had focus. Today she felt good. Today she wasn't going to think about him.

It had been nearly four months since that fateful night. Four months since... Four long months since John gave up his life for hers. No burial, no closure, no goodbye. He was gone from her life forever and she couldn't stop it, couldn't change it.

So much for not thinking about him today, she thought. She sighed and tapped a pen against her desk. She looked over to her partner's desk and saw Fusco on his burner phone with a frown on his face. She knew it could only be one of two people and she'd bet her pension that it was Shaw on the other end. She always managed to find a way to get under his skin.

He ended the call with an annoyed "Yeah, yeah, yeah," stood up to put on his jacket, and holstered his firearm. He looked up to see his partner looking at him expectantly.

"Going somewhere, Fusco?" She tried to keep her tone even, but was unsuccessful. She couldn't help but to sound as hurt as she felt. She knew he was leaving her again to help Finch and Shaw with another number.

"Just uh... going to check on a lead," he replied.

It was a lie and they both knew it. He could no longer meet her eyes and he looked away. He grabbed his car keys, walked around his desk, and stood next to hers.

"Hey listen, Carter. I'm sorry but... it's just that... you're not ready yet. You still haven't really─"

"Fusco, I'm fine. How long are you guys going to shut me out? How long is it going to be before I'm forgiven? I did everything I could!" she exclaimed, her unintentionally raised voice attracting more attention to them than was needed. She looked down at the papers on her desk, avoiding curious stares from their colleagues in the precinct.

Fusco bent down and spoke in a softer tone so that only she could hear him. "I'm sorry, but we don't blame you for anything, Joss. You know that."

"Do I?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Fusco shot her a look but decided against answering that. "But we also believe it's not the right time for you. Finch thinks this is for the best. And he's not the only one. I gotta go." He straightened up and walked away from her desk and out of the precinct.

She let out a deep sigh as she watched her partner leave. Finch was still keeping her away. He had frozen her out of their work with the machine since John... She shook her head and tried not to think about it but what just happened between her and Fusco didn't help matters. She could feel the sting of tears beginning to well up in her eyes and she refused to let them fall. She got up, gathered her things, and decided to take an early lunch.

Disclaimer: I do not own Person of Interest or any of its characters. This fic is for entertainment purposes only.

Author's note: I have a slight idea of where this is going, but I don't know when my muse will come back to me on this story. Updates will not be frequent. Thanks for reading.