Summary: Tsuna's unrequited love for his Cloud Guardian has reached its peak. Tired but still unwilling to let go, he grudgingly accepts the offer of his Mist Guardian to help him. But at what price? What does Mukuro desire from him? 1827, unconventional 6927. BL. Drama, Romance, and Angst.
Warnings: This fic is rated M (Mature). It contains bad language, non-consensual and violent themes. OOCness. Please proceed cautiously.
Timeline: Ten years after the Coronation. Tsuna is now the official Head of the Vongola Famiglia (25 years old). TYL-verse. Throughout the story, I'll be using Adult!Reborn.
VENOM
Prologue
He hates this part.
When the moment ends, everything crashes down.
The movement behinds him slows down. There is that one final thrust before the man behind him pulls away. None too gently. But Tsuna still gives one last moan – one final satisfied rumble of throat and his body starts to relax and – unfortunately—starts to recognize the pain.
It's ending. Our moment – our little slip of madness...
(I love you)
The pleasure's fading. Tsuna's stiffened cock softens and falls limply between his thighs; sinewy and trembling thighs covered with white and red fluid. Red drips down to the white sheets, staining the immaculate satin. He cringes.
Despite the pleasure, shame fills him.
He stares at his blood. His. Too red and too dark. And the white semen mixing with it reminds him of why—why this has always been a huge… mistake.
"Hibari-san…" Tsuna drawls out the name; his voice a bit slurred because of the weariness and the still-reverberating pain in his lower back.
"Shut up." Cold. Hibari's voice falls like ice.
Tsuna forces a smile and chuckles softly.
"H-Hibari-san," he shakily repeats and buries his face in the pillow.
There are words burning at the back of his throat and he tries so hard to stop them but they came out anyway.
"I love you... Hibari-san."
"..."
Silence. The older male says nothing for a long time.
And Tsuna naively hopes that the other man didn't hear it or if he did, he'll just let it slip. Hibari-san always does. The older male ignores him most of the time. Tsuna prays that this time, he'll ignore the shameful confession too.
Of course, it was all just wishful thinking.
"You're disgusting."
At that, Tsuna's heart breaks.
But he laughs again. He swallows the spit in his throat and grudgingly rearranges himself in the bed and closes his eyes. For the rest of the night, he pretends to sleep.
When he opens his eyes, his Cloud guardian is no longer there.
"So I cross my heart
And I hope to die..."
He hates this part.
Tsuna hates this part. But he still doesn't know why he couldn't find the strength to stay away. Couldn't find the reason why he couldn't stay away.
He looks at the man before him, a half-burnt cigarette dangling from perfectly shaped and rosy lips. It has already been six years but the man has barely changed at all, not anymore the wiry teen he once was. The man has grown taller and more muscular over the years, but the detached and cold attitude remains. He still distances himself from everyone and rarely ever shows up at missions. Rarely even shows up at anything at all.
Ten years. Ten long years of this kind of cold treatment.
Even with him being the Head of the Vongola, the strongest Mafia family in Italy, Tsuna still holds no control over his Cloud Guardian.
"How many times are we going to play this game, Hibari-san?" Tsuna says and cocks his head. He steps forward brazenly. "Six years and you still avoiding me. Why do you hate me so much?"
Predictably, Hibari doesn't speak. He throws away his half-burnt cigarette and closes his arms, leaning against the wall as he gazes indifferently at the skies. This rooftop – this place above the grand Vongola mansion is a reprieve— disconnected from anything and everything else.
With the unnerving silence, Tsuna sighs and approaches the other male.
"You look bored as always." Tsuna observes.
-and alone. So, so alone.
Silence. Hibari continues to stay silent. The Vongola Head tries to move nearer but a pale and strong hand suddenly shoots out to push him away. Hibari has torn his eyes away from the skies and is now glaring at him. As if sensing the hostility, Hibird has flown above, circling over their heads repeatedly.
Tsuna winces inwardly at the hostile feeling too— his old scaredy self coming back at full force. He touches his shoulder, the feeling of that heavy hand raw on his skin – but he immediately rearranges himself and feigns indifference once again.
Because this is the only thing he's ever good at.
"If you don't like me, Hibari-san, just say it." Tsuna almost snaps and approaches the other male again. With much boldness he could muster, he puts his palm on the wall beside his Guardian's head. "Because if you don't, I will always chase you. I will never stop chasing you."
Because even though he hates this part, this is the only thing he's ever good at. And he needs this. Motherfucking god, he needs this. He's been in love with his Cloud Guardian since the first time he met him.
he was barely 13, trapped in a grimy cubicle of the girl's bathroom of his school. his face was pushed into the toilet, his abuser's hand pushing and gripping his head with much force. he couldn't breathe with all the toilet water in his nose, in his mouth, and that awful stench of urine invading all his senses. not for the first time in his life, he wishes to die. to just disappear.
the other bullies had surrounded them, laughing and mocking him. one of them had his foot on his rear, shoving him deeper into the bowl. he's crying uncontrollably now, and trying so hard to scream for help. but there were tears in his nose and mouth. he could barely breathe. for a second, he wondered if anyone will miss him if he died here. his mom will probably cry. but his dad-
he probably won't, Tsuna thought. He wondered if his dad had ever thought of him. had ever considered him a son. a family to come home to.
Tsuna choked at that thought. "No he didn't," he realized. And at that he cried harder. No matter how many times he get bullied (a black eye there, a fractured hip bone, a dislocated shoulder), there was no Dad to come home to. There's bitterness in his mouth now, mixed with the salty taste of tears, and that tangy flavor of blood from a split lip.
and suddenly, there was something pulling him backwards. It was too forceful that he fell back on his rear painfully. He yelped in pain and tried to stand up but before he could, he was stopped by a sudden scream. Then he heard bones breaking (that he gritted his teeth in fear), the pleas and cries of his abusers filling the small bathroom. Tsuna had started panicking too, hunching his shoulders and making himself as small as he could. And when all the screams died down, he wiped his face and fearfully opened his eyes.
The leader of the Disciplinary Committee was looming over him, surrounded by the fallen bodies of his abusers.
it could have been the first time Tsuna's heart stopped.
"Hibari-sa—"
He doesn't get to finish it when the other male suddenly grabs his cheek—forcefully – gripping it so tightly and suddenly that Tsuna actually yelps. Instinctively, he struggles. His dying flame starts to flicker on his forehead, wary of the danger ahead.
"Hey!"
But Hibari ignores it and pushes his head down.
Down, down, down.
Tsuna's head was forced down until he comes face to face with Hibari's crotch. Tsuna blinks stupidly, feeling the sudden dryness of his throat.
At that moment, all his courage seems to have melted away. He quivers in panic. His heart races in his chest and he feels the pain amplify tenfold.
'Why can't you love me?'
"Suck it." The other male commands.
Tsuna swallows and despite the hard grip at the side of his head, he manages to look up at the other.
"Please…" He mouthes, but never quite voicing it. He knows he is stronger than this but he doesn't know why when it comes to his Cloud guardian, all his resolve fades away. Everything else… fades away. In front of this man whom he loved for so long.
The grip on his face tightens; blunt nails digging into his scalp. Hibari's cold dark eyes stare him down.
"I said, suck it."
Tsuna grits his teeth and pushes the zipper down with his mouth, hot wet tears streaming down his face.
Minutes later, wetness filled his face. Hibari pushes his head away violently and Tsuna coughs on the floor, almost gagging at the sourness easing down his throat.
More excruciatingly, there is an aching bulge in his pants.
"Damn it." He curses just as Hibari, without any hesitation, walks away.
He could taste salt in his tongue. He buries his face on the floor, hiding the wetness still creeping out of his eyes and the remnants of shame dripping down his face.
/Prologue ends/
VENOM
I. Meeting
Tsuna winces slightly as the cool, greasy ointment touches his wounded skin. Though he manages to stop the pained hiss from escaping his lips, his right-hand Storm guardian still notices his discomfort and immediately panics, almost dropping the white gauze he's using to treat the Decimo's wounds.
"J-Juudaime! I apologize. Are you alright?" Gokudera asks, his voice loud and filled with anxiety. His concerned green eyes narrowed even more when Tsuna fails to reply for quite a long time. "J-Juudaime, are you...?"
A soft chuckle cuts the Guardian's words.
"Really, Gokudera-kun. You haven't changed." Tsuna smiles widely, his brown eyes filled with warmth and reassurance as he stares directly at his ever faithful Guardian. "I am fine. It's just a minor scratch. It's just that the sight of blood still makes me... uncomfortable..."
Tsuna scratches his cheek nervously. After all these years, after all the fighting that he has gone through as the Head of the Mafia, the sight and smell of blood still manages to distress him. He sighs heavily and uses his good hand to pat the other in the shoulder. "So don't worry, Gokudera-kun. You've been doing a good job, really. I barely felt it. Dr. Shamal has been teaching you well, isn't he? You're getting good at this."
At the mention of the Doctor's name, Gokudera immediately bristles and Tsuna hears a low muttering of "that pervert bastard". Tsuna smiles at the nickname, remembering the hilarious and sometimes violent clashes of the two 'unusual' geniuses (Gokudera and Dr. Shamal). And then, suddenly, like a switch, Gokudera's eyes light up and the mood suddenly brightens. "R-Really, Juudaime?" Gokudera's voice was filled with pride this time. "I'm getting good at this?"
"Yes you do, Gokudera-kun. And I'm happy with the progress." Tsuna replies, his smile widening a bit. "If you keep that up, you might even surpass
If it was even more possible, the Storm Guardian's expression brightens up even more. His eyes seem to glisten in pure delight and exaltation. He looks positively happy and for a moment, Tsuna can't help but envy him.
If only he could smile like that again...
"Juudaime, that is very..." Gokudera starts but it was obvious that he has a hard time finding words to express his obviously overwhelmed emotions.
"Maa, Gokudera, you're harassing Tsuna again." The Rain Guardian suddenly interrupts as he finally makes his way towards the two.
"Shut it, baseball-freak!" Gokudera snaps, raising his fist instinctively towards the other. "And don't come near us! I'm still treating Juudaime!"
Yamamoto only smiles at the other's predictable response and returns his attention to their leader, suddenly looking worried. "Are you alright, Tsuna? You look pale."
"Stop calling him by his name, you baka-!" Gokudera shouts from the back. Tsuna raises his good hand to stop the Storm Guardian's outburst.
"I'm fine. Dr. Shamal already looked at the wound. It isn't that serious, you know. The bullet barely grazed me..."
Instead of looking relieved, Yamamoto's frown deepens. "I'm not only talking about that, Tsuna."
Tsuna blinks in confusion. "Eh? Then, what...?"
Yamamoto's ever cheerful face fells and he sighs deeply. "Reborn-san will be here after a few hours. You can take that time to rest, Tsuna. I think you really need it. We've been on operation for 48 hours nonstop, and you've been leading different teams far longer than that."
There is an audible gasp from the background and Tsuna doesn't need to look to know that the reaction comes from his Storm Guardian.
"I knew it!" Gokudera shouts, his voice once again back to its panicky tone. "Juudaime, I hate to say it, but baseball-baka here is right. Please rest..."
"Guys..." Tsuna starts. "I told you, I'm already fine."
And as if to prove his point, he raises both his arms beside his head but winces immediately when the pain on his wounded (left) shoulder makes itself known again. Damn, Tsuna curses in his mind. His face contorts in pain. He was wrong to think he'd be able to lie about it anymore. He lied about the condition of the wound. Dr. Shamal has not looked at it and the excruciating ache coursing through his left shoulder means that it isn't just a grazed bullet.
"Juudaime!"
"Tsuna!"
The two simultaneously shouts but Tsuna doesn't reply anymore when black spots start to appear in the corners of his eyes and he finally loses consciousness.
"Damn it! I should've known... There was too much blood..."
"It's alright. None of us could've known. He didn't say anything..."
"That pervert excuse of a doctor! Where is he?! Why didn't he treat him...?"
"Dr. Shamal's out of the country. Bianchi-san is already doing her best to locate him. Reborn-san is already on his way. Calm down, Gokudera."
"Calm down? How the fuck could I calm down? Juudaime's critically injured. This is my fault. I should have protected him..."
"You were already protecting him..."
"No..."
Voices, Tsuna thinks, there were voices around him. And Tsuna, still feeling sore and awfully exhausted couldn't find the strength to open his eyes. He just continues to listen.
"Gokudera, this is not your fault." Yamamoto continues to assure the hotheaded Guardian. "I guess, if we were at least complete, this could not have happened..."
And like a curse, the ambience grows darker. Though still not fully awake, Tsuna feels the hurt and betrayal reverberate across the room. At those words alone, everybody stills.
"If we were complete..."
"That... asshole." Gokudera curses, with much vehemence and anger in his tone. "How many times is he going to abandon us? He shoud've been protecting Juudaime's left. We were outnumbered for chrissakes! And he didn't... he didn't even come..."
"Hayato." Vaguely, Tsuna hears the Sun Guardian murmur. It was said in a low voice which was awfully uncharacteristic of him and here, Tsuna feels the full weight of the Cloud Guardian's abandonment. It hurts more than he wants to admit it. Though this has not been the first time that the elusive Guardian failed to show up, they still believed that this time, he will.
This mission was classified as highly dangerous. They have to eliminate one of Italy's oldest and largest undreground family. In actuality, it could not even be considered as a family because of its gang-like resemblance. It's more of a group of thugs and S-class criminals involved in drug distribution and human trafficking. Due to the severity of the situation, Reborn has even employed the assistance of the Varia, the Vongola's most feared assassin group.
It was hard to convince the Varia and it took Tsuna several trips to Xanxus's grand mansion to finally seal the deal. It took weeks but it was well worth it in the end because the Varia has done more than its share in annihilating the troublesome family and ensuring less casualties.
"Fifty-three." Tsuna suddenly speaks, and all his guardians freezes in silence.
It is Chrome, the Mist Guardian, who finally breaks the silence. "Leader..."
"Fifty-three," Tsuna repeats and stares blankly at the overly decorated ceiling.
They won, but still...
Fifty-three fatalities. Fifty-three dead agents.
"Everyone, is it okay if I rest for a while?" Tsuna almost chokes out the words. He closes his eyes again. Everyone looks on worriedly.
"Please."
A plea. The voice is barely audible now, obviously forced. But everyone finally gets the hint, and though reluctantly at first, they finally leave the room.
The door closes with a sharp click. Like a grim indictment. The room is silent once again.
And when Tsuna opens his eyes, they were shimmering with unshed tears.
"Hibari-san... why...?" He bites his lips. A small trickle of blood oozes from it. "Is this because you hate me? Was this my fault..."
"Was this my...?"
If Hibari has been there, they could've suffered less casualties. But it's his fault that he isn't. Because Tsuna has been there, and his Cloud Guardian has made it his lifetime goal to avoid Tsuna as much as possible.
Tsuna presses his wrist against his chest tightly and curls up on the bed like a frightened animal. The movement brings forth additional pain to his wounded shoulder but it was as if he didn't feel it. He feels nothing anymore but the pain in his chest. His heart feels like it's being shrouded and gripped with barbed wires. It hurts. God, it hurts so much that he struggles to breathe.
At that moment, the feeling of hurt is too overwhelming. He knows that it's futile and stupid to hold on to this one-sided love, but he still couldn't let go. He loves the man. He loves him so much that it's tearing him apart.
"So... so stupid," he murmurs to himself, tears falling from his face and staining the immaculate pillows beneath him. He cries until exhaustion finally takes over and he falls asleep.
The world is red. His skies are a deep shade of blood. Tsuna inwardly cringes at the setting, finding everything more scarier than the report handed to him this morning.
"Dame-Tsuna, stop being such a coward. I can see your pathetic shaking from where I am." Reborn's mocking voice streams through the receiver in his right ear. Tsuna manages to smile nervously. Typical Reborn, he thinks.
"You could say that because you're safely in your car without twelve armed men surrounding you." Tsuna replies mockingly to his former tutor. "And two Mafia bosses chasing you with the full intent to kill," he continues. "And might I add, I am unarmed."
"You accepted this job even though you're not required to do so, no-good Tsuna. So deal with it and stop your whining."
Tsuna laughs at that, feeling his anxiety ebbing away slowly. That was indeed true. He wasn't supposed to be here doing this mission. He should have left this one to his subordinates. But he couldn't. Not this time. Not anymore.
He doesn't want anyone to be hurt again. Not on his watch. If he could, he'd take missions as long as he possibly can. He'll protect everyone even if it means...
"How's your injury?" Reborn suddenly asks and for a moment, Tsuna is too stunned to reply.
"Oi, dame-Tsuna."
"Eh, um, it's okay. It's healing."
There is a scoff at the other side of the receiver. "It better be," Reborn mutters, his voice totally devoid of concern but Tsuna knows that even with that hard-shelled exterior, his brutal, unforgiving tutor still cares... even just a teeny-tiny bit.
"Careful, Reborn, you almost sound like you care."
"Shut up, idiot." Reborn scolds, his voice deeper and a bit louder now that he reverted back to his adult self. "Just focus on the damn mission."
"Hai, hai." Tsuna replies.
His dying flame starts to flicker weakly on his forehead. It has been a long mission and truth be told, he's really tired. This month has been filled with negotiations and violent clashes. And now this. This mission has lasted for a week before they finally located the leader of the operation, or in actuality, leaders. It turns out that the illegal operation was being supervised by two Mafia bosses. Not just one.
He's really having a stream of bad luck these days, Tsuna thinks.
He feels someone approach and Tsuna immediately delivers a kick behind him. The blow lands and he hears a painful grunt. Once the man was on his knees, Tsuna punches him on the face, sending the man a few meters away.
Another one closes in, but this time, the man is armed. The bullet whips the air close to the Decimo's face as Tsuna barely dodges it. He quicky swivels to his left and crouches down, kicking the man on the shin. The man falls.
"Ten to go," Tsuna mutters.
"Don't get cocky," Reborn warns him.
And barely a split-second after the warning, Tsuna feels something poke the back of his head. It is a familiar feeling and Tsuna knows it even without looking.
It's the barrel of a gun.
Tsuna curses in his head.
"Don't move, Vongola." A smooth voice says behind him. Tsuna could feel two very powerful auras looming close to him. He barely suppresses a shiver.
"Dame-Tsuna, what's happeni-?"
Reborn's words were cut off when the phone receiver was ripped out of his ear. He hears a crunching sound that follows it as the device was crushed on the floor.
"Raise your arms and turn around slowly," the man commands.
Tsuna grits his teeth and slowly, he turns around. Expectedly, he comes face to face with a man he'd seen in the report. The man is brunette, tall and lean, clearly of Italian lineage. His face looks younger than his age and his brown eyes hold an intensity that almost make Tsuna cringe.
"Vongola. A pleasure to finally meet you."
The man's voice is deprecating and the barrel of the gun is pressed more to Tsuna forehead.
"Don't do anything funny or I will not hesitate to shoot you." The man warns.
"Oya, oya..." An achingly familiar voice interrupts. Tsuna stills. That voice...
"It's a shame if you end the Vongola here. We still need him, don't we?"
From the shadows, a man emerges.
Tall, and with long strands of hair casually resting on lithe shoulders... Gloved hands, and a dark coat way passed his knees...
Tsuna's eyes widen and feels his heart literally stop in his chest as he is left staring at the mismatched, demon eyes of his Mist Guardian.
"M-Mukuro..."
This is the dark, twisted game that we will play.
And you and I... are meant to lose.
My dear, beloved, Tsunayoshi-kun.
TBC