You've heard it all before, I know, and you're bored through and through

You've heard it all before, I know, and you're bored through and through

It's better though, I'll guarantee, than doing what I do!!

I sit alone, and truly bored, each year and all year long

With not one single thing to do but write a stupid song!

So here it is, this song's for you, you'd better like it now

I spent a whole long year you know, just trying to think of how

To tell you of the four who met and thought they'd have a go

At founding a grand school, this school, in fact, so long ago.

Hufflepuff worked the hardest of those four that much is true

If you are in her house you're fair and just and loyal too

Ravenclaw was clever, smart and quick and full of wit

So those of intellect, with old Rowena they will sit

Gryffindor was boldest, most courageous of the four,

So those of nerve and bravery are in his house for sure!

With Slytherin, the sly ones, and the cunning always sat

Old Slytherin was evil – though I didn't tell you that!

So we could know, when they were gone, in which house you should be

Gryffindor said they should have a sorting hat – that's me

To look inside young peoples' minds and tell them what they were

And write another foolish song for every coming year.

So now you've heard the story, oh and wasn't it just great?

So try me on and I will tell you which house it's your fate

To belong to, but don't worry, for I've never yet been wrong

And now we're drawing to the close of this year's sorting song

So I'll go back to boredom, back once more to my despair

I hate my so-called-life, it's just not right, it's so unfair!

But I'll shut up before I drive you all around the bend

And this time, yes I promise you, this time it is the end!!

There was a scattered round of dubious applause.

"What's it's problem?" Fred said, looking at the hat.

"No idea!"

Professor Mcgonagall looked to be having strict words with the sorting hat about it's unusually self-pitying song. Dumbledore was watching her, looking amused.

"It's certainly feeling bitter this year!" Ron said. "Not that I wouldn't be if I was it. I bet it really sucks, being a hat……"