So, here is my newest fic! I don't know what's going on with me but I've been in the mood to write something sad for almost two weeks now. I don't know why. And actually it isn't really sad. I don't know what it is. It's a bit sad but it's not supposed to get anyone down and I don't think it will. It's so hard to explain...Maybe you really should read this, and then you'll understand I guess.

Enjoy reading this!

Oh and I have to say that nothing is mine and I don't get anything for this!

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Zap. Here.

Zap. Here.

Zap. Even here!

Annoyed he threw the remote onto his little table in front of him.Why did she have to be everywhere? Everywhere!

No matter to which channel he switched, he always saw her. Okay, it was really dramatic that there were some Americans who got arrested in Brazil because of something stupid, but why did she have to report from there?

The news were filled with her face. On CNN, on BBC, on every fucking channel they mentioned her. He just wanted to relax after work with a good movie but he just couldn't. Because everything he saw was her face.

Everytime he looked at her all those memories came back.

Her eyes. Oh those deep blue eyes. Her eyes were hunting him everywhere and it didn't matter if it was day or night. He always could get lost in them. And he missed this feeling. When they have been on the bridge, their bridge, and he had looked into her eyes, he had always known her feelings and her thoughts. And the poets were right who said that eyes are the mirror to the soul. He had never believed in this sentence but after he had met her he knew that they were right. Just with one look into her eyes he was able to tell what she was thinking.

He had been able to tell it.

But now, when he looked into her eyes on the screen he saw nothing. It was the distance. The real distance between their bodies but also the distance between their souls. The distance had appeared as he had left her for California and he knew that he could never ever repair the mess he had made.

The day he left. It had changed everything. The day he left her alone without saying a word. He regretted his decision so much but he just hadn't been able to tell her. Everytime he saw her his heart tightened and he just felt so bad about everything that had happened.

He just wanted to escape all those old feelings but he couldn't. Because she was there.

Everywhere.

And even in the radio! He hadn't listened to the radio in five days now because he just couldn't stand hearing her voice.

The voice that had told him so many times how much she cared about him and he just hadn't been able to tell her his feelings. The voice that cried for him, the voice that had told him goodbye on the phone. The voice he still heard in his dreams.

He could still remember the first time she had said his name. It had made him shiver. She had this sound in her voice, full of kindness, fun and naivety.

But it was different to hear her saying all those things about Brazil, not dedicated to him. It was hard to hear her saying things which seemed so irrelevant to him. Deep in his heart he just wanted her ,for one last time, to tell him something. Not anyone. Just him. He just wanted to hear her voice saying his name for one last time.

On his way to work he saw her in every shop and on every newspaper. Almost every merchand wanted to sell him one of the newest issue about the dramatic situation in Brazil, but he didn't give a damn about Brazil. And he didn't want those fucking newspapers because every headline mentioned her name.

Even her name brought so many memories back. She had been the first he really cared for, the first he really loved. And people say you'll never forget the name of your first love.

And her name caused something weird in his heart. He hadn't heard her name for a long time and it was still strange to him to hear anyone saying her name.

It was years ago that he had seen her the last time. It had been hard for him to leave her but he just hadn't seen any other way to get through this. He hated himself for doing this to her but he just didn't know what to do.

And one day she had payed him back. The anger, the disappointment, the frustration, the hopelessness. Everything he ever did to her. And she had payed him back. She rejected him with one single word and made him feel like something had been ripped out of his chest.

But he had accepted it. He had accepted that she didn't want to be with him or even tallk to him anymore. He had just accepted it. Of course, it had been hard, but did he have a choice? Barely not. And he knew that he couldn't blame her for rejecting him after all those things he had done to her. It was her right to do this to him and to say this to him and he knew that, but it had hurt though.

She has had a big influence on his life and he never really moved on. The memories of her had been like barriers which had prevented him from moving on and living his life. His own life.

But one day he had known that it was time to let her go. To leave his past behind him and to look into the future.

On this day he felt free suddenly. It was the day after the first night he hadn't dreamed of her. And he just felt free. And from this day on she hadn't been a barrier for him anymore. She was his past and he had decided that the past should stay in the past and should not hunt him in his present or even in his future.

So he just went on with his life and tried to keep her out of his thoughts.

And the next years have been so calm and just like he ever wanted to live his life. He was able to concentrate on his future again, and he just moved on.

And it really did work out. He found a job and a flat and he had a good life. He liked his life the way it was. He lived peaceful and had not to worry about anything.

He just enjoyed his life again.

But know he couldn't do this anymore because she just was there. She had interrupted his linear style of living and just made it lurch. And he didn't have the control about that.

Because she was everywhere to control it.

There was no place he could go to where she would not be.

He just wanted to fly to the moon or maybe even to mars so that he just didn't have to think about her anymore.

But he couldn't.

For five days she was hunting him now, without knowing. No matter if he was awake or asleep. And he was sick of that. She had haunted him when they were younger. As he broke her wrist and got sent back to NYC, as he came back and she was with Dean, as he went away again without saying a word, as she told him to leave her alone. Even after that day in Yale she had hunted him day and night. He always dreamed of her and he couldn't even focus on his book, because he always thought about her. But he couldn't do anything against it. She was just there. In his mind.

Always.

He cursed that day when he came home from work and switched on the TV and saw her. He just saw her babbling things about the rights of foreigners in Brazil but he didn't even listen. He just sat there and looked at her. He blinked and hoped that it had just been an imagination but she had been still there. Then he switched away and back. But she was still standing there, talking.

And it was still like that. Everytime he turned on the media.

He leant forward and reached for the remote. He held it in his hand and looked at it, hesitating. He didn't know what to do. Should he turn on the TV again and face her or should he just throw the remote away and wait until the drama in Brazil was over? He might have to wait for that for some days or even weeks. So he decided to turn on the TV.

Still hesitating he pressed the red button and suddenly her face appeared at the screen. He sighed. It still hurt to see her and to hear her voice.

But somehow he was glad that he saw her. Not because of missing her or any selfish reason but he knew now that she had reached her aim for years: she had become an correspondent. And that was everything she had ever wanted.

He smiled a bit.

He looked at her more intensely. She looked good. She still had those shimmering deep blue eyes and her smile was still the same. He could see that she really loved her job, that she was really happy with her life.

And for that he was happy for her. Everything he ever wanted was her to be happy and it seemed that she really was.

And somehow he knew that if she was happy, then there would be a way for him getting happy, too.

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A/N: So, I hope you guys liked it. Actually the last sentence wasn't supposed to be the last one but after I wrote it, it seemed like the perfect end to me.

So, please let me know what you think about that!

Because reviews make happy:)