Okay, so I'm very new to the Buffyverse, as I only started watching it (from the beginning) about 2 months ago, but I'm already obsessed with it (I absolutely love Angel more than anything, but after watching "Passion" I'm kind of getting fed up with Angelus, and, like Spike, want the "Old, Buffy-whipped" Angel back). So, after getting over the shock of "Innocence" I felt the need to write this.
Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS, or "Innocence" by Avril Lavigne (which, by the way, I think is one of the best B/A songs).
At this moment, all I want is my boyfriend back. I need him back. My lover. My friend. My savior. My world. My… whatever you want to call him. The fact is I want my Angel back. I want to be in his apartment again, like we were, with his arms around me, and his soft but intense gaze following my every move.
Right now, I don't even care about the universe, or the apocalypse, or the blue dude trying to kill me. All I care about is him. How could I not? Even now, when his malicious alter ego suddenly emerged from the shadows and has started to obsess over tormenting me with harsh words and cruel actions.
Okay, so maybe our love was doomed all along, I mean, he is a Vampire and I am the Slayer. I was born to kill his kind. But that doesn't change the way I feel. The way I know he felt. He showed me he was different. He staked (or is it 'crossbow-ed'?) his Sire. For me. That doesn't happen everyday. Or ever, really. Not only that, but he's risked his life for me on several occasions. His soul was what made him different, what made him almost-human. It's because of that curse that I didn't kill him the moment I found out he was the walking dead. That curse is lost.
And what hurts the most is painfully looking down at the Claddagh ring on my finger, the sparkling, beautiful sign of his devotion to me, and I still love him. Or who he was, and that makes me want to cry. Then I realize I am crying. Crying for our love, my pain, his soul, for the fact that we couldn't find a way to get it back. I couldn't believe that the best thing in my entire, lonely, Slayer-existence was gone. Now all I can do is try to stop thinking that the ring, glistening as it is, is mocking me. Like Angelus mocks me. Like when that monster said he loved me, or when he looked at me with a cold, faux-Angel look, or even when he kissed me. Gross. But it still had the tiniest hint of my Angel. Which was even worse. But like Angelus said: My boyfriend is dead. And because of that, I'm dying too.
This innocence is brilliant, It Makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance Please don't go away
Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, Don't you let it pass you by