A/N Unbeta'd, never read by anyone other than me... Please let me know if there is any mistake, english is not my first language. Enjoy!
Don't show affection.
They were your squad, your colleagues, your friends. You had learn to trust their skill, to accept their worry and to love their presence. You had lived hundreds of days with them, went on expeditions with them and ate with them. You had taught them how to properly clean a room and how to properly make tea. They were your family. And now they are dead.
Don't show affection.
You had devoted yourself to them. You had let them close. There are little nothings that remind you of them. Waking up to the sun and not to the scent of tea. Calling out to someone that's not here anymore. Turning around to see no one's following you. Being all alone.
Don't show affection.
It's like you demanded to be hurt. You had already been hurt once and been warn. Why did you let them get this close? You knew it would happen. In a world invaded by Titans, you expected to be killed any day and thanked the god every day you woke up alive. You knew you could die. You knew they would die.
Don't show affection.
So when the brat came to your room that night, you tried to stop him. He didn't have to worry about you with all the troubles he went through. Why would you be the one in need for comfort ? But he stayed. You insulted him, you threatened him, you punched and kicked, but he stayed. It took you a moment to realize you were crying.
DON'T SHOW AFFECTION.
And he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you quietly. You were shaking and weeping in his embrace. You were a stuttering mess and everything you kept inside flowed out that night. The pain, the anger, the agony and the hollowness. You broke down in front of the brat and you hate yourself for this. You came crashing down in his arms. He got you.
Don't show affection...
You ended up in bed with his hands and lips all over your body. He took you and you gave yourself to him. He owned you by your cries of mixed pain and pleasure. He claimed your body with his teeth and nails. He dominated you, young and powerful body hovering above you, blown and lustful eyes gazing at you, possessive and rough hands roaming over you.
Don't show affection.
This is more than you can take. He is crawling under your skin, taking the air out of your lungs, making you forget who you are. He takes control and all you can think of is him. He's everywhere and everything. Everywhere you go, you can't escape him. He's everything you cannot see and cannot eplain. He's like a drug, a slow poison running in your blood. He makes you feel so high. He makes you feel so full. He makes you feel so good.
Don't show affection.
You can't think straight. He's murmuring heated words against your skin, whispering your name over and over again. You're going crazy from the whispers in the dark, addicted to his voice, intoxicated by his lips. Every night you fall a little deeper in his embrace. He got you. You can't escape the warmth surrounding you.
Don't show affection!
You had been warn. Love only hurts. You knew but you couldn't help falling in his grasp. You know you could die. You knew he would die. You were in charge of him, entrusted of his life. You knew you would have to kill him. You knew all that. So why do you feel so empty?