"So tonight for dinner I was thinking maybe we could go to that restaurant down town would that be okay?"

"Which one C, there's like a ton of new restaurants down town."

"Oh true, well you pick Britt. There's that Italian one, the Indian place, or oh that Spanish one I forgot the name but you pick B."

I start zoning out of the conversation pretty quickly as a small smile forms across my face. This is why I love Conner he's the sweetest guy around, and he treats me so good. I mean of course this is simple he's letting me choose where we go to dinner tonight, hell he lets me choose every time we go to dinner. It's not just this though Conner makes me happy, happier than I have been in a long time, anything I want I get from him. Not as much time and attention as I'd like but still maybe I'm being a little selfish. Conner knows me through and through and spoils me rotten…

"Earth to planet Brittany"

A hand waves in my face, "sorry Con uhm why don't you choose this is our special night I picked where were eating breakfast now so you choose dinner." That's right isn't a relationship supposed to have compromise? Even over little things like choosing between spaghetti, or tacos?

"Can we go with the Spanish place? I'd be down for that tonight if you are too."

"Sweety that's fine with me" I say as I reach over to grab his hand, he smiles his big smile the one that lets me know he's genuinely happy I love that smile it's so real and honest.

"Brittany, are you sure you don't want to do something I don't know a little fancier. I mean we both know that, that isn't a problem I can easily pull a few strings and have reservations somewhere nice ya know?"

"No Conner we do that every time we go to dinner it's always someplace fancy, for our three month I'd just like to I don't know try someplace more low key."

" I get it it's not a big deal I'd really like not eating in a suit and tie for once."

I smile, of course Conner would understand, he understands everything that I do. Sometimes I think he does it just to appease me, but it's nice not having to be questioned. C just goes with the flow easy and simple which is what I love about him. No we haven't said those three magical words to each other yet, but there's nothing wrong with loving a quality in a person. Do I love Conner? I'm not entirely sure there are things I certainly love about him though. I think, no I know he plans on telling me he loves me tonight. Those three words for our three month anniversary, will I say it back? I'm not entirely sure I'll just have to play it by ear I guess.

"Thank you Conner I knew you would."

"No problem babe, I really have to go though I'm so sorry to cut our breakfast short. Sean needs help with some papers at the office."

I smile he's such a hard worker. "It's fine go work hard Mr. Brooks"

"Will do Miss. Pierce" He shakes my hand firmly then gives me a light kiss on my cheek.

"Oh and happy anniversary B"

"Happy anniversary to you too C"

I give him one last smile and then he's out the doors of the restaurant. I sit still drinking my coffee thinking. If Conner says he loves me tonight will I say it back to him? Do I love him? The answer is yes not an entire 100 percent yes, but who cares about that other twenty-five or so percent right? He treats me perfect I don't have a want or need that goes undesired , I love a lot of things about him, he makes me happy vice versa, my family adores him. It would just be the smartest next move right marriage. Yes, Brittany Susan Pierce you're in love with Conner Brooks end of story.

"Excuse me miss may I take your plate."

"Oh yes may I have the check to please?"

"The man you were with he made sure that it was paid for already."

Yes you're in love with Conner Brooks.

"Santi's here Santi's here Santi's here!"

"Calm down Diego screaming her name won't make her appear any faster. Can you please go wake up Manny so he can help your sister with her bags."

"Si, mama, Manny Santi is here let's go help her with her bags."

"I'm sleeping Diego what have I told you about waking me up befo-"

"Santi is here I said"

"Why are you still standing here then let's go!" Just like that he was out of bed.

I love my mama's house it's so peaceful I love New York, but Florida is home I love it here there's no rush no demands nothing but peace and warm weather. I stare at the house it's a pretty big house with perfectly trimmed grass and a white picket fence. If I was to ever have a family this is the kind of house I would want to raise my family in, but that's never going to happen. I hear two small footsteps coming around the car, then bigger ones.

"Santi Santi Santi! I've missed you more than anything ever" Diego says, I believe him to.

"Hey San this is a pretty sweet ride is it new?" Of course I wouldn't get a hi how are you, or a it's so good to see you from Manny. It would only be right for him to ask me questions about my Audi first.

"I've missed you to Diego so much, and hello to you to Manny I've had it for like three months"

"Can I take it for a spin?"

"No"

"Come on San I'll be real careful with it I swear."

I roll my eyes exaggeratedly to let him know I'm annoyed "okay around the block that's it."

"Hell yeah!" He smiles brightly, I haven't seen that smile in awhile.

I give him my keys, I would've let Manny drive this thing even if he didn't have his license. Just for a spin around the block if it would put a smile on his face. As Manny backs out of the driveway I turn to look at Diego he looks like he's going to cry so I squat down.

"Diego why are you sad mi amor?"

"Cause you said you wouldn't be gone long, that it would be shorter than last time but you were gone for.. He counts the months on his fingers…" January... February... March… April... May... That's five Santi" he holds out all five of his fingers.

" I know D and I am so sorry do you know how miserable I was not seeing your cute little face every day. " This is breaking my heart. "Manny I love you so much I was only away so I could take care of you little brother." That's a lie, well no it's the truth I do go away to take care of him, to provide for him. Half lies are what I call them it's a lie, but there is some truth in them.

"Please promise it won't be so long next time I wait forever and ever for you Santi."

I can't promise him that I know I can't, but I can't see him so sad anymore.

"I promise D" I smile at him and pull him into a hug. "Hey Diego who taught you how to count?"

"Manny taught me I can go all the way up to this many" He holds out all ten fingers. "Santi did you know I was this many years old" He holds out 4 fingers.

"You are such a big smart boy Diego I am so proud of you" I hug him again. I can't get enough of his hugs I love him so much and I truly have missed him. "I got you a new dinosaur D" I know that will make him happy.

"You did" he smiles at me.

"I did it's in my suit case I'll get it in were inside."

Manny pulls back into the drive way and comes out with a wide grin on his face.

"I want; no I need one of those San that was so awesome!"

"Glad you had fun little bro." Whenever my family is happy I think that's when I'm happy too.

We all go inside the house and I'm immediately meet with the smell of my mom's cooking, my stomach instantly rumbles. I leave my suit cases by the door and snap my fingers at Manny he rolls his eyes and pulls my suit cases upstairs I enter the kitchen.

"Santana I'm so glad to see you" She looks up at me from the sink.

"I'm glad to see you to mama" I return the smile then head to the fridge.

"I've got all of your favorites cooking now dinner should be ready in thirty."

"Si mama" I say as I grab a bag of chips, and turn to head to my room.

Some people might consider the encounter I just had with my mother weird. I mean don't normal daughters after not seeing their mother for five months want to I don't know give them a hug, talk about everything catch up with one another. Not mama and I we just kind of ignore the big elephant in the room. I'm angry well not as much as I was before, but I'm still angry. After his death she just checked out of life it took months for her to finally start coming back to reality, but after that I had pretty much taken the reins on everything. I mean who wants to become a mother, father, sister at the age of 15. I did what I had to do to protect and raise my family, but still I can't say that if given the opportunity to be a normal teenager for a little while longer I would've have taken it. It just wasn't fair to me it took away everything my friends, my happiness, my identity. I love Manny and Diego so very much but I just wish I had been normal for once.

"So San how's life going" Manny asks me as I'm walking into my room while he's bringing my last suit case in.

"Life is okay I guess."

"That's good; meet any hot girls in the big city?"

"Nah not right now I mean nothing to serious."

"What happened to the last girl, that red-head?"

I go to lie down on my bed, and close my eyes. This bed is so fucking comfortable it's ridiculous I swear there is no bed like my bed. When I moved to New York I tried to buy a bed just like it, but they all paled in comparison to my bed here. Manny hits my leg to let me know he's waiting for an answer.

"I don't know what happened she just wasn't the one for me I guess we wanted different things."

"Like what San," he asks as he goes to lie down next to me. Manny and I have always been pretty close. After his death and my mom becoming a human vegetable we were pretty much all each other had including Diego. I was 15, Manny 11, and Diego was 4 months old. I just stare at Manny he's grown and matured so much despite everything that's happened. He's a special kind of guy and I know that he's going to be better than me. Both of the boys are going to be so much better than I ever can be.

"Santana I am almost a grown man and I've been in plenty of relationships now you can totally talk to me about these things I'm your bro man."

I reach behind me grab the pillow I was lying on and hit him with it. "Excuse me since when the hell did you become my counselor? When did I ever say I needed relationship advice, and what the hell do you know Dr. Phil. high school relationships are totally different from real life adult relationships so no thanks."

"Wow the day you stop being a bitch is the day the earth stops spinning." He throws the pillow back at me.

"Damn straight"

He sits up a little letting me know he's trying to be serious. We used to just sit and talk like this for hours when we were younger, and I kind of miss it. If there's one person who knows me through and through it's Manny.

"What" I look down at him.

"You're obviously still in the business, if the bi-weekly checks you send mama aren't proof enough."

I say nothing, just close my eyes and bring my head back down on the pillow. If there is one conversation I don't want to have right now it's this one. "We aren't talking about this right now, no we aren't talking about this at all Manny."

"Why Santana," concern is written all over his face. I look up and study him he looks a lot like him. All three of us do black hair round faces, perfect white shining teeth. One thing he did give us was beautiful features, I'm almost certain that any women we wanted all three of us could get her.

"Because it's my decision we need the money Manny. Do you want to live here? Do you want to get into a good college? Do you want Diego to stop getting a good education to? Do you want to starve? You want mama to suffer after she's just getting better huh? Who's going to do it, bring money in this family?"

"San I can work I can-"

"No there's no way in hell you will get distracted from school, sports, friends, your life once you start working you will be working for the rest of your life. No you are going to go to college, and then becoming the doctor you want to be and Diego will become an astronaut or whatever the hell he wants to be everyday when he changes his mind." I take a deep breath to try and calm down.

"Your right it's your own choice San, you're also right this whole family depends on you I appreciate everything you've done for us. It's like you live for us though like you take care of all of us but who's gonna take care of you San? Eventually I'm going to have to get up and become a man, and so will Diego mama will be okay to I know she will. We can all manage if you stopped San, you're so smart you could be in college going to school doing anything but what you're doing now. He looks like he's about to cry. "It's not worth it San you could get it all taken away or even die from doing this."

"Papi did it just fine" I say nonchalantly.

"Look what fucking happened to him Santana you think I fucking, no you think any of us want you to end up like Papi?

He's so pissed I know he is we've had this argument too many times. Diego is still too young to know, and mama well she's mama she just goes day to day living in her little shell.

"Santana you're right it's your choice, but just know money isn't everything this family could survive if you stopped. Your gonna waste your life taking care of us, spend all your time taking care of us, but most importantly risk your life taking care of us. When you look back and I'm gone, Diego's gone, and mama's too old to care your gonna regret it. Then there ain't gonna be no one to take care of anymore, and you're gonna say "now who's gonna take care of me?" you know what though Santana no one is gonna be there to take care of you."

My mouth is wide open he's never spoken to me like this. I swallow thickly completely and utterly speechless. There isn't an argument for what he just said, I can't even try and form a rebuttal because he's absolutely right. I've thought about all of the consequences trust me I have, and I think if I could go back I would. There are just so many risks, and so many negatives to what I do when I think about it the only positive is the money that's it nothing else. The money though is what keeps me coming back Manny needing tuition keeps me coming back. Diego's private school fee keeps me coming back. The fact that Manny is getting his license pretty soon and wants a car keeps me coming back. The smile on Diego's face when I tell him he can pick out any toy he wants at the store keeps me coming back. This beautiful house, the restaurant we own that mama loves cooking in keeps me coming back. All of these things outweigh any selfish thoughts I have about stopping, because they are what is most important to me.

"You just don't understand Manny."

"Nah I don't think I do understand, I don't think I want to understand you do what you want." He gets off the bed and walks out of the room two seconds later he's back and calls my name.

"I missed you Santana."

I look at him I think I want to cry a little. "I missed you too Manny."

3 months later

"Brittany I'm working late tonight I have a lot of work to do."

I just look at him did he even say something I wasn't listening.

"Brittany did you hear me? I said I was working late tonight so don't wait up for me Brittany."

When did they stop? When did the pet names, the nicknames, the baby's, the sweethearts, when did they stop. I never realized until now but he's been calling me just Brittany for the past month now. Why did I never notice it before, Brittany I've never had a problem with my name I actually really like it. The way he says it though it sounds so distant, so far away, and so formal.

"I will see you later Brittany." He never even let me respond he just assumed I would be okay with it. He still thinks I don't know, but I do I fucking know it all. The crazy part about it is I feel like he wanted to get caught, he didn't even have the decency to try and cover his tracks. A smart cheater would have taken a shower before he came into bed with me to get rid of another woman's scent. A smart cheater would have deleted the texts, and calls. A smart cheater would put on a better front than what he does, but no he acts distant barely talks or even looks at me. Not only this but he hasn't touched me in weeks there was a time when I couldn't get his hands off of me now it's like he's repulsed. I'm 22 I'm smart, funny, a great dancer, and last time I checked I'm still as hot as ever. Nothing about me has changed I'm still the same me. Conner cheating though makes me feel so insecure like there is something wrong with me even though I know that's not true. I feel so hurt, betrayed, angry, lonely, sad so many different emotions all at once. This was the man I was supposed to marry, the man I'm in love with, and the man who was supposed to love me too. I just don't understand any of this at all. A door slam breaks my train of thought.

"I need to get out of this house" I say out loud to myself. I really don't want to be alone right now I call Brianna, if there is anyone that will help me it would be her. I hold the phone up to my ear while I wait for her to pick up.

"Hello"

"Hey Britt Britt I was literally just thinking about you, how about me, you, Con, and Brian all go out to dinner sometime this week. " As soon as she mentions Conner's name I'm reminded of why I'm calling her, and why my heart feels so heavy right now. I try to hold back my tears but they immediately just spill out.

"Brittany are you okay? Oh my God are you crying what happened what's wrong I'm coming over right now!"

"No!" I shout a little too fast, I can't be here right now this is our condo it just reminds me of everything we've done together, and the constant pain I am feeling now. "Can I come over to your place I'll explain everything when I get there."

"Yeah sure please hurry though Brittany I'm so worried right now."

30 minutes later

"That little fucking son of a bitch I'm going to kiss his ass the minute I see him. Oh my God the nerve of him I can't believe he would do that just you wait until dad finds out he's going to kill that motherfucker, moms probably going to come down from heaven and kill him too."

My head is down, and I'm staring at my hands. I've been sitting like this for awhile now, I'm almost a hundred percent sure my tear ducts are as dry as the Sahara desert now. I hate myself for this he doesn't deserve my tears I know he doesn't. He doesn't deserve me questioning myself, asking what's wrong with you Brittany we're you not good enough? Was I good enough? Obviously not if he cheated on me, no no no no! He fucked up, he did something stupid, and he lost me the best thing that happened to him. Brianna must have noticed the war I was having with myself based on my facial expressions because she gives me a sympathetic look and says.

"Brittany let me tell you something right now you are so special, and unique always have been, you are a strong, beautiful, independent woman. Even I get envious of you sometimes because you're probably the closest thing to perfect sis. I love you so very much, and if cock sucking Conner wants to cheat on you let him, and you leave him too, it's his fucking loss. I dare him to find a woman that even a little bit compares to you B." She wraps me up into a hug as I hug her back I laugh through my tears.

"You're my sister you're supposed to say things like this Brianna it's like a rule or something."

"Of course I am B, but I also meant every single word."

"He takes care of everything though Brianna including me. What will I do without him, who's going to take care of me?" Pathetic, I'm so pathetic most 22 year olds can take care of themselves not me though. As I'm leaving Brianna's house one thought lingers in my mind who's going to take care of me now?

"Santi I know you just got back, and you want to relax but Diego has a doctor's appointment. I tried to get someone else to take over for me, but no one would because it's a Friday, everything gets crazy on Friday's no one wants to deal with it." I stare at the TV hoping that if I just ignore her she will just go away.

"Santana please just do me this favor." I want to tell her that no one did me favors in raising my two brothers when she checked out of fucking life. I didn't get to take Friday nights off to be with my friend's hell I didn't get to take any nights off if anything she owes me a goddamn favor. I bite my tongue though I never know what can set my mom off again. Sure the depression medicine helps a lot, but anything can send her back into her shell, and that's something I don't need right now. Then I'd have even more shit to pile on to my huge shit filled pile.

"Alright what time?" She looks at me shocked I didn't put up an argument.

"You have 30 minutes so you might want to get a move on." Fucking fuck fuck all I wanted to do is sit and watch TV all night, but nope Santana Lopez never gets her way.

30 minutes later

"Santana Lopez I haven't seen your ass in forever get over here kid!" I smile at him Marks an awesome guy, and an even better cook that's why we hired him.

"I missed you too big guy, you've put on a couple I see, you're supposed to cook and give the food to others Mark not save it all for yourself." I playfully hit him in the stomach and laugh.

"Oh shut it Santana I am just big boned." He says with a serious face.

"Big boned my ass Mark!"

"Anyway you working here tonight? I know your mom had something to do with your brother."

"Yeah sadly I really want to just go to sleep."

"Sleep when you're dead kid, I need you to be a waitress tonight we got somebody out sick."

"Oh my God whatever just let me put on an apron." I hate this place if I am being completely honest it reminds me of him almost too much. He started this place for mama because she loved cooking, even named it after her Maria's. He knew it would be an instant hit, that's one thing my papi was good at making money.

10 minutes later

"How can I help you, would you like to start off with a drink?" The woman doesn't say anything she just stares blankly at the menu ok what the fuck.

"Excuse me.. hello.. hell..oo" I say waving my hand.

"Water is okay" if I wasn't really trying to hear her I probably wouldn't have she barely whispered it. She looked like she lost her best friend, like if I said the wrong thing to her she would just break into pieces.

"Okay I'll be right back with that." I come back two minutes later thinking she would have maybe she had gained her composure a little because Jesus Christ she is in a restaurant. I certainly hate when other people see me cry, or show any signs of vulnerability or weakness. Instead though this woman has only gotten worse, she's now silently crying with her face in her hands.

"Here's your water." I quickly put it down and start to walk away. I'm almost back in the kitchen when I feel this strong urge to turn around. Don't you fucking do it Santana don't you fucking do it you don't need to get into other people's business, you don't know that woman, and you don't want to know that woman. Just get the fuck in the kitchen Santana. I turn my head to see if she's stopped crying at least, nope she's still in the same position.

"Motherfucker" I whisper to myself. I hate those times when I'm reminded I do actually have a heart and it really does work, not just for Manny and Diego. I walk back toward the woman.

"Are you going to be okay? It's the nicest way I can put it without just saying what the fuck is wrong with you, and why the fuck are you crying. She shakes her head no, shit I wish she would have said yes so I could leave. Now I am obligated to stay here and try and help her.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Fuck maybe that sounded creepy. "I meant like if you wanted to go some place more private so everyone can ya know stops staring at you so you could maybe cry in peace." She finally takes her face out of her hands looks around, and realizes that yes people are really staring at her. She quickly puts her head back in her hand and shakes her head yes.

"Okay follow me." She grabs her purse from the empty chair and follows me through the kitchen.

"Santa- what the hell are you doing showing her how we make tacos er something I don't think we give tours of the place"

I roll my eyes "shut up Mark I'm taking a break."

"You literally just started working you can-"We're out of the kitchen before I let him finish. I lead her through to the doors that go outside. It's warm it's always warm in Florida, but it's super dark out. We're in the back alley the only light coming from a shitty lamppost that flickers on and off. There's an empty crate next to the garbage so I flip it upside down, before I sit down I wipe it off a little. Not that I give a shit at all when your around boys all the time you tend to just not care about a little dirt, but from the way this woman is dressed in a Ralph Lauren polo, matching skirt, and boat shoes I can't help but to think she's not like me. After I wipe it off I gesture for her to sit next to me, and she does. We sit in awkward silence for a little bit, and I decide she might want to be alone so I get up.

"I'll leave you alone you just come back through those doors when you're ready."

"No don't go, please."She whispers and looks up at me with puffy red eyes, but I instantly notice how blue her eyes are, despite the shitty lighting. Her eyes literally look like an ocean or something, and they are so shiny from her crying. These eyes instantly draw me back in; I sit back down never breaking eye contact with her. "Holy shit your eyes they're so pretty, and blue."

She looks down at her hands. I really want to pull her chin up and make her look at me some more just so I could see those eyes. "Why are you so sad if I had eyes like that I would never be sad, who could be sad with eyes like those?"

She stares up at me then looks down again"me." It's a whisper I'm convinced this woman can only speak in whispers. It's silent again I don't want to initiate any conversation with her anymore because I don't want her to feel like she has to talk. I know that's one thing I hate is when people want me to talk, or open up when I don't want to. When I think about it that's how most of my relationships ended.

"This was where we went for our three month so I just came back here. My boyfriend the one who is supposed to love me, be my future fiancé, and take care of me is cheating on me." Whispers again, but I know for sure that I heard it all. She looks at me almost on the verge of tears again. "Hey no please don't cry" I have no fucking idea why I didn't notice it at first, but this girl literally looks like a real life angel. She is easily one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life, and I've seen my fair share of beautiful women. There isn't one flaw on her not one blemish on her perfect pale skin. Then those goddamn blue eyes I could literally just stare at them all night, even if she never said one word I would've just been content sitting here and staring at this woman. Whoa holy shit chill the fuck out San focus on the task at hand. Her face is in her hands again "why do you keep hiding your face like that your still so pretty even when you're sad." Oh shit why did I just fucking do that "wait no I definitely didn't mean that." She looks at me then starts crying even harder. "No wait fuck I definitely didn't mean that, what I meant was your just super pretty like really pretty." Her crying slows down a little, and she looks up.

"Thank you" she looks at me like she's studying me, and I get a little self conscious so I stare at my hands. "You're really pretty to."

"Thanks, soooo you said your boyfriend is cheating on you huh? She nods her head "well he is probably the biggest fucking idiot I'm glad I've never got the pleasure of meeting. I don't really even know you and I can already tell that your probably one awesome chick. If he's too stupid, and foolish to realize how awesome you are then fuck him ya know? Actually I wish I could meet this guy just so I could kick him in his baby maker one good time." At that she laughed it was the best sound ever and I wanted to hear it some more. She takes a deep breath and starts.

"It's just I don't know why he did or why he would want to cheat, I thought he was happy I thought we both were happy, and satisfied I guess not. I'm going to leave him there's no doubt about that it's I had my whole life planned around Conner literally my whole entire life invested in our relationship. Now that I finally realize how much I had invested in us I realize how pathetic I am. I'm a 22 year old woman who doesn't even know how to take care of myself because I've let other people do it. My independence left me as soon as I started being dependent on other people, it's so ridiculous." She looked down at her hand and shook her head again. "I'm so sorry I'm making such a fool of myself and I'm distracting you from work, and rambling like a mad woman, I'm so stupid."

For some reason I hated hearing her talk so badly about herself she wasn't a fool, she wasn't pathetic, she sure as hell wasn't stupid she was… beautiful.

"First you're not any of the things you called yourself trust me if you were I would've let you know a long time ago. Second you said it yourself you're only 22 years old not some washed up old woman you have time to become the independent woman you want to become. Third this Conner guy just wasn't worth the time you gave him, and he cheated because he's an idiot hands down. In my opinion you just have to find someone that will appreciate you, and your perfection." Well then that was really smooth why don't you just fucking embarrass yourself some more Santana, you're the stupid one. Just pull out some old baby pictures, and tell her about the time you got gum in your hair when you were little so she can get a good laugh at you.

She looks at me so sincerely like she's letting me know that I helped her more than I will ever know tonight. "Thank you so much you made me feel a little better about all this."

"Hey no thank you, if it wasn't for you I'd be delivering orders, and cleaning tables you saved me like my very own superman… well superwoman."

She laughs again, and this time I'm almost certain it's my favorite sound ever this time.

"Well I'm glad I at least helped you out a little bit too ten I guess I still owe you though, I have a secret though I didn't even tell my own sister as much as I told you about all of this." I look at her why would she do that?

"Why would you do that?" it almost comes out as soon as it pops in my head.

"I have no idea why honestly."

"Oh I have a secret to; I have no idea why I helped you today. I mean normally I'm a heartless bitch I even tried to force myself just to ignore you, but for some reason… I couldn't just do that."

She smiled at me oh God what is this chick doing to me! Get it fucking together Santana!

"I'm glad you didn't do that… wait what's your name? I can't believe we did all that talking and I never got your name."

"Santana, I'm Santana" she looked at me like I had just given her a key to a bury treasure or something when I said my name.

"I like it, Santana I'm Brittany" For some reason it fit her so well.

"I like yours too Brittany,"