Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters.
Hey Fred… How're you doing?
It's been a couple of weeks since, you know. Life's been kind of hard, without you. I no longer know what to do. Mum's been crying in her room whenever she thinks no one's looking. Dad's…well, he's being him. Trying to hold the family together, though it's clear it's hard for him too. Guess what, Freddie? Last night, before I entered our…my room, I saw Bill, Charlie and Percy on your bed.
Our big brothers… They were crying, Fred. They were crying so hard. I just ran out of there and didn't come back 'till morning. It's hard being home. Knowing that… It's just really hard.
I never once understood how it felt like. Being alone and all. I know now since, well, I am alone. Charlie and Mum probably would go on a long lecture that I'm not, but…I am, Fred. It's lonely here without you. I miss you so much.
You must be having the hell of a time up there, huh? You better be happy, you selfish idiot. After leaving me like this, you should be smiling and laughing and…and happy. If I'm going to suffer like this, the least you can do is be happy.
But..I want you to be sad, you know? So that, well, it'll at least show that you cared enough to miss me. And the family. You know how everyone's all crying because you couldn't be bothered to watch your back enough to stay alive? Why'd you go and make a stupid joke of all times?
I can't even step into our shop. How could I, when it was a joke that distracted you enough to kill you? You don't know how much I wish I could go back into the past and stop you from…from dying on me.
Look at me now. Never thought you'd see me like this, huh? Bent over your grave and all. Sorry, I'm even dirtying your grave with my tears.
I want to hate you, Freddie. I've never cried so much for so long.
…
Where are you, mate? I don't know where you are… And I'm… I'm afraid. I'm all alone, and you're not here. I want to see you so bad. Sometimes it hurts so much I can't breathe.
Where are you? I want to be with you. I miss you… How could someone who was there just…disappear?
I can't do this. It hurts to wake up, and it hurts to sleep. Every second hurts.
Why'd you go and put me through this torment?
I just want my twin brother. Is that too greedy of me?
Why'd you go, Fred? I had to stay. If you had to go, why didn't you bring me along with you? My…my heart really hurts. It's beating so fast now. It's getting hard to breathe. Is this how it feels like to grieve?
They say that after we're done grieving, it doesn't hurt so much anymore. That we can look back one day and smile. They said that all we have to do was hold on those memories we shared and continue living.
That's what we have to do for everything to be okay again.
But, Freddie…I don't want to live another day, month, year without you! I don't want to. I've never had a moment without you. When you…weren't there anymore, it felt like I was dying too… When had being alive been so painful?
But you'd forgive me if I went to you now, wouldn't you?
You wouldn't want me to suffer so much, would you?
If we were together, you'd help me smile again. Because you're my twin brother. And my partner-in-crime. And best mate.
Right?
But you know what's the worst thing, Fred? I keep telling myself that it was you. That you didn't care enough to live.
But thing is, Freddie, I wasn't there to keep you alive.
I'm sorry.
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