Just My Luck
an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic
by Save Fearow
Author's Note: When you think about it, Ickis has been through alot of crazy adventures. Being hypnotized, becoming a sleep scarer, potentially combusting, breaking bones, getting run over, having his picture flashed, being mistaken for an alien, trapped in an amusement park, thrown in jail, locked in a nuclear reactor, hitching a ride on a garbage scow, stuck in the desert, travelling to Antartica, getting coated in car wax, chasing after a runaway Viewfinder, etc. I doubt if many monsters could survive a day in the life of Ickis. I'm sure they'd never want to find out for themselves.
The instant the Gromble announced they were doing pair scares again, Ickis' nerves were set on edge. He kept repeating Oblina's name all throughout the selection process, but to no avail. She was partnered with Boral, and Krumm was to work with Frunk. He was assigned as Horrifica's partner, and while that wasn't as bad as getting stuck with Zimbo, you wouldn't know it from -her- reaction.
"Not bunny boy!" Horrifica wailed. "Please, your Grombleness, he isn't smenky AT ALL. He's Ickis! Why should I have to work with HIM?"
"Because that was the name I selected to match yours. Do you have a -problem- with that? Do you think it's -unfair- and that your teacher is being inconsiderate?" the Gromble asked in his usual leading manner. Horrifica, full of self-esteem and not much else going for her, nodded. "DEAL WITH IT! I put up with Master Ickis on a near -constant- basis and it hasn't broken ME yet. A few hours alone with the termite-taster won't kill you." the Gromble snapped.
Ickis raised a paw tentatively. "I'm still here, sir. I can hear what you're saying." Ickis ventured.
"With those ears? I wouldn't be surprised if you could hear what they were saying in the Bronx." the Gromble declared.
"It's the 6th inning, Mendoza's at bat. We've just scored, yeah! Vendors are out of salted peanuts, but they have plenty of soft drinks. A carjacking is in process, the alarm sounds like La Cucaracha. Suspect is hatless, repeat hatless. Sorry, I'm picking up the police band now, trying to get it back on sports, gimme a sec." Ickis noted as his ears pinged. He bent the left one inwards and straightened the right ear slightly.
The Gromble sighed. "I stand by my decision anyway. Somebody's -got- to work with him, today the 'honor' is all yours, Horrifica."
Horrifica groaned. "Don't get in my way." she warned Ickis.
"Don't worry. I can be verrry unobtrusive. Hey, whaddya mean strike? That was inside, throw the bum out!" Ickis roared.
"I would if I could." Horrifica snapped. "This is the -worst- thing that's happened to me all year. Don't prolong my suffering with your idiotic rants." Horrifica informed Ickis as they left the classroom.
"Really, this assignment's the worst? You must lead a charmed life cause I can name dozens of horrible mishaps I've had!" Ickis acknowledged. "There was the lawnmower running over me, and the broken tree branch, and chipping a fang when I tried to chew part of a hacksaw, and getting the manhole cover shut on my claws, and the day the Gromble caught me reading comics and took them all for himself, and the afternoon my Dad CLAIMED he was gonna practice Sewerball with me but then he got another invite to scare at the Plaza hotel with a buncha dumb ol' CELEBRITY monsters only I didn't know so I waited in Central Park past curfew even..." Ickis began recounting his woes.
"Blah blah blah your needs. Gaaah, how did I get stuck with such a selfish little bonsty?" Horrifica whined.
"It might not be terrible!" Ickis suggested. "I didn't do so great at this challenge last time, but I think having Zimbo as a partner really dragged me down. I could have a talent for pair scares, it runs in my family! Mom an' Uncle Yaggy held that title for 20 consecutive years, that's half their schooling!" he bragged.
Horrifica yawned. "Everyone expects that from twins." she stated.
Ickis' face fell. "Okay then. But wouldja expect Mom to be both a twin sister an' a younger sister on account'a her egg hatched 3 minutes later than his?! Isn't it kinda neat when you apply multiple labels to the same subject?" Ickis pressed.
"Did you know you're both a klutz and a doofus? Ooh, I'm applying multiple labels to the same subject, yay me!" Horrifica declared.
"That's a start at any rate. With practice, you might be able to think of -nice- words too!" Ickis suggested hopefully.
"I think it would be nice to get this over with." Horrifica retorted. "What's the fastest, easiest place in town to get a scare in?"
Ickis thought it over. "We could go to Queens. There's Mt. Zion Cemetery, that's atmospheric!" he advocated.
"Humans do tend to get a lot of superstitious ideas around graveyards. It -would- make the scares easier." Horrifica allowed.
"There's Maurice Park, too. We could head there afterwards." Ickis mentioned.
"What makes Maurice Park such an ideal scaring spot?" Horrifica wondered.
"Not sure, but I always thought it would be worth scouting out, humans go there alot, boy-girl that sort of thing." Ickis fidgeted nervously.
"Seriously, no. This is schoolwork. There is no romance involved, not EVER." Horrifica explained.
"I didn't mean you an' me! When you scout, it means you're planning for -later-, when you can CHOOSE who you take there!" Ickis qualified.
"Who were you planning to drag there? The wooden puppet or the sponge?" Horrifica sneered.
Ickis frowned. "I don't even have the girl puppet anymore." he confessed.
Horrifica scrambled through the sewer pipes, trying to put as much distance as she could between her and Ickis. Since Ickis kept slipping on the sludge it wasn't too hard, although he managed to make up ground every time they reached another U-bend. By the time they reached a public toilet on Maurice Avenue, she was ready to sprint to their destination. Ickis jogged beside her happily.
"It'll be awesome. Humans get spooked easily in graveyards. All you got to do is tap them on the shoulder an' they wimp out, not like a monster!" Ickis professed.
"Really?" Horrifica grinned wickedly. She made one of her tendrils snake out and touch Ickis.
"Yeep!" Ickis jumped up in a panic and smacked his head on a low-hanging tree branch. "Lookit all the tomatos, are they for me?" Ickis muttered in a daze.
Horrifica laughed and positioned herself behind a tombstone. By the time Ickis' head had stopped spinning, she'd already selected and spooked her target humans with a very precise fluttering of her tendrils. "My scare's done." Horrifica noted with pride. "You were right, that WAS easy!'
Ickis rubbed his head, wishing the pain would hurry up and subside. "I didn't do mine. We're s'posed to work together." he protested.
"No, we're s'posed to scare the humans. And I've done that. Time to go home." Horrifica insisted.
"But, but, I never got a chance to be part of a scare!" Ickis complained.
"Sure you were. I scared -you-, bet that looks great on the Viewfinder." Horrifica giggled.
"Please, can't we stay longer? I don't wanna show the Gromble that!" Ickis begged.
"Should've thought of that before you acted like a coward." Horrifica opined.
"So not fair! You startled me!" whined Ickis.
"A -slug- could startle you." Horrifica theorized. "You probly wouldn't even see it coming, moves too fast for your brain to keep track."
"I hate slugs. Don't know why anyone would even eat them." Ickis objected.
"It's a matter of taste so you wouldn't understand." Horrifica told him.
Ickis scowled. "Least I tried to be understanding. I even gave you the idea for the scare, and the location, but you'll probly tell the Gromble you thought it up all on your own." he groused.
"Duh. You can't even spell the Gromble's name, why would anyone think -you- had a good idea?" Horrifica quipped.
"...It's a hard name, got lotsa tricky letters..." Ickis muttered. He probly would have continued to moan about the Gromble's strict policies on writing when he caught the scent of something tasty. "Rotten apples! They got several in the park, c'mon!" he urged Horrifica to follow.
She sighed. "Well, it's not too far out of the way. And I am a little hungry." Horrifica admitted.
"Lookit, travelling monsters! They'll sell you some rotten apples for a good price, although you might be able to win some in a game of chance!" Ickis rushed up to an elderly female monster. "Hullo, Miz. Care for a round of Grishnak?" he asked.
The monster eyed him warily. "No. You look too familiar to me. We only take advantage of strangers." she decided.
"So not fair! Ev'ryone else thinks I'm strange, why can't you?" Ickis protested.
She laughed. "Now I remember who you are. You're Slickis' boy, the little big-mouth." she recalled.
"That's right, I'm Ickis. Your troupe gave us rotten apples for free when I was littler, Miz... Miz... Fearlona!" Ickis searched his memory briefly before conjuring up the name.
"Ickis, what are you gabbing about? Just buy some stupid food or go!" Horrifica snapped.
"Sorry, sorry. Should've introduced everyone. Horrifica, this is Miz Fearlona. She's in charge of the troupe. They're performance monsters, sometimes called gypsies, after the caravans of humans they used to follow. Not only are they good scarers, but they do a buncha tricks. Fire manipulation, shadow manipulation, an' they dance an' howl for you too! For a pawful of toenails they'll sell you crafts, or food, or do a tarot reading, that's where they predict your future or describe your past or influence certain aspects of your life!" Ickis detailed.
"He should have been an easy mark! The cards already mentioned that he'd been through tragedy!" one of the monsters complained.
"I told you Ayelka, you needed to study the images more clearly, or the tarot would have told you that Slickis was quick-witted and bounced back with finesse." Fearlona scolded mildly.
Ayelka sulked. "I know what I read, and I read that the loomer was -exceedingly- unlucky." she protested. "How many monsters -could- that refer to? Slickis shouldn't have been able to fool me with a simple 'guess which paw the toenails are in' game!"
"Dad woulda paid if you guessed right!" Ickis chirped. "The food was delicious, thanks again for that snack."
"At least Slickis helped us set up our displays afterwards." Ayelka admitted reluctantly.
"Need any help readying the tents for tonight?" Ickis asked.
"Ickis! I'm not wasting my time working with these bums! I've had more than my share of dealing with imbeciles for a day!" Horrifica snapped. The gypsy monsters glowered at her.
"They're not bums, they have an entire community with a rich an' vibrant history! Dad says you shouldn't make fun of monsters who gotta work or travel to make a living." Ickis informed Horrifica.
"You father also says that he's proud of you, so clearly you can't believe EVERYTHING he says." Horrifica remarked cruelly.
Ickis trembled. "I believe it anyway." he whimpered. "I need to."
"That's demonstrating some wisdom on your part, Ickis." Fearlona allowed. "It isn't necessary that you help us tonight, however. We'll take care of it."
"Okay." Ickis held out an open paw. "I only got 1 toenail on me right now, is that enough to buy something?" he wondered.
"Not a rotten apple, no. But I'd sell you a thimbleful of slurry for that price." Ayelka responded quickly.
"Yeah! There's something you don't get every day! Wanna split it Horrifica?" Ickis offered.
"Gross! I'd probly start combusting afterwards!" Horrifica exclaimed.
Ickis sighed. "It really doesn't work that way." Ickis insisted sadly. He gave Ayelka the toenail in exchange for the drink, and swallowed it in one gulp.
"I'm out of here, this park is pathetic and so is everyone around me." announced Horrifica as she walked away.
"I gotta go too. There's curfew an' I already broke that twice this month, so the Gromble's patience is wearing thin. 'Sides I wanna check the mail first thing tomorrow morning. It's Ultra Monster comic day, an' if I don't pick it up, Krumm will read it first, an' he always spoils the ending." Ickis declared.
Fearlona smiled. "I think it will be a -very- good issue." she predicted.
"Alright, that's what I'm hoping for!" Ickis squealed as he bounded after Horrifica, nearly tripping over himself in his excitement.
"Hardly seems fair, does it?" Ayelka commented.
"Not at the moment, no." Fearlona waved her paws expertly. "Obnoxious little miss, you'll know hardships that you have skipped. Think that you're above it all, first comes pride and then the fall." she intoned.
"I have -never- been happier to be at school." Horrifica claimed as she crawled out of the pipe and emerged inside the Academy. She started to walk towards her dorm and fell face-first into a puddle. "Blugh! Where did all this slime come from?" she demanded.
"That was me. Krumm and I just got back from a great pair scare." explained Frunk, who was affectionately known as Slimebucket, based on his little oozing problem.
"We worked well together, Frunk. I had a blast." Krumm agreed. "My stench melted some of the wax displays at Madame Tussaude's!"
"Time Square was the perfect location for us. There's always a crowd, and I kept making the humans fall down so they'd be exposed to the stink even longer! Awesome teamwork!" Frunk gushed.
"Hmpph. Don't be so smug. Only a total jerk would use their scaring method against another monster." Horrifica opined as she wiped the slime from her face.
Ickis poked his head out of the pipe. "But Horrifica, isn't that what you did to me?" he questioned.
"Nobody asked you, Ickis. Be quiet!" Horrifica snapped.
Krumm watched her limp away. "You guys have a rough time out there?" Krumm wondered.
"Horrible. But I did get some slurry at the end of it all." Ickis professed.
"Yum. That would put a smile on my face." Krumm noted.
"Me too! I'm probly gonna be Snorched tomorrow, but until then, why should I worry? It feels nice just to be here!" Ickis declared. "Let's go to the dorm, Krumm. See ya later, Frunk!"
"Yeah, see you around Frunk!" Krumm added.
"Bye Ickis! Bye Krumm!" Frunk called after them.
"I bet Oblina's scare went well." Ickis theorized as they opened the door.
"Icky! Krummy! How marvelous to see you boys! I trust you put forth your best efforts today. Boral and I frightened the children who rode the carousel in Central Park. I pretended to be the pole, then pulled my guts out. He broke the control box so they couldn't disembark right away, and wailed -most- effectively. I think the Gromble will applaud our efforts." she claimed.
"Probly. I don't even have a scare, unless you count Horrifica frightening me, but I'd rather you didn't." Ickis admitted.
"Oh, Icky. The Gromble isn't going to be satisfied with that. He might even contact your father and complain." Oblina put forth.
Ickis sighed. "Jus' don't tell Dad to meet the Gromble in Central Park or the Great Slickis will -never- show." Ickis groused.
"Your father didn't mean to let you down, Icky. He was very sorry afterward." Oblina insisted.
"Yes, there's nothing sorrier than attending every business function that comes up during the year, but only going to half the events you promise your son that you'll attend." Ickis acknowledged glumly.
"Don't dwell on it, Ickis. Think of happier things! For instance, there's a quiz tomorrow, and a complete chapter test on Monday." Oblina told him.
"When does the happiness come in?" Ickis asked.
"We still have time to review for it!" Oblina persisted. "Get out your Manual Ickis, and I'll go over some of the questions with you."
Ickis huffed. "If I didn't understand it earlier in class, what makes you think now will be any different?" Ickis wondered.
"Because now you're listening to -me-, and not the Gromble. I'll actually stop and go back to a previous section if you get confused." Oblina promised.
"Okay." Ickis flipped through the pages until he reached the most recent chapter. "Scaring entreaties." he muttered.
"Scaring in trees." Oblina corrected. "You'll like this, Ickis, it's all about climbing and swooping down on unsuspecting humans. And there's a warning against eating tree nuts, but of course, you already know about that."
"I still got the termite jar. It's empty right now, cause Krumm got hungry one night." Ickis detailed.
"I was doing you a favor. They would've been past their expiration soon, I swear it!" Krumm bluffed.
Oblina rolled her eyes. "Of course. Now what is the first rule about scaring in trees?" Oblina prompted.
Ickis glanced at the page. "Look before you lead. That makes -no- sense, why would there be lead pipes hanging in a tree? Did someone move a Sewerball team up there? It would make practice really hard, unless you wanted to use nuts instead of tomatos, but they wouldn't be so squishy when you gripped them, so the pitcher would -really- have to adjust his game plan." Ickis opined.
"It's leap, Ickis. The Manual recommends that you scan your surroundings thoroughly before you jump." Oblina explained.
"So the branch doesn't break on you an' you don't have to get stitches! That IS important advice!" Ickis agreed.
"Good, good. What's the second rule?" Oblina continued.
"Avoid trees during straws? C'mon, that's just getting ridiculous! No wonder they say a straw argument is really weak, I can't find any merit in this!" Ickis whined.
"Storms." Oblina clarified. "It's not a good idea to scare in a tree during bad weather, because they can attract lightning. A strong wind can also knock a tree over, and the bark is slippery when wet."
"I don't think there's ANY good place to go scaring during a storm." Ickis commented.
"Yes! It's good to recognize that there are certain limitations in life." Oblina judged. "Now you're making progress, Icky! Keep going. What's the third rule?"
"Beware of other inhibitions?" Ickis guessed at the final word.
"Inhabitants. Squirrels, bats, birds, and assorted small animals that build their homes in trees." detailed Oblina.
"Squirrels are the worst cause they always hide acorns in the trunk, an' then forget that they ALREADY stockpiled alot of them, an' keep going back for more! Isn't it frustrating when somebody goes through the same motions over an' over without it sinks in?!" Ickis ranted.
"I like to imagine that they'd get the message eventually. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth any effort." Oblina claimed.
"Maybe. But I think that the ability to retain new information is directly proportional to the size of the creature's brain." Ickis suggested.
"There's plenty of evidence supporting -that- theory." Oblina noted smugly. "What's the final rule the Gromble wanted us to memorize?"
"Lumberjerks chop down trees." Ickis concluded.
"Lumberjacks. But you have the essence of the idea down perfectly." Oblina acknowledged. "Repeat it to yourself a few more times if necessary. I'm going to bed. Good night Icky. Good night Krumm."
"I'm tired too. Good night, Oblina. Good night Ickis." Krumm proclaimed.
Ickis regarded the Manual briefly and decided to keep it open as he climbed into bed. "I'm only reading a little more, then I'll sleep. G'night Oblina. G'night Krumm." he whispered. Ickis wasn't sure how much good it would do him, but after 20 minutes of reading his shoulders started to slump forward. He yawned and fell asleep on top of the book.
Horrifica was unable to get comfortable that night. Ordinarily she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow and woke up refreshed in the morning, scales glistening from all her ugly sleep. But a leak had developed in the corner of her dorm and she just could NOT ignore the dripping sound. Her roommates didn't seem bothered by it at all. Hairyette had offered her some earplugs but they kept falling out. Dizzle had suggested placing a tin pan under the leak but that just made the splashes louder. She flipped over onto her back, and that muffled the sound slightly, but she'd never slept that way and didn't like the sensation of her lips touching the pillow. Horrifica threw the pillow onto the ground angrily, but without it the bed didn't feel lumpy enough. Frustrated, she crawled onto the floor, but now she didn't feel she was high enough to sleep properly! Horrifica moaned piteously, and began to envision herself scaring sheep as the jumped over a fence. It didn't help in the slightest.
Back in their dorm, Oblina was trying to wake up Ickis. "Icky, you shouldn't sleep with your glasses on. You're lucky you didn't roll over and break them." she claimed.
"Read it again, Dad. I'm not tired." Ickis confided in his sleep.
Oblina nudged him a bit harder. "Get up, Icky. I though you -wanted- to wake up early today, while we still have time to check the mail before class." Oblina recalled.
That snapped Ickis awake. "Did it come? Did Krumm borrow it yet? He can have it as soon as I'm done, I jus' wanna know if Ultra Monster's secret identity was compromised! That revolting reporter Groslane has been getting sooo suspicious!" Ickis commented.
"Your precious Ultra Monster comic is here, although I'm not sure what to tell you about it... I think they made a mistake, the cover is only half-finished." Oblina described.
Ickis' eyes widened. "No way! A sketch variant! Those are so rare, subscribers only, an' you still are limited to a .5% chance of getting one!" Ickis squealed happily.
"All that excitement over a little comic book." Oblina marveled. "It wouldn't surprise me if you failed to notice your OTHER mail."
"There's more?" Ickis wondered. "I wasn't expecting any- hey! It's from the Gorblat Lanes. I thought they weren't gonna make me pay damages, cause we got the Gorblat pulled off'a my wrist, who cares if one of my claws got lodged inside it?"
"I guess the owner of the Alley cares." Krumm answered.
Ickis tore the envelope open. "Wow, that's amazing! I won a free afternoon there, we can redeem it whenever we want, all expenses paid! An' you said contests like that were probly rigged, Oblina an' I shouldn'ta bothered!" Ickis chortled with glee.
Oblina gasped. "I can't say 'I told you so' then. But I don't mind it at all. Ickis, that -is- a pleasant surprise. Congratulations." Oblina offered.
"There's another letter, too! I bet it's good, everything else is good, why stop now? Yeah, it's from Dad! He's in town, an' he promises, really truly promises, he'll meet me after school today! Let's take Dad to the Gorblat Alley, I don't care that he'd outshine me, I -want- him to have a good time!" Ickis professed.
"I'm sure he'd like that alot, Ickis." Oblina agreed.
"Slime pies on me!" Ickis announced grandly. He placed the Ultra Monster comic carefully on the shelf, then shoved the letters inside the Manual.
"Can I have a piece of that?" Krumm asked.
"Absolutely! You an' Oblina will have all-you-can-eat from the snack bar, an' you'll sit in places of honor, at the same table as me an' Dad." Ickis detailed.
"That's terrific. Just don't forget we -do- have school first so we'd better get going before we are late." Oblina reminded them.
"Schoolwork? Bring it on, I actually READ the material!" Ickis recounted.
"It's a day of miracles." commented Oblina.
"It jus' doesn't get any better than this!" Ickis chirped as he rushed into class.
Krumm picked that moment to remember something from last night's discussion. "Aren't you missing a scare?" he recalled as they entered the classroom.
Ickis froze in fear. "I -hate- my life." he muttered.
"Sit down, everyone." the Gromble ordered. "That means you, Master Ickis. Move it!"
Nervously, Ickis began tiptoeing to his customary spot, when he noticed that the classroom lacked one of its typical features. "Where's the Viewfinder?" Ickis inquired.
"It was past due for its 10,000 scare check-up. Repairs are being done now, should be ready by Monday. Take your seat, Master Ickis and stop PESTERING me!" the Gromble roared. "We'll begin our lesson with a quiz, hopefully this will give you a rough estimate of how much MORE effort you'll need to put in to be ready for Monday's chapter test. Depending on how long it takes you lazy lumps to complete that, and given the pace of SOME students, I imagine it will take -all- day, pair scares will be presented Monday afternoon, or first thing Tuesday morning. I expect you ALL to make the most of the added time to really -impress- me, so DON'T screw it up!" the Gromble instructed as he passed out the exams.
Ickis gulped. "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this..." he repeated to himself.
"Think of what we went over, Icky. You'll do fine." Oblina assured him, even giving Ickis' paw a brief squeeze before focusing on her paper, confidently making a series of rapid strokes with her quill.
Ickis looked at his paper nervously. It -did- appear to be asking about everything Oblina had mentioned. Unstable branches, windstorms, stupid squirrels, humans and the logging industry, what to do if you swallow a tree nut, he actually COULD answer these. He could totally provide the summarization essay the Gromble was demanding! Krumm also seemed prepared, maybe he'd been listening to Oblina's late-night review. Ickis hoped so, because while Krumm maintained a decent grade over-all on the basis of his scares, he didn't always score well on tests. Krumm never flunked as badly as Ickis did, but he tended to give short, succint essay responses that annoyed the Gromble to no end. Ickis didn't want any of his friends to miss out on the evening he had planned.
The belch rang. "Time's up!" the Gromble barked. "Why don't I read a little bit from some random student's finished essay, see what literary -masterpieces- you crud crunchers have conjured up, hmm?" The Gromble glanced around the room, and decided to make an example of a female student for a change. "Horrifica! What have -you- written?" he mused.
Horrifica looked up at him blearily. Thanks to her sleep deprivation, she couldn't even remember taking the test. "I don't know sir." she confessed.
"Let's find out!" The Gromble snatched up the paper. "'I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues?' This is the sort of drivel I expect from Master Ickis! Unacceptable, you're going to have to shine my entire shoe collection, young lady, until you've learned to value your education more. Hmm, since you're not -used- to the punishment, you'll only have to scrub 40 pairs today." the Gromble announced.
Horrifica's eyes widened. "40 pairs?! Sir, that's a tremendous amount of work!" she whined.
"That's just the start of it. You'll have more to do over the weekend, Horrifica. I usually spread that assignment out over a few days, so the students don't get blisters or pass out from the scent of shoe-polish." explained the Gromble.
"When you see spots dancing in front of your eyes, that's when you should take a break, an' get a few lungfuls of polluted air!" Ickis advised.
"Of course, can't go a day without hearing from our little expert on disciplinary actions. Are you also an expert on studying, Master Ickis? Why don't you read aloud from -your- essay, I don't have the time to try and decipher your backwards scrawl." the Gromble insisted.
"Yes, your Grombleness." Ickis picked up his test and began reciting his essay. "When scaring in a woodland environment, a monster must consider a multitude of factors. Wear and tear over the years can weaken branches, so always test the amount of weight they can handle -before- positioning yourself above ground. Be sure to consider your surroundings very carefully. Animals often nest in trees and are protective of their territory, so hold off on growling until the humans are in your sight, so as not to incur the wrath of squirrels, birds, and other creatures. If a human is wearing a flannel shirt and leather boots, driving a large construction vehicle, or carrying a chainsaw or axe, it is highly likely that you are confronting a lumberjack and you should wait for a more suitable target. Never, ever plan to scare from a tree marked with a red 'X', those have been marked for logging! If by some horrible chance you are unfortunate enough to swallow a tree nut, gather up as many termites as you can so that they will eat the bark before your unwanted transformation into a tree is completed. It is recommended that you get your friends to help with this step, as time is of the essence... how was that, sir?"
The Gromble blinked. "Unusually accurate. What in the world possessed YOU to do your research?" the Gromble demanded.
"Dad's coming an' I didn't want to be in trouble." Ickis admitted.
"Slickis is coming?! Will he demonstrate his complete and utter mastery of camoflauge? Will he give a speech? Will he loom and show off his athletic prowess? I was his teacher, I taught him -everything- he knows!" the Gromble gushed.
Ickis looked uncomfortable. "It was s'posed to be an evening just for me an' Dad an' our closest friends." Ickis clarified.
"At the Gorblat Lanes. Ickis won a free afternoon there. He's getting us pie." Krumm detailed. Ickis shot his best friend an angry look.
"Splendid! The Great Slickis is the best Gorblat player that ever existed. I can't wait to see him in action!" the Gromble exclaimed.
Ickis sighed. "You can come too, sir, since I know I can't prevent that NOW. An' I guess everyone else is gonna show up as well." Ickis recognized sadly. "Maybe we can sneak off somewhere afterwards, it's worth trying to get away..." he muttered.
"And here I though today was going to boring! Class dismissed, let's all rush to welcome the Great Slickis!" the Gromble yelled excitedly.
Ickis' ears fell. "Please, lemme have a moment with Dad. It's doesn't -hafta- be a long moment, but I want one anyway." Ickis whispered as he followed the crowd.
Horrifica pouted as she slunk off to the Gromble's office for her detention.
"Dad! Dad! Dad!" Ickis bounced up and down, waving frantically at Slickis.
"Hullo, Ickis. I see you, son. If the Gromble would jus' be kind enough to step out of the way, I would see you even better." Slickis promised. He shuffled back-and-forth a few times in an attempt to side-step the Gromble.
"Slickis! So good of you to come visit my Academy, and on such short notice! You really ought to let me know ahead of time!" the Gromble professed.
"Thank you sir, but I didn't want to cause a big production out of it. I'm trying to make up for earlier in the year, I left m'boy stranded because I over-scheduled and I don't intend to make that mistake again." Slickis persisted.
"You could NEVER make a mistake, you're the Great Slickis! When have you ever let -anyone- down?" the Gromble laughed.
"When it was most important." Slickis replied. The Gromble pulled back slightly.
"Oh. I- I don't think that was really a matter of letting monsters down, Slickis, merely a matter of circumstance." the Gromble insisted.
"That's fine, sir. I respectfully disagree." Slickis acknowledged. "Hey, Ickis. How was your day?"
"Awesome! The Gromble gave me a quiz an' I aced it! An' I got the -best- comic book, but I can't show it to you while the Gromble's here cause he'll take it away an' never give it back, jus' like last time!" Ickis recalled.
Slickis glanced at the Gromble. "I'm sure he was jus' waiting for the proper moment to return those. It wouldn't be fair to keep confiscated material -permanently-, once he discovered the student had been thoroughly chastised and would be more conscientious in the future. Right, sir?" Slickis prompted.
The Gromble frowned. "He'll have them back Monday." the Gromble allowed. More quietly he added "I think the premise is stupid, anyway. How can Groslane -not- know that Ultra Monster and Klanko are the same character? They never even appear in a single panel together!"
"We're gonna roll Gorblats, Dad! I'm sorry there's a bigger crowd than -I- wanted, you can thank Krumm for that." Ickis remarked sulkily.
"You're welcome!" Krumm remained blissfully ignorant.
"We can do somethin' else afterward, can't we Dad?" Ickis pleaded.
"I'll do whatever I can, Ickis." Slickis assured him.
"No way!" Ickis hugged his father happily.
"Yes way!" Slickis responded.
"Quit hogging the Great Slickis! When it's gonna be MY turn to get his attention?!" whined the Gromble. Slickis' eyes flashed red momentarily, and the Gromble instantly shut up.
Horrifica -hated- polishing the shoes. The fumes made her feel light-headed and she accidentally broke a heel off the final pair. She tried to glue it back in place, but ended up getting her paw stuck to the shoe instead. By the time she yanked it free, there were red flecks covering her palm. "Gaaah! This is impossible!" she snarled. She kicked at the shoes in irritated defiance and they fell over in a heap. She hastily reorganized them, not caring whether she matched a right shoe with a left shoe or not. This entire day had been a bust so far. At least she could get a little fresh smog to clear her head.
No sooner had Horrifica gone topside when she was hit by a lightning bolt. Horrifica shrieked. That was so snorbly, there hadn't even been a single cloud in the sky! She ran for the nearest mirror to check out her reflection. Every single scale was tarnished and her tendrils were sticking up wildly. "I look like a total gweeb!" she wailed.
"Yeah, you totally do." Gludge realized as he walked towards her. He'd stopped to lift a few weights before heading to the big party for Ignignokt, or whatever the little bunny monster's name was, Gludge didn't keep track of those details. He was glad he paid attention to THIS detail however, Horrifica had never seemed less hebopply.
"Gludge! I'm so happy to see you!" Horrifica responded.
"Of course you are, everyone is." Gludge noted. "Listen, Horrifuki..." he began.
"Horrifica." she corrected.
"Whatever. Something came up. So I'm not taking you to the Gorblat Lanes, y'know something kinda important, so I guess I'll be seeing you." Gludge detailed.
"Whaaat?" Horrifica was indignant. Gludge was her squish, they belonged together! He had never dared to insult her like that before! She had half a mind -not- to follow him to that stupid Gorblat Alley where all the students, and possibly the Headmaster, would be clustered around the Great Slickis and his stupidly inept son. Yes, it would serve them ALL if she stayed behind.
"Hey, loiterer! If you've got nothing better to do, you can try my new recipe! Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, ha ha! Choke on that losers!" roared Simpah, the mentally-unbalanced cafeteria lady.
"Shouldn't you be making real food?" sneered Horrifica. "Nice tail extensions, by the way."
"Shouldn't you be making real friends?" Simpah countered. "Nice tendrils, by the way."
Horrifica sulked the entire way to the Gorblat Alley.
"Why am I here?" Horrifica grumbled. "I don't even like the snorbly little squirt."
"Oh, almost nobody -likes- Ickis!" Hairyette responded. "But it's a party, so we all came to the Gorblat Lanes for a good time. Even Zimbo flew over here, see!"
Zimbo snickered. "Break a leg, Ickis." he urged.
Ickis eyed him critically. "You mean that literally, I'm sure." he stated.
"I heard there are some teenagers driving to Make Out Point. Just in case you were looking for a scare. Vroom vroom!" Zimbo offered.
"You know what I like most about you, Zimbo?" Ickis prompted. "Your friendship with the Snorch. I am sooo glad that most days wherever you go, he goes. Cause my Dad almost never gets to use Monster Sign Language, I bet he an' the Snorch have a fascinating conversation, wouldn't you say?"
Zimbo gulped. "You're joking! Tell me you're joking! They would never think of doing that!" Zimbo protested.
"I think they already are. Looks like Dad is warning 'he'd better not have done that to my boy' and the Snorch is confirming 'oh that was just for starters.' Course I don't sign anywhere -near- as well as THEY do so I might be wrong but I doubt it." Ickis supplied. Horrified, Zimbo flew towards them in a vain attempt at damage control.
Ickis was still smirking when Dizzle approached him. "Oh Ickis. I think it's so impressive that you won a free afternoon here." Dizzle declared.
Ickis blushed. "Thanks Dizzle!" he replied.
"You know what's even more impressive? The way your father just glowered at Zimbo. The Great Slickis is a very hebopply monster, isn't he?" Dizzle observed.
"Yeah, Dad's also a very devoted monster. I don't have a stepmom, but that doesn't mean that offers -weren't- made by various groupies." Ickis put forth.
"So he's still single!" Dizzle noted.
Ickis shook his head. "I would -not- describe Dad that way. The first biography doesn't even list a marital status, but some of the later merchandise calls him a widower. It's kinda super hard to make him mad, but you WOULD be risking it, if you approached Dad as 'single monster seeks good squish'. Trust me." Ickis advised.
Dizzle pouted. "Well there must be SOME fiendishly eligible male monster here!" she whined.
"I could think of someone right in front of you." Ickis volunteered.
Dizzle looked at him quizzically. "I don't see it." Dizzle stated.
Ickis' ears drooped. "You can always try talking to Gludge. I heard he wasn't going with Horrifica anymore, something came up." recalled Ickis.
Horrifica clenched her fists. How had that bonsty-ish brat found out about the breakup? She hadn't seen anyone else around when Gludge gave her the brush-off. Maybe one of the locker monsters had tipped off Ickis, but she could have sworn they didn't care for Ickis, either.
There was a loud crash as Slickis rolled another strike. "Oh, that takes me back. There are such good memories in this alley. What a glorious sound!" Slickis declared proudly.
Ickis headed over to the racks of Gorblats and selected the biggest one he could carry. He wobbled a bit to one side as he waved to his father. Slickis watched his son haul around the extremely large Gorblat. "Ickis, that's too heavy for you." Slickis mentioned.
"I can -oof- handle it Dad." Ickis assured his father, as he gripped the Gorblat awkwardly.
"Okay, but once you get that rolling, you might not have the strength left for a sufficient jump." Slickis pointed out.
"What's next, coach? Wanna tell me how my stance is off?" Ickis responded testily.
"Lead with your left foot, that's your more dominant side." suggested Slickis. "On the good foot!"
Ickis scowled. "You're too old to say that. I got this under control, really. Nothing can throw off MY game today!" Ickis boasted as he rolled the Gorblat.
"Is that Cuddles the bear, sneaking up on you?" Zimbo called out. Apparently he was a glutton for punishment.
"YAAAH!" Ickis screeched and jumped a good 10 ft higher than he normally would before he came crashing down on top of the moving Gorblat. The Gorblat goop went flying, hitting every pin smack in the center. There was a moment of stunned silence before they clattered to the floor.
"Whoa. Never seen it done like THAT before. Good form, son." Slickis praised his boy.
Ickis beamed. "Yesss! I did it, I did it, you were watching me, so you -know- I did it, yes!" he cheered.
"Of course. You probly do impressive stunts on a regular basis." Slickis theorized. The silence this time was more uncomfortable. The Gromble was having an especially hard time keeping a straight face.
"Sure, why not? Let's go with that." Ickis finally spoke up.
"Icky, honesty is the best policy." Oblina scolded.
"Then -you- can put that into practice, the next time Miz Sublima asks what you think of her silkworm dressing gown, or if you've got time for an Anthraxichord solo, or if you've kept current with your debutante lessons. You DO 'member which is the slop spoon an' which is the dirt fork, an' how many times should you dip your claws into the grease bowl between servings, don'tcha?" Ickis countered.
"I honestly don't know -what- you're talking about Ickis." she huffed.
"Riiight. Must've been thinking about some other squishy girl with a high opinion of herself. I'm sure there's no shortage of THOSE around. Best if we just pretend it never happened." Ickis chirped.
"Agreed." Oblina relented. "Athough it IS highly unlikely that YOU would ever even meet another squishy girl in your lifetime."
"I dunno, it's been kinda crazy lately. Not crazy in the Monster-Hunters-are-after-me sense, or crazy in the blurred-the-line-between-fact-and-fantasy-again sense, but crazy good." Ickis specified.
"That's terrific." Slickis concurred, as he ruffled his son's fur.
Ickis sighed. "If the Gromble would just let me wear a hat all'a time, you couldn't do that." he theorized.
"Hm-mm. I s'pose I could get used to seeing you in one. My father tended to wear his helmet even during peace-time." recalled Slickis.
"Maybe I'll join the Army then." Ickis plotted.
"Sorry, Ickis. You don't meet the minimum height/weight requirements, you couldn't pass a vision test, they have fairly stringent psych evaluations nowadays... not that we'd know the results of -those- evaluations ahead of time, heh heh. And they DO make you complete part of the application yourself, a long written report that's filed in triplicate. Plus you're only issued one flash-paper identification. If your fur doesn't match that ID or your filed description at -any- given time, it's considered a violation of protocol, and they would label you a derelict before removing you from duty permanently." Slickis detailed.
Ickis' jaw dropped. "So not fair! If you're so smart about everything, why didn't YOU join up?!" he questioned.
"Because I saw what the Army did to General Brickis." Slickis explained gently.
"Oh." Ickis looked downcast. "Sorry Dad." he mumbled.
"Hey it's no big deal. A monster's got to find his own path, right? I'm sure you'll do something amazing should the opportunity arise." Slickis predicted.
Ickis hugged him tight. "I could tell everyone I know the Great Slickis. That's pretty amazing!" he decided.
"No arguments here." Slickis replied cheerfully. "You want some slime pie, Ickis?"
"Yeah! Better order a dozen to start with, so you get enough Dad." Ickis suggested.
"Buffet-style, round trips. That's how you get the most value when you're eating out." Slickis detailed.
Horrifica watched them with annoyance. This was NOT how Ickis usually behaved! He should be cowering, or crying, or pretending not to cry, as he whined about whatever misfortune had befallen him most recently. Ickis didn't smile and joke and hang out with his famous father in a casual environment, without even glowering at the groupies! And he certainly didn't acheive any personal high scores at the Gorblat Lanes (even if they were still a 100 points behind his father's perfect score!) If Ickis was good at any sport, he either dropped out when the competition got too fierce (like he had with the wave-riding competition), or got banned from official events (like with the Grishnak casinos), or considered his prize totally worthless (what was Ickis gonna do with the Holy Pail? Wear it the next time he threatened to combust in front of everyone?)
Horrifica smiled at the idea of Ickis exploding. It would serve the little twerp right, he was good for nothing but a cheap laugh in the classroom. How he had gone from being constantly humiliated to a well-adjusted member of monster society was beyond her, but she KNEW it was too good to last. No monster could keep up a winning streak like that forever. Sooner or later, Ickis was going to be a loser again, and as far as Horrifica was concerned, sooner couldn't come soon enough.
The library had to be one of the gweebiest places in the entire Academy, but sometimes sacrifices needed to be made. The following morning, Horrifica swallowed what little pride she had remaining and entered the library, intent on getting advice. "What can you tell me about luck?" Horrifica demanded of the library monster.
Nesdak turned to address her, only to knock over a cart full of books. The heaviest one dropped onto Horrifica's foot, and she shrieked in pain. "Oh dear." Nesdak murmured."I'll have to resort those. Perhaps I can get Oblina to help, she's very thoughtful. And Ickis is surprisingly good at organizing the card catalog, I think he has a near-eidetic memory for numbers."
"Hellooo, my foot just got smashed thanks to you!" Horrifica snapped.
Nesdak's face fell. "I'm sorry. I -was- wondering why you would scream like that. There's no talking in the library." Nesdak reminded her.
"Then how do you get any work done?" Horrifica demanded.
"It's a constant struggle." Nesdak revealed. "How can I help you, miss?"
"I need to know about luck. Specifically, how to change mine!" Horrifica insisted.
"Have you tried positive stinking?" suggested Nesdak. "That helps you keep events in perspective. For instance, you could consider it bad luck that a book fell on you."
"Yes!" Horrifica nodded emphatically.
"...Or you could consider it good luck that nothing got broken." Nesdak concluded.
"That's stupid." Horrifica opined. "By your logic I could consider it bad luck that the library monster -isn't- helpful, or good luck that you haven't been fired yet for being so bad at your job."
Nesdak sighed. "You're a bit of a whiner, aren't you dear? I've always felt that you could tell alot about a monster by they way they deal with adversity. This Academy's most esteemed graduate..." Nesdak began.
"Has the snorbliest son in all of monsterdom!" Horrifica finished. "I know! And he has the nerve to actually have things work out in HIS favor for a change! I'm the most hebopply monster in school, not Ickis! But you wouldn't know it lately! He's winning contests, and getting special treats, and he's being -such- a jerk about it!"
Ickis poked his head into the doorway. "Hey Nesdak. I went fishing with Dad before he had to go again. He snagged this rusted fender, even had the tail light still attached to the rack! An' it was so big it took 3 bites for him to chew it all, isn't that awesome? I hooked a whole slew of dead salmon. Nothing worth eating, still... thought you might like a bouquet, skankify the library a little." Ickis announced happily. He arranged the gift prominently in a vase on Nesdak's desk.
"Oh yes. I see what you mean. It's so obvious now." Nesdak commented while rolling her eyes.
"Didja want me to stack those books for you?" Ickis asked as he read off each title carefully. "'7 Habits of Highly Effective Monsters', 'The Horror Of Hope', 'Howling At The Moon', 'I Know Why The Caged Monster Shrieks', ooh can I borrow the last one? Dad says it was one of Granma Malvara's favorites but I never made it all the way through." Ickis noted.
"Because you're an idiot!" Horrifica snarled. "How can you just stand there babbling like a simpleton?!"
Ickis flicked his ears. "It seemed more polite than bursting in an' telling you I heard all the nasty things you were yelling at Nesdak about. Y'know she does alot for this Academy an' except for Oblina I don't think most monsters even give her a thank you for all the effort she makes." Ickis declared.
Horrifica glared at him. "Only a total gweeb would eavesdrop." she retorted.
"Not eavesdropping if you can't help it. You are not 'zactly known for speaking sotte voce." Ickis replied.
Horrifica huffed. "I -was- known for being popular! You wrecked everything! Ever since that stupid pair scare my life has been a litany of tragedies! Stuff falls on me, the Gromble asks me questions I don't know the answers to, monsters disrespect ME, my squish won't return my feelings, I even get struck my lightning! On a day when it wasn't RAINING!" raged Horrifica.
"Dry lightning. An unusual but not unheard of phenomenon." supplied Nesdak. "I've witnessed it a few times, it can be a truly repulsive sight."
"Not when it fries my tendrils and tarnishes my scales!" insisted Horrifica. "And what have YOU been up to since yesterday afternoon, Ickis?"
"I spent hours fixing this broken cassette player I found on my way back to the dump after fishing with Dad, but I'm not sure I'm s'posed to have it, so I'll tell you all about it later Nesdak." Ickis offered.
"Sounds very compelling. I'll look forward to it." Nesdak assured him.
"Lessee, an' Oblina told me I shouldn't work through breakfast, so she brung me some battery acid to drink, an' a bowl of pencil shavings. Then Krumm pitched a few tomatos for me, he's got this great knuckleball he's working on, but I hit it every time, so we're still fine-tuning it! Then we bumped into Plastoog. He jus' got back from the recycling center, humans will LET him in there, no problem! So he had all these extra aluminum cans, I saved some for Oblina cause they're one of HER favorites, I think she was pleased. An' I told Plastoog he should chat with the Gromble cause they're good friends, which is weird, but who cares as long as you got somebody you can rely on, right? I guess they're still talking, going over how they panicked sailors from the Dutch East India Company an' what great opportunities there were for monsters back in the day. So the Gromble's in a good mood for now, that's jus' fine. I'll probly go out again later, but for now I thought the fish would've rotted enough that I could give them to Nesdak. Didn't think you'd be here Horrifica, you're not the studious type, but you never can tell what the day will bring! I -wasn't- gonna call you out on it Horrifica, but you kept bothering Nesdak so much I figured I oughtta let you know that you're not being fair to her." Ickis finished breathlessly.
"Thank you Ickis. I enjoyed hearing that." Nesdak professed.
"You're welcome." Ickis replied.
"You're a suck-up." accused Horrifica. "Worse than that, you're a sneak! I thought it over and I decided that you've been hogging ALL of -my- good luck!"
"That -would- explain Miz Fearlona's chant the other day." Ickis recalled.
"What?!" Horrifica snapped.
"I wasn't sure it was about you, since nobody's s'posed to use the name of any specific monster when they cast a curse. But that one couplet about 'you'll know hardships that you have skipped' and 'think that you're above it all, first comes pride and then the fall' DID kinda remind me of you." Ickis explained.
"Oh skank it! That creepy old crone did curse me! Still don't see -why- she had to help YOU out." Horrifica groused.
"Probly cause I showed her respect. Toldja to be nicer to her. Those kinds of curses are usually a give-an'-take package deal, can't just make one monster have a bad day, without making another monster have a good one, y'know?" detailed Ickis.
"Make her take it back! I am NOT living like this." Horrifica whined.
"Puh-leeze. You haven't even met a Monster Hunter yet. Wait'll you see some of the traps THEY can set, hoo boy! An' not enough time has passed for you to have been Snorched every day for a week. With extra -written- assignments thrown on top of that, but you can't choose to do a report on ANY books with pictures. Then you should try really, really hard to have a special day with somebody but watch it backfire horribly. An' jus' when you think there's nothing you CAN do to make them -like- you even a tiny bit, there's a moment of kindness where you find out they don't consider you THAT terrible to be around. When you get one of those moments, that's living." Ickis insisted.
"That's crazy!" Horrifica protested. She slammed her fist on top of Nesdak's desk in frustration, causing the vase of rotten fish to go flying. They landed on her head with a loud crash, and the vase broke into several pieces.
"I'll get the broom." Nesdak noted sadly.
"I'll make you another vase." Ickis promised. "I can sculpt anythin' you want out of clay, a model of the school, your favorite bone, a garbage can, the Gromble about to scold everyone, you name it! I made my first statue of Dad one time when he was home sick. I also arranged his tackle box that day, but it wasn't such a success cause I got this one hook stuck in my paw and I couldn't get it out until he woke up an' helped me but he liked the sewage I gathered while foraging too, so maybe that evens it out?"
"I'm sure it does." Nesdak proclaimed. "The garbage can vase sounds perfect."
Ickis grinned. "Have it ready for you by this time next week. I'd say sooner, but I'll give you even-odds the Gromble punishes me for something between now an' then." reasoned Ickis.
"That's fine. I'm afraid I have to ask you both to leave so I can sweep up the broken pieces. It wouldn't do to have either of you get cut." Nesdak worried.
"I know how to staunch the bleeding, but Dad told me that would be dangerous for me now, so okay. Nice chatting with you. G'bye Nesdak!" Ickis waved his farewell.
"Have a putrid day!" Nesdak called back. Horrifica scowled and left the library as well, but she didn't bother with any polite goodbyes.
"Fine, so gypsy curses are one of those weird, esoteric subjects that you're not completely ignorant of. How do I get it removed?" wheedled Horrifica.
"You find the monster you wronged, an' you apologize to her, an' she lifts the curse." Ickis stated matter-of-factly.
"Those stupid travelling monsters! They could be anywhere in the city by now!" Horrifica groaned.
"Or outside of it. They're not confined to New York, never have been." Ickis commented.
"That's just great. What if I never find them and I'm stuck like -this- forever?" Horrifica wailed.
"I can put in a good word for you down at Dr. Kott's office." Ickis professed.
"But he hates you too!" Horrifica exclaimed.
"That's not entirely true. He hates the extra work, he loves the extra toenails. Give-an'-take, remember?" Ickis clarified.
"I just plain hate you. There's no other aspect to it!" Horrifica snarled.
"Yeah, I figured that out within our first week of classes. 'Snorbly four-eyed gweebie little do-nothing flop-eared loser scaredy buffoon' doesn't leave alot of room for doubt." Ickis remembered sadly.
"Were you SPYING on me? Ugh, you are even more desperate and pathetic than all the girls say you are!" Horrifica announced.
Ickis' lip quivered. "Not all the girls." he whispered.
"Nesdak doesn't count, she's a grown-up monster." Horrifica shot back.
"I betcha if I told the Gromble you think Nesdak doesn't count, he'd be really ticked off." Ickis threatened.
"Is that the best you can do? Hide behind the Gromble? As if -that- meant anything to me." Horrifica jeered.
"I could always refuse to take you to where the gypsy monsters are." Ickis revealed.
Horrifica gasped. "You know where they've camped out?! You have to tell me!" she cajoled.
"No I don't. You can waste your time searching round Maspeth in Queens, I don't gotta tell you that they've moved to the flatiron district, outside Bocca's on East 19th, an' Park Avenue South!" Ickis retorted. He clapped a paw over his mouth afterwards. "Oh, I been hanging around Krumm too much." he lamented.
"I could have wormed it out of you anyway. Dizzle says all a girl has to do is wink at you, and you're smitten." Horrifica boasted.
"No way! Oblina -never- does that an' I think she's- nevermind what I think! You'd just laugh about it!" Ickis contested.
"Who wouldn't? You're so wasting your time pursuing that squish. Oblina's stuck up, she's not stupid." Horrifica opined.
Ickis' eyes started to fill with blood. "You know what's stupid? Aggravating the -only- monster who would HELP you!" Ickis snarled. His fangs gleamed prominently.
Horrifica backed away slightly. "Okay, okay. Don't have a connipition fit. Sorry I brought it up, sheesh." Horrifica relented.
Ickis retracted his fangs. "Apology accepted. That wasn't so hard to say, was it Horrifica? All you gotta do is show the same courtesy to Miz Fearlona an' she'll forgive you, no doubt!" Ickis predicted.
"If she doesn't, I'm taking it out on you." Horrifica vowed.
"Might not wanna mention that to her." Ickis advised. "C'mon, I'll show you which pipe'll give us there fastest."
Horrifica tromped after Ickis. She still wasn't used to keeping on guard and ended up getting bitten by 2 rats as they crawled through the plumbing. When they reached the toilet at Bocca's, Ickis popped out first. Horrifica tried to leap out also, but the toilet lid slammed back down in her face.
Ickis flinched in sympathy. "It usually takes 18 hours for a mark like that to fade." he observed.
"How long does it take for you to shut up?" Horrifica asked angrily.
"Too long. That's what Oblina tells me at any rate, an' she's usually right whenever she makes a judgment call." Ickis remarked.
"She's friends with you, so she can't be -that- infallible." Horrifica opined.
Ickis sighed. "You still have no idea why this is happening to you?" he commented.
"No, and it's awful!" Horrifica snapped. "Just find those gweebie gyspies so we can return to normalcy."
"Alright." Ickis noted glumly. "The garbage is great around here, at any rate. So no matter what happens next, it's not gonna be a total loss."
Horrifica snorted indignantly. "That -would- be the first thing you'd consider." she sneered.
"Given the rest of the environment, it did seem the most promising aspect." Ickis allowed. They walked around back, where the gypsy monsters had gathered by the dumpsters, enjoying their lunches.
"Break's over, Fearlona. The rest of you, skedaddle. We need to talk!" Horrifica demanded.
Ickis groaned in frustration. "I'm sorry Miz Fearlona, we don't usually hang out together, please take that under consideration." Ickis mumbled.
"I'm not troubled by you, Ickis son of the Great Slickis. The girl, on the other claw, is a true irritant." Fearlona pronounced.
"Takes one to know one!" retorted Horrifica.
Ickis grimaced. "I know, this isn't working out so good. Horrifica really -does- regret what she did, she's just not expressing it well. Um, but if you could just listen to her apology, I'm sure we could all reach a sensible solution." Ickis offered.
Fearlona looked at Horrifica expectantly. The frazzled monster child glared at Fearlona for a few moments, then lowered her gaze. "I'm sorry." Horrifica acknowledged.
"So you say." Fearlona noted. "Not an especially convincingly apology, but one that was given willingly enough."
"Then you'll fix everything? You'll make me the most hebopply girl in class again, and Ickis can go crawl back under a bridge or wherever it is he goes when he's moping about how terrible the world is?" Horrifica asked hopefully.
"I haven't lifted the curse YET, so don't get ahead of yourself, girlie." Fearlona cautioned. "But that would be a reasonable approximation of what would happen. Can you accept that, Ickis?"
Ickis shrugged. "A touch of grey kinda suits me anyway." he allowed. Ickis twiddled his claws nervously. "I was jus' wondering- cause sometimes it doesn't work like that- but could I 'member yesterday? I had a really nice time with Oblina an' Krumm an' Dad especially. If you'd let me, I'd rather not forget that."
Fearlona smiled gently. "I s'pose it could be arranged. We would probly ask for something in return." Fearlona detailed.
"I actually studied some for Monday's test. But I could forget that chapter, easy!" Ickis professed.
"Fair enough." Fearlona agreed. She waved her paws in a sign of blessing in front of the monster children. "Her life is charmed, she's seldom harmed. He is not a fortunate son, most damage dealt can be undone."
Horrifica blinked. "What's going on? Why am I out here in the loser part of town, surrounded by imbeciles?" she exclaimed.
"I'm guessing she forgets -everything- she learned." Ickis realized.
"Don't worry, she hadn't learned much." Fearlona clarified.
"Whatever. I need to have a mudbath, I can't do a thing with my tendrils like this!" Horrifica announced as she sauntered back into the restaurant.
"Okay. Guess, I'll be heading back too, crack open the Monster Manual." Ickis replied. He turned to follow Horrifica, and tripped.
"Watch your step, Ickis. Monday is still a weekend away." Fearlona cautioned. "And you might want to tie your ears down before you flush yourself. That toilet lid has a tendency to swing shut on its own accord."
Ickis brushed himself off. "Thanks, I'll keep it in mind. G'bye Miz Fearlona. G'bye monster troupe. Last night I told Dad you were in town again, he hopes you've stocked up on food in case you meet any hungry travelers."
Fearlona laughed. "We wouldn't even accept a challenge from HIM again. If Slickis wants food, he can buy a rotten apple for 3 toenails like every other monster." Fearlona insisted.
"You'd make a pretty good profit that way, cause I bet Dad wouldn't settle for less than a bushel. An' they determine that by weight, so cram as many rotten apples as you can into an 8 gallon container. See ya!" Ickis suggested. He strode confidently back into Bocca's and flushed himself down the toilet. A muffled "ouch" could be heard punctuating his departure.
The gypsy monsters waited a few moments, while Ayelka consulted her tarot. "That poor unlucky creature. Ickis is not going to school on Monday, is he?" she questioned.
"I don't know. I'll give you even-odds he shows up to class, with the mouse-trap still dangling from his ears." replied Fearlona.
~~~The End.
Author's Note: Horrifica, like many background monsters, never got a chance to have her personality expanded upon much. We know that she was considered desirable by many male monsters, was friendly towards Dizzle and Hairyette (and eventually warmed up to Oblina a little bit, but usually regarded her as too much of a teacher's pet to bother with), and that she dated Gludge, the most popular boy in class, although it's implied that he was only interested in her for superficial reasons. While she does come across as a bit of a spoiled bonsty and a drama queen, she's still young by monster standards and MIGHT improve as she matures. It -could- happen (but I wouldn't give you very good odds for it.)