The Field trip to Azkaban
by Aragorn
Note: Here are some things that will show up in the fic that I should explain:
? Words that are in are showing a scene change, like cut to, Seamus and Dean
? *This is an action*
? [This is a comment by me to the people reading the fic]
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, Scott Riddle belongs to the Godric?s Hollow people, Surviovor belongs to whoever created it, Monty Python belongs to the people that created it and Krysta Vader belongs to whoever created her, and I belong to me, or at least I think I do....
Anyway... here?s the fic:
[Note: Voldemort is in this fic]
[Note: This may or may not be a good thing....]
[Note: I don?t like Draco or any of the Malfoy?s]
[Note: I think this is enough notes, so here?s the fic]
Neville was mad. He was always being made fun of. People made fun of him all the time. The latest thing was that he like the Muggle song, Last Resort by Papa Roach [Note: It?s a cool song]. Well, now Neville was up to his second to last resort... attacking Malfoy and his stupid friends...
cut to Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas
Seamus and Dean were walking from the Common Rooms to breakfast.
?I?m hungry?
?You can say that again!?
?I?m hungry?
?You can say that again!?
I?m... *whack* hey that hurt Hermione! What was that for?!!?
?For being a donkey named Jack- now get out of my freakin? way you bone heads!?
They were surprised to here yelling and screams ahead. They jogged forward and saw Neville hexing and cursing all the Syltherins. Malfoy went down screaming about some teddy bear after cursing Crabbe for getting in his way as he tried to escape. Suddenly two dementors came and picked up Neville and flew off to Azkaban.
?Hey, no, put me down, help!?
No one answered cause they were laughing at the Slytherins.
?Jeez! Did you see the look on his face Ron??!!?
? Yeah he jsut just sitting on the floor (@-@) and screaming about his teady bear?
?Hey Fred did you see Goyle go down???!!!
cut to Snape
Snape had finally though of a way to get all those stupid Gryffindors out of Hogwarts. He sent an owl to Fudge:
Look Fudge you dundering idiot! The Gryffindors have attacked my House when they were defenseless! This is our chance to get that Parslemouth Potter out of our way! Please get rid of them!
-Severus Snape
[ You can see that Snape?s not so good at writing to people- yet another thing wrong with him!]
The next day while everybody was sleeping, dementors came out of nowhere and took the Gryffindors away to Azkaban. Malfoy who had been sneaking around that night got picked up too.
cut to Azkaban
Harry Potter was sitting in a Azkaban cell with Hermione Granger, [Did I spell that right?] Ron Weasly, and everyone?s favorite character: Draco Malfoy. Harry was glad about one thing- dementors are stupid!
They didn?t take any of the students wands- exept Draco?s. So Harry and his friends had a lot of fun hexing him.
?Ouch... Ouch! Stop Potter! Owww! Stop that you frickin? a-hole Ouch! I want my teddy bear!?
?Okay Ron your turn?
?Thanx- Petrificus Totalus!?
?Ouch... Ouch! Stop Weasly! Owww! Stop that you frickin? a-hole-Ouch! I want my daddy!?
Harry had noticed that none of Voldemort?s followers were in cells- Hmmm... where could they be? Anyways- Draco was terrified that he didn?t have his teddy bear with him so he was constantly fainting and wetting his pants. After a couple of hours, torturing Malfoy got boring, so they turned him into a ferret and bounced him out of the cell. (They didn?t know this, but the dementors took all of Voldemort?s followers and they were having a huge party in the really low levels of the prison. Draco went down there to join the party so he?ll be out of the fic for a while)
cut to Hogwarts
Snape hated teaching, he wanted his YMCA job back. So he killed off all the remaing students and teachers and went to live as a Muggle under the name of Mr. Severus Dumass (pronounced Du-mass). He got a job at the YMCA he had left. [That?s the last we see of Snape till the end- and there was much rejoicing * much waving of flags* ]
Okay..... now we cut to Azkaban
Harry, Ron and Hermione broke out of their cell using the Alohomora charm and freed the other prisoners. Ron kicked a rock cause he was bored, but he didn?t know that it flew all the way into a river, went over a waterfall, hit a thermal and flew all the way to Bulgria where it hit and killed Viktor Krum. During their escape Ron noticed a light at the end of a corridor.
? Hey what?s that light over there??
?Looks kinda like a lightsabre!?
?How would you know?!!! They don?t exist!?
?They do on TV!?
?Do not!?
?Do too!?
?Do *whack* ouch!?
The group went over to see what it was...Luke Skywalker was talking into a cell holding a lightsabre...
?No, stupid the Force is.... yes.?
? No it isn?t you small long earred roddent!?
?Wrong are you... magic is stronger than the force?
?Yeah??!!! Well I say you?re wr.. Ahhhhh!?
Suddenly- Volemort showed up and killed Luke and Yoda before either of them could argue anymore. He then saw Harry and company and fired off a couple of curses into the Gryffindor crowd: Lee Jordan, ( I want Mr. B! Argggghhhh!) Lavender Brown (Hey that like hurt!- You just like killed me! Like Ahhhhh!), and Colin Creevy ( Hiyahh Harry How?s it- Ahhhhh!) died instantly. Ron jumped foward ? You?re gonna pay for killing Lavander Voldie- Arrgggghhhh!?, but he died too. Suddenly someone in the crowd yelled, ?Run away! Run Away!? During the chase scene, Voldemort had a non-fatal heart attack and so the Gryffindors survived. They swam to shore, but got lost during the swimming and ended on the Survior Island. After looting the money from the Tribal Council, and blasting down some camera?s they swam all the way back to England- but half of the Gryffindors died when they tried to befriend some sharks. ? Hey look a shark! Lets see if it?s friendly- Ahhhh! My leg! Its got my (gurgling sound) Arrggghhhh....?
When they got to land they ran into Mad-Eye Moody ? Ha! I?m vigilant! I?m always vigilant! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Ahhh! A Dark Wizarding group!?, who was about to turn Hermione into a ferret, when Scott Riddle (Voldemort?s son) appeared and, jumping into the way, took the curse. [Note: Scott was found by a pet store and was bought by Brittney Spears, and was never seen in this fic again :( ] Herione was really mad, ?---- you you little ------ s.o.b! You hurt Scott * whack* Take that * whack* and that! *whack* And that...?
?Hermione! I think he?s dead now.... can we go??!! *whack*?
? Don?t you distract me Harry! I?m gonna kill him!?
And so the group left Hermione and the unconsious Moody and continuied on to Hogwarts.
?Are we there yet??
?Shut up you first years!?
?Okay..... are we there yet now??
?Shut up! * much zapping occurs*?
?Harry.... uhhh.... you?ve stuppefied them all... can we go now??
?No! * more zapping*?
Harry and few who he spared (the Quiditch team) continued up the path that they?re on [There?s no talking because they?re all scared of Harry, who is ready to go insane again.] They suddenly came to a bridge. George muttered... , ?Hey! I saw this in a movie! That?s the bridge of death and it goes over the gorge of eternal peril, there?s a bridge keeper and we gotta answer his questions to get across!? So George ran up to the bridge.
?You must answer me these 3 questions to get to the other side?
?Hey, wasn?t that supposed to rhyme??
? No! Now answer the questions: What is you name??
?George Weasly?
?What is your quest??
?Uhhh....? But Harry got irritated and blasted the keeper into the gorge. The group went across the bridge when, suddenly Voldemort showed up again, killed Katie Bell ?Hey didn?t you have a heart attack or something?! Ahhhhh!? and injures Alicia Spinet who after the screaming ended up falling on Voldemort and...
?None touch me and live? *much zapping*
Now only Fred and Harry are left. ?Uhhh Voldemort? Can we surrender?? ?What??!! You want to?!!? ?No, not really just though I?d ask....? So Voldemort kills Fred for his insolense (Hey by the way do you want a Canary Cream? Only 11 sickles! Arrgggghhhh!)
?So Harry...?
?So what??
?There is something you should know before you die....?
?And that would be...??
?(dramatic pause) Harry, I am your father!?
?RRRRRRiiiiiiigggggghhhhhtttttt...no, you?re not....?
?Yeah I know, I just always wanted to say that. Oh well, bye then....?
But before Voldemort could kill Harry, Han Solo and Krysta Vader came out the Millenium Falcon which had just landed and saved Harry ( Han and Harry flew away never to be seen again, or... untill the Epiloge....) Krysta then battled Voldemort and blocked all his curses with her lightsabre, and was about to cut his head off when Peter Pettigrew (aka Wormtail) showed up and killed her with no warning.
And so, Voldemort took over the world, killing all Muggles and Mudbloods and Muggle lovers that stood in his way... But in the fith year of his reign, the Death Star showed up and blew up the planet.
The End
Epiloge
(aka what happens to the characters)
Voldemort: dead- when Death Star blew up the planet
Scott: dead- when Death Star blew up the planet
Ron: dead- Voldemort killed him
Draco: alive because he stowed away on the Millenium Falcon and joined the Empire.
All the students and teachers at I didn?t mention (plus the ones that I did mention but don?t feel like typing): dead- various reasons
Snape: died at the YMCA- (his dream job) when Death Star blew up the planet
Lee: dead- Voldemort killed him
Mrs. Norris: alive because she wasn?t in the fic (same with Filch)
Lockhart: Alive cause he wasn?t in the fic but in a room with padded walls
Krum: dead when a rock hit his head ( that was very wrong Ron)
Nagini, Voldemort?s snake: alive because it wasn?t in the fic
Bubbles, Voldemort?s basilisk: dead- cause Harry killed it in The Chamber of Secrets (---- you Harry Potter!)
Yoda: dead- Voldemort killed him
Luke Skywalker: dead- Voldemort killed him
Krysta Vader: dead- Pettigrew stabed her in the back
Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail: dead when Death Star blew up the planet
Rita Skeeter: dead- she may not have in in the fic but I don?t like her so she?s dead
Han Solo: alive
Hermione: alive
Harry: Alive and in master of the universe [Bwwaaahahahahahaha!] ( Sorry that?s Voldemort?s laugh, forget I typed that) cause he used the Dark Side to take over the Empire and then, well... took over the universe
The Real End
(this is not to be contiued)
(I mean it can?t be cause only six people survived and half of them only survived cause they weren?t in the fic! I mean you can?t have a Harry Potter fic if Harry, Draco, Hermione and Han Solo are the only characters!)
(The Real Real End)
by Aragorn
Note: Here are some things that will show up in the fic that I should explain:
? Words that are in are showing a scene change, like cut to, Seamus and Dean
? *This is an action*
? [This is a comment by me to the people reading the fic]
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, Scott Riddle belongs to the Godric?s Hollow people, Surviovor belongs to whoever created it, Monty Python belongs to the people that created it and Krysta Vader belongs to whoever created her, and I belong to me, or at least I think I do....
Anyway... here?s the fic:
[Note: Voldemort is in this fic]
[Note: This may or may not be a good thing....]
[Note: I don?t like Draco or any of the Malfoy?s]
[Note: I think this is enough notes, so here?s the fic]
Neville was mad. He was always being made fun of. People made fun of him all the time. The latest thing was that he like the Muggle song, Last Resort by Papa Roach [Note: It?s a cool song]. Well, now Neville was up to his second to last resort... attacking Malfoy and his stupid friends...
cut to Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas
Seamus and Dean were walking from the Common Rooms to breakfast.
?I?m hungry?
?You can say that again!?
?I?m hungry?
?You can say that again!?
I?m... *whack* hey that hurt Hermione! What was that for?!!?
?For being a donkey named Jack- now get out of my freakin? way you bone heads!?
They were surprised to here yelling and screams ahead. They jogged forward and saw Neville hexing and cursing all the Syltherins. Malfoy went down screaming about some teddy bear after cursing Crabbe for getting in his way as he tried to escape. Suddenly two dementors came and picked up Neville and flew off to Azkaban.
?Hey, no, put me down, help!?
No one answered cause they were laughing at the Slytherins.
?Jeez! Did you see the look on his face Ron??!!?
? Yeah he jsut just sitting on the floor (@-@) and screaming about his teady bear?
?Hey Fred did you see Goyle go down???!!!
cut to Snape
Snape had finally though of a way to get all those stupid Gryffindors out of Hogwarts. He sent an owl to Fudge:
Look Fudge you dundering idiot! The Gryffindors have attacked my House when they were defenseless! This is our chance to get that Parslemouth Potter out of our way! Please get rid of them!
-Severus Snape
[ You can see that Snape?s not so good at writing to people- yet another thing wrong with him!]
The next day while everybody was sleeping, dementors came out of nowhere and took the Gryffindors away to Azkaban. Malfoy who had been sneaking around that night got picked up too.
cut to Azkaban
Harry Potter was sitting in a Azkaban cell with Hermione Granger, [Did I spell that right?] Ron Weasly, and everyone?s favorite character: Draco Malfoy. Harry was glad about one thing- dementors are stupid!
They didn?t take any of the students wands- exept Draco?s. So Harry and his friends had a lot of fun hexing him.
?Ouch... Ouch! Stop Potter! Owww! Stop that you frickin? a-hole Ouch! I want my teddy bear!?
?Okay Ron your turn?
?Thanx- Petrificus Totalus!?
?Ouch... Ouch! Stop Weasly! Owww! Stop that you frickin? a-hole-Ouch! I want my daddy!?
Harry had noticed that none of Voldemort?s followers were in cells- Hmmm... where could they be? Anyways- Draco was terrified that he didn?t have his teddy bear with him so he was constantly fainting and wetting his pants. After a couple of hours, torturing Malfoy got boring, so they turned him into a ferret and bounced him out of the cell. (They didn?t know this, but the dementors took all of Voldemort?s followers and they were having a huge party in the really low levels of the prison. Draco went down there to join the party so he?ll be out of the fic for a while)
cut to Hogwarts
Snape hated teaching, he wanted his YMCA job back. So he killed off all the remaing students and teachers and went to live as a Muggle under the name of Mr. Severus Dumass (pronounced Du-mass). He got a job at the YMCA he had left. [That?s the last we see of Snape till the end- and there was much rejoicing * much waving of flags* ]
Okay..... now we cut to Azkaban
Harry, Ron and Hermione broke out of their cell using the Alohomora charm and freed the other prisoners. Ron kicked a rock cause he was bored, but he didn?t know that it flew all the way into a river, went over a waterfall, hit a thermal and flew all the way to Bulgria where it hit and killed Viktor Krum. During their escape Ron noticed a light at the end of a corridor.
? Hey what?s that light over there??
?Looks kinda like a lightsabre!?
?How would you know?!!! They don?t exist!?
?They do on TV!?
?Do not!?
?Do too!?
?Do *whack* ouch!?
The group went over to see what it was...Luke Skywalker was talking into a cell holding a lightsabre...
?No, stupid the Force is.... yes.?
? No it isn?t you small long earred roddent!?
?Wrong are you... magic is stronger than the force?
?Yeah??!!! Well I say you?re wr.. Ahhhhh!?
Suddenly- Volemort showed up and killed Luke and Yoda before either of them could argue anymore. He then saw Harry and company and fired off a couple of curses into the Gryffindor crowd: Lee Jordan, ( I want Mr. B! Argggghhhh!) Lavender Brown (Hey that like hurt!- You just like killed me! Like Ahhhhh!), and Colin Creevy ( Hiyahh Harry How?s it- Ahhhhh!) died instantly. Ron jumped foward ? You?re gonna pay for killing Lavander Voldie- Arrgggghhhh!?, but he died too. Suddenly someone in the crowd yelled, ?Run away! Run Away!? During the chase scene, Voldemort had a non-fatal heart attack and so the Gryffindors survived. They swam to shore, but got lost during the swimming and ended on the Survior Island. After looting the money from the Tribal Council, and blasting down some camera?s they swam all the way back to England- but half of the Gryffindors died when they tried to befriend some sharks. ? Hey look a shark! Lets see if it?s friendly- Ahhhh! My leg! Its got my (gurgling sound) Arrggghhhh....?
When they got to land they ran into Mad-Eye Moody ? Ha! I?m vigilant! I?m always vigilant! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Ahhh! A Dark Wizarding group!?, who was about to turn Hermione into a ferret, when Scott Riddle (Voldemort?s son) appeared and, jumping into the way, took the curse. [Note: Scott was found by a pet store and was bought by Brittney Spears, and was never seen in this fic again :( ] Herione was really mad, ?---- you you little ------ s.o.b! You hurt Scott * whack* Take that * whack* and that! *whack* And that...?
?Hermione! I think he?s dead now.... can we go??!! *whack*?
? Don?t you distract me Harry! I?m gonna kill him!?
And so the group left Hermione and the unconsious Moody and continuied on to Hogwarts.
?Are we there yet??
?Shut up you first years!?
?Okay..... are we there yet now??
?Shut up! * much zapping occurs*?
?Harry.... uhhh.... you?ve stuppefied them all... can we go now??
?No! * more zapping*?
Harry and few who he spared (the Quiditch team) continued up the path that they?re on [There?s no talking because they?re all scared of Harry, who is ready to go insane again.] They suddenly came to a bridge. George muttered... , ?Hey! I saw this in a movie! That?s the bridge of death and it goes over the gorge of eternal peril, there?s a bridge keeper and we gotta answer his questions to get across!? So George ran up to the bridge.
?You must answer me these 3 questions to get to the other side?
?Hey, wasn?t that supposed to rhyme??
? No! Now answer the questions: What is you name??
?George Weasly?
?What is your quest??
?Uhhh....? But Harry got irritated and blasted the keeper into the gorge. The group went across the bridge when, suddenly Voldemort showed up again, killed Katie Bell ?Hey didn?t you have a heart attack or something?! Ahhhhh!? and injures Alicia Spinet who after the screaming ended up falling on Voldemort and...
?None touch me and live? *much zapping*
Now only Fred and Harry are left. ?Uhhh Voldemort? Can we surrender?? ?What??!! You want to?!!? ?No, not really just though I?d ask....? So Voldemort kills Fred for his insolense (Hey by the way do you want a Canary Cream? Only 11 sickles! Arrgggghhhh!)
?So Harry...?
?So what??
?There is something you should know before you die....?
?And that would be...??
?(dramatic pause) Harry, I am your father!?
?RRRRRRiiiiiiigggggghhhhhtttttt...no, you?re not....?
?Yeah I know, I just always wanted to say that. Oh well, bye then....?
But before Voldemort could kill Harry, Han Solo and Krysta Vader came out the Millenium Falcon which had just landed and saved Harry ( Han and Harry flew away never to be seen again, or... untill the Epiloge....) Krysta then battled Voldemort and blocked all his curses with her lightsabre, and was about to cut his head off when Peter Pettigrew (aka Wormtail) showed up and killed her with no warning.
And so, Voldemort took over the world, killing all Muggles and Mudbloods and Muggle lovers that stood in his way... But in the fith year of his reign, the Death Star showed up and blew up the planet.
The End
Epiloge
(aka what happens to the characters)
Voldemort: dead- when Death Star blew up the planet
Scott: dead- when Death Star blew up the planet
Ron: dead- Voldemort killed him
Draco: alive because he stowed away on the Millenium Falcon and joined the Empire.
All the students and teachers at I didn?t mention (plus the ones that I did mention but don?t feel like typing): dead- various reasons
Snape: died at the YMCA- (his dream job) when Death Star blew up the planet
Lee: dead- Voldemort killed him
Mrs. Norris: alive because she wasn?t in the fic (same with Filch)
Lockhart: Alive cause he wasn?t in the fic but in a room with padded walls
Krum: dead when a rock hit his head ( that was very wrong Ron)
Nagini, Voldemort?s snake: alive because it wasn?t in the fic
Bubbles, Voldemort?s basilisk: dead- cause Harry killed it in The Chamber of Secrets (---- you Harry Potter!)
Yoda: dead- Voldemort killed him
Luke Skywalker: dead- Voldemort killed him
Krysta Vader: dead- Pettigrew stabed her in the back
Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail: dead when Death Star blew up the planet
Rita Skeeter: dead- she may not have in in the fic but I don?t like her so she?s dead
Han Solo: alive
Hermione: alive
Harry: Alive and in master of the universe [Bwwaaahahahahahaha!] ( Sorry that?s Voldemort?s laugh, forget I typed that) cause he used the Dark Side to take over the Empire and then, well... took over the universe
The Real End
(this is not to be contiued)
(I mean it can?t be cause only six people survived and half of them only survived cause they weren?t in the fic! I mean you can?t have a Harry Potter fic if Harry, Draco, Hermione and Han Solo are the only characters!)
(The Real Real End)