I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything. I've had writer's block and it's been killing me haha. I managed to get this one out though. I am trying to get my other stories updated but as I've said - writer's block. Hopefully it goes soon!
So this is set during Half-Blood Prince in an AU when Sirius never died in OotP.
Also the lyrics I used in this are "Stone Cold" by Demi Lovato. I heard the song for the first time and I just had to write this.
I hope you like!
Stone Cold
Stone cold, stone cold,
You see me standing, but I'm dying on the floor,
Stone cold, stone cold,
Maybe if I don't cry, I won't feel anymore.
It was supposed to be fun and light-hearted. It was supposed to be a break from all the talk of Lord Voldemort and the war that was due. 12 Grimmauld Place was hosting its first Order of the Phoenix party, and everybody was there. The usually unused function room had been dusted and done up, and was big and grand enough to hold a dance.
It wasn't a formal party, but it was formal enough. Everyone was in their dress robes and there wasn't a spot of firewhisky in sight. It was all higher standard than the types of parties they'd hold back in their Hogwarts days.
Sirius was sitting in the corner. He didn't want a part in it. Back in his Hogwarts days he lived for the parties. When he was home, he sulked in the corner as he did now. He hated the functions his family had held in this very room.
But it wasn't the depressing nostalgia that made him sit out of this party.
It was a certain someone who was across the room, breaking his heart with every movement. Sirius couldn't bear to watch but he also couldn't look away.
Stone cold, baby,
God knows I tried to feel,
Happy for you,
Know that I am, even if I can't,
Understand, I'll take the pain,
Give me the truth, me and my heart,
We'll make it through,
If happy is her, I'm happy for you.
Sirius Black and Remus Lupin had been best friends all through school, along with their fellow Marauders; James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. But Sirius and Remus had discovered that they had a deeper connection. They slowly started to fall in love.
It had been the scariest thing, but also the most exhilarating. After a while of denial from both, they finally gave into their feelings thanks to the relentless prodding from James. For the final two years of Hogwarts they were an established couple.
They had shared everything with each other. They'd had big dreams of being together forever and never losing one another.
Oh, how those dreams had failed.
They had moved into a small flat together after Hogwarts and lived quite happily with the knowledge that they were mad for each other and nothing could break them apart.
Sirius was even planning on proposing.
But then the doubts started plaguing his mind. The Order of the Phoenix had received intelligence that there was a spy among them. So many little things led back to Remus, and Sirius hated himself for thinking of his Remus in that way but he couldn't push away the thoughts.
The silent doubting pushed them apart a little, to the point that they would rarely even talk. It was all kissing and sex and then restless sleeps.
And then Lily and James were murdered and Sirius learned the truth. Remus was not the spy, and he would spend the rest of his life in Azkaban without Remus.
The only thing that kept Sirius sane in Azkaban was the thought of his Remus. He thought of those eyes that had mesmerised him so many times, and that smile that was so irresistible that Sirius could hardly believe that he was the lucky one who had managed to be with Remus.
After twelve years he finally managed to escape and go after Peter for what he'd done. In going after Peter, he saw Remus again after all that time.
It was the strangest feeling, and he wanted nothing more than to grab him and never let go of him again but he knew he couldn't. There were more pressing matters at hand, so he waited.
Soon enough, the time came to have a discussion with Remus. It was in the very room he was sitting in now.
Stone cold, stone cold,
You're dancing with her, while I'm staring at the floor,
Stone cold, stone cold,
I was your amber but now she's your shade of gold.
"Remus," Sirius had said with a smile, reaching for Remus's hands. Remus jerked his hands back and took a step back. He was staring at Sirius in a way that Sirius had never seen before. He couldn't put his finger on it – it was like there was something missing in his eyes.
"Sirius, don't do this," Remus had replied. "Forget it."
"Forget it?" Sirius had repeated, not understanding.
"It's over, Sirius," Remus whispered, no longer looking at him. "It's been over for fourteen years."
The words cut through Sirius like the sharpest of knives. Over.
"That wasn't my fault," Sirius replied. "You can't hold that against me. I didn't ask to be thrown in prison for twelve years."
"I'm not holding anything against you," Remus said. "It's more complicated than that."
"Then tell me," Sirius said. "Because I just spent all those years waiting – desperate – to get back to you, and now you're telling me that it's… it's o-over?"
Remus looked at him again with tears in his eyes. "I thought you were a murderer. I thought you had betrayed us. I thought that all those years of being in love with me had been an elaborate lie to get close to us so you could ultimately betray us."
"But that wasn't me."
"That makes no difference, Sirius. I thought it was you. I spent all those years pushing thoughts of you away and changing the way I think about you to feelings of anger and hatred and betrayal. I was mad at you for so long. I forced myself to fall out of love with you. Now the very thought of loving you feels strange to me. I can't do it again."
Sirius felt his mouth going dry. "So that's it then? You don't even want to try?"
"Sirius, I'm… I've moved on," Remus said sadly. "I'm in love with someone else now. I'm so sorry."
With that, he turned and left Sirius standing alone in the massive empty room feeling completely empty inside.
Stone cold, baby,
God knows I tried to feel,
Happy for you,
Know that I am, even if I,
Can't understand, I'll take the pain,
Give me the truth, me and my heart,
We'll make it through,
If happy is her, I'm happy for you.
So Sirius sat in the midst of laughter and light-hearted dancing staring at his Remus who was dancing with Tonks.
Remus had his hands around her waist and she had hers around his neck. She was staring up at him with the biggest smile and her eyes were bright with happiness. Sirius looked at Remus's eyes which were suddenly back to how Sirius could remember them.
They were no longer empty; they were filled again with love.
But they weren't filled with love for him anymore.
It hurt like nothing else.
Out of nowhere, they stopped dancing and Sirius watched as Remus got down on one knee, reached for her hands with one of hands and pulled a small box from his pocket with the other.
Sirius went stone cold.
He watched Remus open the box and reveal a diamond ring, and the words – though he could not hear them from where he was standing – rang through his ears eerily.
"Will you marry me?"
Thump, thump, thump. Sirius's heartbeat was echoing loudly.
"Yes."
And they were kissing, and suddenly everyone was clapping and smiling and looking completely over the moon.
Sirius let a tear fall.
Don't wanna be stone cold, stone,
I wish I could mean this but here's my goodbye,
Oh, I'm happy for you,
Know that I am, Even if I,
Can't understand,
If happy is her, if happy is her,
I'm happy for you.
Sirius stood up and headed for the door. He glanced back at Remus and Tonks. The smile that Remus was wearing was heartbreaking.
Remus had been through so much – losing all of his friends, and Sirius. Being alone for twelve years trying to deal with all of his losses. Being a werewolf. Unable to find a job.
Sirius wanted him to be happy. He just couldn't be there to watch Remus's happiness unfold. It hurt too much.
He wanted more than ever for Remus to turn away from Tonks and to smile at him before he walked out and left forever.
Sirius lingered in the doorway for a moment. Two moments.
But his Remus was no longer his, and was only paying attention to the woman in front of him.
Sirius gave up and walked out of the door.
It really was over.
~The End~