Summary: and suddenly had the most brilliantest amazingest GREATESTEST idea the world had ever seen!

i dont own labyrinth. tho i wish i owned david bowie... SIGH. oh well. i also dont own lint rollers. teehee.

um yeah, so when i said i would never write another crack fic... i was lying. oops.

The Lint Roller

"Sarah, what is this?" Jareth looked suspiciously down at the prettily wrapped package now sitting in his lap, where coincidentally, his girlfriend, was not. This was not how Jareth had envisioned his birthday. Sure the paper was well… SHINY, but he was not nearly as amused by that as his subjects were. Just slightly amused by it. VERY VERY slightly amused… very.

"It's a birthday present!" Sarah announced from her position perched on her desk. Her apartment was small, but it did the job amiably. She grinned at him from over the small distance between them. Somehow this annoyed Jareth more than the birthdays when she was out of reach and he could only talk to her through random mirrors. (and thoes ones came complete with more awkward moments that Jareth would ever like to admit.)

"I'm aware of that Sarah. But usually my birthday presents are 1) bloody 2) black 3) smelly or 4) All of the above… usually 4." Sarah looked at him with a mixture of what had to be fascination and disgust.

"Well this is 5. None of the above." She smiled and it peaked Jareth's interest. He looked down and carefully removed the colored paper making sure not to tear it. It was shiny, after all… The looked down at the object that fell into his hand and was utterly mystified. It didn't look like anything he'd ever seen before and honestly it was overwhelming to say the least…

"IT'S A LINT ROLLER!" Sarah shouted in happiness. Jareth gave her the same quizzical look that he had previously been giving the lint roller and then looked back down at the device. He did this repeatedly, but to no avail.

"Thanks so much Sarah!" Jareth smiled at her. He had no idea what it did, but it was sorta pointy at one end… he would figure it out later, surely it was some innocent looking torture device.

"I noticed that there was some lint on your pants… erm… tight… thingies. And realized that it must be quite common in such a musty castle. So I bought you a lint roller!" Jareth looked at the device and set it aside before tackling Sarah and pinning her to her bed. It was simply tradition.

Jareth arrived back at his palace a few days later, having spent the appropriate amount of time with Sarah, goofing off, being naughty and generally satisfying their need for the other. He would be back in a few weeks, however long he could force himself to actually attend to his kingdom's problems. He had made like he'd simply forgotten to get his present, but faithful old Sarah brought it to him, placing it in his hands before he left. Now he was sitting in his bedroom debating what to do with the small very odd looking object.

"Lint Roller. Get Your Lint off Without Getting Ripped Off." Jareth read aloud. He sighed. He'd always like things being ripped off better than simply getting lint off. It was so much more enjoyable… though not quite as enjoyable as bogging people, ahhh the bog.

"To Use: Remove protective cover." He read next. OOOOOH a protective covering?!?!?!?! That means that something needed protection from this!!! Jareth was now incredibly exited. He yanked on the 'PULL HERE FOR NO MORE LINT' tab and it came ripping off. Ha! They'd lied!They said there wouldn't be any ripping off of. He then looked at the lightly spinning object. Somehow it looked exactly the same… maybe it was in disguise… Jareth carefully picked up a bobby pin off his vanity and poked at the white blob. To his surprise it merely stuck to it with surprising intensity. Jareth then poked it with his own finger and let out a delighted cackle when it too stuck to the roller. Maybe Sarah had better taste in gifts that he'd thought after all.

Many many sheets off the roller later, a goblin knocked on his door. Jareth didn't answer it but the crier announced his message anyway.

"King Jareth of the Goblins of the Labyrinth. There has been a maze-wide crisis raging since you have returned and the council of elders" who all stunk horribly form being bogged so much "would request your presence now." He could hear the click clack of goblin feet and knew he had left. Jareth rose from his chair, taking his new found toy (whom he'd named Doris(!) with him.)

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BOG IS FULL?!?!?!" Jareth was too stunned to speak other than to yell the simple question repeatedly at the assembled group.

"You have been doing quite a lot of bogging sire and there is a cloggy on the way down to the never ending oubliettes where everything you bog normally goes. Not full, simply temporarily unavailable." The goblin smiled and Jareth narrowed his eyes. He needed a new punishment. He looked down at the goblin's head which was respectfully bowed over and suddenly had the most brilliantest amazingest GREATESTEST idea the world had ever seen! He looked at the lint roller in his hand, took off the already used up sheet and then promptly smacked it onto the goblin's head. It made an entirely satisfactory sticky-stuff-adhereing-to-skin-which-will-hurt-when-taken-off noise and Jareth smiled.

"You, my subordinate, have been LINT ROLLERED!" He laughed with maniacal glee as the special affects crew created lightening out the window behind him. He found himself enjoying life very much at the current moment.

Two weeks later, Sarah arrived at the gates to the Labyrinth. There was an unspoken truce that both could visit the other at any time, and that the visitor would not judge what the other was doing when they arrived. This had come about after a rather interesting conversation involving a cherry pie, a bucket, a half eaten blue crayon and one glowing jelly bean which hummed Yankee Doodle repeatedly when it was asleep. Sarah knew that she merely had to step into the Labyrinth and call Jareth's name for him to appear. She walked to the now familiar gates, and pushed through them.

She had not gone four steps when a goblin wandered across the road in front of her, he looked like any other goblin except for the odd object that seemed to be coming out of his head. Sarah squinted at it, and realized it was nothing other than a lint roller. She was completely baffled as to why this goblin had a lint roller on his head.

"Jareth…." She called halfheartedly seeing as she was a little distracted. She heard laughter and was then enveloped in a hug from behind.

"Jareth… that goblin has a lint roller… ON ITS HEAD." Sarah pointed to the one in question.

"I know! Isn't it wonderful?" Sarah looked at him as if he was the one with the lint roller.

"Sure… but why…" She hadn't stopped staring at him yet and he was beginning to lose heart.

"Well, the bog was full…" He explained. Sarah's eyebrow twitched. She then promptly burst out laughing, doubling over and having to sit down to quiet herself down.

"Where did you even get enough lint rollers for all the people you bog?" She asked rhetorically forgetting that the goblin king did not understand this sort of question.

"A human world store called Wall Mart…. I didn't see any walls though, which was quite confusing. And there was this one crazy blond girl who ran up to me and then started to shout 'take me with you..' it was very confusing. She was very hyper…" Sarah once again laughed so hard she began to choke.

"Is something wrong?" Jareth asked, and Sarah merely looked up at him, mirth barely contained.

"I love you." She said in between giggles while shaking her head. Jareth shrugged. Girls were confusing. But whatever…. At least he had his LINT ROLLER!(aka Doris 1237618327216 v.2)

the end.

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right then....