Dora the Explorer was crossing walking along some random, generic dirt road (because it's Mexico and everything there is generic and useless) with her friend, Boots, the creepy frickin monkey with oversized, red (big surprise here…) boots.
"My grandma got me something called a green card so we can go to America, the magical land of freedom and happiness!" Dora exclaims to the… television screen. "So Boots and I are going to go there with no parental supervision, a stalker fox, and no idea what's in my backpack!"
"That's right!" Boots exclaimed in his irritatingly way-too-optimistic manner. "So let's go!" He pointed ahead, and realized they have no idea where they're going.
"Let's use the map! He'll know where to go! Everybody say map!" At this the word "Map!" was loudly exclaimed as imaginary children obey the mexican's nonsensical order. After three such cheers, a scroll of paper magically floated off of Dora's side, opened up, and began singing a song way too repetitive and irritating to record here. After wards he began to speak.
"You need to go north to," and then burst randomly into flames, because he is obviously magical, and nothing magical is allowed to exist in Mexico.
"Well," Dora said, seeming slightly downtrodden, "I guess were going north then." She then, along with Boots, began walking along the generic dirt road that magically already lead north in the first place.
After a lot of walking, and singing, and walking, and singing, and more singing, all useless and boring, they were still walking along the same generic dirt road. After a moment, they saw a really big river ahead of them in the distance. "Hey look, were almost to the border!" Boots exclaimed in annoying excitement.
"Not so fast!" stated a sleezy voice from the shadows, as Dora's fox-man stalker dropped from a tree. "You aren't going anywhere!"
"Oh, no, it's Swiper! Everyone, say it with me!" Dora said, accepting the fact that the audience knew what to say by know, and that telling a burglar what to do would make him not rob you. "Swiper no swiping!" Swiper moved a few feet closer. "Swiper no swiping!" Closer still… "Swiper no swiping!" Swiper reached the little mexican child.
"Shut up already!" He screamed, and snatched Dora's green card right from her possession. "Thanks for the ticket! Bye-bye!" He then ran off to the river and jumped clear over it, and out of sight.
"Well, what should we do now?" Boots asked. "He took our only way into America."
"Don't worry Boots," Dora reassured her monkey friend. " We'll go there anyway and explain everything if they ask any questions."
"That sounds like a great idea, Dora! You're amazing!" The two then began walking towards the river. Nothing amazing happens until we get there, so were going to skip the creepy singing again.
"Halt!" an armed american soldier demanded as they reached the river. "Show me your identification." He held out his hand to the girl.
"My name is Dora, and this is my friend, Boots"
"That's nice, but I need to see your identification, or you can't come through here.
"Well, you see," Dora began to say, "it was stolen by a fox named Swiper. He always takes my stuff."
"You have quite the imagination, little girl. Now go home to your parents and eat dinner, its getting late."
"But," Dora stuttered.
"I said go home. I have work to do, and it isn't babysitting."
Dora and Boots turned around and sulked off sadly a few feet down the road, when Dora grabbed Boots by the neck and pulled him behind a conveniently placed bush.
"OK, Boots, since they won't let us through, we'll get through ourselves."
"But, Dora, isn't that dangerous?"
"Grandma told me she was gonna meet us there, so its there that were going! Now its see how many guards there are. Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco, ces, sietta, OK there are seven guards in this area. Lets see what's in the backpack that can help. Everyone say 'backpack'" At this demand, the imaginary children-audience began to chant 'backpack' louder and louder, until the backpack opened and random items began to float in a circle around it. There were some strange objects, but Dora chose one just as the rest, including the backpack, burst into flames for being magical in Mexico.
She was holding a green, bumpy, egg-shaped object in her hand, as Boots spoke up, "Dora, is that a …"
"Yes, Boots, this is a grenade. Were gonna force our way through if we have to," she stated as she donned a pair of sunglasses and stood up. Boots nodded and did the same.
"Let's do this," Boots stated as they came out from behind the bush. They both walked slowly and pretend-fashionably back towards the soldiers. After they approached close, Dora pulled the pin with her mouth in slow motion, and, also in slow motion, chucked it towards the soldiers.
The soldier nearest it glanced down at it, but it exploded soon afterwards and took out three of the soldiers. The rest responded immediately by firing their sub-machine guns at the nearest target.
After some gunfire, Dora looked down at the bullet-ridden, bloody body of her monkey companion, and anger flowed through her immediately. She charged straight forward to the river, ignoring the guards, and picked up the first gun she passed by. Just as the other soldiers prepared to fire again, Dora, magically knowing how to use everything (because she IS mexican), fired away at the remaining guards. The four guards, being generic, all missed, and Dora shot them all down with one clip.
She dropped the empty gun at her feet, and began to make the last few steps towards the river. However, because she magically knew how to use anything, the universe realized that there was once again magic present in Mexico, and she burst into flames and died a horrible, painful death at the bank of the Rio Grande.