Doumeki came back the next day. Well, Watanuki assumed it was the next day, he really wasn't too sure. After everything that had happened… it was hard to stay awake, to keep track of time. What did it matter anyways, it didn't affect him.

Watanuki had fallen asleep on the couch - on Yuuko's couch - pipe still in-hand and a bottle of sake nearby. He barely bothered to tie the kimono he wore, a deep blue, almost black, embroidered with delicate golden vines and flowers. It was beautiful and it was Yuuko's and he would wear it if she couldn't. He wouldn't let these kimonos gather dust in storage. No, he would make sure they saw use, and then she wouldn't… she wouldn't be completely gone. Between the kimonos and her pipe and the shop, Watanuki would continue as Yuuko.

He awoke groggily, hungover and with burning lungs, when something banged in the back of his mind. It wasn't a natural headache though, and it was gone quickly. He sat up, looking around to find the source of the disturbance, gathering the folds of the robe around him to remain decent, but not too decent - plenty of leg and far too much chest and it barely stayed on his shoulders. Maybe if he bothered to tie it correctly (which he should, these robes deserve it), it would stay on better, but that would make sleeping uncomfortable. Maybe when Watanuki wasn't so tired, he could do these clothes justice. But god, he was just so tired. Maybe he was upset, or maybe it took too much power become the shopkeeper. Or maybe the shop itself was draining him. He didn't know. Didn't care.

"Welcome home!"

"Welcome home!"

Maru and Moro were greeting someone. Someone they knew, apparently. Kohane wouldn't know to come, unless Oba-chan sent her, but Oba-chan wouldn't send Kohane right now. Himawari they had only met the once, and Himawari wasn't… wasn't allowed in the shop. The shop Watanuki couldn't leave now.

He couldn't leave.

He was stuck. Tied down, but barely present, it felt like.

That was the price though. He would stay, he would stay and time wouldn't touch him. Not until Yuuko came back.

And she would come back. She would. This was her shop. This was her life here, and she couldn't just leave it. She couldn't just abandon the shop. Abandon her kimonos. Abandon this pipe. Abandon her sake. Abandon Mokona. Abandon Maru and Moro.

Abandon Watanuki.

No, she wouldn't just leave Watanuki here alone, so alone, so she must be coming back.

So he would wait.

He would wait in the shop as long as it took.

"I don't live here," came the voice that replied to Maru and Moro.

It turned out to be Doumeki entering the shop. Seemed he still had business here. Maybe he had a wish. Maybe it was necessary on some other level. Watanuki didn't know, that was decided before his time as shopkeeper.

Watanuki didn't bother to leave the sofa. Doumeki would come to him. Watanuki couldn't go to anyone anymore, so Doumeki would have to come to him or not come at all.

So he leaned back and put the pipe back in his mouth and waited. Doumeki would probably to try to knock some sense into him. He could hear it now.

You idiot. You're an idiot. This isn't what she wanted. This isn't what you want. Don't do this to yourself. Blah blah, you bastard.

Watanuki wasn't sure he wanted to hear it, but at the same time he wasn't sure that he didn't want to hear it.

Doumeki entered the room, pausing in the doorway with widened eyes.

Watanuki shifted in his pose, crossing his nearly-bare legs and holding the pipe lazily in his right hand. He gave Doumeki a look that verged on a leer - that's what Yuuko did, will do again someday - and waited. Doumeki barely raised an eyebrow, and held up a bag he had in his hands.

"Groceries," he said.

So he wasn't there to lecture Watanuki. Good. He didn't need a lecture. He made his choice to stay. He didn't have anything outside the shop anyways. Couldn't remember anything that wasn't the shop, and wasn't Doumeki or Himawari. Were it not for them, would it just be the shop? Would he have been stuck here the whole time anyways?

Probably. He was already tied to this place in memory, so what difference was it to tie him here physically?

"Groceries?" repeated Watanuki, a little confused.

"Yeah. You can't get your own."

And then he left the room, presumably for the kitchen, and didn't come back until the next day. Probably the next day? Who knew.

Watanuki didn't touch the groceries. He didn't feel like cooking. What point was cooking if Yuuko wasn't there? And he wasn't cooking for Doumeki. No, no there wasn't a reason to cook for just Doumeki. Besides, Watanuki wasn't hungry anyways. Maru and Moro and Mokona didn't really need to eat, and there was plenty of food for them to make something themselves if they wanted.

So Watanuki fell asleep and dreamed the same as always.

It was winter, on the porch. It wasn't winter in actuality, but it was on the porch with Haruka. Snow fell from the sky, but it wasn't cold. It was never cold in dreams. It was never warm either. It was never anything but there.

Haruka was smoking, as usual, and had a soft look on his face. Much softer than anything he'd seen on Doumeki, and he couldn't even imagine Doumeki making some of the faces Haruka did, for all that they were identical. Sometimes, he thought it might be nice to see those faces on Doumeki, but then he shoved that aside because what did that matter?

"So I hear you're the new shopkeeper," Haruka said after a few breaths of his cigarette.

Watanuki looked away, staring out at the snow that fell in the dreamscape they sat in.

"Mm. I'm temporary," he told him. And he was. He was temporary. Would only be here until the true shopkeeper came back. He wouldn't be here forever, not at all.

Again, not that time mattered. It didn't affect him. It wouldn't affect him until that day. Until the day she returned. Days would blur together after a while. They already did. Already had before. He had never remembered full days anyways. Didn't even remember that he didn't remember.

Haruka laughed. "Is that so?"

"Yes." And he was sure of it. Watanuki was so sure of it. He was wishing so hard, so hard, so how could she not come back?

If you wish for something with all your heart…

And Watanuki was wishing with all his soul, was paying with his entire self, so she had to come back.

"Well then, you have quite a bit to learn, don't you?"

Learn? He had to…

Yes. He was the shopkeeper for the time being. Not forever, no, and not for long (he hoped), but he had to do his best, do it well. He would never do it as well as Yuuko could, but he very well had to do something.

"I suppose I do," Watanuki agreed.

Haruka looked at him with sad eyes and Watanuki wondered why. Maybe he was mourning Yuuko as well. Maybe he was mourning something else. Or maybe… God, Watanuki didn't know. He didn't know Haruka, didn't know Doumeki. Probably never would understand that family.

The couch was warm. Too warm. But his legs were bare and cold. Dreams didn't have temperature, didn't have feeling, but the real world had too much feeling sometimes. Both physically and in other ways.

That headache again, and this time Watanuki forced himself to stand. He'd been in the same position too long, and his arm was asleep and it hummed and stung and he shook it out to wake it up. He put the pipe in his mouth and held it there as he rubbed the arm with his other, and then Doumeki walked in.

"Groceries," he said again. Grocery shopping again? Hadn't he just…

"Didn't you just…?" Watanuki began, pipe muffling the words.

"Yesterday."

Watanuki laughed once, half-heartedly. "Yesterday, hm?"

Doumeki put the groceries in the kitchen, and left.

Watanuki went back to Yuuko's closet to find a new kimono. Can't wear the same one two days in a row, Yuuko would never.

He went about the shop in a daze. A lot of smoking, very little thinking. Thinking was hard, sometimes. Too many thoughts, but too few at the same time. There wasn't anything for him to do but wait.

Just wait.

Keep waiting.

As long as it takes.

As long as his price demanded.

But that was his decision. His decision to stay. To remain. To stop. Stop everything.

Haruka offered him a cigarette. He took it. The burn wasn't as bad as Yuuko's pipe, but Yuuko's pipe wasn't so bad anymore.

Didn't matter though. It wouldn't affect him. Nothing affected him now, right?

They sat on the porch and watched as sakura petals blew in a springtime breeze he couldn't feel.

It wasn't really spring, but seasons didn't matter in a dream. Seasons only mattered in the real world.

"Any customers yet?" Haruka asked after a long silence.

Watanuki shook his head. "None yet." He paused. "They'll come. Only Doumeki comes to the shop for now."

"And what does Shizuka think of this?" Haruka looked genuinely curious, interested.

Watanuki frowned and crossed his arms in front of his chest, unsure why he was so annoyed at the question.

"Doumeki has been bringing me groceries, and that's all." He'd said barely anything to Watanuki since everything happened, and all he did was bring useless food.

"I see." Haruka seemed to read something in that though. Read what? What did he see that Watanuki couldn't?

Then again, Haruka always saw a lot of things Watanuki couldn't.

A headache. Someone was coming. Doumeki again? Maybe.

Watanuki adjusted the green robe he wore and tied it as best he could without help. Which wasn't very good, but it stayed on and that's all that really mattered.

Sure enough, Doumeki was standing at the step, taking his shoes off.

"Groceries?"

"You let your vegetables go bad," Doumeki told him, then went to the kitchen.

Vegetables? What was Doumeki even buying? Watanuki hadn't even looked. Hadn't cared to. Still didn't care to.

Doumeki left without another word, and Watanuki sat back on his - Yuuko's - couch, and smoked.

Another headache. Doumeki?

No.

Maru and Moro ran to the door and dragged in a girl about Watanuki's age.

"A customer for the master!"

"A customer for the master!"

Watanuki posed. Posed like Yuuko did. Let the kimono drape over him in just the right places. Held Yuuko's pipe in his hand to the side, adding the smoke needed to create the right atmosphere.

He looked lazy, he knew, but inside he was reeling. A customer. God, it hadn't been long, had it? This was too soon, too soon. There wasn't any way he could…

But he was the shopkeeper, this was his price.

"Hello," Watanuki said, with a small smile.

The girl looked around, confused and a little scared. He understood, he'd been on that side before.

"I- I'm so sorry. Um, I didn't mean to! I was just walking and then it felt like I was supposed to go inside your home and I- I couldn't stop my feet."

"That's alright," Watanuki assured her. "You coming here was inevitable. Hitsuzen."

"I… I…"

"You have a wish, don't you?" he asked. He knew she did. Could feel it on some level. And besides, she wouldn't even be able to see the shop, let alone enter it, without some sort of necessity. Some sort of wish.

"Why would I…"

"This is a shop. For granting wishes." Oh god, oh god, he wasn't ready for this not yet he didn't know anything. He never knew anything though, he would learn.

"Granting wishes?" she repeated.

"Yes. For a price."

"Oh. Oh, um…"

She wrung her hands together and shuffled her feet. Watanuki stood up and put the pipe aside.

"I'll brew some tea," he said. "Have a seat in there, and I'll hear your wish."

Maru pulled and Moro pushed the girl into the sitting room, and Watanuki headed to the kitchen.

There he saw multiple bags of groceries, all full to the brim. The bastard didn't even bother to put them away, no wonder the vegetables went bad.

And what a shame. Doumeki had bought some high-quality stuff, it looked like. Nothing less from that glutton. Probably expected Watanuki to just cook his bentos for him all the time, even though Watanuki was now busy… doing… Watanuki didn't really know what he was doing.

Was Yuuko this confused when she first became shopkeeper? How did she learn everything? What did she do when she wasn't granting wishes and drinking? Who knew. Watanuki didn't know. There was so much he'd never find out about her.

But he had a customer. He could think about this later. Or not-think later. Whatever happened.

He brought out the tea and placed it on the table, then poured a cup for his customer.

She was short, with dark hair and dark eyes. She wore a high school uniform, though not his own (not that it was his anymore, he wasn't going there and no one knew him anyway, he was pretty sure. Did he ever go there? Did people notice his disappearance? If so, was it when he became the shopkeeper, or when he'd lost his memories? Doesn't matter.).

She sipped at the tea, then set the cup down and put her hands in her lap again, looking down and away from him.

"Um… You said you granted wishes."

"This is a wish-granting shop, yes." Watanuki wasn't sure he granted wishes, didn't know how to. What was he doing, what has he done?

"Then… I have a wish," she said, and Watanuki's heart sped up.

"I'll hear it then."

She bit her lip and looked back up at Watanuki. "It's just… I lost something."

"Did you now?"

"Yes. Um, I lost something very precious to me."

"What did you lose?" he asked.

"Um. It's going to sound really stupid," she said.

"If it's precious to you, then it can't be stupid."

"Well… it's a book. Um, it was written by someone very close to me, and she signed it as a joke and wrote a message in it." She laughed, but it sounded sad. "...And she died recently… I know, I know I can't have her back, but… if I could just have that book, then maybe I could feel close to her again."

Watanuki took a breath. He could understand the sentiment. Was that not what he was doing with Yuuko's kimonos? With her pipe? With this shop? But Yuuko would come back some day.

"I can grant that wish," he said, not knowing whether or not he could but the words came out anyways.

Her eyes widened and she took in a sharp breath. "You can? Truly?"

"Yes." How? How was he going to grant this wish? "I'll require a price though."

"Anything. I'll give you anything, please."

Watanuki's heart went out to the girl. He could tell, just tell that this girl had lost her most important person, just as he had. If he was going to grant this wish… He didn't want to ask too much of her. No, no, a bit of kindness. A gift! He'd given plenty of gifts in his life. Gift-giving is just a display of your feelings, isn't it? Feelings didn't require a price. He would just ask for something small, and the deficit was, was a gift to her.

"That bracelet." He picked out the first thing he saw on the girl.

"My bracelet?" she asked.

"Yes."

"This was given to me by my sister, but I can get a new one. That's not a big deal at all." The girl look relieved, and a little surprised.

She took off the bracelet and handed it to him.

He took it, stood up, and spoke before thinking. "I'm going to take this to the back. Please wait here."

The girl nodded enthusiastically, and stayed in her seat.

He passed through the kitchen on the way to the storeroom. The bags were still on the counter, not that he expected them to move or anything, but they just were there. Not like other things were just there. They… grabbed his attention, he supposed.

The storeroom was large. Far larger than Watanuki felt could fit in the shop, but then again it was Yuuko's shop, so who really knew.

There was a good spot for the bracelet on the shelf, so he set it there then turned to leave, but something caught his eye.

A book. Small, brown, no title, with a light cover of dust on it.

Watanuki picked it up, and found an inscription inside the front cover.

To Hana, who was definitely the inspiration for the antagonist in this book because she is the worst. I love you!

The signature was indecipherable, but the message made Watanuki smile.

He didn't know how the book ended up in storage, or what happened, but a wish was granted and it was a good day.

Hana, the girl's name was Hana and it was her book, cried when he handed it to her. She traced over the cover, and read the message inside at least three times.

"How did you find it? Was it here the whole time? Did you have it here? How did you get it?"

She asked him questions he didn't know the answer to, so he just told her, "Hitsuzen."

She sniffed, and wiped her tears away, then left, thanking him.

The moment she left, Watanuki learned his first lesson.

The shop required balance, and if the customer didn't provide that balance… The remainder came from the shopkeeper - from Watanuki - in whatever way the shop, or perhaps the universe, saw fit.

Watanuki collapsed to the floor as he felt something slash his heel. Looking down at it, he saw a deep slice that was bleeding warm, red blood.

Oh god what have I done?

That girl got what she wanted, got her wish, but Watanuki, Watanuki had to pay the price. He couldn't name the correct price, so he paid it himself, whether he wanted to or not.

He put pressure on the wound - that's what you did, right? - and called for Maru and Moro. They ran to him, eyes wide and faces full of concern. Did they know on some level? They were connected to the shop, maybe they did know.

"I need some bandages," he said nonchalantly and smiling.

The both nodded, and ran off.

Sneaking another peak at his heel, it occurred to him that he might need stitches. What if he needed stitches? Where would he go? He couldn't, couldn't go to the hospital. Someone would have to come to him, but who knew when a doctor might be passing by with a wish. Hitsuzen wasn't always that forgiving.

He took deep breaths, trying not to panic.

What had he gotten himself into? What did he do? The universe demanded balance, balance, and here he was needing to keep it whether he wanted to or not, and this was his price, his price, his decision, he did this, he would live with it, live so long and he didn't know what he was doing, what was he doing, how was he supposed to learn this if no one could tell him anything, he would just, would just, what would happen if he misjudged prices too badly, would he die? He could die, die like this, before Yuuko, before Yuuko-

Maru and Moro came back with a first aid kit and tended to his foot. The antiseptic stung, and the gash was deep, but he didn't think he needed stitches, thank god. Thank god, thank hitsuzen, really. Heh.

They each kissed the bandage before wrapping his foot in it, and Watanuki couldn't help but smile at that. They were so sweet. So sweet and he couldn't replace Yuuko, but he'd try for now.

He hugged them close, and held them for a moment.

"Thank you," he said, holding back tears, though he wasn't sure why.

That damn headache again. He didn't want it to be a customer, not another customer, he couldn't, couldn't deal with that, he was laying on the floor with blood around him and a bandaged foot and what if he messed up again? He would mess up again. No! No, he wouldn't wrap himself, tie himself down in his own words. He would learn. In time he would learn. People generally did.

It wasn't a customer though. It was Doumeki again, holding bags of groceries.

Watanuki sat on the floor and looked up at him, daring him to comment. Daring him to call him an idiot or tell him how stupid he was.

Doumeki took the scene in quickly, then dropped the bags and came towards Watanuki. Came closer. Didn't just stand in the doorway and move onto the kitchen and leave.

Watanuki didn't move. Didn't even blink.

"What happened?" Doumeki asked - demanded - as if Watanuki was some sort of child playing with things he shouldn't. Maybe he was.

Watanuki took a breath, and tried to find the words to explain it. He could barely explain it to himself, how could he explain it to Doumeki? Doumeki couldn't understand the shop. Couldn't understand him, not anymore.

"I granted a wish," he said softly. After a moment he smiled and added, "I granted it wrong."

Doumeki's jaw tightened. "This came from a wish?"

"Yes and no. It isn't…" He trailed off, but didn't look away from Doumeki's eyes. Wanted to see what he would do. "I didn't take enough. I will next time," he added quickly, and made a move to stand.

Doumeki tried to help him up. Did help him up, with a warm hand on his arm, but he shivered when Watanuki was standing on his own. It looked like he'd tried not to but… he did.

Why? Why did he shudder like that? Just, just because he was helping Watanuki stand up? No, no, that wouldn't cause such a reaction. It was almost as if Doumeki was disgusted.

Disgusted with what? With the blood? No, he'd helped carry Watanuki to the shop covered in blood, it wasn't that. In fact, he'd carried Watanuki multiple times, helped him up even more times, grabbed his arm more than that, and never, not once, did he shiver like this.

Was it Watanuki? Had he done something? Well, of course he'd done something, but something to warrant disgust like that…

Watanuki pulled away. Pulled away quickly. Was there something so wrong about him now that Doumeki - Doumeki - who helped him when Watanuki didn't even want it, who was so unshakable, immovable… That a person like that would react to Watanuki in such a way…

Not for the first time since… everything, Watanuki asked himself what the hell he thought he was doing. What made him think he could do this? Why, why, why did he do this? What had he… What had he done?

And then he remembered why. For Yuuko. To see Yuuko again. For her.

He took a step back, limping on his now-bad foot. How long would it take to heal, he wondered. The same amount of time? Shorter? Would it forever be like that?

God, there was so much he didn't know, he didn't know, he didn't, how was he supposed to, why couldn't he-

Shouldn't there be a manual for this sort of thing?

And the thought made him laugh. A manual. For keeping a wishing-shop. Who would have written it, he wondered. Yuuko? That Clow Reed she spoke of so fondly and disdainfully? Or maybe it would just appear one day in the storeroom if he wished hard enough.

No, his wishing was saved for Yuuko. And he would never stop wishing for her. No matter how hard this was, and how hard it would continue to be…

But god, he needed to figure this out. He needed to get this under control, no more, no more customers until he… he what? Practiced? Practiced how?

He supposed it really would be trial and error and the thought sent a shiver down his own spine. (Maybe that's why Doumeki shivered too. Maybe- no.)

Doumeki stared at him, wide-eyed and scared, and it took a moment for Watanuki to realize why. To remember that he'd just laughed at nothing at all.

"I was just thinking about how a manual would have been useful," he explained, then laughed again.

God, he must have sounded crazy. "Take- take your groceries home," he said, then turned away, limping back to his - Yuuko's - couch. "I'm fine. I'm fine. It'll…" He didn't know what it would do. Would it heal? He didn't know. He didn't know and Doumeki didn't know and Doumeki was, was disgusted with it - with him. "I'm fine."

He was fine. He would be.

(I'm not fine, I'm not fine, what do I do, what do I do? Someone tell me what to do, help me, I thought it was fine I didn't, didn't know what it meant when I did this, please help!)

He would figure this out on his own.

A/N: Was rereading xxxHOLiC and I was curious about the early days of shopkeeper Watanuki, and... well this happened. There's a lot more to be written here, and I'll come back around and post more for sure. I really could go on and on and on here.

Special thanks to my roommate (arisprite here on ) who helped with Doumeki because sometimes that guy is an enigma to me.

Thanks for reading, and go find a happy xxxHOLiC fic after this because wow what a downer. :)