Story Title: As I Lay Dying

Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is not mine.

Author's Notes: This fic basically started as a dream of mine that got adapted to fit into the Saint Beast arc with the AU of Suzaku winning and running amok across the human world. I have had a few chapters written for a few years actually and while I have re-edited them, the writing might be a bit old and heavy-handed. In part I'm posting the first chapter to gauge readers' interest and provide something to read during the wait for the next "Angels" update.

I have had such reservations about Hiei's characterization in this first chapter, however. Given the situation and the fact that this story does start in the middle, with backstory and character development already made but not shown yet, maybe there's some leeway there but Hiei winds up pretty emotional (for his standards) in this first chapter. I've fretted and rewritten it so many times that at this point I'm just hoping readers don't consider him OOC.

In any case, I admit to my errors. In general, this fic will probably be heavy on the emotion and very depressing. Here's to hoping I don't mess it up and make it overly-emotional to the point of wangst. Has no connection to Faulkner's short novel, though I have read it. It was the first title that came to mind in development and it kind of stuck. As always, thanks for reading.

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Chapter One: When the Time Comes

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Hiei was numb. Not the usual sort he presented to the world, not the cold mask and I-care-about-nothing attitude the fire demon wielded against would-be potential friends and allies as skillfully as his sword, but a deep, real sense of numbness.

Yusuke and Kuwabara passed by Hiei without word, without acknowledgement, and took Kurama's body up to the second floor and back to the bedrooms. Hiei followed, barely aware of his moving steps or the hollow sounds they made on the wooden floor. He was aware of nothing. The world was blurry now, as if he saw everything through the thin film of an onion's skin, his vision ill-defined, cloudy, and stained yellow.

As Yusuke and Kuwabara laid Kurama on the bed he and Hiei shared, Hiei remained in the hallway and stared vacantly into their room. He might as well have been staring into the smoking horizon. Or gazing off the edge of the world into perpetual darkness.

The detective and the oaf left as soon as Kurama was placed, saying nothing as they passed by Hiei. They were too shaken up themselves to say anything, Hiei suspected. He was thankful for the silence, not knowing if his next words would be an accusation, a scream, or a wail.

It was probably for the better that Hiei was frozen still. He would run, if he could. Somewhere. Anywhere. As blinding fast as possible. Even if there were no places to run to, what with the human world collapsed and Suzaku watching the borders to the demon world specifically for Hiei and Kurama, Hiei would go somewhere. To the nearest horde of possessed humans or straight to Suzaku's keep if nowhere else. Anywhere but here seemed fair. And worthy of violent destruction.

But Hiei stood still, as still as Kurama's body, in the hallway of the abandoned hotel serving as the group's hideaway from the hell befallen the human world. Footsteps down below and various bangs and thumping meant the detective and the buffoon were further fortifying the doors and windows on the first floor. The frantic footsteps above were from one of the human females, probably the detective's girl. By the sound of it, she was crying and the other muffled voices were the oaf's sister and the ferry girl comforting her.

She deserves no comfort, Hiei gritted his teeth and swallowed the rising curses in his throat. After all, she is the cause—

He faintly heard and saw Kurama take in a deep breath.

Hiei approached the bed slowly, watching Kurama's slow breath almost carry in line with his cautious steps. By the time Hiei reached his side, Kurama breathed more easily and regularly. Hiei made a quick but thorough scan of his body with his Jagan. Kurama's heart beat on, his skin remained fair in tone, and his energy was sufficient, though there was something off to it but it was nothing that alarmed Hiei. Given the circumstances, his energy would be acting a little peculiar. The only check Hiei had yet to make were of his eyes. Kurama's eyes remained shut.

By appearances, Kurama could have been sleeping. He was not. His stillness was for his body and spirit energy concentrating wholly on recovering, on healing. Hiei knew his energy's fight was useless, that it was merely staving off the inevitable. He knew the final outcome awaiting them. But despite that, he wanted Kurama to fight and he wished he could do more to help him win.

Hiei could not.

Hiei took Kurama's hand, resting limply at his side. To Hiei's relief, it felt warm. Closing his eyes, Hiei squeezed his hand and felt Kurama's pulse. Being a full demon and without a regular heartbeat, the young fire demon found the steady beat in Kurama's human body comforting, even consoling, now. The times when Hiei used to chide the fox-turned-human about his human heart seemed distant and childish. Now his heartbeat was not a symbol of his frailty—now it served as a sign of his strength. It meant Kurama was still with them, with Hiei, and that was a much appreciated and desperately needed reassurance.

Hiei relaxed his grip but held onto Kurama's hand. This is not impossible to defeat, he told himself and Kurama through the Jagan's telepathic enhancement. If anyone could figure out a way to beat this, it would be you. And if you can hold off long enough, the detective will be strong enough and you'll be okay. You'll be cured. You just…never give up.

Kurama gently pressed Hiei's hand.

Hiei opened his eyes. Kurama's head was turned toward him and his eyes were halfway open.

"Strange to hear you be so encouraging… It's not like you, after all," Kurama teased and gave a fragile smile.

If Kurama was trying to lighten the mood, he failed. Miserably. Even if he meant well, it was idiotic of him to think Hiei could bring himself to smile, or even smirk, at a time like this.

The former fox tried to stay impassive and strong for his warrior's pride, but there was no need for him to keep up the facade. Hiei wouldn't think less of him for showing emotion now, not when his own feelings were tenuously contained behind a glass wall. Watching Kurama force himself to put on a weak smile and hold down his fear almost shattered that glass.

"I'm scared," Hiei admitted.

"So am I," Kurama said, his voice forced steady and strong, and held Hiei's shaking hand tighter.

"Why'd you do it then?"

"You know why," Kurama turned his head and gazed up at the ceiling. "I had to."

Anger rushing through him, Hiei released Kurama's hand and stormed away from the bed. He did not leave but instead paused at the door. He braced one hand on the frame and leaned toward it and balled his other hand into a tight, trembling fist. Hiei wouldn't hurt Kurama but damn, did the fire demon want to punch and burn down a wall for Kurama's selfish selflessness.

"And for what?!" Hiei shouted and punched the doorframe, leaving scorch marks. "That human—"

"Hiei, please. I do not wish to fight."

Hiei did not want to either. Not about this. And not now. He was angry, at many things and many people, including himself. And he was scared. More so than any other moment in his life because now he had someone he cared for and he was losing him to something Hiei had no power to stop. And Hiei was not used to being so powerless and scared.

Hiei gave up his anger and relaxed his fists. The fire demon circled back and stood by Kurama's bedside. The fox was looking at Hiei—he could see that well enough through his blurry eyes.

At last, Hiei said. "…I could have left but I chose you."

"I know." Kurama reached out and wiped away the one traitorous tear that dared to fall down Hiei's cheek.

Hiei stepped closer to the bed and laid his head on Kurama's chest. Hiei lay, listening to Kurama's heartbeat and wrapped his arms around the fox as Kurama stared at the ceiling and rubbed Hiei's back. For a moment, Hiei nurtured the thought that if he held on tightly enough that Kurama would stay but he knew that was childish folly. When the time came, Kurama would no longer be with him.

"I know," Kurama softly repeated. "Which will make what I ask of you more difficult."

Then don't, Hiei said through the Jagan, not trusting his voice would form words.

"I have to," Kurama calmly replied.

Hiei raised his head up and glared into Kurama's eyes. No, you don't.

"Remember that I chose you too," Kurama murmured as he ran his fingers through Hiei's hair. "And this is something you must do for me because I ask you to."

Hiei said nothing and buried his face into Kurama's chest before yet another vile tear could fall as the fox waited patiently and stroked his hair. A thought crossed Hiei, holding back a sob, that if Kurama had held and touched him like this last night, Hiei would have secretly taken solace and enjoyment in the affection but now his touch was a grim comfort to them both.

Too much silence had passed between them and Kurama sought to end it. Hiei preferred the quiet. Or at least, that Kurama did not ask him to do what he feared and knew the fox would ask.

Not to Hiei's surprise, Kurama pushed on with making his request.

"When the time comes—"

"It won't," Hiei said, his voice catching itself, as he tightly rumpled Kurama's worn and frayed school uniform. It was the last one he had left.

"It will," Kurama said firmly. "And when the time comes…"

"It won't!" Hiei shouted.

Hiei refused to let the topic run further and buried his face back against Kurama's chest.

Kurama turned his head away and sighed loudly, venting his frustration at Hiei's stubbornness to stay oblivious to reality. In truth, Hiei knew what was coming. He knew it as well as the fox knew. And it terrified him. Terrified them both. Yes, Hiei was stubborn but not about the truth of the matter. Hiei simply was not ready or willing to accept that this was Kurama's fate, that this was his end and their end.

Not when the detective still had a fight left to win. Not when they still had a chance.

Kurama sighed again, much more softly this time. He rested his hand on Hiei's head and held it there. "We have some time yet," he said. "Think on it. We will talk later."

Hiei did not want to talk. Not now or later. He wanted things to be different. He wanted things to be okay. Not for the human world. The human world could go screw itself deeper into ruin for all Hiei cared. He just wanted Kurama to be okay. Hiei had chosen him and he did not want to lose him. He did not want to be left alone, not after he had found someone to not be alone for.

Unable to do anything else for Kurama, the young fire demon did something he rarely did, if ever, though now it was all he could do.

Hiei hoped.