Dare

He stared at the gleaming, familiar blade and the way it contrasted against the pale skin of his wrist. Fran just sat still on his bed for awhile, letting himself sink into the thick layers of his sheets. The moonlight reflected off of the knife as he turned it this way and that, soaking up the feeling it gave him to know that he could do it. That he could give himself the peace, the sleep he'd been wanting so badly. It gave him a feeling of power. Not the crazy kind, not the kind one got from forcing someone else into doing something. Simply the power to decide his own life, to be able to decide his own peace.

It was a relief.

Fran closed his eyes and tipped his hatless head back, exhaling softly, deeply through his mouth and filling his lungs back up with a refreshing breath.

Yes.

He was going to give himself this. Finally.

Fran smiled sadly and put the knife's sharp edge against the pulse in his wrist, watching with a relaxed face as he forced himself to ignore the lingering feeling of doubt. The tip, just as sharp as the rest of the blade, but seeming so much sharper with its steep angle, stood right-angled onto the blue vein. Fran sighed, relaxing himself.

His bedroom door slammed open with a deafening sound, breaking through the tense silence.

Fran shot up, his senpai's knife stinging the palm of his clenched fist as he whipped around to face the not entirely unwelcome intruder.

Bel stood in the doorway to his bedroom, his feet at shoulder width and his arms stiffly separated from his sides. The familiar blonde bangs hid the eyes above the unreadable thin line of his lips.

For a moment, there was complete silence as he stared at Fran. Fran sat frozen, knowing his senpai had already seen everything. He didn't know what Bel was going to do.

Then Bel dashed towards him and Fran shot off the bed, trying hurriedly to get away. Bel was faster than he was and caught the back of his collar, making him choke and gasp for breath as he was dragged backwards onto the bed. He struggled, but Bel pulled him further onto the mattress and held his wrists together in an iron grip. He tried to kick at the prince, but the blonde threw his leg over his hips and straddled him, using all of his weight so he couldn't do anything to throw him off. Fran's wrists were squeezed painfully tight until his fingers twitched apart and the silver knife fell from his hand onto the sheets. The gleaming silver contrasted against the dark, mossy green, almost white on black in the darkness. Fran tried to buck Bell off of himself, but his senpai growled and forced him deeper into the mattress, shaking him wildly until his head spun too much for him to focus.

When Fran stopped struggling against him, Bel took both his slim wrists in one of his hands and picked up his knife with the other, flinging it away somewhere Fran couldn't see.

'What the fuck do you think you were doing?' His senpai growled harshly, breathing hard. It wasn't from exertion, couldn't be, because he was far too well trained for that.

Fran turned his face away, staring blankly at the wall. Bell hissed and forced his face back to him. It was difficult for Fran to look at those bangs, because they hid everything of his senpai and left him completely vulnerable.

'Talk to me!'

Fran flinched, cringed and tried to hide away in his sheets, to back away from his senpai, but it was impossible. He was too close, too near. Too… emotional. Fran could feel everything coming from him and it was too intimate. Desperation, confusion, powerlessness, questioning... He couldn't take it. He knew such intimacy was what he really longed for, what he needed, but he couldn't deal with it. It scared him. Even though he wanted to accept it.

'Fran,' Bel said softly, confusion and hurt clear in his voice. Fran's heart clenched at the sound of his real name coming from that man, who never acknowledged him like that. 'Fran, please tell me.' The younger one had to gasp when he heard the prince plead.

'Tell me, why the fuck you feel the need to kill yourself.'

Fran's jade gaze flickered over those bangs, that set jaw, that unsettlingly not smirking mouth.

He said nothing. Bel was silent too, while he stared at him intently.

Bel was not happy. Fran could feel it around him. The older man was tense, incredibly tense above him, his grip on his wrists and hips uncomfortably tight. There was desperation with him too. Fran could feel something, something in his senpai that corresponded with the pain in his own heart, was recognized by his own heart. Something that lifted the suffocation of feeling all alone and powerless.

Bel couldn't take this. He couldn't take the knowledge that his kouhai had tried to kill himself. With one of his weapons, which was just so much worse. He didn't want to be reminded of that pain in a way so close to him that it made it impossible to push it away and pretend it wasn't there.

He couldn't take the idea that his froggy was suffering the same. He didn't want that. He wanted it to be something he could pretend didn't really exist, so that he could go on living in moments of highs, disregarding the times when he felt like breaking down and just ending it all.

Most of all he just wanted to find himself a reason to not end it all. Bel wanted to live, but he needed something to want to live for.

Up until now, Bel had been convincing himself that he was satisfied with living from a distance. Keeping his distance and knowing that there was an opportunity, someone who he felt could give him that interest in live that he needed. Someone he felt he could value, if he dared to put himself in such a vulnerable position.

Fran stared up at him while Bel stared back, neither of them moving or speaking, while Fan was stuck between his heart's desires and his mind's fears blocking the will to act upon them. But he would let it happen. If something would just happen… If someone else would just take the first step... Fran knew he had to do it himself, though. He just didn't dare to feel something he would want to do that for. He longed for something to fight himself free of himself for.

Suddenly, Bel broke the impasse, thrusting his face forward and crushing his mouth against Fran's. The kiss was hot and open-mouthed and desperate, the blonde pressing forcefully against his lips and Fran surged up to meet him the moment he broke out of his shock. He wrapped his released arms around his senpai's neck, grasping the thick strands of blonde hair in between all of his fingers, holding as much of it as he could while combing through it. He could feel warm hands encasing his shoulders and that warmth seeped further into his being as he welcomed Bel's rough, deep kiss. He allowed the prince to come closer to him than he would dare let anyone else and took what he needed from the heat.

Bel tore away from the kiss, gasping in air greedily. Fran heaved breath back into his lungs as well beneath him, pressed deeply into the mattress by his senpai's body. 'S-Sempai,' Fran whispered, staring up at the blonde locks hovering so close to his own face. 'Why are you…'

'If that is what you want… If you need someone. Fran.' Bel breathed onto his face, still holding him tightly, clearly not trusting him with his own health yet. He didn't say it, didn't say the words out loud, but Fran could sense them so it didn't matter.

Fran's jaws worked, his mouth opening and closing as he warred with his own feelings. He knew what he wanted, what he really did need, but he was so scared. He was so scared to be hurt, to be abandoned just when he started relying on someone's presence.

Bel's breath was hot on his face, hot and fast. He needed this too, Fran realized with a shock.

There was another person who needed the same thing he did. Many of their feelings were the same. They could understand each other, if they dared to try.

He could be needed.

He could be needed.

They could both be needed.

If they dared.

It all depends on what you decide to do. Le Morale~ (Of which I'm not sure if it's good French XD)

Please review :)

~Dirkje