A/N: Okay, I'm trying to write more serious and heavy stuff for practice for my own books. This really helps me stop being self conscience about writing the more depressing and mature topics. I do need a LOT of improvement on my actual writing skills, but this should help some. Also the beginning is depressing D: Starts during First Time.
Warnings (OMG I get to put in warnings :D): Violence, possible sexual content (nothing graffic of course, I'm 15!), eating disorder :(.
Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim this fic! Uh... what does that mean?
xXx
Kurt pushed his untouched dinner plate away with an uncomfortable look on his face. It had been two weeks since he had eaten a proper meal, but he somehow kept convincing himself that he wasn't hungry. He knew that the only thing food would do was make him even fatter and Blaine would hate him even more.
Burt gave him a disapproving look, great now two people hated him. "Eat, Kurt."
Kurt shook his head and stood up, "Not, hungry." He said.
"That excuse is getting old Kurt, now eat!" Burt stood up and forced Kurt back into his seat. "You're not leaving until you eat everything."
Kurt glared at him and began to slowly eat, then his pace quickened as he felt a strong ache in his stomach and realized how hungry he really was.
Carole frowned over at Burt, recognizing his strange eating habits from when she was a teen. "Slow down Kurt, even Finn doesn't shovel that much food in so fast."
Kurt finished the plate of food before he realized what he had done. "I'm going to bed, now." He frowned then darted for the stairs.
He couldn't believe what he did. Was he trying to get Blaine to leave him? Why couldn't he have any semblance of self-control? Negative thoughts raced through his mind as he locked himself in the bathroom and knelt over the toilet. He stuck a finger as far down his throat as he could and his gag reflex did the rest. He made sure to throw up everything he had just eaten, only vaguely aware of the damage that he was doing to his voice and skin.
It had only been a month and Kurt could already feel his old self slipping away. Now all he really cared about was keeping Blaine and staying skinny. He knew that he was losing him to Sebastion and he knew that he was in even more trouble when he refused to sleep with Blaine the day before at Scandals. Opening night for West Side Story was the next day and he wasn't sure he knew all of his parts despite the fact that his role was so unimportant.
Kurt brushed his teeth slowly and lay in his bed, trying to ignore the intense pain in his stomach. Of course he would have the unimportant role, he didn't deserve anything better. He had been reduced to a depressed, pathetic, anorexic, shadow of what he once was. He hadn't told his father that he started crying himself to sleep just before Finn and Carole moved in. He tried to remind himself that he was just depressed and he was worth so much more, but it seemed like empty compliments that he didn't deserve, nowadays. Along side the failed attempts to make himself feel better about himself, he also reminded himself that no one cared enough to notice that he was becoming more and more withdrawn.
He tried to shut his thoughts out. If he kept thinking about how much he was changing, he knew that he would start crying. He couldn't sleep with all of the insults and self-assurements, worries and fears, circling in his head. Somehow he ended up thinking about tomorrow and what if he made a total fool of himself on stage? His brain was so messed up all of the time and he could never focus on his work during class.
Kurt held his breath, hoping to black out and finally be able to rest, but he ended up desperately inhaling to recover his air. He never held his breath long enough to pass out, he always chickened out like a coward. He sighed and stared blankly at the ceiling, counting in french to hopefully help him sleep. A few hours later the counting finally did its job and Kurt drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
xXx
Blaine didn't know what he was going to say to Kurt when he got to the school. He had avoided Kurt all day, trying to find the words to tell him that he was breaking up with him. He ended up settling for subtle and awaited the moment of truth to arrive.
Kurt finally arrived in his admittedly adorable police costume, a clearly fake smile plastered on his face. Blaine forced himself to remember what he needed to talk to Kurt about and approached him. Kurt's smile became real, though nervous, as he greeted his boyfriend. "Hey, Blaine."
"Kurt, I need to talk to you." Blaine regretted the fact that Mercedes had been standing near and seemed to suspect what was about to happen. Kurt must of suspected it too because his eyes grew fearful as he followed Blaine to a more private corner of the choir room. "I'm breaking up with you." Blaine was a little more subtle than he intended. Kurt just gaped, looking utterly destroyed. "I'm sorry, its just... I think I like Sebastion, but we can be friends still."
"B-but, I-I didn't..." Blaine didn't realize what was going through Kurt's head at the time. Inside, Kurt was cursing himself for messing up and being such a failure as a person and boyfriend. He was tearing himself down inside and trying to look okay on the outside. He tried to recall what he had done, it must have been the fight they'd had in the parking lot. Why couldn't he have shut up and done what Blaine wanted? Now he was being left for some boy he'd met a few weeks before.
"I'm sorry, Kurt." Blaine shook his head and turned to leave Kurt, miserable and crestfallen.
Artie wheeled past him calling out, "Showtime in thirty minutes."
Kurt speed-walked to the bathroom to privately bawl his eyes out where no one could see. He cried until the show was about to start and cleaned himself up, putting on a fake smile before going to meet the cast backstage. They all met and exchanged 'break a leg's and whatnot, before doing a morale raising huddle then going to take their places.
Kurt watched somberly as everyone sang and danced then went on to do his brief part before exiting to watch again. It was during one of Blaine's scenes that he made the mistake of wondering away to save himself the pain of brooding on their failed partnership.
He didn't realize that a group of jocks had come to heckle the glee kids and had been taking a trip to the vending machines at about that time.
"Hey, officer," One of them called from behind him, "I didn't know they let homos into the force."
Kurt tucked his head and tried to walk a little faster, but two of them circled in front of him and pushed him backwards. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Leave me alone." Kurt muttered.
"Aw," Another one mocked, "what happened to Mr. I'm-better-than-all-of-you? I like him."
Kurt tried to get around them but one grabbed him by the front of his shirt and smirked, "We're not finished with you yet," Kurt flinched at the threatening tone of voice, "don't be rude."
The boy flung him backwards and he lost his balance and fell to the floor. A few boys chuckled and they began to kick him until he was curled up in a pathetic ball, struggling to stay conscience.
Just before he blacked out he heard on of his assailants saying, "Let's just take care of that queer voice of yours for you."
xXx
"Where the hell is Kurt?" Artie hissed at Mr. Schue who blinked and shrugged. "He has a scene coming up!" Artie wheeled away in a panicked rage.
The cast and crew members that weren't busy, searched alongside Artie, but couldn't find their officer Krupke anywhere. He would be worried if he didn't know what a drama queen Kurt could be. He could have left, he was really upset earlier.
"We need someone to go on for Kurt!" Artie demanded, then cornered a poor, poor crew member and shoved a script into his hands, "Go!"
xXx
Everything was black.
His throat was sore.
His whole body was in pain.
He couldn't move.
He was cold.
Something smelled really bad.
Kurt forced his eyes open to see a thin strip of starry sky. He recognized where he was, he was in the tiny gap between the school building and the dumpster. The jocks must have dragged him there after they beat him up. He tried to sit up, but an excruciating pain prevented him from moving. The sound of footsteps passed him by, he couldn't move so he had to yell for help. He opened his mouth and tried with all of his might to make a sound, but nothing came out. He realized what the jocks had meant when they said that they would "take care of that queer voice". He was panicking, no one could hear him, he couldn't move, the small sounds he managed to make by tapping on the side of the dumpster didn't carry. He was going to die out there, all alone.
The sounds of people quickly faded. Kurt began to sob, it was silent other than his very own gasps and sniffles. He ended up drifting off, knowing that he would never wake again and being okay with it as long as he could feel better.
Kurt woke up again to the sound of his name being called.
"Kurt!" He recognized Finn's voice and then Rachel and Artie joined in. They were looking for him.
Kurt tried to scream, to make any kind of noise that he could, but it wasn't good enough.
"Maybe he went to that park that he goes to when he's upset." Finn suggested.
"Yeah," Burt's voice agreed, "he probably just went there to think."
Kurt panicked even more, they were going to leave him! He wanted to yell, to tell them to stop, that he was there. Tears found their way back to his eyes and he attempted to keep them from falling only to fail.
"Why would he leave in the middle of the play?" Rachel sounded worried. They were worried. They cared.
"I might have upset him." Blaine was there too. "I broke up with him just before."
"Why would you do that?" Artie sounded stressed, "You put my entire production in danger!"
"Sorry," Blaine sighed, "I couldn't just cheat on him."
"Well this is your fault Frodo!" Santana sniped. Even Santana was there? He was just realizing how much other people cared about him and he had to die.
"Let's go." Carole said. "We'll check the park and if he's not there we'll just wait at home and he'll probably come back later."
"Okay." Mercedes sighed.
Burt added, "If he shows up at one of you two's houses, Tina and Mercedes, call us."
Kurt was making as much noise as he possibly could, but they didn't seem to hear. He could hear the slamming of car doors and he knew that it was all over. No one would find him until his body began to smell or they shoved another geek back here. He was going to die, he wasn't even going to get to graduate. He relaxed his body, easily giving up the fight. Maybe he was as pathetic as he thought.
xXx
It was Saturday night and Kurt hadn't shown up the night before and despite everyone's worries, the show had to go on. Burt and Carole had called every hospital within five-hundred miles of them to no avail. No one noticed the quiet taps and gasps and sniffles coming from the dying boy behind the dumpster.
Dave had shown up to support Kurt, but was shocked to overhear that Kurt was missing. He hadn't seen the other boy since a week before and he immediately realized that Kurt was starving himself. He tried to shower Kurt in compliments, hoping that he'd realize that he was perfect, but they seemed to slide right off of him. He knew that Kurt's friends must have noticed something, but if they did then they hadn't said anything. He was hoping to catch Kurt afterwards and try to stroke his ego some more, but his plans were ruined by his sudden disappearance.
Dave felt panicked by the news. Sure he had left the school, got his own place, and made a few desperate attempts to move on, but he was still in love with Kurt no matter how much he tried to hide it.
He felt an overwhelming urge to smoke, something that he had tried to quit time and again, but something, usually Kurt related, always stressed him out. He bummed a cigarette off of a heckler and went outside to the parking lot. He took a long drag from the cigarette and leaned up against the dumpster. That was when he heard the quiet tapping.
xXx
A/N: Not as depressing as I intended, but it'll probably get depressing-er. I promise that I'll update 'Letter' soon! Review?