Are You the Gatekeeper?
Vinz Clortho leapt into the terrified body of one Louis Tully. It wasn't a great body, by any standards, but it would have to do. It was only for a while, anyway, until Vinz found the Gatekeeper, Zuul. The only thing was…Vinz had no idea what body Zuul had possessed. Still, Zuul had to be found, so Vinz got to searching, sniffing and scrambling around in this new, awkward body.
It was not too long before Vinz got to a somewhat-familiar smell, and followed it to a white beast strapped and harnessed to a carriage. The horse whinnied and shook its head. Vinz guessed that this might be some signal, and approached the beast in a monkeyish gallop. After a long introduction that your humble author is too lazy to transcribe…
"Are you the Gatekeeper?"
There was no intelligible answer from the horse. Even so, Vinz somehow gathered that the horse meant to reply and declare itself to be the Gatekeeper. Vinz ran Louis's hand along the horse's front leg, and at that moment, the driver of the carriage butted in with some odd nonsense that Vinz didn't much listen to, more bothered by the interruption. He turned his head toward the driver and made what felt like a threatening face. From within the body of Louis Tully, Vinz's eyes glowed neon red. He turned back to the horse and murmured into its ear, "Wait for the sign. Then all prisoners will be released."
Vinz then ran off, shouting and jumping as he went. In the middle of his raving, it occurred to him that perhaps the beast did not properly answer him because it was, in fact, not Zuul. With this idea in mind, Vinz again began sniffing for Zuul. After a few moments, he came upon a stray dog, wandering through nearly deserted café patios. Vinz figured the dog must be searching for him, and he approached. He got on all fours and bent down to look the dog in the eye.
"Are you the Gatekeeper?"
The dog barked, and to Vinz, that sounded like a yes. He gathered the dog in his arms and ran his hands up its belly, then back down… The dog didn't exactly resist, so Vinz kept running his hands back and forth along the length of its underside, lingering longer each time. Suddenly, somebody shouted, "Oh my god! What are you doing to that poor dog?"
Vinz lifted his head and saw a plump woman standing over him, wielding a stiff handbag. She proceeded to beat him with it. He scrambled to his feet and tried to run off with the dog, but the woman grabbed hold of it by the lower half and wrestled it away. She kept beating Vinz with the handbag until he gave up and figured the real Gatekeeper would have interfered by now.
So, again, Vinz fled. He kept sniffing and raving in his continued search for Zuul. This went on for some time before he was eventually stopped by the police for charges ranging from disturbing the peace to "chaotic molestation", which was no doubt worded by someone who does not know legal jargon. As he was arrested, he turned to the officer cuffing him.
"Are you the Gatekeeper?"
"Shut up," the officer said.
Vinz considered this. He decided that the officer was hinting that she was, in fact, the Gatekeeper, but was waiting for a more opportune moment to reveal herself. It wasn't until later, when he was at the police station, trying to summon Gozer with her, that he realized he was very mistaken. He'd barely grabbed her breasts before he was torn away from her, pinned to the floor, and worked over by two big cops.
Eventually, it was decided that no amount of prison time, working over, or any other punishment was going to solve anything. Because it seemed Louis Tully was completely nuts. It was for that reason that just forty-five minutes after Vinz set foot in the station, he was already in the cruiser to take him to Bellview.
Unfortunately, patient confidentiality does not permit your humble author to give the exact details of what went on at Bellview. All I can say is this: Two doctors, three nurses, one patient, and one therapy animal were all asked if they were the Gatekeeper, with varying results. Strange occurrences took place, which were not related to Vinz Clortho or Louis Tully, but all the same served as an excuse for the doctors at Bellview to unanimously decide to send Vinz to the Ghostbusters.
A few minutes after the sort-of truck stopped, an officer opened the back doors. Vinz poked his head out, his arms still bound in his straightjacket, and saw a tall, bespectacled man before him. Vinz looked at this man and hoped he had finally come to the end of his search.
"Are you the Gatekeeper?"
Dr. Egon Spengler held up a PKE meter. It metered psychokinetic energy. He turned to one of the men from the sort-of truck and said, "You better bring him inside."
As Vinz was escorted into the firehouse, he watched Egon talk with Janine as they walked inside. He saw Janine's body language scream attraction, anybody could see it, but Egon didn't seem interested. Vinz figured that meant Egon was waiting for Vinz, the Keymaster, and was thus, undoubtedly, the Gatekeeper.
When Egon had gotten Vinz out of his straightjacket, Vinz stood as tall as Louis Tully's body would allow. He said, "I am the Keymaster."
"Congratulations," Egon said, trying to lead Vinz to the lab.
Taking this as a go-ahead, Vinz stopped Egon and stood on tip-toe to pull him into a long, hard kiss. In that moment, Vinz knew that Egon wasn't Zuul. He kissed him a little longer anyway until Egon broke free and pushed him away. Damn. Then Vinz turned to Janine.
"Are you the Gatekeeper?"