Okay, here we go. First fanfic so be nice.. Or atleast try to be. Acting..
Not my Characters. They all belong to Tolkien. I just take them off his shelf, play with them and put them back when I'm done.
Rated T for sick people. And I suppose it's AU since everybody lives and nobody dies. Except poor Smaug, obviously (I love Smaug, I want to pet him..gently)
What else is there to say about this? Ehm.. it's no slash. No one is going to do Bilbo up the coinsleeve in this story, thank you very much (Poor guy)
English is not my native language (But I studied it for two years so I really have no excuses people..)
I've been around forever and a day, here and back again, take your pick. Read a thousand stories.
Written a shitload myself, but was never brave enough to upload them.
But oh what the heck, might as well join the club and get my eyes scratched out.
In solitude chapter 1
….
"you're only quite a little fellow" on numerous occasions Gandalf had spoken these words to the company's burglar.
Not to humiliate him or hurt his feelings, no.
The wizard was merely stating facts. In those rare moments that Gandalf actually stated facts, Bilbo thought to himself.
And it was true, Hobbits were little fellows, proudly so, thank you very much. They weren't tall as noble elves, or strong as men.
Men were quite tall as well, the hobbit mused. But then again, most creatures appeared tall to him. Except goblins maybe..
He cringed his nose remembering the disgusting creatures, small as they were.
He sighed tiredly and leaned back against a rock, observing the sleeping dwarves. A merry couple, Gandalf had called them, and he had been right.
They were a merry couple. If nothing went wrong and all was going according to plan and Thorin Oakenshield didn't get mad at someone, the hobbit himself for example.
It had stung more than Bilbo liked to admit, private person he was and had always been. Even after the embrace Thorin had given him after saving the king under the mountain's life,
Bilbo still felt like an outsider. And Thorin's appreciative or affectionate moments were rare, few and ever fleeting. Oh, the hobbit got plenty of hugs from the rest of the lot.
He wasn't short on affection. Really, he felt like he had had enough for a lifetime if he ever made it back to Bagend. He wasn't that keen on touching.. he never had been.
But he was always polite and kind when someone drew him into a hug or gave him a firm pat on the shoulder or ruffled his curls or picked him up. He never told them to bugger off or unhand him.
Not even when he wanted to. So there, wasn't he, himself, the biggest example of good manners and etiquette? He even welcomed it, sometimes, when Thorin's moods filled his mind with doubts again.
He couldn't sleep tonight. He didn't think he would ever sleep again. Even after the dwarves got their mountain back and everybody had miraculously survived the whole mess. Honestly, the dwarves had
a lot of work to do. Looking around he saw the half collided structures that were undoubtedly once beautiful halls of smooth, cut out stone. Smaug had done quite a lot of damage. He had broken bridges and
staircases just by sweeping his tail. But the gold was still there and Thorin had eventually proven to be able to resist the sickness that lay upon that treasure. Everything was fine, and it was time for the
Hobbit to return home. If only this particular Hobbit felt up to the long journey home. Which he didn't.
He sighed and rubbed his tired eyes with a dirt covered hand. He was so tired. He was positive he could sleep for a year, if he'd ever feel safe enough to close both of his eyes again.
Fact was, Bilbo had felt quite unwell for some time now. Ever since they arrived in Laketown and few weeks ago. There had been some time to catch their breath during their short
stay with Bard and his children, but it had not been enough to recover for the hobbit. His kind wasn't made for journeys like these, he thought, resting his head against the rock behind him.
Which turned out to be the head of an old statue build by the dwarves of Erebor, a long time ago. He attempted to listen to his own breathing and heartbeat for a moment, to block out the
sounds of the creaking, stone halls below. No one had given him a room, because they didn't care for rooms for themselves either. They were so used to sleeping together.
He would never get used to it. He longed for some privacy. A bath, he could smell himself, really. A warm bed if he was really allowed to state his most urgent wishes.
To be left alone for a while. No one asking him questions about how he was doing, if he could keep up, if it was true that Hobbits were very serious when it came to gardening..
Yes they were, in fact, to a fault. He had been like that too. He chuckled softly, remembering Gandalf's offended monologue on Bilbo's caring for gardens and his mother's plates.
That Bilbo wasn't going to return to the Shire ever again, he thought. That Bilbo was gone, he had seen him disappear, run off when the new Bilbo decided to save the ponies from the trolls.
He had grown quite fond of that pony, Myrthle was her name. he remembered the soft noises she made when he fed her apples during the night, their little secret.
He stifled a moan when he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. He was used to hunger by now, and not eating as much as Hobbits should do. Or atleast his mind was used to it.
His body still protested from time to time. He laid down on his side and curled into a ball, shivering slightly. He hated the nights when his tummy started aching. It would go on all night.
He would wake up bathing in his own sweat, more tired than before he went to sleep the night before. And maybe Balin would ask him if he was alright, or Bofur would give him a look
that asked the same but without words. The toymaker had this way of communicating without talking to the Hobbit. And Bilbo would tell them all was just fine and dandy.
But it was not, and this pain seemed to be getting worse every time it returned. His heart was beating faster and faster, pounding in his head. He felt sick, like he was going
to throw up. And when he finally did, leaning over the edge to empty his stomach into the depths of the lonely mountain, he heard the dwarves stir behind his back. His retching had
awoken them, to his regret. He just wanted to be alone, just let me be, he thought.
He felt a hand on his back and looked over his shoulder. Balin smiled at him and handed him a piece of cloth to wipe his mouth. "Ye alright there, laddie?" the old dwarf asked.
Bilbo frowned and shook his head, unbelieving of the question that had just been asked. "No..No I'm not alright. I can't sleep, and when I do I have nightmares and I wake up sweating and
then there are these..these stomach aches that pester me..and you see what happens after that..obviously..now I can't hold down my dinner..so no..no I'm definitely not alright!"
He panted from his little rant and sat down on the stone floor. The old dwarf remained calm as ever, smiled and nodded. "Aye, you need to rest, master Baggins" he said.
Bilbo was silent for a moment, swallowing heavily. He felt tears welling up in his eyes but forced them down. He was not going to cry in front of them, not in a million years.
"Yes, yes I do need..rest. In fact, I should return home as soon as possible. With a horse and..provisions. I..I want to go home, Balin. I don't belong here, in these halls. Magnificent halls, really.
I mean no offense" he hiccupped and pressed his sleeve against his lips, feeling his stomach turn again. "None taken, Laddie. Come with me" Balin offered and wrapped an arm around the
Hobbit's thin shoulders. It was then that Bilbo noticed everyone was looking at him with expressionless faces. They didn't know what to say, obviously, after his rant about wanting to leave.
He stopped, closing his eyes for a moment. He didn't want the dwarves to think it was them that made him want to leave. "Now..now don't you all go thinking it has anything to do with you, alright?
But.." He sighed, placing a hand on his belly "I'm sick..actually, I think I'm very sick. I feel..terrible"
The dwarves passed some uneasy glances among each other. "sick with what?" came the question from the back. It was the always curious and innocent Ori that had stated it.
Bilbo sighed and shrugged "I don't know..honestly, I don't. I just know I..I need to be alone. Now can you all do that for me? Just..leave me be..for a while?" he made eye contact with every
member of the company, almost pleading them. A few of them nodded. Soft spoken words like "sure, Bilbo" and "Anything for our burglar" arised. He smiled softly, grateful for their understanding.
But his smile faded when Thorin got up and approached him slowly. "If our company displeases you so much, master Baggins" he started, but Bilbo interrupted him. "No, No I just explained it has nothing
to do with any of you. Thorin, please..not now"He rubbed his eyes tiredly, unable to deal with the king's sneering. "I'm a Hobbit..we are social creatures, I know. But honestly I am not. I never was, and I
probably never will be either. I've been..around people constantly ever since I left the Shire. Why don't you understand? I..I almost wish you had thrown me from the wall, alright?" At this Thorin's face
paled. He felt extremely guilty about how he had treated Bilbo during his madness, he knew he had hurt the little Hobbit, both physically and mentally. "Well, I didn't, master Baggins" the king whispered
softly.
Bilbo sighed, feeling too weak to withstand Thorin's cold demeanor right now. "I..I know you didn't. Gandalf intervened..Bofur helped me escape..alright? I was there" he replied, feeling he was crossing
lines with the king under the mountain. Thorin narrowed his eyes threateningly. "I think I already asked for your forgiveness, burglar, and it was granted to me. It is against your honor to hold it against me
again" the king whispered, but his voice was shaking from shame and anger. "I..I know I forgave you. And I did. All has been forgiven. But no matter how many times I forgive you for not throwing me off the wall,
you won't respect me anyway. See here is another example. I ask, no plead for rest because I'm unwell, and you find it necessary to berate me once more. Even..even now, Thorin. When I was really
hoping for..for understanding. And perhaps even your protection, I don't know" Bilbo turned away, shrugging Balin's arm off his shoulders. "I'm going to Dale, if anyone is wondering, I'm going to ask
Bard if he's..willing to take me in for a little while. You can all send your get well cards to wherever he's staying" the hobbit said sarcastically, enough of dwarves, enough of their king. He turned around,
about to head for the exit of the mountain when the king's voice halted him in his steps. "Bilbo!" his name echoed through the abandoned halls. "what.." the hobbit mumbled, his back still to the king.
Thorin sighed, straightening up proudly, as he always did right before he was going to announce something important. "Grand us the honor of taking care of our burglar…please" he added softly, eyeing
the hobbit's back. It was disrespectful to turn your back to the king, especially if the king was talking to you, but he wasn't Bilbo's king, was he now? "I would hate to see that honor being bestowed upon a
man, good as he may be, you've met only recently. Wasn't it us you entrusted your life with for all these months we travelled? I don't think mister Bard deserves that honor.." the king explained.
Bilbo turned to face the dwarf king, tear streaks on his pale face. "It's not a matter of deserving, Thorin. Bard would..let me stay because he wants to. Because he's my friend and I know he will
look after me if I showed up at his house, unwell" he said softly. Thorin tilted his head and frowned. "Are we not your friends, master Baggins?" Bilbo sighed and nodded "of course you are.."
"Then stay with us. Stay with me, let me make it up to you" Thorin said, slowly approaching the ailing hobbit. He placed his strong hands on the thin, narrow shoulders. "we'll prepare a room for you.
Your own room. With a door with a lock on it. We'll leave you be, how is that?" the king was trying, Bilbo had to give him that. He had looked forward get out of this dark, empty mountain but their king
pleaded with him. He couldn't say no now. So he nodded. "Alright.."he whispered, looking down. Thorin couldn't help but smile at this small victory. "Excellent" he said and turned to the rest of the company.
"Take him to a bedroom downstairs" Bilbo frowned. No, not downstairs, he didn't want to go into this mountain any deeper. "Prepare it for him, see to his wishes" Thorin continued. Bilbo swallowed thickly.
Feeling nausea coming up again. He looked up at the king, in need of saying something, not downstairs, please. But he was too dizzy to focus and squeezed his eyes shut. "I need some air.." he whispered
shakenly and held his spinning head. He didn't even feel himself hit the ground when everything went black.
….
The last time they had seen their burglar faint they had been in the Shire, at the very start of their journey.
It had been a short fainting spell from a slight case of case. But this, this was way different. The Hobbit was burning with fever, yet he shivered like a puppy in the rain.
Thorin was kneeling by his side in an instant, trying to revive him, but to none avail.
"we need to get him out of the mountain" Balin spoke at last. "He said he needed air. By Mahal, we will give it to him"
His brother Dwalin gently picked up the Hobbit like he was weightless and carried him toward the front gate of Erebor. No words needed to be spoken, Dwalin was not a dwarf of many words.
The company followed, worried about their friend. Balin placed a hand on Thorin's shoulder, who could only just stand there in shock and guilt. "It wasn't your fault he fainted" Balin assured his king.
"I failed to listen to him again. He was trying to tell me something and I turned away..again!" The king said, frustrated with himself. "You are not used to look after those that are not dwarves, Thorin.
You did what you thought best for Bilbo. Any dwarf would have been fine if you had given him a room here in the king's halls. But he's just a wee Hobbit. They have other needs" Balin said.
"Then I shall tend to those needs" Thorin said, shrugging off the older dwarf's hand and heading toward the gate.
They had placed Bilbo on a coat of fur in the new spring grass, right outside the gate. There they watched as the wind played with his soft curls, expecting him to wake up any second.
"he's not getting up.." Ori stated, slightly impatient. "Nothing's happening"
"Give him some time, for goodness sake!" yelled Fili. He knelt down next to Bilbo, almost studying him. "He looks awfully pale, doesn't he?" Kili said over his brother's shoulder, the other nodded.
"Maybe it's too cold for him outside" Said Gloin. "He's shivering like a wee babe" Bofur stated, his face betrayed his worry. Thorin managed his way into the group surrounding the hobbit and looked down
upon him. "We will take him to Dale and ask Bard to look after him" the king explained. The group stared at him disbelievingly. Giving up Bilbo to that man? Their king had spoken against such an idea moments before.
"Why Bard? Aren't we good enough?" Asked Dwalin. "Bard is a good caretaker.." Kili spoke from experience. He nodded again when everybody looked at him. "His daughters are very kind. They..they took
good care of me, didn't they? The youngest read me stories and the oldest made me soup..and the boy he-" "shut it!" yelled Dwalin "You were not alone in his house. Your brother was with you, Bofur was with you.
And that human was too busy protecting his pitiful excuse of a town from that blasted dragon to do any harm to you. But I don't trust him with Bilbo" the tall dwarf growled. Kili was silent.
"I wish it, so it will be done" Thorin spoke eventually, giving each of them a glance. "see to it" and with that the king retreated back into his mountain to prepare a letter to send to Bard.
"You heard him, lads. Off we go" Balin said with a smile, motioning to Dwalin to pick up the Hobbit and start walking toward to city.
…