Akihiko Usami was in a bad mood. His nineteen year old lover, Misaki, could tell that much the second he saw the older man enter the kitchen. He pulled a chair out roughly and collapsed into it, leaning so far back he was almost horizontal. His hands rose up to rub his face, and Misaki glimpsed his trademark early morning scowl. Frowning slightly, Misaki crossed his arms over his chest and watched from the safety of the kitchen. He knew Usami had a deadline coming up with his latest manuscript. Misaki shuddered inwardly as he hoped that nothing in their sex lives would end up inside the covers of those books.

'No,' He thought bitterly, frown deepening, 'I would never do the things he writes about in those.. Books..' The final word was spoken inside his mind in a hostile tone.

Misaki stirred something simmering away in a pot on the oven absent-mindedly as he continued to watch the novelist before him. The man was now sitting up, but he was slouched forward as if he lacked the strength to prop his body upright. Misaki sighed and rolled his eyes. It was always the same story whenever Usami had a deadline to meet. He would spend the majority of his time messing with the young boy he shared his home with, and then put himself through a chain of all-nighters to complete the documents to prevent being brutally murdered by his editors.

'Stupid Usagi-san..' Misaki mused, shaking his head. 'He's been working himself too hard again..'

Seeing that the sauce inside the pot was almost cooked, Misaki turned to reach for the cabinet above his head to retrieve a bowl. As he pulled open the door, he heard the unmistakable sound of a chair being scraped back, before padded footsteps made their way towards him. Trying not to let his hands shake, he continued reaching for the bowl which sat on the top shelf, just out of reach. Not even when he stood on his tiptoes could he reach it; all that happened were his fingers brushed against it in an almost mocking way.

"Shrimp." He heard a mocking snigger behind him, before Usami's body being pressed against his. He flushed scarlet with embarrassment at both the name calling and the fact that Usami was able to reach the bowl with ease.

"Thanks Usagi-sa-" Misaki began as he tried to turn around to take the bowl from Usagi.

He couldn't move. Usami had his arms snaking around the teenager's chest and waist, holding him ever closer. Misaki's body trembled as he felt Usami's breath right beside his ear. As the man began to plant kisses along his collarbone, he shuddered once again and tried to pull away. He gulped as he felt his heart skip a beat, and a dizzy, light feeling in his mind pushed out all other thoughts. Usami's hand slid up to cup his chin and he was pulled gently sideways before his lips were captured by the novelist. A red tinge appeared across Misaki's cheeks as Usami abandoned the kiss and moved instead to the teenager's neck.

However, the second hand sliding down his body to the front of his jeans woke Misaki from the daydreaming state he had found himself in. He struggled, trying to force his way out of Usami's hold.

"Let go! Stupid Usagi! You can't!"

"I love you." Was the only reply he received from the older man, his hand now gripping the button on Misaki's jeans. The boy yelped quietly, and struggled harder.

"Seriously Usagi-san! Don't!"

Misaki squirmed so violently, Usami momentarily weakened his grip. The teenager took this given opportunity and slipped through the man's arms, darted around him and practically flew up the stairs, ignoring the shouts behind him. He slammed his bedroom door behind him and fell against it, sliding down the wood until he reached the carpet. He sat there, trembling, trying to calm his nerves. He heard a pair of feet stop outside his door and braced himself. He knew deep down that if Usami were to try to force his way in, there was little that could be done. The simple fact of the matter was that he was a grown man; Misaki was only a teenager. He stood no chance of keeping the door shut.

But Usami's next action surprised him. He simply sighed heavily, turned and walked away. Misaki sat there for a long time, wondering whether he had imagined the sound. He kept his back pressed to the door, waiting and listening, just in case Usami came back to take him by surprise. When nothing of the sort happened, Misaki relaxed and let out a contained breath of relief.

His brother, Takahiro, had been in contact with Usami again. He had near enough demanded that Misaki move back in with him, his wife and son, and the pair were quickly running out of excuses that would keep Misaki staying with the novelist. Misaki knew that eventually, the only way he would be able to stay where he wanted to be was if he told his brother the truth. He had made Usami swear that he wouldn't say a word to Takahiro, but nevertheless, Misaki felt incredibly uneasy. Despite the awful mornings and the random attacks Usami launched on the teenager, he didn't want to leave. And that was because he lov-

Misaki's eyes widened and he flushed a deep maroon, before shaking his head. He would never be able to forget the incident in the Ferris Wheel. He had found himself caught up in the moment, and a wild surge had made him say the three words he'd been keeping bottled up for so long. Afterwards, Usami had taken to whispering the same words in his ear all the time, especially during sex. Misaki flushed a deeper shade of red as he remembered. He had tried to say it again, he really had, but he just couldn't seem to find the power inside to do so. He had managed to convince himself it was the heat of the moment that had made him say it the first time. This coupled with his brother's new determination to take him back left Misaki feeling lost and confused.

He didn't want to leave. But at the same time, he wasn't entirely sure what was keeping him where he was.

Misaki only emerged from the safety of his room when it was time for him to leave for university. He checked and double checked both ends of the hallway before he slipped out and closed his door as quietly as possible. Hoping that Usami was locked away in his study, writing, Misaki snuck down the stairs and once again checked both directions. The sitting area, dining room and kitchen were all empty. Anxiety building, Misaki darted out from his hiding place and walked quickly across the rooms towards the door.

He had almost reached his destination when he felt two powerful arms wrap around his waist. He cried out in surprise as he was hugged once again to a firm, warm chest.

"Usagi-san, I'm going to be late.." He said quietly.

"I can drive you. You'll get there in time." Usami replied shortly, his hands flattening out on Misaki's chest as he slid them up and down the boy's torso. Misaki squeaked and wriggled.

"No, Usagi-san! I want to walk there!"

"Shut up. You won't be late."

Misaki winced. He wanted time and space to think about the choice he had to make. And he couldn't well do that when Usami was probing his hands all over his body. He pulled away for a second time that day and whirled around to glare at the man before him. He met the novelist's icy gaze with confidence, despite the fact he was shaking again.

"I've got an important choice to make here!" He yelled angrily.

Usami paused, and he seemed to falter. Then he shouted back with just as much fury in his voice. "You're still undecided?"

"Being forced into things by you isn't much of an incentive to stay here!" Misaki screamed. "Sometimes Usagi-san, I wish I'd never listened to my brother! I wish I'd never met you!"

As Usami paused, deeply shaken by his words, Misaki turned on his heel and stormed from the building. Once his feet hit the street outside, the words turned acidic in his mouth, leaving him feeling incredibly sick. He paused and turned back to stare at the building he had just vacated. Something in his gut churned unpleasantly and he took a step to walking back inside. Then he caught sight of the time and panic washed over Misaki in a wave. Vowing to apologise to Usami when he was picked up by the novelist later that day, Misaki spun once again and took off down the street.

Back in the apartment, Usami was still standing where Misaki had left him. His hands had curled into fists by his side, and inside his chest, his heart was thumping dully. Suddenly seized with anger, he swung his arm out. It connected sharply with the wall, spreading an aching pain all across his wrist and knuckles, but he ignored it. His eyes were fixed on the door Misaki had left through, as if he expected the teenager to come running back through it.

"Moron.." He mumbled quietly, his fringe falling over his face as he bowed his head. "Do you think you're the only one in pain because of this choice? Do you think it's easy for me to admit that the chance of losing you is so high..?"

That was why he had been clingier to Misaki recently. His intentions were to show the boy just how much he meant to him. The simple truth was that he couldn't function without Misaki's presence. He knew that if Misaki were taken back into Takahiro's care, it would destroy him. His love for Takahiro was still present, but it had long ago been shadowed by his adoration of Misaki. If anyone had told him three years ago that he would throw away his feelings for Takahiro for the man's little brother, he would have laughed. But now that that was a reality..

"I love you, Misaki." Usami whispered to the empty apartment.

His eyes strayed to the study on the other side of the room. He was not in the right frame of mind to write, nor deal with Aikawa when she would drop by to check on him. What he needed was a trip out in the fresh air to try and clear his mind. He would stay out of the apartment for however long he needed, and then pick Misaki up from university, same as usual. Then.. He had no idea. He didn't like discussing his feelings; Misaki was the first person he'd ever truly shown his vulnerable side to. He didn't want to risk putting himself out on the ledge, only to have it pulled out from underneath his feet. He had lost one love already; he was not ready to lose another. He was determined not to lose Misaki.

He marched back into the apartment and grabbed his car keys before he too, left the building. He had no idea where he was going to go. All he had to do was drive. He sat in the driver's seat and turned the engine on. As he buckled his belt, he glanced the back seats. He couldn't help but be reminded of when he had rescued Misaki from his old family home. He felt an involuntary stab of pain in his chest as he was reminded of Misaki's blushing face, and turned away hurriedly. Even now, he found it difficult to believe a mere teenager had managed to worm his way into his mind and heart.

Usami had been driving down streets at random for well over two hours. He had subconsciously driven to Misaki's university and had felt the immense temptation to storm inside and drag the teenager out. He forced himself to speed off before the temptation became a reality, and now found himself turning into a practically deserted road. His mind however, was not on the car he was driving as he had hoped it would be. It was instead, as always, on the boy he had just driven away from.

"Damn it.." He muttered under his breath, casting his vision down for a fraction of a second.

That was all it took.

He heard a shrill scream from his left. His eyes snapped back up and he spotted a small child blinking, terrified, directly in front of his car. Yelling a swear word, he yanked the wheel sideways with all the strength he possessed. The car swung sideways, narrowly missing the child who had the sense to leap backwards at the last minute. Usami tried to regain control of the car as it swerved blindly across the street, but it was impossible. The wheels weren't gripping the tarmac enough for him to turn the wheel again. He slammed his foot harder on the brakes, but it had little effect.

The car came to a halt when it slammed into the wall of a nearby shop. Usami was flung forwards and smacked his head on the wheel. Blinding pain shot across his skull as he fell backwards again. He could feel warmth spreading down his skin on his head, and he could feel excruciating pain jolting up and down both of his legs. Sharp stabbing pains shot up and down his arm. He looked down and immediately wished he hadn't moved. His head swum horribly and the drip of blood increased in flow. His legs were trapped in the twisted cage of metal that had once been the foothold of his car. The impact with the wall had completely ruined the front, sending it creasing back in on itself. He winced in pain as he tried to move them out, but it was impossible.

He could distantly hear people outside screaming, but he wasn't paying attention to them. As always, there was only one thought on his mind.

Misaki.

Ignoring the agony moving brought him; Usami reached into his trouser pocket and, with difficulty, removed his mobile phone. He found the number he was searching for and pressed the 'call' button. He held the phone to his ear with difficulty, biting back a wince.

He didn't want Misaki to worry if he wasn't there to pick him up at the end of the day.

Ring, ring.

He had to let him know what had happened.

Ring, ring.

"Misaki.." Usami moaned, his voice sounding oddly croaky from how dry his throat had become.

Ring, ring.

He heard a sound at the other end of the line, but it was just Misaki's voicemail. Usami smiled sadly and whispered Misaki's name once more before he dropped the phone without even bothering to hang up.

"Hey? Can you hear me in there? The ambulance is on its way, so just hold on!"

Usami could barely hear the voice screaming through the door at him. The steady stream of blood pouring from the wound in his head had seeped through his shirt and had could feel it sticking to his shoulder. Everything in his body ached, and the pain in his skull was becoming unbearable. Slowly, his eyes slid closed and his world turned black. The last thing he heard was the distant scream of sirens.