The Best That Men Can Do
Disclaimer: I don't own anything…
Well, I haven't written anything in a while… This is for the Gone Country Challenge...
I tried my best to come up with a story for this challenge… The problem was that I felt like writing something funny but, well, let's just say that the prompts didn't let me do that… I guess that's why it is called challenge, isn't it? So here is what I came up with… I hope you'll like it!
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"How can two people who built a loving home try for years and never have a child of their own, when somewhere out there tonight, there's a baby no one's holding tight, in need of love? To me, that don't add up... But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans, I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky... So, I don't mean to second guess you or criticize what I don't understand, these are just a few questions I have." - Clay Walker(Just a Few Questions I Have)
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It was late. The team had just closed a case and now everything was set to call it a day and go home. And that was what Aaron Hotchner was planning to do. This latest case had been hard on everyone and all he wanted to do at that moment was to go home and hold Jack close to him and tell him how much he loved him. It didn't even matter that the eight-year-old would find that kind of open affection coming from his father embarrassing. He needed it.
He quickly grabbed his bag and coat and was out of his office within seconds. He stopped short in his tracks, though, when he saw that the bullpen wasn't empty as he had expected it in this late hour. It was dark alright, only illuminated by the lamps from outside, but there was a man sitting by one of the tables. A frown appeared on his face as he recognized the man. He let out a sad sigh and slowly started towards his friend.
As he ascended the stairs in the silence of the bullpen, he took the opportunity to study the man slumped into his chair. His heart went out for his friend. During the last couple of days he watched Morgan. He knew that something was bothering him, but then again, everybody behaved quite the same so he had just dismissed his strange behaviour. After all, it was just natural for every human being to be disturbed by the images they had seen during their investigation. He, himself, was sure that the images of those little and defenseless children being dumped like garbage would never leave his mind. It was just wrong. Sometimes he wondered what the hell was wrong with the world…
At that moment, though, Hotch had a feeling that he had seriously misinterpreted his friend's behaviour. Maybe it wasn't the case after all… or not just the case alone… Either way, something was definitely wrong with Morgan…
"I thought you'd already left." He stated silently when he stepped up to the desk. He didn't get any response so he continued. "I saw Emily leave earlier." Well, the truth was that probably Emily was the first one out of the door after they had arrived. He couldn't blame her, though. But why didn't Morgan go with his wife. If anything, they could talk things through, make things easier for themselves. Then why was Morgan still in the office? "Morgan…" He continued gently after a few seconds. "Go home to your wife."
"I can't." Morgan's voice was barely audible. Hotch sighed. It was all too wrong. Without any word he put down his things then grabbed a nearby chair and sat down next to Morgan's desk, facing him. He didn't initiate any conversation, though. He just sat their waiting for the younger man to say something. He remained silent, though, still staring in front of him.
Hotch's gaze travelled down to Morgan's lap where he was playing with the golden band on his finger. He smiled slightly. After about two years it was still strange to see that ring on his finger. Then a thought hit him and he involuntarily shook his head to dismiss it.
"Morgan, is everything alright at home?" He asked tentatively. "I mean you and Emily… everything is alright, isn't it?" Things just couldn't be that bad for the two of them. Hotch wasn't the most romantic man on Earth but he was sure that his two colleagues were meant for each other. Hell, they got engaged after two months of dating and they had been living happily ever since. Or so he thought.
Morgan let out a sad sigh.
"We've been trying for a baby…" He started without looking at the unit chief whose uncharacteristic concern hadn't even registered in his brain. Hotch just let out a sigh of relief. If they want to start a family then nothing was wrong. But Morgan hadn't finished his sentence yet. "…ever since we got married."
God.
Morgan laughed out bitterly and, for the first time since Hotch walked up to him, he looked at him.
"Tell me one thing, Hotch." His eyes were pleading as he looked straight into his boss' eyes. "Why is life so unfair? Why is that people are capable of taking the lives of little children while others are so desperate to give life to them and they just can't do it no matter what? I beg you for an answer here, Hotch, because I have to go home at some point and I have to tell something to Emily. I have to tell her something which makes it easier."
Hotch was speechless. The raw emotions in Morgan's eyes and his unexpected honesty made him divert his gaze from his eyes. He couldn't utter a word for a long while. How could anybody answer a question to which no answer existed?
"You are right, Derek. Life is unfair…" He slowly started not sure where he wanted to go with it. In the deadly silence of the bullpen his voice sounded much louder than it really was and Morgan winced at his simple statement. "…and we have to live with it every damned day of our lives. We have to face it and we have to suck it up because that's the only thing we can do. Morgan…" Hotch took a deep breath and looked back up into Morgan's eyes. "You can't live your life searching for an answer to it. There is no answer." Morgan snorted at this, clearly not satisfied with the answer. "You keep it up and you'll miss your life. Believe me, I've been there."
"And what am I supposed to say to Emily?" Morgan practically cried out in despair then leant forward and cradled his head in his hands, slightly shaking it. "Hotch… Man…" He tried to find the words but it wasn't an easy task to verbalize all of that pain that was storming inside of him. Finally he lifted his head and looked back at Hotch. "You're not there every damned time when her hopes are crushed… when I see her heart broken all over again… She so wants a family… so badly… and I so want to give it to her… Damn it! And then some sick bastard goes on a killing spree and takes the lives of those children… Just like that… As if those little lives weren't worth anything…" Hotch was taken aback by the tears which had appeared in Morgan's eyes. He wasn't crying, though, the tears just silently flew down his cheeks. "How could somebody not appreciate it? How could somebody not understand how precious they are?" As Morgan became silent after his outburst, Hotch could clearly see the agitation in his eyes.
It took him a while but Morgan spoke up once again. His voice became silent.
"I don't know what to do anymore, Hotch… what to say…" Morgan shook his head resigned. "She doesn't even believe me anymore."
Hotch slowly stood up and put a comforting hand on Morgan's shoulder.
"There is only one thing you can do, Morgan." The younger agent slowly looked up at his boss. "You go home, take Emily into your arms and tell her just how much you love her. You hold her close and tomorrow you'll face another day together. That's the best you can do… That's the best any man can do…" He waited patiently until Morgan gave him a slight nod then grabbed his things and left for home to his son to tell him just how much he loves him…
Morgan sighed as he leant back in his chair. He took some deep breaths, willing his tears to stop, then stood up and left the office to go home and do the only thing that he could do to ease Emily's pain… and with it his own…
THE END
Here goes my cheery mood...
Thanks for reading!