*Guess what!!! I don't own anyone I'm about to write about!!!! I have never owned anyone!!!! NO ONE BELONGS TO ME! Okay, point is made. And for the record, I seem to enjoy stories where people look back on what they did wrong and mope. This one is another of those kind. This is for you Ewan McGregor...the best Obi-Wan the world coulda asked for!*
You were my Brother...
The days following the worst of my life drag on and on, one day no different from the other. I live in solitude now, hiding from the rest of the world, "a strange man" to everyone else in the world. Me and Yoda, we are all that had lived. What have I done wrong? I had tried my hardest to please Qui-Gon's memory, to fulfil his dying wish. But it hadn't worked had it? I destroyed the boy I had spent a majority of my life trying to train, cut him to pieces and left. I helped his heart broken wife through labor, taken her children and dead body away, handed her daughter to a politician, and the son to a man I didn't know...some half brother of my almost brother.
Anakin always said I was the closest thing he had to a father....why had a done this then? Sure, a kid goes and buys death sticks even when daddy says "no," he buys a wrecked speeder and polishes it up when they were told not to....but they don't run off, join an evil cult (consisting of two) and destroy everything they once knew. No, padawans, kids, sons, brothers aren't supposed to go do that. But Anakin did.
What the hell did I do? I always congratulated him when he did well. Had I been to hard? Can't have.... To soft? No...
But what then? He was my first padawan, my only padawan, my first and only failed padawan. And I can't even right the wrong. I'm left empty and broken, just like his wife was. His wife! He married. He got her pregnant. And then what did he do? He killed her! Forced choked her because I came out of a spacecraft to fill out Yoda's instructions.
I guess I was a good padawan....always saying "yes master" never defying the council. But that's all I was ever cut out to be. I am truly the failure here, not Anakin. And now, I am to live with that guilt for the rest of the short eternity I may call the rest of my life. No contact with any Jedi...Yoda that is. No contact with anyone. I am alone, a hermit, an outcast.
And you Anakin....this is all I have left to say to you...wishing you could hear me....
Anakin, you were my brother, and you always will be. You may destroy the humanoid race, along with every other creature out there. You might have killed all I ever had, you might have left my to exile....but you will always be my brother. That was one of the last things you ever heard me say, let it haunt you while you haunt me...every night, every day, until I die. And when I'm dead, I want you to know that you are my biggest regret. I regret training you, I regret thinking of never training you, I regret losing you, I regret missing you. I'm full of contradictions regarding you.
I hate you Anakin Skywalker.
But I love you like the brother I never had.
May my pain riddle your life and leave you regretting as much as I do. For I, Obi-Wan Kenobi, am destroyed of the mind, body, and soul. I am a man full of sorrow...and that sorrow is the horor of a padawan I created and left for dead....
Did I do right?
Did I do wrong?
Everything happens for a reason....maybe one day I'll figure out why this happend....
Until then....I suffer.
May you suffer to.
My last and final hope for Anakin? Though I you mean a lot to me, I want you to live a life of horrid torture unlike any I can imagine right now. Let that be the punishment for your works.
And may mine be my exile.