Poolfeather gazed dreamily at the rose, a soft, sleepy expression on her face. She bent forward and sniffed it, breathing in the fresh, sweet smell.
"I am a rose," she murmured. "Soft, delicate, and sensitive."
"That rose is wilting," Shadeflower pointed out. "See? The petals are all falling off."
"Hush," Poolfeather breathed, although there was now a slight frown on her face. "Don't ruin it."
After a few minutes of Poolfeather staring at the rose, Shadeflower had to break the silence. "Look, Poolfeather," she began, "can't we just get going already? I mean, what happened to a 'nice, relaxing nature walk'?"
"Oh, fine," sighed Poolfeather, her paw caressing the rose's drooping petals one last time before Shadeflower dragged her away.
Sunlight streamed through the branches, kissing the tops of their heads, the backs, their tails. Squirrels could be seen jumping from branch to branch overhead, sometimes disappearing behind the bright emerald leaves.
Shadeflower took a deep breath, then exhaled, a content smile on her face. "Now, isn't this nice?" she asked.
Poolfeather wasn't even listening. She was sitting by a small fallen tree, mumbling to herself.
"Hey. Hey!" Shadeflower padded over to her friend. "What are you doing?"
"Look at this tree," Poolfeather said, her words tinged with a hint of sadness. "It's fine on the outside, but on the inside..." The pale gray she-cat grunted as she pushed against the tree, turning it on its side and clearly exposing the decaying bottom.
"It's rotting," she said, her voice small and quiet. "Look at it: crawling with insects and infested with fungi." Poolfeather looked away. "I am a tree," she whispered morosely, curling up into a ball. "I am infected on the inside."
"What are you talking about?" asked Shadeflower, baffled. "If this tree is making you so upset, you need to move on." The dark tabby nudged Poolfeather forward.
Poolfeather slowly got up to follow Shadeflower. The tabby kept a close eye on her friend, who was sniffing around flowers, looking miserable, but eventually decided that it was okay to leave her alone for a bit.
Shadeflower was stalking a mouse when she heard a low, desolate moan. She sprang to her feet and dashed off in the direction of the noise.
"Poolfeather?" she asked, worried. "Are you okay? Where are you?"
Shadeflower found the gray she-cat crouched down by the lake, staring a dead flower. The flower was only an empty husk, rattling as the wind blew its crisp, blackened leaves. The petals were dark brown and shrunken.
Poolfeather let out another groan. "It is me," she whispered. "This flower. Dead on the inside and dead on the outside."
Shadeflower stepped forward cautiously. "Poolfeather? What's wrong?"
The normally docile and sweet-tempered cat suddenly sprang up, hissing, her eyes filled with anger. "What's wrong?" she growled. "What's wrong? Shadeflower, are you blind?"
"I... Poolfeather, you need to get back to camp. Mosstail will give you some nice herbs to-"
"I don't need a medicine cat," interrupted Poolfeather scornfully. She slid back down onto the ground and rested her head on her paws.
"Poolfeather..." After some hesitation, Shadeflower sat down next to her. "What's... why are you acting like this?"
"I am dead on the inside and dead on the outside, but not dead yet," Poolfeather mumbled, ignoring the tabby.
"Think of the rose, Poolfeather," said Shadeflower desperately, her eyes filled with concern and fear for her friend. "The rose, remember? Sweet, soft, gentle. Don't think about the rotting tree or... or the dead flower..." Her voice trailed off as she realized that Poolfeather wasn't even hearing her. "Poolfeather, are you sure you're okay?"
"What do you think?" Poolfeather lifted her head, her piercing blue eyes staring straight into Shadeflower's worried amber ones. "What do you think?" she repeated.
"I... I don't know..." Shadeflower's gaze darted around, and she shifted from paw to paw constantly. "I'm going to go get Mosstail."
"I thought I told you that I don't need a medicine cat."
"Please." Shadeflower put a paw on Poolfeather's shoulder. "You need help."
"I don't need help," responded Poolfeather stiffly, her paw pushing the dead flower stalk back and forth.
"Yes you do." Shadeflower stood up. "I'm getting Mosstail and there's nothing you can do about it. Promise me you won't do anything stupid while I'm gone," she added.
Poolfeather was silent.
"Promise me!" said Shadeflower fiercely.
"I promise not to do anything stupid while you're getting the medicine cat," snapped Poolfeather. "Happy?"
"I will be when you snap out of this." Shadeflower turned and ran back to the camp, throwing one last look at her friend over her shoulder before a tree obscured her view.
She slid into the camp, gasping for breath, and made a beeline for the medicine cat den.
"Something's wrong with Poolfeather... she's acting really weird and I'm afraid she's going to do something that she'll regret later."
Mosstail nodded and grabbed some herbs. "Take me to her," he said, his voice muffled. They dashed out of the camp, Shadeflower's heart pounding.
When they got there, it was too late.
Instantly, Shadeflower noticed that the dead flower had been snapped in half. Poolfeather was standing in the lake, the water already up to her shoulders, and still going in deeper.
"Poolfeather!" Shadeflower screamed, racing for the lake, Mosstail hot on her heels. "No!"
Poolfeather paused and looked up from the lake. Her eyes momentarily flashed with panic as she saw Shadeflower bounding into the lake, shrieking.
Then she looked away. "Shadeflower," she murmured. "It's nice to see you again." Her face had taken on that same dreamy expression as when they'd first started the walk and Poolfeather had seen the rose.
"Don't," said Shadeflower weakly. "Please."
It was then that Poolfeather snapped, the dreaminess gone from her face. "Why?" she snarled. "Why shouldn't I? My clanmates all think I'm too much of a daydreaming softheart to be useful. My own best friend didn't even notice that anything was wrong with me! Until now, I mean. Shadeflower, how could you?"
"How could I?" Shadeflower exclaimed, her fur spiking up like a hedgehog. "How can you?"
"Shh," whispered Mosstail. "Just calm down." He held a pawful of herbs out as an offering to Poolfeather. "They'll help you," he called. "Just eat them and you'll feel better."
"Stay outta this," snarled Shadeflower before returning her attention to Poolfeather. "Listen, you mouse-brain, do you realize how selfish you're being right now?"
"Oh, so now I'm the selfish one," growled Poolfeather. "Just let me go in peace!"
"Why are you doing this?" the tabby she-cat replied, scowling.
"Nobody ever took me seriously!" Poolfeather cried. "Nobody! Do you know how awful it is, to have your own mentor dismiss your ideas as stupid? Or have your mother just say, 'That's nice, dear,' absentmindedly because she's too busy paying attention to your siblings to take care of you? Or be taking a walk in the woods, falling apart and dying inside and have nobody realize? To have to put a happy face on every day of your life?"
Poolfeather stood there, water dripping from her fur, obviously fuming after her outburst. "Do you even know what it's like for me?" she whispered.
Shadeflower and Mosstail stood in stunned silence, gaping at her.
"I... I didn't realize..." said Shadeflower, feeling small and quiet. "But please," she added quickly. "Don't-"
"No," interrupted Poolfeather flatly. "No. I can't... I can't..." She looked around wildly before pushing her head into the water.
"Poolfeather!" Shadeflower and Mosstail leaped into the water, paddling wildly towards the pale gray she-cat.
Mosstail reached her first. He promptly pulled her out of the water and placed a paw on her chest, but Shadeflower already knew that she was dead by the blank, glassy look in her eyes.
"She's gone," said Mosstail quietly.
"I know," replied Shadeflower, her face streaked with tears. "StarClan-" she choked up a bit, weeping into the lake.
"I'm an awful cat," she moaned. "I killed her."
"No, you didn't." Mosstail shot her a look. "She killed herself. We've got to get... got to..." Mosstail broke off, also overcome with emotion.
Shadeflower helped Mosstail pull the body out of the water. As they were going back to camp, Shadeflower spied the rose. The rose that Poolfeather had been comparing herself to earlier.
But the rose was still alive, although wilting. A rush of anger surged through Shadeflower. It was so unfair! How come the rose was alive but Poolfeather wasn't?
She shredded the flower, ripping apart the petals, biting the leave, and clawing the stem. Then, for good measure, she pulled up the entire plant. She tore apart the roots and tossed them away and was suddenly angry at herself then, angry because it seemed to her that she'd destroyed a bit of Poolfeather.
"I hate this," mumbled Shadeflower, barely able to see through her tears. "I hate... I..." She broke down, hurling herself onto the ground and curling up into a ball.
But as she cried, and as Mosstail tried to help her up, she saw a flicker of starlight, of frost. Eyes suddenly wide open, she gawked as a faint, misty figure resembling Poolfeather appeared over her.
The ghost of Poolfeather gave her a sad smile, though her eyes were still angry.
"Shadeflower," the ghost seemed to say. "It's okay. I'm okay."
"P-Poolfeather..."
"It's okay."