Chapter One: Dinner Disaster
Zuko stared at the bite-sized remains of his lavish dinner. The party had been Iroh's idea, of course. It had been three months since Sozin's comet and the end of the war. It had also been three months since Zuko had been able to find a moment to himself.
"Hey Zuko!" Aang yelped from where he stood on the floor in front of the raised platform where the fire nation royal dinner table stood. "Watch this!" The young avatar leaped into the air and performed a complicated air bending maneuver laced with fire bending that resulted in the appearance of a long, serpentine dragon flowing above the dignitaries' heads, searing an intricate pattern of loops and circles into the air.
The guests clapped, oohing and aahing. The fire lord sighed, pretending to be impressed as he faked a smile and nodded approval. The avatar was still not a perfect fire bender and Zuko couldn't help noticing the sloppiness of his form and the slight misdirection of that one flaming loop that missed the glamorous hair of that one particularly high-ranking guest by mere inches.
"Zuko," Mai muttered into his ear, "Will you at least pretend to be happy?"
"I am pretending." Zuko protested, sitting up straighter and turning his full attention on his beautiful and unbelievably faithful girlfriend – why she had been so willing to take him back after he broke up with her in an ink-and-paper note was something he hadn't yet been able to figure out. "See?" He gave her his biggest, fakest grin.
"Oh, Zuko." Mai rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide the little grin that wanted to spring onto her lips.
Zuko smiled sincerely then, a warm bubble rising softly in his stomach.
Aang suddenly slapped both his hands on the table in front of Fire Lord Zuko. "Wasn't that awesome?" He demanded breathlessly.
Zuko smirked. "We'll talk about it tomorrow morning during training. Your form wasn't perfect."
Aang scowled at his fire bending teacher. "We're going to train the morning after a banquet?"
"No." Zuko corrected his unenthusiastic pupil thoughtfully. "You're going to train. I'm going to watch and tell you what you're doing wrong."
Defeated, the Avatar turned an eager expression to the girl of his dreams, "What about you, Katara?" He skipped two seats down and grinned at her excitedly. "You thought it was awesome, right?"
"Hm?" Katara tilted her gloomy face up from staring at her empty plate. "Yeah, Aang," she tried unsuccessfully to sound impressed. "It was really amazing."
The Avatar frowned, shoulders slumping. "What's wrong with you two? This is a party! You're supposed to be having fun!"
Zuko looked at Katara, seeing the way her shoulders slumped, the shape and curl of her dark hair as it cascaded down her back, the soft blue of her dress and necklace which both made her tan skin glow. Her eyes were trained on her plate, watching her own fingers as she picked a defenseless piece of bread to the tiniest crumbs.
There was a lot he would give to see her happy – if only her happiness could be bought. Zuko breathed out a barely-noticeable sigh, and looked back at his own plate of food.
Aang threw up his hands in frustration. "Fine! Be depressed! I'm going to go dance with Sokka, Suki, Tophe, and Iroh. At least they know what you're supposed to do at parties!" The Avatar stomped off towards the center of the great hall where a crowd was dancing to the traditional Fire Nation ball music played by an orchestra Iroh had hired for the occasion.
"Let's go dance," Mai suddenly whispered in Zuko's ear, leaning over so that the sweet smell of her floral perfume washed over him.
Zuko took in a deep breath of her gentle perfume. "I just don't feel like it tonight."
Mai's mouth puckered in a frown. "Well then, let's go for a walk." She snatched his hand up with both of hers. "Just the two of us."
How could Zuko resist? "Okay." The dinner had gone on long enough that no one would question the Fire Lord leaving his table. The palace gardens would be lovely enough in the late evening. Zuko rose and quietly led the way to the nearest door.
From the corner of his eye, Zuko thought he saw Katara fold her arms on the table and drop her chin onto the cushion they made, sighing heavily.
Outside, the air was cool with the arriving autumn, with the scent of dry leaves and the barest hint of frost on the breeze. The courtyard garden was of course lovely with late-summer flowers. The fountains tinkled their songs in the silver moonlight as Zuko led Mai along the brick paths that criss-crossed their way through the large courtyard. A few insects were still out despite the chilling weather, buzzing and chirruping in the shadows under the flowers. The stars were clearly visible and innumerable, filling the sky with pinpricks of light. Somehow, Zuko was blind and deaf to all of it, the responsibilities of the fire lord weighing heavily on his shoulders.
There was still so much to do. They had paid damages to the other nations already, nevermind that they would never be able to fix the Air Nation with any amount of money. He had asked AAang if he'd wanted some land and funds to start some kind of school or orphanage, but the Avatar had preferred to stay in the Fire Nation and continue his study of fire bending for now. Even so, there was little left for the Fire Nation herself. Nearly all of the country's money had gone to severance pay to veterans, and trading between the other countries had all but ceased. He had tried to schedule meetings to speak with the leaders of the other nations, but they were still sending him excuses in return and making it impossible to settle on a date and location.
"This is nice," Mai said quietly when they stopped in front of an ornately-carved stone bench.
"Hmm?" Zuko looked at her as if seeing her for the first time.
Mai placed a firm hand on either side of Zuko's face. "Will you please stop thinking about the Fire Nation for more than two seconds?"
He smiled at her gently and moved her hands away from his face. "I wish I could, Mai." His longing to love her properly filled him with one more ache on top of all the other bruises – his father loathing him, his mother still missing, his sister locked away in Boiling Rock, Katara obviously hurting from something but unwilling to let anyone help her. "It's just…" he let out a deep breath, searching for words that did not want to come, "it's my job."
"So do you love your job more than you love me?"
"What?" He really looked at her then, saw her fists clenched at her sides, the tears in the corners of her eyes. "Mai, you can't-how can you-I'm the Fire Lord!"
"And I'm your girlfriend!" Mai stubbornly reminded him, her words laced with venom.
"I belong to the Fire Nation, not to any one person." He corrected her, patiently controlling the anger rolling in his gut. "I thought you understood that."
"Yeah, of course, but, Zuko," her voice started to break, her eyes filling more with water, "I've seen so little of you since the comet. I've missed you." Her fists opened and one of her hands snatched one of his.
Zuko looked down at their intertwined fingers. He wished he could say that he had missed her as much, but he was afraid that would be a lie. "Mai," he shook his head, "this is who I am now. I can't put any one person above my country. As much as I want to love you properly, I will always belong to the Fire Nation first. That's my duty."
As a single hot tear slid down her cheek, Mai's eyes stabbed daggers at Zuko's heart. "Then maybe you should date your duty instead of me." She snatched her hand out of his and stormed away.
"Oh, Mai," Zuko whispered to himself, watching her leave. Part of him wanted desperately to run after her, to hold her and kiss her and promise to spend more time with her, but the more sensible part of him knew that the words would be empty. The worst part of it was that he wasn't sure he still loved her. He'd thought he did when he returned and asked her to take him back. When he'd realized his feelings for Mai had started to fade, he convinced himself that it would be a good match anyway, feelings or no. Zuko's knees buckled and he fell to a seat on the hard, cold marble bench. Now she never would be his Fire Lady. He wished he felt more remorse over losing her. Actually, it was a relief, one less burden on his shoulders to worry about.
"Katara!" Aang's shout jolted Zuko out of his self-pity. "Katara! Wait! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!"
"Shut up, Aang!" Katara stopped by a fountain a few feet in front of Zuko's bench and adopted a water-bending pose.
Aang came up short in front of her and pulled out his air-bending stick defensively, "No, listen! I'm sorry! I was wrong to say that to you!"
Zuko stood up and cleared his throat. "Please," he said calmly when he had both of their attention, "don't bend in the courtyard. If you're going to have a fight, go do it in the training arena."
Katara dropped her hands to her sides and stared at the brick path under her feet. Aang glared at Zuko, then at Katara, and then turned his back to them and opened up his glider. "Fine. I'll talk to Katara later." With that, he air-bended himself up and out of the courtyard, heading for the training arena.
"I guess this just wasn't a good night for couples." Zuko said quietly, attempting to break the awkward silence before it began.
"What do you mean?" Katara asked just as quietly, not moving.
"Mai and I had a fight just a few minutes ago." He confessed solemnly, watching his favorite water bender as she lifted her hands to rub at her face. "Here," he offered her a handkerchief from his pocket when he heard her sniffle. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," Katara blew into the soft red cloth, "just stay out of it, please."
"If that's what you want." He turned. "I'll just be going."
"No!" Katara spun on her heel to face him, eyes glittering with tears, cheeks damp, "please, I don't want to be alone right now."
Zuko turned back to her, "what can I do for you?" He hoped the eagerness in his heart was not too obvious in his voice.
"Just talk to me," Katara swallowed down her sobs and sniffled again, wiping her face with the handkerchief Zuko had just given her. "About anything, I don't care."
"Well," Zuko said the first thing that came to his mind, "I have to meet with the council tomorrow morning, and I'm not looking forward to it."
"Why not?" Katara sniffed.
"For starters, it's already late," Zuko glanced at the sky, "and I already promised Aang a training session in the morning, not that I should allow myself to sleep in. I need the morning meditation more than ever now."
"Why?" Katara asked quietly, her tears already silenced.
"It's just all this stress." Zuko shrugged and went back to the bench, where he promptly sat down. "The farmers need more land, the poor people need more jobs, the schools need more money, the other nations won't trade with us, let alone speak to us." The looseness of his tongue surprised him, but somehow it was so easy to talk to Katara, to just unload all of his problems with her standing there. "I hope I'm not burdening you. These are my responsibilities, not yours."
"No," Katara joined him on the bench. "I don't mind. I can be very good at listening, and maybe I can help."
Zuko smiled then, for the first time in three months. "Thank you."
Katara smiled in return and Zuko's heart fluttered. "No, thank you." She held out the used handkerchief.
"You can keep that," Zuko blurted without thinking, "if you want. I've got dozens."
Katara nodded and folded the handkerchief. "Thanks again."
"You're welcome," Zuko told her softly, "if you ever need anything, Katara, you only have to ask. You know that, don't you?"
"I know." She shook out her hair a little and sat up straighter, regaining her usual composure. "The same goes for you, too, Zuko. You shouldn't feel like you're all alone in running this country. You've got Iroh and your advisors-"
"You mean back-stabbing, self-centered bureaucrats." He glanced at her shocked expression, "well, not Iroh, but the rest of them. You should hear them quibble at the council meetings. Last week they spent twenty minutes arguing about whether the official mascot of a rural school by a river could be a fish, specifically, whether having a fish for a mascot was acceptably Fire Nation or if it was too Water Nation." He gave her an exasperated sigh. "I hate dealing with them."
"Well," Katara suggested slowly, "maybe you should take a break. You have been going at it for three months now."
"And trust the country to the council?" Zuko gave her a look of disbelief. "They'll never get anything done!"
"So, put Iroh in charge." Katara offered.
"Uncle?" Zuko's brow ruffled in concern.
"He was a really successful general, wasn't he?" Katara reminded the Fire Lord, "I'm sure he can handle running his own country for a few weeks."
"A few weeks?" Zuko exclaimed. "How long a break do you think I need?"
Katara shrugged. "Long enough to go somewhere, see something beyond the Fire Naiton. Isn't there some place you've always wanted to visit?"
"No," Zuko answered thoughtfully, "but there is a person I've always wanted to find."
"So go, and don't come back until you've found them." She said with easy confidence.
"But what if it takes months?" Zuko demanded uncertainly.
"I'm sure your uncle will manage." Katara smiled, back to her old self again.
He wanted to ask her to come with him, to help him find his mother. But, if Katara went with him, so would Aang, and if Zuko was going to take a break from the Fire Nation, he was also going to take a break from the insufferably child-like Avatar. "I guess I could talk to my Uncle about it tomorrow." He said, rubbing the back of his head thoughtfully.
"That's the spirit!" Katara encouraged him with a grin. "You'll see, Zuko. Everything's going to be fine."
And when she said it, eyes shining with friendship, Zuko couldn't stop himself from believing her, nor from wishing he could do more to make her happy.