AU - Random one-shot inspired by 'heart'. The most hilarious and epic fight ever.
At eight months pregnant, Rachel Hudson nee Berry was huge and could barely stand up to walk anywhere without someone with her to support her. The doctor had informed her it was because she was such a petite little thing that she was bigger than most people at eight months. She looked like she was having two babies, not just the one girl and she felt fat and uncomfortable. All she wanted to do was to be able to see her feet again, paint her toenails and be able to walk without waddling everywhere or having to lean on Finn or whoever else was there for help going to the bathroom.
To top it all off she was feeling extremely hormonal and kept bursting into tears every time that she saw one of those abandoned animal commercials on the television or kept crying because she felt like the most hideous person on the planet and felt like a blimp although Finn kept trying to reassure her that she was beautiful and glowing because she pregnant and carrying their baby. Still, Rachel felt miserable and could hardly wait to hold her daughter in her arms and to be able to actually be able to walk, run and even better dance without the huge strain holding her back.
Lying on the sofa, Rachel was as comfortable as she was going to get with being out of bed. She had been forced onto bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy but she was too bored lying in bed all day and forced Finn to carry her out into the living room of their apartment so that she could at least amuse herself with some television while he was at work or when he was busy cleaning the apartment because Rachel could hardly do any chores herself in her condition.
Suddenly just as American Idol began to come on after the commercials, Rachel was dismayed to feel the baby kick her bladder hard and as a result felt the desperate urge to pee. Scowling she tried to wriggle herself upwards into a sitting position but found it extremely difficult. When she finally managed to get herself upright, she immediately realised she would need her husband's help in getting to the toilet. She was at least thankful that in their years of marriage she had finally gotten comfortable with peeing and other equally gross stuff in front of him or else she would be screwed right now.
"Finn, I need help! The baby is kicking my bladder and I really need to go!" Rachel screamed at the top of her voice and immediately her tall, awkward husband came running from where he had been cleaning their bedroom and almost fell over as he clumsily tripped over his own feet in his rush to get to his wife.
"I'm here, babe, it's okay" Finn said trying to sooth her as he pulled her up from the coach and placed one arm around her in support as he helped her walk...or waddle more like towards their bathroom. As they walked, Rachel shot him a death glare that made him gulp a little with fear.
"I'm pregnant, not disabled, Finn. Just because I'm carrying your child and may feel a little swollen right now does not make me incapable of doing anything for myself, so don't you dare say otherwise! I am a Broadway star and Broadway stars such as myself don't need to lean on their husbands to get to the toilet, pregnant or not" the brunette exclaimed dramatically and Finn looked at her with confusion.
"Do you want me to let you go by yourself, babe?" Finn asked her and she scowled at him even more in response.
"Do I look like I can go by myself? I'm eight months pregnant for goodness sake!" she yelled and Finn winced, deciding that maybe it would be better if he just didn't speak. Rachel's constant mood swings were giving him whiplash. He couldn't keep up with her and her changing pregnancy hormones although he did like it when she constantly wanted to have sex like all the time. That was probably the best part of the pregnancy. "Why the hell are you smiling like an idiot?" his wife demanded and Finn immediately stopped when he realised that he must have started smiling as soon as he thought of all that passionate pregnancy sex he had been having with her since she went into her second trimester. He did not need Rachel screaming at him for smiling especially if she knew what he was smiling about so much.
"Okay here we go" Finn said as they entered the bathroom and he made to gently help Rachel seat down on the toilet seat. However before he could do a thing, Rachel froze and stared at the toilet before her. The seat was lifted up. The toilet seat had been lifted up and left there and there was only one person who could have done this. Slowly, Rachel turned towards her husband with anger blazing in her doe brown eyes. Finn recognised that look instantly and immediately his eyes grew wide with surprise and fear. What had he done now? He wasn't smiling anymore that was for sure.
"Finn, would you care to explain to me what this is?" Rachel asked him calmly, pointing at the toilet.
"That's the toilet, Rach. I didn't think you needed me to tell you that" Finn answered and gulped again when Rachel's expression grew infuriated by his response.
"I meant the toilet seat, Finn. You left it up!" she growled furiously and Finn yelped with surprise when his very pregnant wife began hitting his chest hard with her little fists furiously.
"It was an accident, I forgot! I'm sorry and I don't see what the big deal is anyway, we can just put it back down!" He exclaimed, scared and bewildered by Rachel's sudden crazy behaviour.
"The big deal is, Finn, when we got married I got used to and put up with you using the toilet when I was in the middle of my evening beauty routine and even when you left your dirty underwear all over the bedroom floor but this...this is an all new low. You left the toilet seat up, Finn, how could you do this to me? I'm pregnant and about to push out your baby, would it have hurt you just to have put the lid down?" his tiny wife screamed at him, her eyes wide and glazed over with fury.
"I-I-I didn't realise it would upset you so much! And besides I'm not the only guy to do this, Rach, it's perfectly normal. Ask Kurt, ask Sam, ask Puck, ask anyone!" Finn replied, his voice getting higher and higher by the second.
"The toilet seat may mean nothing to you, honey but other people have to use it to and when you leave that seat up, what are our guests going to think? What if someday I invite Barbra Streisand over for dinner and she decides that she wants to use the toilet and she walks in here and sees that the toilet lid has been left up? What on earth would she possibly think of us as a couple and of me? What if she thinks that I am a slob who leaves the toilet seat up? She would never want to come over ever again and do you know what kind of emotional scars that would leave me with, Finn? Do you? DO YOU?" Rachel ranted, her face turning red from all of her anger.
Finn was about to respond to his wife's insane rant when he looked down and saw wet dripping between his wife's legs (she was wearing a short polka dot maternity dress that looked a lot like what she would wear when she wasn't pregnant) and realised what had just happened. Evidently it seemed Rachel had realised the same thing as well since all the fury and fight had drained out of her and she was quickly turning pink.
"Err...Rach?" Finn looked at her and felt suddenly sorry for his crazy, hormonal love when she began to burst into tears.
"This is so humiliating! I was so busy stupidly screaming about the toilet seat that I...I..." she broke off as she began to sob and Finn felt his heart melt at his wife's tears. He hated seeing her cry, she always somehow looked like a kicked puppy, especially with those big heartbreakingly gorgeous doe brown eyes that he loved so much.
"Its okay, Rach, it could happen to anybody" Finn told her gently and slowly approached the toilet, pushed the seat down and helped Rachel sit on it. He sat himself down onto the bath tub and watched as she kept staring down at the floor, ashamed and embarrassed.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell at you over the toilet seat. It was stupid. I'm just feeling extremely moody. I'm so big I can barely move and I feel ugly and hideous and I just want the baby to come out of me as soon as possible. I'm going crazy being stuck inside our apartment and I feel jealous at the thought of you spending time with prettier, skinny girls while I am here alone, fat and frumpy" Rachel admitted as she finished using the toilet.
"Babe, you're beautiful, I don't know how many times I need to tell you that. Sure, I see a lot of beautiful women when I'm out working but do you know what, Rach?"
Rachel looked at Finn confused and sad."What?"
"They're not you. They are not the ones having my baby or I'm sharing my life with. They are just a bunch of strangers that are the same as the other beautiful girls out there. They are not my wife. If I thought I would want anyone else, I wouldn't have married you at 18 years old" Finn smiled at her gently and Rachel gazed at him tearfully.
"I love you, Finn, I'm glad I married you" she said emotionally before adding "Now can you please help me off the toilet?"