I wished For you.
Disclaimer. Very few of the characters in this novel belong to me. All others are the property of the original author and creators of A Walk to Remember.
A N. I'm working on two fanfics now, so I'm going a little slow. Sorry, but I can only go so fast.
Summary. Landon is devastated by Jamie's death. He is filled with grief at the nightmares he has every night, and is filled with anger for God, at taking Jamie from him. When Landon is given the opportunity to fix what has been done, how will he deal with this new knowledge? Will he believe, or will something anger him too far to be helped?
Thanks to my three beta readers, Halleyanna McPhearson, Adrian Hacolah and Alex Louie. Without you I couldn't do the stories I write, and that would just be sad, now wouldn't it?
As promised, here is the first chappy of me novel. Enjoy, and please review? Good or bad, they'll help me immensely.
Chapter One. Again and Again.
Landon sat upright on the front stoop of his house, and watched the rain fall. He did not feel the cold that surrounded him, and this did not bother him in the least, for he had come out to get some fresh air, after he'd woken in the night. It was late now, as he sat alone, for he had awakened in the night, as he always did now, from the reoccurring nightmare of his beloved Jamie Sullivan Carter's death, of which he had stood behind her, hoping against hope it wouldn't happen as soon as it had. Jamie had been his life, and now she had left him, to go on a journey he longed to make, and Landon felt he would never feel love again, for Jamie had meant too much to him to pass up.
Landon sighed deeply, as he remembered the moments he'd had with his beloved Jamie, before God had taken her, and a small pang of sadness ran thru his body, as he thought of all he'd lost, and would never get back again. Jamie was his everything, and as he had known would happen to him, she had gone away, never to return, leaving Landon alone in a house that should have been filled with the love of the young, happy couple. He had missed her more than he had known he could, and now he felt the tears beginning to fall down his eyes, as he knew they would, as he began to think of the memories he and Jamie had shared, as well as to wonder if she was happy, in her new home in the sky.
Jamie had told him once, when the two of them had just married, that he should never be sad when she had passed, and now Landon thought of her words with eyes filled with grief, as they flooded back into his mind and heart. Jamie, with all her kind words, and her beautiful, precious heart, had gone away forever, and Landon wasn't sure if he could find it in his heart to live without her, as he missed her so greatly. She had been his entire life---his everything, and as he remembered all she had meant to him, and the nightmares he'd had, he felt the tears in his eyes begin to flow, and he wondered how he'd gone so long without her. It had been a horrible, depressing six months since his beloved wife had left him, and Landon had gone to bed each night in the bed the two of them had shared, in the small house belonging to the happy couple at that happy time, and had never given up, knowing that one day, he, too, would make the journey, and she would await him, as she'd once promised she would.
Inside the house, the telephone rang, and Landon jumped, his heart pounding as he was brought out of the memories, and instantly, he felt the anger surge thru him. Nobody in their right mind should have called so late at night, and as Landon stood up slowly, making his way into the house to give them a piece of his mind, he felt himself trembling with suppressed anger. He had been lost in memory, and as he lifted the telephone from the cradle, he longed to end the call right away, knowing he did not have anything nice to say to the horrible caller.
He regretted his words, as soon as they had left his lips, for the caller at the other end sounded as though he, as well, were locked in some sort of torture, and Landon instantly felt a pang of guilt surge thru him. Reverend Sullivan had listened to his tirade of words, patiently waiting until he'd ended his sentence, and then he had spoken, his voice filled with sadness and loss. Landon had listened to the Reverend's greeting, his eyes staring at the ground ahead of him, as he thought of what he'd just told his father-in-law, and as he awaited the blow of words that would never come, Landon felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach. The good Reverend Sullivan had always been kind and gentle with Landon, since the day he and Jamie were married, and Landon wished he'd never let slip the words that he'd said, for he had not been in clear thought, when the good Reverend had called. Finally, Landon came to his grip, and held the telephone close to his ear, his voice just above a whisper, as he spoke to the good Reverend.
"I'm sorry, Reverend Sullivan. I never meant to yell at you like that. I just---it's late at night, and I was dealing with my anger." Landon said, apologetically.
"Jamie?" The Reverend asked, as he had asked each time Landon seemed angry or hurt.
"Yes, Jamie. Oh, Reverend Sullivan, it's always Jamie. She's in my nightmares, and in every other dream I have. I miss her." Landon said, as silent tears slid down his cheeks.
"Landon, Jamie is in a better place. You knew she'd go. She told you, and you were all right with it. Jamie would want you to be happy for her, my Son." Reverend Sullivan said, seriously.
"Reverend, I am happy for her. She's not in pain any more. Jamie is happy, but that does not take from the anger I feel for God for taking her. I loved her, Reverend Sullivan, and I shall till the day I die, and go to her." Landon said, his eyes filling with the emotion he now felt most frequently, when discussing God.
"God didn't take Jamie to make us sad, Landon. She was a very sick little girl, and she was in pain throughout her life. God did it so that she wouldn't suffer any more." Reverend Sullivan said, his voice filled with a wisdom which never failed to anger Landon still further.
"It doesn't make it right, Reverend Sullivan. It doesn't make me miss her any less than I already do. I can't just stop being angry at God for taking her. I loved her too much, and I always will." Landon said, trying desperately to keep the anger from his voice.
"Landon, she wasn't just yours. I loved her too, and miss her just as much as you. Jamie was all I had, and she's gone. Don't think you are the only one who loved Jamie." Reverend Sullivan said, as he held the telephone to his tear-stained face.
"I don't think that, Reverend. I know Jamie means as much to you, as she means to me. I just miss her so much, Reverend Sullivan. So much of me died with her." Landon said, as fresh tears fell from his red eyes.
"I know, Landon. Let her go. I had to, or I wouldn't have made it this far. Jamie loves us, even though she's in Heaven, and we need to understand that about her. Jamie is proud of us, and if she were here, she'd tell us. We must go on, Landon, as the Good Lord tells us. Do not grieve for her, as you do. You worry me, and everyone else who knows and loves you, Landon." Reverend Sullivan said, his voice growing as he filled it with the wisdom he felt.
Landon tried to dry the tears that fell from his eyes, as together, he and the good Reverend Sullivan remembered the girl the two of them had loved so dearly, and though Landon did not know it, the Reverend looked as though he'd aged ninety years, as he spoke to his son-In-Law on the telephone. Landon, in the Reverend's eyes, had been greatly affected when Jamie had died in his arms in the hospital so long ago, and as he spoke to the young Man, he felt a pang of pride, at how well he'd taken the entire prospect, though he'd remembered every detail of Jamie's death, as though it had happened only yesterday.
She had been sick in the hospital for nearly three weeks, and Landon had been valiant, never leaving her side, and when at last her time grew near, Jamie had called Landon out of sleep, her voice weak from lack of strength, and she had taken his hand, lying upon his shoulder, as her light weight rested in his arms. Landon had been unaware of how close she was to leaving him, and as he had held her, he talked on and on to her, his words filled with hope of the future, as she'd lain in his arms. Jamie had listened, her breathing hoarse and raspy, then, as though she'd known she wouldn't make it long, she'd used what strength she could, and had reached up, and kissed him softly upon his lips, before falling back into his arms, too weak to move any further. Landon hadn't known what to do then, as he'd held her close, and so they had sat, as the hours passed by, until, at long last, Jamie had taken her last breath, and had passed on, leaving her body behind in the arms of the Man she'd loved. Landon had cried then, as the Reverend could remember, and screamed for the help that could not come, to give Jamie back to him, if only for a day, as he needed her so much, and did not have the proper chance to tell her goodbye. The doctors had tried to console Landon, but no consolation could be found for the woman who'd been lost, and this had led to Landon's current state, as the good Reverend Sullivan was sure, that the nightmares he had spoken so often of, were of that very night he and Jamie shared in the hospital.
Landon had talked on to the Good Reverend, unaware that the old Man had not been listening, and now he stopped, as though for the Reverend to leave some reply. When the Reverend made no comments, Landon sighed, knowing that Landon had not been properly listening, and wondering what had happened to distract the usually alert old Man. Patiently, Landon listened to the good Reverend's quiet inquiries of his last words, and Landon repeated, listening quietly when he'd finished, as the Reverend made his reply. Landon had noticed the Reverend's attention drifting away for quite some time, and when at last, the conversation had ended between Landon and the good Reverend, the two of them bade each other goodnight, and hung up, left alone in their thoughts of Jamie, and their feelings of how she'd affected their lives.
Finally, when Landon had thought long enough of Jamie, he made his way to the bedroom, and once again, he undressed, and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin, before snuggling down in the lavender-scented sheets, as that particular scent had been Jamie's especial favorite. He missed her now, with her soft skin, and beautiful hair and eyes, and as he tried once again to sleep, he could almost feel Jamie beside him, her breath brushing softly against his cheeks, and her soft arms about his waist, as she had once loved to sleep. Jamie, with her heart of gold, could surely not be far away from Landon now, and Landon took comfort in this thought now, as he knew Jamie would be all right. Wherever she was now, he was sure the Reverend had been right, and Jamie was thinking of him. Now, as he took comfort in the Reverend's words, he closed his eyes, and sleep claimed him, bringing with it, good dreams of happy times, and Jamie's wonderful words and beautiful loves, as each night, he said a prayer for the Love of his life, and the happiness he hoped she now felt.
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I hope you like my first chapter. My beta readers loved it. In my Harry Potter Book, I like to include Chapter Spoilers, as a present to keep my readers occupied, and now I shall do the same for this novel, as I am sure the reviews will be good. If they're bad, oh, well, at least I shall be a good writer because of it, and I shall be happier for it. Here now, my friends, is the chapter Spoiler.
"Reverend, God wouldn't care enough to do something like that. He's just up there. What we feel and need matters not to him." Landon said, as he held the coin in the air.
"Landon, what does that coin in your hand say again?" Reverend Sullivan asked, staring into Landon's face with eyes filled with age and wisdom.
"It says God Loves You. So what?" Landon asked, as the Reverend smiled.
"I told you once, just after Jamie died, Landon. Be careful how you wish. You don't know if you'll get it. Take care of that coin, and keep it often. It's the key to your heart now." The Reverend said, as he looked at Landon.
"I don't believe this, Reverend Sullivan. You're sounding like you're losing it or something." Landon said, as frustration filled him.
"Then why is that coin glowing? Coins don't glow, Landon. That one's glowing red." The Reverend said, as Landon looked up, seeing the red coin burning in his hand.