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R

Julie left me. Although I knew it would happen at some point, otherwise how could I follow her into the stadium? I was just helping her get home. No human in their right mind would allow a dead corpse like me to strut right into their secured city. I just have to face the inevitable. I can't believe I hoped for just one second that Julie would be okay with me eating Perry's brains and forget about it. No, I'm just a mindless eating zombie who doesn't get second chances. I just have to except that. Not that I don't blame her for hating me. Telling her was a good decision, right? Now I have nothing to look forward to, just like before I met her: walk slow, moan instead of talking, eat brains-wait, no. I can't eat brains, not now. Not after knowing a human like Julie. Thats like...incest or something. Maybe one day my instincts will take hold and my hunger for human flesh will grow fierce inside me once again. Or maybe not? All I know is my life is empty now, like a dry leaf breaking apart in autumn's wind. For one brief moment I thought I felt human again, or just some kind of peace when I was with her, but now its been stripped away-like I'm dead all over again.

My legs just move way too slow. It was much easier taking a car ride with Julie to the stadium, but now I've got to walk back. Why did they have to make highways so long? I felt a sharp pain on the left side of my abdomen. What is that? Pain? Is that what this is?

Suddenly my attention crossed over to a herd of zombies further in the distance, shuffling over rubble through the mess of cars scattered on the road. In my loneliness, and the idea of using them as cover in case of gunfire, I decided to join them for short time until I reached the exit towards the airport.

A couple of hours passed on this way, and even though they were zombies just like me, I felt an indifference towards them, like I didn't belong. But finally something took me out of this dull trance. I looked ahead down the road, and for a second I thought I felt my heart leap.

Humans? I shifted my eyes at the zombies, hoping they hadn't noticed too. Luckily, they continued with the same slow, vacant movements and moans as before. I had hoped that maybe Julie would be with them, but it would make no sense for her to back track. It was only my false hope. As we got closer, I noticed that neither of the humans had seen us yet. There were even a couple of children with them. C'mon guys, what are you doing. Look behind you! YES!

One of the humans, an older man, was the first to see us. He silently motioned his hand and pointed in our direction, and the group scattered quietly and disappeared under the cars. I glanced back at the zombies, and neither of them had spotted or smelled the humans as we slowly made our way through the cars.

Are you kidding me?

I know I'm glad that the other zombies hadn't noticed the humans, but this was embarrassing. How did I happen to spot them but the others didn't? I could have easily reacted, quickening my pace towards their direction and the others would have realized that I had found food. But I didn't. Somehow, even though Julie wasn't here, I didn't want to disappoint her.

I don't know what time of the day it was when I reached the airport, but the sun had already fallen and risen again. I didn't want to go back to that plane only to smell Julie's scent still lingering in there, but it was the only place she would go if she ever decided to come looking for me again. I thought of visiting M at the bar like we always do, but I wasn't ready to tell him what happened. He would try to give me some sort of stuttering, male-ish comment about woman through his groans, I could just hear him now. I had enough time with zombies for a while, I just wanted to be alone.

I awkwardly walked up the stairs to the door of the 747 commercial jet and stiffly placed my hand on the handle, pivoting my whole upper body instead of using my arm to pull it open. I paused for a moment. I wanted to give some sort of sigh of dolefulness before I entered, but no air escaped. All that came out of my mouth was "Nhnn". I moved forward, slumbering; barely lifting my feet. My arms swayed carelessly in front of me. I looked around, and I was right. Images and memories came back to me as I caught a glimpse of the record player and the empty cans of food that reminded me of her. Everything here was left untouched since we left. Her smell...her sweet smell. My eyes rolled back, and my head followed. Suddenly I felt my feet give in and my knees hit the ground. Palms upward, my hands lazily grazed the floor. I felt defeated.

Welcome home.

Julie

I know it was crazy when I heard my own words coming out of my mouth as I told Nora, my best friend, that I had missed R. He is a zombie after all, and in our world, zombies do not feel or care for the living. Somehow though, R did. He was different. I just couldn't handle my feelings and what I was going through when he told me that he was the one who ate Perry. Urgh it gives me the chills just thinking about it. Now I am just so confused on what to do or how to feel towards R. My dad wouldn't approve. I think leaving was the best thing to do. No matter how I felt for him, no one would understand. I knew that. It's not like he could ever change and be human again, no matter how much I hoped that could happen. I tried to explain that to Nora, and again, she thought I was crazy. Of course she always liked to play around with me, so I don't know if she actually took me seriously. I don't even know if I can take myself seriously. I just felt so bad leaving him there with absolutely no closure, in that house as he slept. It was strange to see a zombie sleep, it definitely was not normal. I felt the urge to go back and find him, even if it was just to say goodbye and thank him one last time, but it was too dangerous to go on my own, and somehow I just knew my dad wouldn't allow it after what happened.

I was sitting against the headboard of my bed, watching the patterns move on my sheets. I felt myself staring while my thoughts raced, not noticing Nora enter my room.

"Ahem," Nora cleared her throat and my eyes quickly snapped up at her in surprise. "Good morning Julie, still dreaming about a specific someone?" She giggled.

I rolled my eyes and ignored her question, looking out the window as the sun beamed through the glass. I watched as small specs of dust slowly floated around in the light. I wanted to tell her how guilty I felt for leaving him, but I knew what she would say.

"Look I'm sorry," Nora began to speak again. "I want to be there for you, no matter what the problem is."

I looked back at her as my eyes softened. "Thank you, Nora." I could hear the sympathy in her voice. However, a strike of hope went through mine. Maybe she would help me get to R after all? "Well...I do have a problem."

"Yesss?" Nora replied suspiciously by the tone of my up-to-something voice.

I took a deep breath, then spoke as quickly as I could. "I want to look for R, and I would like it if you could help."

Nora began shaking her head, her expression had completely changed and her voice had risen into a squeak. "No no no, please don't ask me to do that! It's way too risky!"

"I know I know, I get that." My words remained calm and quiet. I wanted to say more, but I knew I was just clinging to false hope. My eyes wandered off again.

Nora paused for a moment, as though she were expecting a retort. "I don't know exactly what you're going through, Julie, after losing Perry, but maybe this unexpected attraction for this...zombie...is just like a rebound or something?"

I shot a frustrated glance at Nora. I don't know why I was so frustrated, but I know that it wasn't because of her. "I don't know what I'm feeling, but I do know that something is different about him. He saved my life, and yes, I do miss him."

Nora walked over and sat beside me on the bed. She placed her arm around my shoulder and sighed. "If only us women didn't have to be such hopeless romantics."

I laughed, but the laugh quickly subdued as I began to speak again. "I just feel so bad for him. I could tell that he was trying so hard to be like us. Somewhere inside him is someone who wants to escape and be normal again. I could feel it. And then I just left him like that...?" My voice trailed off as I scoffed at myself.

Nora sat quietly for a moment, contemplating on what I said. "Maybe he did, but could he actually change? He's dead, Julie."

He's dead. The words repeated in my head. "Yeah...I guess."

Nora must have noticed my saddened expression for she quickly lightened the subject. "Besides, there are a lot of cute guys I've noticed that have had their eyes on you. Especially Mitch. He's the kind of guy that would not get his head blown off by your dad when you decided to have them introduced."

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. I remember Mitch. He was always following me around and pulling my hair when we were young. When we got older, Perry had got to me first, but Mitch was never too shy to speak to me now and again. I don't ever remember feeling the same way for him though. "Yeah, he's not too bad." I tried to please Nora by agreeing and at least making myself look sane. I was glad to have Nora here by my side, she's the only one I could tell everything to. She never judged me for anything, and I've been so thankful for it.

A week had passed, but it felt more like months. Life at the city was very dreary, there just wasn't enough to do except to survive. I barely see my dad, he is way too busy with his military life and trying to keep us all safe. I guess I got used to it after such a long time. Now with Perry gone, Nora and I just have each other. I had agreed to let Nora introduce Mitch and I properly in a couple of days, but it wasn't really something I was interested in. As long as she would finally stop harassing me about it. She really wanted me to keep my mind and worry off of R. Although it gave me a tinge of annoyance, I still appreciated how much she wanted me to get over this depressive state I was in. I felt a lot of anxiety, like I was trapped. There were times where I still wanted to go on my own and look for R, but with the zombies and Boneys out there, I knew it would be too dangerous. I didn't like the idea of R thinking I hated him. I just hope he was safe.