Live Until the Day You Die
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Sirius Black or the veil. Enjoy
Heads Up Before Reading: This was an experiment on the concept of the veil in the Department of Mysteries. This is one of my many theories on what it is (i.e. a black hole). This is one of my favorite theories because it would mean that Sirius was still alive. I've kind of given up hope on it, but it still made a cool story. Thanks and happy reading.
Back. Into darkness. He could hear them screaming. Harry was calling his name and Lupin was trying to calm him down. Oh, Harry, Remus, will this be the last time I hear your voices? Falling, and all the while floating as if his feet would never find a medium. It felt like years passed. Every week, month, year, floating by, and here he was. He could hear his heartbeat and his breathing, but nothing else. His eyes were open, but he saw nothing. So is this torture? Torture worst of all? And he opened his mouth to scream, but not a sound was uttered. His heartbeat began to rage in his ears and all he could think was let it end, make it stop. He didn't feel pain as he had expected, but he felt alone, more alone than ever in his life. Such a tool of torture to a man who has most of his life been staring at a gray wall and bars was almost ironic. But it was somehow perfect.
His eternity would be set in loneliness, worse than the worst loneliness imaginable. Falling would be a commonality, as if it wasn't already. He had hurt the world and it had hurt back, and he was always falling. Just when he thought he'd stop falling when he met Harry and Hermoine outside his tower lock up. There stood Buckbeak and he thought he would finally be free. But the pain he had as a boy, as a teen, as a man came back, and now he was falling again. Please just protect Harry and Remus.
Then just as Sirius felt the world end, a light shined in front of him. It was overpowering to his eyes, though it was faint for light. Sirius found himself swimming toward it in the darkness. His fingers outstretched to grab the light as his face illuminated. Every second closer was another fear and worry. But he repeated in his head. Please just protect Harry and Remus. Please. When his fingers finally found the source of light everything stopped. One finger was all it took and now a ripple of light flooded him. It was small at first, but as it kept going he felt the darkness around tighten. It was getting smaller; he felt his lungs stop working. He tried to pull away him finger, but he couldn't he was being forced toward it. It was almost like Apparating, but with one tragic downfall: he had no control of where he was going or what he did. Further went the ripples, smaller the bubble and then…
Pop.
He felt his knees collide with ground. Everything was a blur for a while and then he found himself staring at the blue sky. It felt like ages since he had done so. His delight at the sight was gradually joined by the sound of children playing. It sounded like a quaffle was being tossed around, but what really pleased his ears, as well as confused him, was the sound of one voice very near to him.
"Centaurs are not attractive, Penelope. They have 4 legs for goodness sake. And they are half horses. If you find a centaur attractive you might as well go marry your broomstick, because you have as much chance with it as with a centaur. You aren't even the same species. Haven't you learned anything in Care of Magical Creatures?" He smiled as he heard the other girl try to respond and get cut off again.
"You know what, Penelope, you can give me all the excuses in the world, but its fact, Centaurs are not humans and to be interested in one is blasphemy. If you spent half as much time on your studies you'd be top of our year!"
"Maybe I should just go then!" the other girl said as she walked off (more like cantered off).
"Good, maybe you can go crack open a book while you're at it, couldn't hurt to try," the girl closest him yelled after her. Sirius could resist no longer. He began to laugh hysterically both at the fact that the voice was one he hadn't heard in over 15 years and he was happy to be graced with the beauty of her quick wit, and also the fact that he heard her speak this way to her friends on many occasions. But he was amazed. How was she here? He didn't know the answer nor did he have the time to figure it out for the face of a very angry young witch suddenly replaced the blue sky: a witch with dark red hair and green eyes.
"What is so funny?" She had her hands on her hips, but he didn't focus on it. Instead he jumped to his feet and wrapped her in his arms. She threw herself away from him within seconds.
"Can I help you?" she asked as if annoyed.
"Lily, it's me."
"And who are you?" he almost thought it was a joke, but then he saw the serious look on her face. Then he realized how he must look, an old man in tattered clothing. This would not be the Sirius she remembered for when he looked at her he knew immediately, for he had known her most of his life, that she was not a day over 15. As she stood in front of him the world around her came into focus and he realized where he was. The quidditch field rose in the distance, students were everywhere, and just behind him he saw the hut of Hagrid and the dark forest, but most of all he realized it when he looked straight ahead at the tall towers and arching door ways. He was home.
"Lily…" He spoke her name more as a comfort, and then dropped his head. What he saw was not his old dirty robes he had fought in in the Ministry of Magic what seemed like ages ago. No. He was wearing Hogwarts robes of black with a seal on the breast in gold and red: the seal of Gryffindor house.
"Who are you, boy?" she repeated.
"You don't recognize me?"
"No. Should I?"
"What do I look like?" he quickly changed the subject, his mind racing. She seemed confused at first, but then she studied his features for what seemed like the first time. A gentle blush rose in her cheeks and she cleared her throat before shifting on her feet and answering.
"Um… well… you look fine—I mean okay. Why?" her blush was spreading and he realized that he recognized this look. She had been like this when she first met James. His affect on her was startlingly funny and interesting. He must look normal for he was always a good-looking guy who frequently made girls weak at the knees however silly he thought it to be.
"But… you really don't recognize me? It's Sirius. I'm Sirius Black." She still stared blankly.
"Trust me I would have remembered the name… and the face." She bit her lip and gently smiled. Great, now she's flirting.
"Lily, are you telling me you have never seen me before?" he said grabbing her arms to try to shake out the sensible side of her.
"No. Though I would like to know how you know my name."
"Where's James?" he said still clutching her arms ignoring her words.
"James?" she said questioningly, but they were suddenly interrupted but a group of people. I can't believe it…
"Lily, is this guy bothering you?" came the steady voice of one Severus Snape. He looked different, so different. His greasy hair was combed and washed clean, his grimace that seemed to always be placed flatly on his face was no where to be found, and on either arm was a beautiful girl.
"No, Severus. Me and… Sirius were just talking." Snape was not consoled by this, however, and found it much more believable if he found out himself. Letting go of the two girls who both seemed sad at the gesture, and walking over he brushed his hair back the way James often did. He was not as suave as James, but Sirius had to admit that Snape did not look wholly foreign doing it.
"Do you have a problem, sir?"
"Hey Snape. Long time, no see. Now if you would excuse me…" but before Sirius could make toward Lily, Snape had stopped him again.
"I don't like the looks of you."
"Well, I suppose some things never change." Snape looked like he was going to hit Sirius, though Sirius doubted he knew why, but he was stopped.
"Severus!" it was Lily. "Sirius here just wants to ask me a question. It's not a big deal." He loosened his grip and went over to Lily. He put one hand behind her neck and the other on her face so that he could trace her delicate features.
"I only want the best for you, that's all."
"I know Severus," she said removing herself from Snape and coming to Sirius's side. "But I really need to speak to him."
"Fine." And that was the end of it. He walked off with both girls on his arms again and as he turned he flipped his hair back and winked at Lily.
"Oh god. Thank you," she said seeming relieved that Snape was gone. "Can you believe him? He's been trying to get me to date him for years, but I'm just not interested. Plus who would leave Remus for Severus." And Sirius felt the world stop on those words.
"Remus… Lupin?"
"You know him too?"
"We've… met."
"Cool. I'm just going to see him now, you want to come?"
"Where's James?"
She stared at a desperate face, but eventually found the courage to respond. "James who?"
"Who? James. James Potter," he couldn't believe his ears. Something about this place bothered him. This was not the Hogwarts he knew, nor was this his Lily.
"Oh. Yeah. I don't know where he is. He doesn't talk much."
And that's when he realized that this was some kind of alternate universe where people's places were switched. James was like Remus, Remus and Snape were like James and Sirius. Only one this was different-he didn't even exist in this world. But the idea of Snape being like he was in school made him sick.
"Are you okay?" Lily's face was full of concern and it heightened her beauty.
"Yeah, I'm… fine, as you said yourself."
She blushed and excused herself. When he turned to watch her go, he saw a very healthy Remus Lupin waiting with arms open. She jumped into them and began kissing him fiercely. My old pal James would find this interesting.
Then just as he finished his thought the ground began to quake, but no one seemed to notice, but him. All the people around continued doing their daily things, Remus and Lily continued kissing, but his head was spinning. Sirius didn't know which way was up at this point and then as quickly as before everything changed.
Pop.
He was beginning to hate the sound of it, even more so he hated the ringing in his ears that was left behind. He tried to shake off the feeling but was unsuccessful.
"What are you doing down there?" came a voice from overhead. As he raised himself off of another sold floor that he had hit rather suddenly.
"I was…" but his words failed as he found himself looking into the face of his baby cousin.
"Tonks." She seemed shocked that he knew her right away.
"Are you alright, sir? It looks like you took a pretty hard hit to the head."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Tonks? What are you doing here?"
"Having lunch, what are you doing here?" she said it sarcastically and Sirius could tell, "Who precisely are you and how do you know my name?"
"Tonks. I…"
"Did Dumbledore put you up to this?"
"What?"
"I told him I wasn't going to join the Order, I could lose my job."
"Yes! The Order!" Finally something that made sense to him. He jumped to his feet to explain everything, but he realized that he was still in the alternate universe, after all, she still didn't recognize him.
"You know what, I think you need to sit down, come over here, I've got a table." She swiftly strode over to a table covered with dirt. He realized as he looked at it that he knew exactly where he was. The Leaky Cauldron. "Sir," she said again offering him a seat. He sat down, but warily as he looked around the room. Nothing looked out of the ordinary.
"Are you okay, sir? You seem a bit out of it. Wotcher there," she said as he almost fell out of the chair. He was slightly annoyed as he thought of the terrible shape he was in, so annoyed he didn't even hear her squeal with happiness and then beg his leave of the table. She was crossing the distance between herself and a fellow wizard who had just entered the pub. He was hanging his jacket and adjusting his glasses when Sirius finally looked up.
This time he did fall out of his seat, and as Tonks ran over Sirius could do nothing but stare at his old friend-
"James." He was walking over now. He looked good. Especially considering the last time he saw him he was a lifeless corpse. Stop Sirius. Don't think about those things. He tried to shake it from his mind, but as this other James came toward him looking old and yet still very alive he caught himself giving way to a tear. One solitary tear fell down his cheek. You are still alive, James, and I'm… not here.
"Did you tell him my name, Tonks?"
"No. He knew mine as well."
"How are you, sir? Are you quite well?" When Sirius continued just to stare James gestured to Tom for some drinks. In seconds a bottle and three cups levitated over.
"Are you thirsty?" he said as he poured the liquid into the cup. Sirius took it and gulped it down in one drink.
"Um… sir-" Tonks began, but Sirius broke in.
"Do you recognize me? Please tell me you know who I am!"
"Sir, has someone erased your memory? Perhaps they used a memory charm, I know many wizards who are very talented with them."
"No, James, I know who I am, just as well as I know who you are."
"Sir."
"Sirius," he offered.
"Sirius," he said clearing his throat, "how can you know me when I've never seen you before in my life?"
"I know you would deny it," Sirius said leaning forward desperately. He spoke quietly and harshly as if something was in his throat choking him, but he tried to stay calm as the words flowed off his tongue. "I know you James. I know that your favorite subject in school was Transfiguration. I know that you were the best seeker Hogwarts had ever seen; when you flew it was dazzling. But furthermore," he said through the pain of tears that were right on the surface now, "I know your favorite part of the day is just before the sun rises, and you often skip sleep just so you can watch the sky change colors. I know that your favorite treat is apple pie and your mother sometimes would make it from scratch-the muggle way-with her bare hands on Saturday mornings just to see the look on your face when she offered you a slice at lunch." He found himself having difficulties fighting off the tears that now were making his lip quiver. It made him wonder when the last time was that he had cried openly, and he remembered the look on Harry's face lying in that house with either parent lifeless in front of him. It was when he looked down on the faces of Lily and James Potter and realized that he could not save them this time.
"Sirius…"
"I also know that your father used to take you to the Quidditch World Cup every year," he continued, "and when you are really nervous you ruffle your hair like that," he said pointing just as James did that very thing.
"I know you James. You were-are-my best friend." There was a long pause in which Tonks looked from one man to the other, both looking as if they understood each other though she knew this was the first time James had ever seen this man.
"He's mental," said Tonks taking James's hand in hers.
"No, my love… he's right. How do you know those things?"
"You called her your love." Sirius was staring at their clasped hands and wondered if it was possible for James to love someone who wasn't Lily.
"Yes. Tonks and I are getting married soon." The confusion boiled as Tonks leaned over and kissed James on the cheek. Sirius found himself out of his seat quicker than he could imagine.
"Has the world gone mad?" he was backing away from them and found his feet being incredibly steady for how much he mad just seen. The world seemed to forget he was there, but he saw them and screamed at them to see him, but they didn't.
"What have I done wrong?" he screamed at the sky that was hidden by the ceiling of the Leaky Cauldron. He kept asking it why as the roof began to fade away and the stars became real again. Sirius did not take his eyes off of it, but he knew without looking at James in front of him that he was leaving again. He tried to keep his eyes on what was above him, he tried not to miss James as much as he did, but he couldn't resist one last look. When his eyes found his friend, he saw that James was looking back at him. His eyes were twinkling as he said, "I miss you too." And then everything he had seen was gone, everything from the wooden tables to the pink hair of Tonks. It was gone and he missed it as soon as he saw the blackness returned.
He wouldn't be popping anywhere anymore, he was sure of it. Instead a vision came of a table of people. He knew them all. They did not seem to notice him, but he was too preoccupied to care, he was naming the faces he saw in order of where they sat. Severus, Lily, Harry? (it had to be him, though he looked more like Remus than James), Lupin, Mad Eye, Tonks, James. It seemed like Lily and Remus were married especially since it seemed like Harry was not Harry Potter, but Harry Lupin, and as he looked at the finger of Tonks he saw a large engagement ring on her left hand ring finger.
They were happy. They were happy and he wasn't there. For the first time he was glad, truly glad that they had never heard his name.
"Interesting day it has been for you Sirius." He wheeled around to see another figure in the darkness, a man with a pointed hat and star shinned robes.
"Dumbledore? What are you-"
"They seem happy, don't they?" He said indicating the bench full of people. "Oh how human beings can be misleading."
"What do you mean?"
"What do you see when you look at them, Sirius."
"They are content."
"And safe?" asked Dumbledore, there was a twinkling in his eye that showed he knew exactly what Sirius was thinking.
"Well yes."
"Aha. Is safety so important that you can't see the way they look at each other?"
"Well… I… what was the question?" Sirius's head was still reeling from everything that had occurred that day. It was hard to believe that he had once stood in bitter combat with Bellatrix Lestrange. Dumbledore smiled at his confusion and walked on an imaginary floor of blackness.
"Lily eats in quiet contemplation, what does she think about? Could she be thinking of her happy life? (to this Sirius nodded) but is it a happy one? Look in her eyes Sirius." As he stared he realized that the vibrant green eyes had dulled a bit and as beautiful as she looked and as much as she smiled, her eyes didn't lie. "The world is unfair, no matter where you are."
"But… she is alive, because I am not there. I am not in that room, so she is alive."
"She is also absent of life because you are not in it, as are they all. She exists, but she does not live."
"What do you mean?"
"James is meek, because you are not there to give him the confidence he needs, so he has lost the only woman he ever loved. Yes, he still loves Lily, even in this world. Remus has always been a good looking young man, without you he is not as down to earth as we know him to be, he's slightly more vain because he had no one to humble him as you always seemed to do, because for whatever reason Remus always thought you were better than him in everything, Severus is absent of determination. He may look happy, but he has made nothing out of his life because he had no reason to, his talent has been wasted. Lily is with a man she does not love because she hasn't been given the opportunity to know what love truly is. Nymphadora is with James because her love is taken. I daresay you have known for some time that she loves Lupin."
"And Harry?"
"Harry is the son of the wrong man. What can be worse than that."
"But they are alive, Dumbledore. They are ALIVE! If nothing more they are better off because I am not a part of this world and they don't have to die. Harry doesn't have to remember his parents only in false memories and old mirrors. They are here…" but his words failed in his mouth as he looked back up thinking he would see Harry sitting between James and Lily, but at the look of Remus tapping his son on the shoulder, Sirius fell onto his knees in the darkness.
"Have you seen it now Sirius? Have you seen the value of life in their faces that are absent of it?"
"They are safe, but everything is wrong…"
"And they are not happy. This world is not perfect Sirius, and no matter how far you try to run from it, life is too beautiful to stifle. We all die. When is the question we should never ask. Because asking when causes people to simply exist, as you see in their faces. The beauty of life is not survival—it is living. Look at those faces you know so well. They are begging you to let them live."
"But it is my fault that they died." He said looking directly at James as the tears began to fall.
"You played your part in their lives, you played your part in their deaths," at this Sirius snapped into Dumbledore's understanding eyes, "but dying is not the end. They at least died knowing they had lived, and that above all is important. You have seen too much in your short life, and you think that it gives you wisdom, but those faces know something you do not, or perhaps something you refuse to accept. They lived because you let them; they died because it was their time. You cannot change the past, nor could you if you tried."
"But why not? Why couldn't I save them?" he cried out remembering the faces of his friends in their house long ago.
"Because they made the choice, Sirius, they made the choice to live and die."
Suddenly he began crying uncontrollably. His tears remained until the darkness of this waking nightmare ceased. The stifling air was calmer. A light breeze grazed his face, but he didn't notice, he was remembering the face of his best friend, and the words he spoke I miss you so much, my friend. When he finally opened his eyes he was laying face up on a paved road, tears running down his cheeks.
"Sir? Sir!" It was dark so he could not make out her face, but something in the darkness was comforting. It was not the cold silent black he had come from, it was calming and the sky was still visible with the stars encasing it. The girls voice rang again and it was the most comfortable he had been in what seemed like forever.
"Are you okay?"
"What?"
"Are you okay," she said, a bit surprised at the sound of his voice. He looked worn out, but he was handsome and his eyes were full of life… and tears.
"I'm fine. Where am I?"
"You are at my house. I'm Andrea. Andrea Parker. You looked as though you had had a bad accident when you apparated."
"You are a witch?"
"Well, of course, and you are?"
"My identity is irrelevant. What is the date?"
"July 14th 2005. Are you okay?" His face had changed. He missed a whole year, but he was back. He was home he could tell because the sinking feeling was gone and as he looked in the young witches face he knew that everything was as it should be.
"Where did you find me?"
"You really should lie down." She said, but Sirius was determined now.
"Where?"
"Number 12, Grimmald Place."
All of a sudden every memory he had of his parents old home came flooding back to him.
Our new son, he shall make us proud.
Gryffindor? You were sorted into Gryffindor?
Go and wash yourself you dirty scoundrel.
Why don't you go and play with your traitor friends?
You dare deny the Dark Mark?
Where are you going? Home
Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix.
It was painful memories, but not as painful as the memories he had just added to them. He had seen the place of fantasy for the last time, now he would find his Godson and pray that he never leaves him again.
"I have to go." Before the girl had time to think he was out of the bed and heading toward the door.
"Wait! You almost forgot this." She said holding out pieces of parchment rolled into a ball. "I think it's some letters. I didn't read them." He pulled it out of her hands and knew exactly what it was. It was every letter Harry had ever written to him. Some had detailed his life with the Dursley's, but most had asked when he could come to live with him. He held them like they were the dearest pieces of his life. They were his life, and he treasured them even more now that he had seen a world without him. He flew out of the house with great speed, but the girl followed him giving him directions as he went.
Finally he found himself standing in front of an old tattered house. The dressings on the windows were falling off, and the shingles were hanging on the edge of the roof; it was his house, but not his home. The thing that made it home was the people who occupied it with him. He remembered the way it had been just before he had fell in the Ministry. He missed it, however strange it sounded. The people made him miss it, and now he found that there were still people living there.
"SIRIUS? Is it really you? Oh my God!" It was Mrs. Weasley. She found herself grabbing him and kissing him flat on the mouth, which shocked him more than anything he could have imagined. "We thought you were dead! Oh my…" her words were lost in her tears. It seemed strange, but even this woman who he knew for only a short while missed him. He had to remind himself that he had been gone over a year for these people. Then another sound came from within the house where Mrs. Weasley had just come from. It was a plate. It was a plate breaking, then a scream. It was Tonks.
"Harry, Remus!" her voice was uncontrolled and she almost squealed. Tears were streaming down her face as she rushed out the door and firmly into her cousins arms. Then another sound was heard inside the house and out came Mr. Weasley calling for Mrs. Weasley, but at the sight of Sirius dropped everything he was holding. He found Sirius's hand and shook it firmly as if trying to control himself and then he grabbed him in an embrace unable to control the tears that fell down his face. Their reactions were comforting to Sirius, but he longed for the arms of two special people. He remembered his words as he fell into the abyss, just protect Harry and Remus, and then his thoughts were recovered and the joy in him was more than he could control as he fell to his knees, suddenly overcome with emotion and exhaustion at the sight of the two people he missed most of all. They were unsure of the sight in front of them. Both seemed like they were questioning the truth that had just walked into their lives. Tonks raised him up and the two men's looks were startling. Lupin was the first to come out of his trance and he ran as if in slow motion to his friend.
Words were lost on their lips they spoke with their eyes as Tonks and Mrs. Weasley bubbled around them with excitement; Welcome back, old friend, said Remus's eyes. It's good to be home, said Sirius with his. The world had finally stopped spinning and he saw something he missed in his friend's eyes. The fear, the pain was gone. He was happy for the first time since Sirius and James had introduced themselves as the Marauders and in so doing claimed to be his friend, something Remus never expected to know in his life, just as he never expected Sirius, one of his only friends, to come back.
Harry, however, hadn't moved. When Sirius turned to him, he was startled to see a look of mixed shock, excitement and anger. Sirius tried to look innocent, something he never achieved very successfully. The group separated waiting for Harry's response to the old man's presence. Harry wasn't showing any signs of moving, but his eyes were calling out to his body to move.
"Harry? It's me." Overcome with emotion Sirius almost didn't get the words out. "I'm home." And as simple as the word is, it meant so much in that one moment that none who heard it questioned the beauty of home, the necessity of it, nor the truth of it. Sirius was home, and with his words Harry suddenly started moving forward, as his two friends Hermoine and Ron came out of the house. They seemed shocked, but not as shocked as Sirius was when Harry reached him.
Harry didn't hug him, he didn't kiss him, he didn't even speak to him at first, he just threw up his fists at the taller man's chest. He was pounding and when he found his voice he was also saying "don't you ever do that to me again!"
Several people jumped forward to contain Harry, but Sirius waved them off. Instead he took the boy up in his arms. He held him like a baby, and what a strange sight it was, for despite Sirius's years Harry was no longer a boy. But here were two people who needed more than anything to feel the heartbeat of the other; they needed to be held. Sirius began crying and Harry called out his name over and over again as if the sound would mend the breaks he had felt just a year ago, breaks he thought would always be just that-breaks. Sirius took his time consoling Harry in his arms saying things like "I'm here now, its alright," and anyone who would have seen them would have known that here was a father and son and they would have been shocked to find out that not only were they not father and son but they also had only known each other for 2 years and another year that was absent of one of them.
As they found themselves walking to the door in a big group, Harry still perched in Sirius's arms their tears flowed together in perfect harmony. The girl who had guided them was now silently walking back home. She found tears to be a calming and revitalizing thing of beauty and she found herself crying just at the sight of such a beautiful reunion of souls.
Inside the house a bed was being prepared, tea was on the stove, and tears began to fall, as did questions. Sirius answered most with words that indicated he was too tired to speak now, for after all he hadn't slept in a year, considering how long he had been gone. Later when he found peace and quiet in a room that had been revamped and wasn't as dirty as he remembered it being, he asked for Lupin and he sat with his friend in companionable silence for some time before his mind found the words to tell his friend what had happened.
"You were married to Lily." He said and looked at his friend whose face had taken a new look of shock rather than remorse, "Yeah." He said to respond to the look of question Lupin threw at him.
"Weird"
"Yeah."
"And Harry was your son." Lupin's face contorted as if he was imagining the process of having a child, and trying hard to imagine that happening with Lily who he had always saw as a friend and nothing more. "I know." Sirius said to respond again.
"Weird."
"I know."
"What about you Remus?" he added after a while.
"What do you mean?"
"My cousin?" All of a sudden a blush rose in his cheeks.
"I think I love her, Sirius."
"You think? Or you know?"
Lupin looked up at his old friend and no words were necessary. He was in love with Tonks. After all it was meant to be.
"Then marry her you fool. I have to say, that in that… place, I saw the way she looked at you, and it was not how Lily looked at you. Even in an alternate universe you two were meant to fall in love. I have no doubts that had one of you had the courage you would have been together, for Lily was as interested in you as you were in her."
"But Sirius, you still haven't told me. What… how was I with Lily, she…and James, they…" as if he couldn't say the word he simply trailed off waiting for Sirius to comprehend what he said.
"They did not die in that world…"
"And you…?"
"I was not there."
"Wow. I can't imagine what that must… feel like."
"No, I don't suppose you can. But I learned something-from Dumbledore actually. I learned that… death happens, but life is a gift, one which we have to seize if we want it badly enough. By living myself I allow you to live and… James and Lily… they sure did live, didn't they?" His lip began to quiver as he thought about them and he looked at his friend who also began to get tear filled eyes.
"James would be proud of you Sirius, as would Lily. You have been a father to Harry while they could not be there."
"Remus, would you miss me if I…"
"How could you even ask such a question," Sirius raised his eyes and looked into the eyes of his dear friend and what he saw there was pain, "I have endured one year without you my friend, and it is enough to last me a lifetime. You are all I have to remind me of a time without fear and pain. You have remained constant, and will continue to."
"Thank you, Remus, I needed to hear that." Lupin got up to leave, but before he left he turned and looked down on his friend as he took a sip of tea.
"Sirius, you mentioned… Dumbledore."
"Yes?"
"I… I don't understand how he could be there. He… he died, Sirius, just recently."
So that is why is you told me of life and death. You knew from personal experience.
"Are you going to be okay, my old friend?"
"I'm not that old, Remus. But yes I will be okay. Dumbledore himself has consoled me on the greater points of life and death."
"Yes, I have to admit, hearing you retell them has helped me a little as well. Dumbledore was a good man."
"Lily and James will be in good company, wherever they are."
"Yes they will," Remus found himself at the door again and without turning he added, "I love you, Sirius."
"I know my friend," at this Remus looked back over his shoulder at his friend, "I love you too." This made Lupin smile as he exited the room.
The world will go on, with or without the people we love, we must remember to keep them always in our hearts because when we do we keep them alive in memory. Harry's patronus kept alive his father's memory, and his eyes still held the beauty of his mother's. They were alive in him, as they were in every heart they touched. And as Sirius sat in bed relaxing and enjoying being home for the first time since James and Lily's wedding he recalled Dumbledore's words. We all die. When is the question we should never ask. And as the words came to the front of his mind, he added to them his own words, words that he now believed with all his heart that made him feel better as he lay down to sleep. I will live until the day I die.
A/N: I understand that some of the characterization is a little unbelieveable, but that is the way I wanted it. I wrote it so that it would be similar to "It's a Wonderful Life." No one is as they were without Sirius. Thanks for reading, now maybe... review?