/ Set in a Stick of Truth time frame. Beware of shitty fanfic. /
You are (Y/N) Broflovski, Kyle's second cousin. You have been invited over to South Park by your relatives. Or rather, your parents wanted you to get out of your room while being on the internet. So they kicked you out to your cousins' place.
Now...
" Hello! (Y/N), dear please get settled. Kyle's playing with his friends. ", said your aunt who ushered you into the residence.
You nodded and grabbed you duffel bag and asked," Aunt Sheila? Where will I sleep?" Your aunt put her hand over her mouth and then put down her hand. " Oh! You'll have to probably move into Kyle's room. Wait here sweetie.". Your aunt walked to the backyard and yelled," KYLE! YOUR COUSIN'S HERE!". You could hear your cousin yelling back," OKAY, MOM!" and saw you cousin walk into the living room, where you were. He waved," Hey, (Y/N). Nice to see you." "Thanks and hi to you too, Kyle.", you replied. You aunt walked over to Kyle and said," Kyle, you'll have to share you room with (Y/N). There's no room in the basement and Ike is too young. " You looked at Kyle with a face of,' I DID NOT PLAN THIS OKAY? jesus.' Kyle deadpanned at your reaction, and said," Okay, mom." and grabbed your hand and showed you his room.
A few minutes later...
" Sooooo, Kyle. What are you playing?"
" You want to play? Are you serious? You're a girl."
" Does it look like I care? I'm practically banned from the internet except for my phone. And I can barely use it."
" Sure, I mean, girls here don't exactly play what we play."
" Ohhh. I see. "
" We're playing this game in which elves and humans are at war because of this relic called the stick of truth. The stick gives complete authority of the entire universe to whoever wields it."
" Cool! What side are you on?"
" Elves. In fact, I'm the elven king! "
" Can I be like a rogue? I don't help either side and I only help my self. I've always liked characters like that."
" Okay. But go get yourself in a costume and a 'weapon'. We'll meet in the backyard."
" Okay, cousin. "
Another few minutes later...
You had a tan button-down shirt and brown pants with sneakers. Then, you had two belts in which you had two wooden knives from a kitchen playset, which you borrowed from Ike. You ran to the backyard to meet Kyle and noticed that there was a large set-up for the 'kingdom', you walked up to Kyle and and pat his shoulder. "Hey." "(Y/N) meet Stanley Marshwalker, and Stan, meet (Y/N). She's my cousin." Stan looked at you suspiciously. " A girl, huh?" You gritted your teeth and replied," Yes. ". Kyle began to talk to Stan," She's a level one Thief helping neither side of the war. Help her level up to level 6, then she can take off from there." Stan nodded solemnly," Yes, my lord." and began to take out his sword. " I'm going to go easy on you, then I'll progressively become more serious as you level up." "Seems fair", you looked at Stan and his sature, wondering how to take him down. Kyle cleared his throat," (Y/N), you'll stay with us until you reach level six, and Stan?" " Yes?" " Please don't throw up on my cousin." "... Goddammit Kyle, I won't" " Good."
A while later...
You were getting hot and sweaty from your 'training' and decided to unbutton the top two buttons of your shirt. You looked up and saw Stan getting green, and thought,' Shit. Is he going to throw up just because I unbuttoned some of my shirt?'. You were not thinking very clearly and walked over to him and kicked him in the nuts, which caused him to spew vomit. Some of the vomit you nearly touched but you hadn't. You screamed," KYLE! I THINK I KILLED STAN! ". Kyle ran to you and looked at his friend," Holy shit. What happened?" " I may or may not have unbuttoned some of my shirt and kicked him in the place where the sun don't shine?" you replied nervously.
" Well, fuck."
" Aren't you mad?"
"Nah, he does almost every time he sees a nice girl he doesn't know."
"Ohhh. That must suck to suck."
"I know."
"So what do I do now?"
" I don't know. You can go exploring.. with uh, Jimmy."
" Who's Jimmy?"
" That person over there," Kyle pointed to a crippled boy and yelled," Jimmy! Come over here!"
/ IDK How Jimmy's thing with his voice works so bare with me. /
" O-o-Okay, Kyle.", said Jimmy as he walked over.
" Jimmy, I want you to meet my cousin, (Y/N). She's a level..."
" Four ", you helped Kyle with introduction stuff, and waved to Jimmy.
" Thief and I was wondering if you could accompany her around the neighborhood. She doesn't come here often."
" R-righto, come on miss (Y/N). " he said, gesturing to the entrance of Kyle's backyard door.
You smiled and said," No need to call me a 'miss'."
" B-bu-But you're a la-lady, miss."
You blushed a little and scratched the back of head," Oh stop it, you."
Kyle rolled his eyes and pushed the both of you to the door.
" Get on, your king demands you to do so."
" Okay, Cousin~"
" Ye-yes-ss my Lord."
Some adventuring later...
" A-and here is t-the Kingdom of the humans we try to s-sta-sta-ayyy s-stay away from it as much as possible."
" Oh I see. Wanna kick some ass here?"
" I-I'd rather not, a New Kid is here. A-a-and he's good, very mu-much."
" Pleaaaase?~"
" Fine. Y-you're th-the King's cousin, so okay."
" Well, it'll be the battle of the New Kids!", you said as you boosted Jimmy over Cartman's house's fence.
" ELVES! PREPARE FOR BATTLE!", you heard a funny voice scream. You boosted yourself over the fences and asked Jimmy," Who's that?"
" The Grand Fat-fa-ass. Also known as Cartman.".
" WHO ARE YOU? "
" I'M KYLE'S COUSIN, TUBBY! "
" SO YOU'RE ALSO A DIRTY NO-GOOD JEW? "
Your face contorted in one of anger. No one disrespects your family. You know why? 'Cos you whoop their ass like a queen.
" Oh sh-shit.", Jimmy backed away from you a bit.
You took out your kitchen knives and walked towards Cartman.
" Bitch, what did you just say?", you asked. It wasn't like a question, more like a command.
" That you and Kahl are lying Jews."
" YOU CHAIRFUCKER! I WILL EVISCERATE YOUR GRUBBY BODY INTO EXACTLY TWENTY PIECES YOU PILE OF APESHIT!", you yelled while waving your wooden knives in the air.
" D-DOUCHEBAG, FELDSPAR TAKE DOWN THE ELVES!", The fatass pointed his staff at you and Jimmy.
You rolled your eyes and walked back to Jimmy with a deadpan expression.
" Heeere they come," said a nasally sounding kid who flipped you off at the sight of you. You slipped back your wooden knives into your belts and flipped birds at him back.
/ I'm gonna go with the pewdiepie version of Douchebag, because he's a Jew. A motherfucking Jew, the irony. The irony. /
" Are you fucking serious. A Jew. My people. What the hell. " You whispered when you looked at the new kid.
Jimmy whispered back," W-why the irony!"
The nasally voiced kid started to talk," I'm Feldspar, or Craig. Douchebag doesn't like to talk, I'd thought you'd might like to know, bitch."
You grit your teeth and said," Whatever, let's get on to the battle, imbecile."
Somewhere in the battle...
Both sides were heaving and huffing from the physical activity.
The 'Douchebag' kid was showing no signs of emotion but he was sweating bullets, Lord Bitch Craig the First was wiping his forehead's sweat.
A brilliant idea struck your head and you turned to Jimmy," If I die, tell Kyle and Ike that they're the best cousins anyone can have."
" Will d-do! ".
You brandished your knives and turned to Craig, you 'tripped' right in front of him.
Craig stepped on your fingers while Douchebag and Jimmy just stared at the both of you.
You screamed.
As you felt your fingers getting crushed, you could hear The Grand Fatass Wizard laughing.
You lifted your head and upper chest and glared at Craig.
Craig looked down at you condescendingly but then his face turned very, very red.
He had saw your nonexistent cleavage from the two buttons that were unbuttoned, and backed off a bit, mouth agape.
You got up and dusted yourself, you walked closer to Craig and looked at him with wide-doe eyes.
Craig's face got redder, if it were possible.
Douchebag's and Jimmy's mouths formed an " O " as they predicted your likely move.
You got closer to Craig and softly, in the most adorable voice you could muster said," I don't really want to fight you..."
Craig closed his eyes and you made your move.
You kicked him straight in the balls with all your being.
Douchebag and Jimmy winced, they knew how it feel if their balls were crushed.
He groaned on the floor, and you grabbed Jimmy's hand and got the fuck outta there.
Craig was still on the floor and Clyde walked over to Craig and squatted down and asked," She kicked you really hard. You okay?"
" No. "
" Still hurts? "
" No "
" Why? "
" I think I'm in love. "
THE END?