Disclaimer: I don't own anything Psych and I am not making any profits off of this story. It all belongs to the Steve Franks and USA network and whatnot so, please don't sue and please don't be offended by the language or situations the characters find themselves in.
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Emptiness Assuaged With an Answer
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The Santa Barbara sky was pitch black and filled with stars, not a cloud in sight.
But, from where he sat behind the wheel of his dark red car, Carlton Lassiter didn't really notice the night sky or the stars that were burning bright in it.
No, Carlton Lassiter's attention was unwaveringly focused on one of the sixth floor windows of the apartment building he was currently parked across the street from.
Piercing blue eyes continued to stare at the window colored a soft yellow.
The lights were on inside, an indication that someone was home and still awake at half an hour to midnight.
Exhaling deeply through his nostrils, Lassiter turned his gaze away from the sixth floor window and stared down at the steering wheel his hands were loosely gripping.
It was in the silence of this moment that Carlton Lassiter sat warring with himself.
Was he going to start up the car and drive away towards his own home or as he going to get out of the car, head for the apartment building and go up to the sixth floor apartment the window he'd been staring at belonged to.
If he started up the car and drove away, he had an empty house and a deep loneliness he could drown in to look forward to when he got there.
A loneliness that had been plaguing him for months now, a loneliness far worse than when he'd been in the process of getting divorced.
If he got out of the car and headed into the apartment building, he'd be in a place where the loneliness could be driven away and he could feel the warmth his soul craved.
But there was a possibility that he would be turned away once he went inside the apartment building and found the apartment the window belonged to, there was a chance that he'd be rejected with going home to an empty house his only option.
As he sat there in the silence, scattered images flashed through Lassiter's mind.
Mischief filled green eyes staring back at him, filled with life and excitement.
A smile that seemed to light up everything within a 100 mile radius whenever it made an appearance over rosey lips and perfect pearly whites.
Pale cheeks graced with dark, prickly stubble.
A confident and boyish nature not ravaged by time or the hardships of the world.
And flashy, bright colored t-shirts that were so childish.
These images were infuriating to Lassiter.
The hold he had on the steering wheel was now a white-knuckled death grip. As he sat there with his hands minutely trembling, Lassiter felt like his heart was screaming itself hoarse inside him.
And, after a few seconds of being in conflict with himself that felt more like centuries of war, Lassiter finally made his choice as to what he was going to do tonight.
A deep rattling sigh escaped him as Lassiter pried his hands loose from the steering wheel and unbuckled his seat belt.
With a tug of the inner car door handle, Lassiter was climbing out into the cool night air.
The he was moving, his feet gliding over the black asphault as he crossed the street. No sooner had he started walking, Lassiter found himself inside the mouth of the lobby staring at the buzzer panel.
His eyes traveled down the list of names and designated apartment numbers until he found the one he was looking for.
He had just raised his hand to push the little black button when a loud, droning buzz shattered the silence and made Lassiter almost reach for his service weapon where he had it in a shoulder holster beneath his jacket when he realized that it was just the door being unlocked for him.
With a small huff of annoyance at himself, Lassiter quickly pushed through the lobby door before it could lock itself.
Once through, Lassiter quickly made his way through the lobby and made a left towards the elevators.
At this hour, both elevators were waiting on the ground floor.
All Lassiter had to do was push the button for one of them and the door was sliding open for him with a soft chime.
He stepped in and deftly pressed the button for the sixth floor with one long and pale index finger.
The elevator door slid shut before him and then there was a small jolt and a feeling of being pulled downward as the elevator began moving upwards to the indicated floor.
The ride instantly smoothed out after the initial jolt.
For Lassiter, the ride up stirred contradicting feelings of him both wanting the lift to go faster and also in a small way, he wished that he never reached the sixth floor so he could still turn back.
But, the thought of tuning back quickly fled with another soft chime and the feeling of being pulled upwards for a second as the elevator door slid open before him.
Lassiter silently stepped out of the elevator and into the hallway.
As he stood there, Lassiter turned his head to the right, his pale blue eyes gazing across the many door along the walls of the hallway until they finally came to rest on the door situated at the very end, perpendicular to the rest and facing him.
As his gaze remained fixated on the door, the rest of Lassiter's body began moving towards it.
The sounds of his own footfalls echoed through is ears, amplified by the silence as he drew closer and closer to the door at the very end of the hall.
Before he knew it, Lassiter was standing before the door, after a second of simply at the dark, maple syrup colored rectangle of wood before his brain finally gave out the command for his hand to knock on the door.
He'd just raised his hand to do so when a soft click emanated from behind the door.
A few seconds later, the door was winging open and Carlton Lassiter found himself staring back at deep green eyes.
At first, there was only silence that seemed to span lifestyles instead of seconds.
Then, the person who'd opened the door spoke.
" Lassiter." Said Shawn Spencer, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and guarded as he eyed his late night guest.
" Spencer." Greeted Carlton in return, for once he was actually missing being called by one of the other man's infamous nicknames.
Sure, Shawn called him by any number of pet-names, but they always sounded fake or just said just for show to his ears.
There was another beat of silence, where each man stared at the other with unwavering focus.
The silent impasse was broken when Shawn blinked and minutely bowed his head, then he was stepping aside so that he was no longer blocking the doorway into his apartment.
Inwardly relaxing just a fraction but not allowing it to register on his face, Lassiter took up the silent invitation and stepped over threshold and past Shawn into the apartment, giving the younger man a subtle once over as he did so.
Shawn Spencer was currently sporting the pseudo-universal uniform of the insomniac which consisted of a rumpled extra large T-shirt, baggy sweatpants and a mild case of bed-head most likely caused by repetitive tossing and turning.
Shawn turned his back to Lassiter as he closed his front door.
He didn't bother to redo the lock once he'd shut it and let a small, shaky breath escape him before he willed himself to turn back around and face his late-night guest.
Shawn didn't move from his place by the door and he crossed his arms over his chest and finally spoke.
" What are you doing here Lassiter?" He asked, his voice flat and emotionless and he stared at Lassiter with green eyes now frigid and hard like ice.
A far, far cry from the usual happy, bouncy Shawn Spencer most people were familiar with.
Carlton couldn't help but flinch internally as he found himself pinned by that icy green gaze.
Lightly clearing his suddenly dry throat, Lassiter called on his many years on the force to steel his resolve and steady his nerves as he spoke.
Though he found it difficult to get all of his thoughts together.
" I came here to see you." He began, instantly feeling like a complete idiot the second the words left his mouth.
He watched as confusion flashed across Shawn's face before he spoke.
" You see me almost all the time at work, what's tonight's special occasion?" He asked with nonchalance as he took a step forward and continued to coldly scrutinize his guest.
" Uh... Well I... I just... I wanted to see you." Said Lassiter, feeling his frustration build at his failure to simply get what he wanted to say off his chest.
" Look Lassiter, it is way too late in the night for you to keep on repeating yourself, just spit out what you wanna say already and then you can be on your merry way." Said Shawn, annoyance and dull anger clear in his voice.
" Just what the hell are you playing at Lassie, I mean Lassiter." Thought Shawn, silently berated himself for his mental slip as he eyed the other man, holding back the urge to glare outright and maybe even grab Lassiter by his tie and literally throw him out.
God knew, Shawn Spencer had enough anger in him towards Lassiter to carry out that action. Now he was wondering why on Earth he'd let the older man into his apartment in the first place.
From where he stood, Lassiter felt himself grow numb for a moment at the harsh words Shawn had thrown his way, but the numbness quickly dissipated into frustrated anger.
Before he knew it, Lassiter was giving Shawn one of his patented glares as he spoke.
" Well, I'd be saying what I want to say a hell of a lot faster if you'd quit being such an ass Spencer." He growled, taking a menacing step towards Shawn.
This did nothing to make Shawn back down, instead Carlton watched as the coldness left his eyes and was replaced with molten fury.
" You know what Lassiter, I don't wanna hear what you have to say and I don't care what you gotta say any how, you said everything that needed to be said three months ago. So please do me a favor and get outta my apartment, JUST GET OUT!" Screamed Shawn, whirling around and grabbing the door knob.
He almost yanked the thing right off he wrenched it so hard when he threw the door open.
Shawn stepped aside and whipped his head back around, sending a blazing glare at Lassiter that very well rivaled the one the detective was currently sporting.
Lassiter pulled in a deep breath through his nostrils and gave a small nod before making his way towards the open door.
But, when he was just about to reach the threshold, Lassiter stopped in his tracks and turned to face Shawn.
What happened next was so fast, not even Shawn's photographic memory was able to process it.
Lassiter lashed out with his right hand, pale fingers unyielding as they hooked the edge of the door and pulled with all the might that arm could muster.
With his left hand, Lassiter clamped it over the junction where Shawn's neck and his right shoulder met, like an iron vice, he dug his fingers into that area and used all the strength he had in that arm to shove Shawn sideways.
The results of all the pulling and pushing were the door slamming shut and Shawn Spencer letting out a small grunt of pain as his back collided with the wood.
With the wind slightly knocked out of him, Shawn gasped for air and looked up at Lassiter with startled and confused eyes.
Distantly, he heard a soft click, the knob on his apartment doors dead bolt lock.
Shawn blinked and continued to stare for a few more moment before he willed himself to speak, but all he could managed with what little air in his lungs was a whisper.
" C-Carl-ton wha..."
Whatever else Shawn was gonna try and say died on his lips as he felt warm, slightly calloused coming to rest on his cheeks, gripping his face gently but firmly enough for Shawn to know that he wouldn't be able to shake them off.
Shawn caught a brief glimpse of pale blue eyes filled with desire and anger before everything went blank save for the feel of a scorching hot mouth roughly covering his own.
It was several moments later, when something equally hot and wet forced it's way past his lips and started diligently mapping out every contour and crevice of his mouth that realization finally dawned on Shawn.
Carlton Lassiter was kissing him.
KISSING HIM!
" Oh God, this feels so good. Damn I love this man and his mouth. God I've missed this so much I... What? Wait no, no. Oh Hell no! No! No! No! No! Oh I am not gonna go through this shit again. I barely survived it three months ago! There's no way I'm going through that No Fucking Way!" Thought Shawn as he let out a muffled yell and began fighting against the man currently trying to devour him whole.
Shawn started pounding and shoving at Lassiter in an effort to get him off but his hopes of accomplishing that were fast becoming blighted as Lassiter pressed his own body closer.
Much to his mortification, Shawn felt his eyes start to burn behind tightly shut lids and his will to keep resisting fading fast under the assault on his senses.
Shawn's breath hitched tightly in his chest while hot, bitter salt seeped through the seam of his eyelids and started carving down his pale cheeks, subsequently spilling over Lassiter's hands.
The feeling of warm wetness on his hands and the need to breath made Lassiter reluctantly pull away from Shawn and take a minute step back.
They broke apart with a gasp, both men panting heavily as they stared at each other wide-eyed.
Whatever pain and turmoil Shawn felt inside himself, he saw swirling in Lassiter's pale blue orbs.
But there, mingling with pain and turmoil was regret, sorrow, and want all floating around in freshly brimming salt.
Blinking his own stinging eyes rapidly, Carlton moved his thumbs, swiping them across the area beneath Shawn's eyes, wiping away the thin trails of liquid glistening over the younger man's cheeks.
Then, the next thing Shawn knew he was being pulled away from the door and enveloped by warmth, being all but crushed by it.
Shawn gasped as he felt long fingers tangle in the hair at the back of his head and hot, desperate breath against the side of his neck.
Swallowing thickly Shawn spoke, holding himself somewhat stiff and lightly trembling in Lassiter's arms.
" Carlton... Why did you just...? Why?" He whispered, wanting an answer.
At first there was silence and then a slightly muffled voice was heard.
" Because... I made one of the biggest mistakes in my entire life three months ago by letting me being a coward tear us apart. Because in these last three months I felt like I was dying inside every singly damn day. Because, I'm sorry I just walked away from you after you told me the truth. Because, I am so sorry that like some fucking idiot I just threw away the trust you gave to me. And because..."
It was here that Carlton pulled back from where he'd partially buried his face into Shawn's next so that he could look the other man square in the eye for what he had to say next.
" I love you Shawn and I want you." He whispered, feeling something that had been broken inside him finally mend at his own words.
From where he stood, Shawn gasped at these whispered words, wondering with a vapor-locked mind how these simple, whispered words could make him feel such joy and such sorrow at the same time.
" God Damn it Carlton, don't do this to me. Please don't you do this to me. Please." Hissed Shawn through gritted teeth as he screwed his own eyes shut as tightly as he could, trying desperately to hold himself together.
Feeling like someone had stabbed him through the heart with a red hot poker at seeing Shawn like this, Lassiter reigned in his own raging emotions and made a life altering decision in that one moment.
" Shawn? Shawn please, look at me." He urged softly.
Taking in a deep rattling breath through his nostrils, Shawn hesitantly obeyed forcing his eyes to slowly reopen and look Carlton in the face.
Carlton licked suddenly dry lips and wordlessly demanded that his voice work without a hitch for what he was about to say.
" Shawn, I came here to apologize to you and tell you that I love you but now, there's something else I need to ask you. Something that I am sure of on my end."
" W-What... What is you're sure of? What is it you need to ask me?" Whispered Shawn, feeling both scared and hopeful and he stared at Carlton with bated breath.
" I am sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. What I wanted to ask you if you'd marry me." Said Carlton, feeling a jolt go through him the second his words registered in his own mind.
Where as Carlton felt a jolt, Shawn felt like he'd had one hundred thousand volts go through his whole body all at once.
" W-What?" He stuttered as he gawked at the police detective.
" Will you marry me Shawn?" Repeated Carlton without a second thought.
Shawn merely blinked at him owlishly.
" Now I know that this is most likely feeling like we're in the Twilight Zone and believe me, I can't believe I just asked you that but God I just had to. And you can say 'yes' or 'no', either which way I love you and I'll still want to be with you. I know I royally screwed up and that it's gonna take time for me to regain your trust and your love but I can wait, I can..." Carlton rambled before Shawn softly put an end to his nervous babbling.
" Yes."
Now it was Lassiter's turn to gawk and be all blind-sided.
Then all the air seemed to just expel from his lungs as Lassiter was all but tackled and wrapped in a death grip-like embrace.
" Idiot, I never stopped loving you. Even after that day, when you stormed out after I told you that I wasn't a Psychic and you said I was just a fraud... a criminal... I never stopped loving you, I couldn't stop, God knows I tried to but I just couldn't." Whispered Shawn against Lassiter's shoulder before he pulled away a little so they were face to face and spoke.
" Yes, I'll marry you Carlton Lassiter but, I think you and I can agree that we got some serious issues that need to get worked out before we can. You may not have lost my love but, you sure did a number on my trust. It's gonna take some time for you to get it back. That and... you and me, we don't exactly have the best track records when it comes to serious relationships now do we?" Said Shawn with a small chuckle.
" No, no I guess we don't." Agreed Carlton, let a chuckle escape him as well before he raised his arms and wrapped them around Shawn's slim waist, pulling him close.
To his silent relief, Shawn put up no resistance and wrapped his own arms tightly around Carlton's neck.
" I want this Shawn, badly. I'm willing to make this work." Said Carlton into the side of Shawn's head, right above his ear.
" I want it too. Call me an optimist but, I think were gonna be okay Lassie." Sighed Shawn before he pulled his head back a little and turned to the side.
The result of this action made it easy for Shawn to capture Lassiter's mouth and fervently return the man's gesture from earlier.
Lassiter made a small sound of approval as he reached out with one of his hands to cup Shawn's stubble covered cheek.
After several moments of enjoying each other this way, the pulled apart but remained close enough to where their noses were nearly touching.
" So Spencer, how can I start making it up to you?" Asked Lassiter as he smiled down at the man he'd proposed to.
" You can start by shutting up and being here when the sun comes up." Growled Shawn as he grinned up at the man he'd said 'Yes' to.
" I think I can manage that." Growled back Lassiter before he closed the sparse distance between his and Shawn's mouths.
Then, the two men started moving, more or less stumbling and fumbling their way past the living room and down the hallway.
The sounds of stumbling and bumping into things filled the air until finally there was the sound of a door opening with a soft creak and then closing with a loud thud and...
Beep!...Beep!...Beep!...Beep!...Beep!...Beep!...Beep!...Beep!...
Pale icy blue eyes shot open, their owner having been abruptly yanked back into the land of the conscious by the incessant noise of the alarm clock.
With a groan, Carlton Lassiter blinked away the sleep from his eyes and pushed himself up onto his elbows.
Grumbling, the bedhead ridden individual turned his attention to where the annoying beeping sound was coming from.
He found the offending alarm clock in it's place on the bedside table, flashing 6:30 AM in bright green.
Lassiter reached over with his right hand and quickly hit the snooze button, ending the unwanted din.
Then with a sigh, Carlton let his elbows go out from under him and laid back down.
He stared up at the ceiling, watching as the first rays of the sun began seeping into the room through the windows behind the headboard.
This was his bedroom, he was in his house, and it was morning.
It had all just been a dream, just his subconscious mind's yearning playing out while he'd been sleeping.
Nothing more.
None of what he'd seen had actually happened in the real world.
He hadn't gone to see Shawn in the dead of night, he hadn't kissed the other man breathless and declared his love for him. He hadn't apologized for his mistakes and then asked Shawn to spend the rest of his life with him and gotten a .
No, it was just a dream, an illusion of what he'd wanted.
With another heavy sigh, Carlton reached up with his left hand, with the intent to scrub wearily at his face.
But, when his left hand came into view Lassiter felt his heart come to a grinding halt inside his chest.
Pale blue eyes grew to comically wide proportions as Lassiter stared at his hand.
More specifically, the wide band silver colored ring snugly adorning his fourth finger, light glinting off of it's pristine, smooth surface.
" What the Hell?" Thought Lassiter as he continued to stare at his hand with incomprehension radiating off of him.
" Mmmm."
A soft noise and movement catching the corner of his eyes made Lassiter instantly jerk his head to his right.
If it were possible, Carlton's eyes grew even wider as it hit him like a freight Train that he wasn't alone in his bed.
There was another person laying there beside him.
As he stared, Lassiter took in the other person who lay facing him.
Light brown hair standing up on end in all different directions.
Scruffy dark brown stubble over pale cheeks.
Lassiter knew this person instantly.
Shawn Spencer.
As he gazed over the still sleeping man a small glint caught Lassiter's eye.
Zeroing in on it, Lassiter felt his heart slam to a dead stop in his heart yet again when he saw what it was.
A wide band silver colored ring wrapped around the fourth finger of Shawn's left hand, identical to the one gracing his own left ring finger.
Lassiter was so engrossed in gawking at the lightly glinting ring on his bed-mate's finger, he didn't notice that said bed-mate's eyes slowly had slowly fluttered open and were staring at him with quiet amusement.
" It's rude to stare, especially this early in the morning."Said Shawn as he slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position all the while staring back at his shell-shocked looking husband and wondering what was wrong.
From where he was sitting across from Shawn, Carlton Lassiter could only come up with a single thought.
" I guess it wasn't all just a dream in my head. Wow."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please review and give me you're opinion on whether this should stay a One-shot or become a Chapter Fic!!
