A Visit From Theo, an american idiot fanfic

A/N- Hello, fellow Idiots! It is a lovely day today. Very lovely indeed. Do you know what today is?
IT'S BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG'S 40TH BIRTHDAY, OF COURSE!
And so, to that awesome, talented, creative man, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Without you, I wouldn't be prowling the internet putting this odd stuff up about fictional characters! :) Therefore, this story today is for him.
This story is all over the place. I apologize. Trying to get back into the swing of things. Bear with me. But I like this story better than any other story I've written before, so...
Anything you recognize? Yeah, its not mine. Imma moocher.

JOHNNY: *sitting on couch*

JIMMY: *on laptop*

THEO: *pops out of Jimmy's pants*

JIMMY: HOLY CRAP!

THEO: *dreamily* Hi, Jimmy...

JIMMY: GET AWAY YOU CREEPER.

THEO: Never, my love...

JOHNNY: *snaps to attention* Say what?

JIMMY: Oh, jeez, here we go...

JOHNNY: *tears in eyes* What? Jimmy? Theo is your lover?

JIMMY: No, Johnny-Cakes. He's just a stalker.

THEO: *cries* I thought what we had was real!

JIMMY: Theo, our relationship is one-sided. You are the one side.

THEO: *blubbering like a baby*

JOHNNY: Ha ha.

TUNNY: *shoves open door with crutch* Hey, guys.

JIMMY: *eye twitch* Fucking…door…

TUNNY: *notices Theo crying* Why isn't Christian crying along with him?

JOHNNY: CHRISTIAN'S GONE TOO? This day just keeps getting better and better! Where did he go?

JIMMY: He went East, Jesus.

JOHNNY: *harrumph* AKA: Nowhere.

GREEN DAY: *bursts in door*

MIKE: Have you really sunk to the level where you're quoting the album that came after you?

BILLIE: It's like you're an old man just trying to be cool.

JOHNNY: *scream* IT'S THE JIMMY THAT DOESN'T LOVE ME! *jumps into Jimmy's arms* HOLD ME, GOOD JIMMY!

JIMMY: *drops Johnny*

JOHNNY: OW!

TRE: *noticing Theo* THEO!

THEO: TRE!

*Theo and Tre run towards each other in super slow-mo*

TUNNY: *scowls at Green Day* IT'S YOU.

MIKE: Huh?

TUNNY: YOU TOOK AWAY MY BELOVED LEG.

MIKE: Hey now, I didn't write the songs. Blame Billie here.

BILLIE: Gee, thanks Mike.

TUNNY: *attacks Billie with crutch* TAKE THAT!

BILLIE: AHH!

WILL: *bashes in door* I felt unloved.

JIMMY: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU GUYS? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A FUCKING DOORKNOB IS?

ALL: *pause* …No.

JIMMY: *facepalm*

WILL: So, what's up, guys?

JOHNNY: Theo and Tre are running towards each other in super slow-mo, Tunny is attacking Unloving Jimmy, Nice Jimmy is screaming at us all about these doorknobs or whatever, I'm talking to Mike here, and you just walked in.

WILL: *nods* Cool! *gets beer and become couch-potato in front of TV* Duuuuhhhh…

JASON WHITE: *opens door and walks in* Guys, we-

JIMMY: *tackles Jason and kisses feet* HALLELUJAH! SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE THE FUCKING DOORKNOB!

JASON: Erm…*notices scene* What is going on here?

JOHNNY: Theo and Tre are running towards each other in super slow-mo, Will is being a couch potato, Tunny is attacking Unloving Jimmy, Nice Jimmy was screaming at us all about these doorknobs or whatever, you walked in, Jimmy is kissing your feet, and I'm staring at you wondering who the fuck you are.

*pause*

JOHNNY: Who the fuck are YOU?

JASON: *sigh* Sometimes I honestly wonder why I stayed with these guys since 1999…

TUNNY: AND THAT! AND THAT!

BILLIE: AGH!

TRE: *still in slow-mo* THHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOO….

THEO: *still in super slow-mo* TRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

MIKE: * playing air-bass in the 'unused characters' closet* Dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt…

WILL: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh…

JIMMY: *stands back up* So, why, good man, are you at my humble abode?

JOHNNY: Hey! I live here t-*Jimmy slaps hand over mouth* Mmmflgrlf…

JASON: Well, I felt underappreciated. I mean, I've been with these guys for, like, 13 years almost, and I'm still called 'The guy in the corner with fuzzy hair!'

JOHNNY: *bites Jimmy's hand*

JIMMY: *pulls away hand* Ah! Fuck, Johnny!

JOHNNY: *ignores Jimmy* Your hair isn't fuzzy! It's so clearly FLUFFY!

JASON: I know, right? I mean, people these days! Don't even know the difference between textures of hair! *shakes FLUFFY head*

JOHNNY: It's like when people tell me that I have indecisive hair! I mean, is it my fault I have an alter-ego who felt the need to shave half his head?

JIMMY: Actually, yes…

JOHNNY: THE RIGHT ANSWER WAS 'NO, FUCKWAD!'

JIMMY: So now you want me to insult you, bitch?

JOHNNY: *tears up* WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? *flails arms and runs to bathroom*

*awkward silence between Jimmy and Jason*

JASON: Well…since we have reached a stalemate, let's check in with the other guys.

TUNNY: NOT SO FUNNY NOW, EH?

BILLIE: WILL THE ABUSE EVER END?

THEO: *still in slow-mo* …!

TRE: *still in slow-mo* …!

MIKE: *still in closet* Dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt…

JIMMY: That was uneventful.

JOHNNY: *walks in all calm* Hi, guys. So, where were we? Oh! *to Jason* So, anyway, Suave vs. V05?

JASON AND JOHNNY: *blather on about conditioner, combs, blah-fucking-blah*

FAVORITE SON: *bursts out of closet, and says in generic "newscaster" voice:* I HAVE ARRIVED!

JIMMY: Oh, great. This guy.

BILLIE: AH! MY FUCKING LEG!

TUNNY: AIN'T SO FUNNY NOW, HUH? HAVE A NICE LIFE WITH ONE LEG! *hobbles over to Jimmy and Favorite Son* Hey, guys, what's-*freezes as he notices Favorite Son*

FAVORITE SON: *freezes and stares at Tunny*

JIMMY: *waves hand in middle* Hello? Guys?

TUNNY: *dazed* I thought I had gotten rid of you…

JIMMY: What the fu-*has revelation* Oh, shit…he's your…?

FAVORITE SON: Yeah.

JIMMY: *gets angry* What is it with this City? All these people have fucking alter-egos! I have Johnny, and that's bad enough!

JOHNNY: *nervously sidles up to Jimmy* Um, hey, wanna hear a funny story…?

JIMMY: *eye twitch* What. Did. You. Do.

JOHNNY: Nothing, I swear! But, um, we may, er, have-

BATHROOM: *wail*

JIMMY: FUCKING HELL! HE'S BACK?

JOHNNY: *smiles nervously* See? That's the funny part! You mmay be, erm…1/3 Christian?

JIMMY: *eye twitch* Ano…another…alter…ego…? *pause* WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP GIVING ME ALTER EGOS, BILLIE?

BILLIE: *moans in corner*

JOHNNY: Actually, I'm the person, so technically I should be complaining…

JIMMY: Shut up, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Yes, sir.

FAVORITE SON: You guys fail. Especially you, Johnny. Don't you know that you wear the pants in this relationship?

JOHNNY: …But I'm wearing capris.

ALL: *look at Johnny's soccer-mom capris and shudder*

FAVORITE SON: …But why do you think I'm constantly locked in the god damn closet? It's because that idiot-*jerks thumb at Tunny*-wears the pants! If it were my choice, he'd be dead by now!

TUNNY: *gulps* Um…

THEO: TREEEEEEEEEE-

TRE: THEEEEEEOOOOOOO-

*Theo and Tre slam into each other*

THEO AND TRE: OW! *begin crying*

BATHROOM: *wail*

JIMMY: Oh, goody. There's my other third!

JOHNNY: Heh…

JASON: Keep me away from his tears! The tears really will make my hair frizzy!

*power goes out*

WILL: FUCK ALL! *stomps around angrily*

*outside the apartment door*

HEATHER: …Wow.

EG: I never knew…

WHATSERNAME: So now you all see why I never go home after Theo visits the guys while I'm out.

HEATHER AND EG: *nod madly*

WHATSERNAME: C'mon. Let's go somewhere not for nutcases.

*all run downstairs*

FIN

A/N- Okay. Yeah. Review. Happy Birthday again!

~yftgb, who has 'Dominated Love Slave' stuck in her head. Actually, she doesn't...well, not yet at least...