Artemis Fowl: Adventures in Thermite
by undisclosed and someone other than keyne89 (because I'm beginning to hate that name)
AND IT ALL FALLS APART
It was just another day for the genius Artemis Fowl. Another day of reclaiming the family fortune, creating new and devious plots, and perhaps a little bit of Pinky and the Brainism with his daily dose of conquering the world. This was the beginning, of course how could Artemis know that his life was about to change forever... again...
Of course, let's not pay attention to those little details. Currently, our brave and (intrepid?) hero Artemis is playing the wondrous game of (DUM DUM DUM!) chess against the ever mindful Domovoi Butler! ...
There are ten seconds on the clock. Artemis Fowl moves his knight, hoping to catch the enemy king in checkmate! Yes, Artemis fowl is a genius, he wouldn't have to hope, he'd know exactly what he was doing... Of course, have we ever actually seen... er... read about him playing chess? Anyway...
He moves to the left, he moves to the right, and...
"CHECKMATE!!!" Artemis screams, jumping for joy and prancing around like an insane dust bunny who has absolutely no clue as to where he's going... (Dude, do dust bunnies prance??? *asking in a valley girl tone of course)... Suddenly he realizes the long forbidden truth.
"I'M THE BLACK PIECES!!! WHAT THE #$%#$% IS UP WITH THAT??? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS PLAYING WITH THE WRONG PIECES???"
"You mean I'm the white pieces?"
(Butler: *blink blink*)
"I've lost... How could I lose??? Oh sh-(HEY!!! THIS FANFIC IS CENSORED!) ... well NERTS!!"
(NERTS: an expression of anger and frustration...)
"Arty, it-" Butler began, but he quickly stopped when Artemis looked at him with wide shocked eyes.
"Arty, what is it?"
"Woah, this is weird. You just called me Arty."
*AFTER THE LONG DISCUSSION ARTEMIS HAS HAD WITH BUTLER ABOUT HOW BUTLER CALLING HIM ARTY SERIOUSLY CREEPS HIM OUT*
"DUDE! The new issue of playboy is out!" Artemis exclaimed as he went to open-
*FANFIC MESSED UP DUE TO CAST & CREW DIFFICULTIES - ARTEMIS CLOSE THE FRICKIN' MAGAZINE!!! WHERE THE HECK D'YA GET THAT LOUSY THING ANYWAYS??? .... authoress will proceed to strangle her older brother with a wet noodle after the fanfic is finished...*
Artemis Fowl sat semi-peacefully meditating. He was trying to forget the anger he felt towards she-who-must-not-be-named for taking away the playboy that he had sacrificed half the family fortune to get from the other-person-who-will-never-in-a-million-years-be-named... Then it occurred to him that he was an evil criminal genius constantly getting into some kind of trouble, he could get his own porn. THAT was when he joined the person whose name has a LOT of dash marks and who doesn't reveal her real name on the internet to strangle her living relatives that cheated him, of course, that's another story that I'll gladly write and post if anyone likes this even remotely because I'm crazy and bored and have run out of things to put on blinkie and I'm too critical about my web pages so few to none make it up on the web. Shall I add a few more typos before the fanfic's over???
rubberbabybuggiebumperhowmuchwoodwouldawoodchuckchuckifawoodchuckcouldchuckwooddidanyonenoticeanimespelledbackwardslookslikeenema?
(and it's tha honest truth)
Now, you've read Artemis Fowl's life up to date, yes yes? Of course, you've never read about the evil racoon who lives in the wine cellar and plans world destruction ("where the kaboom?"), but don't worry because rookie the racoon makes a general appearance in the fun at wal mart chapter... Oh, I shouldn't've told ye that... (NO MORE TYPOS)
Of course, Artemis Fowl, the all knowing and powerful genius who will one day become more popular than Jostie the mysterious mouse that no one knows about or cares about and that absolutely no one has ever heard of before, knows how to make thermite. Even if he didn't, thermite recipes are available in the anarchist's cookbook (such a novel for intellectuals by the way)!!!
"Sage... Salt... Vinegar?" Artemis looked over at Butler. "Where'd we get this recipe again?"
"Uh..." Butler looked at the front of the book. "Looney Tunes Acne Rocket - Recipes for Crazies. Graciously supplied by BUG BUNNY CARROTS FOR ALL CAMPAIGN. Copyright 97642990." Butler looked at the back of the book.
"Oh, I should've known. Made in China." Artemis said as he glared over Butler's shoulder.
(My brother has asked that I remove or at least point out that he is not a perv and does not receive playboy... Please note that I do this for the good of the fanfic and all who might even possibly wish to see a second chapter that I might not be able to write if I don't mention he's not a perv due to loss of life by unnamed problems such as being beaten to death with a flagpole. Thanks.)
"Why are we making thermite?" Butler asked.
(Artemis: *blink blink*)
"STOP POINTING OUT PLOT HOLES!!!!!!" Artemis screamed. "I think I need some premsyn."
"But Artemis, you're not a girl!"
"OH, my head hurts!"
*1st possible outcome of the wacky psycho babble*
"Butler, I've learned my lesson. I only wish I could take it all back. Why? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY??? WHY???"
"Dude I can't feel my hands!" Butler said goofily as he swayed left and right, struggling to stay up.
"THAT'S IT!!! I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!" Artemis exclaimed as he began to cry hysterically.
(In a voice like that of Igor from the fourth Quest for Glory, even though we've never actually heard his voice "I feel your pain.")
*2nd possible outcome of this mind-numbing drivel*
"I'M LEAVING ON A JET PLANE!"
"Arty, I've come to confess my undying love for you and you sing that song???" Holly gaped in horror.
"DOUBT THAT I'LL BE BACK AGAIN!"
"Oh ARTY! I'll follow you 'till the end of my days!" Holly said as she began to weep. The man/boy/guy/person (whatever) she loved was leaving. How would she ever stand this torment??? She grabbed his arm and began to glomp him. Artemis stared at her with wide eyes.
"AHHHHHH!!! SHE'S TOUCHING ME!!! HELP!!!! GET IT OFF ME!! GET IT OFF ME!!! I'M GOING TO DIE!!!"
*3rd possible outcome of this inane lunacy called... lit-er-at-u-re*
"I never knew I could feel like this. She's so beautiful, so wonderful... She's so, so... so *breaks into song SHE'S SO HIGH ABOVE ME! SHE'S SO LOVELY!!!" Mulch stared and began to drool at the love of his life, Juliet Butler. How he longed to kiss those lips, make her laugh, make her smile, hold her hand, be there for her when she cried. She was his one, his only, his hope for the future.
But, would she reject him?
"Juliet?" Mulch began nervously.
"DO I KNOW YOU???" Juliet stared at him funnily. (shoots typist)
*4th and last possible outcome because readers have requested that I get back to the fanfic... at least they will*
"I've never felt this way before. Angelina, you are the light of my life. You make everything seem wonderful when it seems I can't go on. Everytime I see you, my heart begins to beat faster and faster, and I'm forced to take nitro because of a heart problem when I'm around you. Everything you say sounds so shallow, and yet, I've never heard anything more unintellegible in my life. You light up a room, just by leaving it. You truely the most wonderful woman I have ever met. I'd do anything for you. I'd sing, I'd dance, I'd hop on one foot in a dress worth infinity amounts of money and screams 'AHHHH!!! A SPIDER!!!!'. You are my blessing, I could never live without you. You are my curse, you're unavoidable, I hardly know you, and I can't live without you. Oh, Angelina, if you would just give me a chance! Will you.... marry me?"
"ANGELINA!! HOW COULD YOU???" Angelina's husband, Mr. Fowl, walked in to find the hairy Mulch proposing to his wife.
"I SWEAR! I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HIM! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!!"
"Angelina, but we've been secretly dating for the past minute and a half! How could you not know!"
"I'M LEAVING YOU!" her husband yelled. He began to leave the room with Angelina chasing him, until Mulch yelled something.
"WAIT!!!" he yelled. They stared at him.
"I have to tell you something!" Angelina and her husband stared at him... waiting...
"I'm pregnant with your child!"
"NO!" Mr. Fowl exclaimed.
"YES!"
"Jessica, how could you?"
"Paul, I can't help it!"
"You will pay for this!"
"Paul wait!"
"No Jessica! You have betrayed me for the last time! I loved you!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Who're Paul and Jessica?" Mulch asked.
"DO YOU MIND!!?!?!?! WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT HERE!!!" Angelina yelled.
"YEAH!!!"
Mulch stared on in wonder... Along with the audience.
"Paul wait! There's something I MUST tell you!"
"Jessica, I know you're not pregnant."
"Paul, I have six months to live!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"Jessica, I never knew!"
"Of course not, I only found out a second ago!"
"Oh JESSICA!"
"OH PAUL!!"
"How could I have been so cruel?"
"I don't know, how could you?"
"OH JESSICA!!! MARRY ME!!"
"WE'RE ALREADY MARRIED!"
*thermite is 100% child safe - buy some thermite today!*
"This is the day of reckoning! Today I will finally recover the family fortune and my quest to conquer the world will finally be COMPLETED!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" young Artemis Fowl yelled. This was the last and final key to his reign of terror.
"Arty-"
"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU-"
"Not to call you Arty. I'm sorry."
"Remember next time Butler!"
"What do we do with all this extra thermite?"
(Artemis: *blink blink*)
"Give it to the cat." Artemis replied with a shrug.
"But it'll kill him!" Juliet shrieked.
"No it won't! It'll just... um... Give him... gas!" Artemis lied quickly.
"Igor, bring me the plans..." Master groaned from where he stood leaning over the skeletons. Tubes hung beside the body, flowing with liquids of red, blue, violet, and (algie?)... Electricity pulsed through metal coils.
"Master, the plans!" Igor grunted, emphasizing each word in a guttural tone.
"Peeerfect. I will now begin to restore the life within their empty skeletal bodies."
*the next day (after I've had some sleep)*
"What time is it???" Artemis said through a yawn.
THUNK!
Artemis looked over toward Butler. On the floor beside his passed out body was a little bottle. Artemis picked it up and read the label.
"Prozac. Made with all natural vanilla extracts, concentrated vokda, and... pancakes...?"
"I believe you have my stapler."
*later on in the day (after Butler is awake and has stopped taking Prozac)*
"Artemis, there's something wrong with the cat." Juliet said matter-of-factly.
"Heh, lots of thing are wrong with that deluded little furball." Artemis said, brushing it off.
"No, I mean, he's... sick." to put it lightly, finished Juliet in her head.
"What could possibly have made the cat sick?" Artemis replied rolling his eyes.
"Just a guess, but I think... it might've been... I mean it's possible.... Could it have been the thermite?" Juliet stuttered nervously.
"YOU... YOU GAVE THE CAT THE THERMITE?!?!?!" Artemis shouted.
"Well, that's what you told me to do!"
"I WAS JOKING!!! BRING ME THE LITTLE NUSANCE TO HUMANITY ASAP!!!"
Artemis could hear the death march begin to play in his head as Juliet walked slowly with her head down. His poor, poor kitten... How he would miss her! When he had time when he wasn't taking over the world and recovering the family fortune. Well, and when he wasn't playing with fire and electronic gizmos in his room...
"Here she is." Juliet said. Artemis took one quick look at him/her before he knew the cause of death.
"I'm afraid this cat has been... melted."
"Nooo!"
"YES!!"
"Ohhhh!!" Juliet began to sob.
"Oh Juliet!"
"Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?"
"Huh?"
"Ooops, sorry, wrong line. WHERE'S THE #$%$%^$%$ SCRIPT?!?!?!"
"Butler, I've learned my lesson. I only wish I could take it all back. Why? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY??? WHY???"
"Dude I can't feel my hands!" Butler said goofily as he swayed left and right, struggling to stay up.
"THAT'S IT!!! I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!" Artemis exclaimed as he began to cry hysterically.
"Master, the bodies, THEY LIVE!!!"
"Igor, fetch my totally kawaii cell phone. I must tell the world that if they do not surrender to me within the next six chapters, I will unleash my army of skeleton people who slightly resemble the guy from scream on the world."
"Master!"
"Wish me luck!!"
"GODSPEED!!!"
*****************
LOOK OUT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF:
ARTEMIS FOWL: I'VE LOST MY RUBBER DUCKIE!
When Artemis Fowl's favorite rubber duckie goes missing, he discovers it is only one tragedy in series of events that will cause the world's economy to collapse as we know it! Artemis learns of Master's evil plot to rule the world as his voice is broadcasted over televisions and radios all over the world. But, is it really possible to revive the dead? Artemis uncovers the horrible truth as he discovers the thieves ruthlessly take all which he holds dear, his rubber duckie, his stuffed dragoon, and his fifty million dollar action-packed action figure of the all time favorite hero MAJOR GLORY!!! Not to mention his girlfriend...
by undisclosed and someone other than keyne89 (because I'm beginning to hate that name)
AND IT ALL FALLS APART
It was just another day for the genius Artemis Fowl. Another day of reclaiming the family fortune, creating new and devious plots, and perhaps a little bit of Pinky and the Brainism with his daily dose of conquering the world. This was the beginning, of course how could Artemis know that his life was about to change forever... again...
Of course, let's not pay attention to those little details. Currently, our brave and (intrepid?) hero Artemis is playing the wondrous game of (DUM DUM DUM!) chess against the ever mindful Domovoi Butler! ...
There are ten seconds on the clock. Artemis Fowl moves his knight, hoping to catch the enemy king in checkmate! Yes, Artemis fowl is a genius, he wouldn't have to hope, he'd know exactly what he was doing... Of course, have we ever actually seen... er... read about him playing chess? Anyway...
He moves to the left, he moves to the right, and...
"CHECKMATE!!!" Artemis screams, jumping for joy and prancing around like an insane dust bunny who has absolutely no clue as to where he's going... (Dude, do dust bunnies prance??? *asking in a valley girl tone of course)... Suddenly he realizes the long forbidden truth.
"I'M THE BLACK PIECES!!! WHAT THE #$%#$% IS UP WITH THAT??? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS PLAYING WITH THE WRONG PIECES???"
"You mean I'm the white pieces?"
(Butler: *blink blink*)
"I've lost... How could I lose??? Oh sh-(HEY!!! THIS FANFIC IS CENSORED!) ... well NERTS!!"
(NERTS: an expression of anger and frustration...)
"Arty, it-" Butler began, but he quickly stopped when Artemis looked at him with wide shocked eyes.
"Arty, what is it?"
"Woah, this is weird. You just called me Arty."
*AFTER THE LONG DISCUSSION ARTEMIS HAS HAD WITH BUTLER ABOUT HOW BUTLER CALLING HIM ARTY SERIOUSLY CREEPS HIM OUT*
"DUDE! The new issue of playboy is out!" Artemis exclaimed as he went to open-
*FANFIC MESSED UP DUE TO CAST & CREW DIFFICULTIES - ARTEMIS CLOSE THE FRICKIN' MAGAZINE!!! WHERE THE HECK D'YA GET THAT LOUSY THING ANYWAYS??? .... authoress will proceed to strangle her older brother with a wet noodle after the fanfic is finished...*
Artemis Fowl sat semi-peacefully meditating. He was trying to forget the anger he felt towards she-who-must-not-be-named for taking away the playboy that he had sacrificed half the family fortune to get from the other-person-who-will-never-in-a-million-years-be-named... Then it occurred to him that he was an evil criminal genius constantly getting into some kind of trouble, he could get his own porn. THAT was when he joined the person whose name has a LOT of dash marks and who doesn't reveal her real name on the internet to strangle her living relatives that cheated him, of course, that's another story that I'll gladly write and post if anyone likes this even remotely because I'm crazy and bored and have run out of things to put on blinkie and I'm too critical about my web pages so few to none make it up on the web. Shall I add a few more typos before the fanfic's over???
rubberbabybuggiebumperhowmuchwoodwouldawoodchuckchuckifawoodchuckcouldchuckwooddidanyonenoticeanimespelledbackwardslookslikeenema?
(and it's tha honest truth)
Now, you've read Artemis Fowl's life up to date, yes yes? Of course, you've never read about the evil racoon who lives in the wine cellar and plans world destruction ("where the kaboom?"), but don't worry because rookie the racoon makes a general appearance in the fun at wal mart chapter... Oh, I shouldn't've told ye that... (NO MORE TYPOS)
Of course, Artemis Fowl, the all knowing and powerful genius who will one day become more popular than Jostie the mysterious mouse that no one knows about or cares about and that absolutely no one has ever heard of before, knows how to make thermite. Even if he didn't, thermite recipes are available in the anarchist's cookbook (such a novel for intellectuals by the way)!!!
"Sage... Salt... Vinegar?" Artemis looked over at Butler. "Where'd we get this recipe again?"
"Uh..." Butler looked at the front of the book. "Looney Tunes Acne Rocket - Recipes for Crazies. Graciously supplied by BUG BUNNY CARROTS FOR ALL CAMPAIGN. Copyright 97642990." Butler looked at the back of the book.
"Oh, I should've known. Made in China." Artemis said as he glared over Butler's shoulder.
(My brother has asked that I remove or at least point out that he is not a perv and does not receive playboy... Please note that I do this for the good of the fanfic and all who might even possibly wish to see a second chapter that I might not be able to write if I don't mention he's not a perv due to loss of life by unnamed problems such as being beaten to death with a flagpole. Thanks.)
"Why are we making thermite?" Butler asked.
(Artemis: *blink blink*)
"STOP POINTING OUT PLOT HOLES!!!!!!" Artemis screamed. "I think I need some premsyn."
"But Artemis, you're not a girl!"
"OH, my head hurts!"
*1st possible outcome of the wacky psycho babble*
"Butler, I've learned my lesson. I only wish I could take it all back. Why? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY??? WHY???"
"Dude I can't feel my hands!" Butler said goofily as he swayed left and right, struggling to stay up.
"THAT'S IT!!! I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!" Artemis exclaimed as he began to cry hysterically.
(In a voice like that of Igor from the fourth Quest for Glory, even though we've never actually heard his voice "I feel your pain.")
*2nd possible outcome of this mind-numbing drivel*
"I'M LEAVING ON A JET PLANE!"
"Arty, I've come to confess my undying love for you and you sing that song???" Holly gaped in horror.
"DOUBT THAT I'LL BE BACK AGAIN!"
"Oh ARTY! I'll follow you 'till the end of my days!" Holly said as she began to weep. The man/boy/guy/person (whatever) she loved was leaving. How would she ever stand this torment??? She grabbed his arm and began to glomp him. Artemis stared at her with wide eyes.
"AHHHHHH!!! SHE'S TOUCHING ME!!! HELP!!!! GET IT OFF ME!! GET IT OFF ME!!! I'M GOING TO DIE!!!"
*3rd possible outcome of this inane lunacy called... lit-er-at-u-re*
"I never knew I could feel like this. She's so beautiful, so wonderful... She's so, so... so *breaks into song SHE'S SO HIGH ABOVE ME! SHE'S SO LOVELY!!!" Mulch stared and began to drool at the love of his life, Juliet Butler. How he longed to kiss those lips, make her laugh, make her smile, hold her hand, be there for her when she cried. She was his one, his only, his hope for the future.
But, would she reject him?
"Juliet?" Mulch began nervously.
"DO I KNOW YOU???" Juliet stared at him funnily. (shoots typist)
*4th and last possible outcome because readers have requested that I get back to the fanfic... at least they will*
"I've never felt this way before. Angelina, you are the light of my life. You make everything seem wonderful when it seems I can't go on. Everytime I see you, my heart begins to beat faster and faster, and I'm forced to take nitro because of a heart problem when I'm around you. Everything you say sounds so shallow, and yet, I've never heard anything more unintellegible in my life. You light up a room, just by leaving it. You truely the most wonderful woman I have ever met. I'd do anything for you. I'd sing, I'd dance, I'd hop on one foot in a dress worth infinity amounts of money and screams 'AHHHH!!! A SPIDER!!!!'. You are my blessing, I could never live without you. You are my curse, you're unavoidable, I hardly know you, and I can't live without you. Oh, Angelina, if you would just give me a chance! Will you.... marry me?"
"ANGELINA!! HOW COULD YOU???" Angelina's husband, Mr. Fowl, walked in to find the hairy Mulch proposing to his wife.
"I SWEAR! I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HIM! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!!"
"Angelina, but we've been secretly dating for the past minute and a half! How could you not know!"
"I'M LEAVING YOU!" her husband yelled. He began to leave the room with Angelina chasing him, until Mulch yelled something.
"WAIT!!!" he yelled. They stared at him.
"I have to tell you something!" Angelina and her husband stared at him... waiting...
"I'm pregnant with your child!"
"NO!" Mr. Fowl exclaimed.
"YES!"
"Jessica, how could you?"
"Paul, I can't help it!"
"You will pay for this!"
"Paul wait!"
"No Jessica! You have betrayed me for the last time! I loved you!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Who're Paul and Jessica?" Mulch asked.
"DO YOU MIND!!?!?!?! WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT HERE!!!" Angelina yelled.
"YEAH!!!"
Mulch stared on in wonder... Along with the audience.
"Paul wait! There's something I MUST tell you!"
"Jessica, I know you're not pregnant."
"Paul, I have six months to live!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"Jessica, I never knew!"
"Of course not, I only found out a second ago!"
"Oh JESSICA!"
"OH PAUL!!"
"How could I have been so cruel?"
"I don't know, how could you?"
"OH JESSICA!!! MARRY ME!!"
"WE'RE ALREADY MARRIED!"
*thermite is 100% child safe - buy some thermite today!*
"This is the day of reckoning! Today I will finally recover the family fortune and my quest to conquer the world will finally be COMPLETED!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" young Artemis Fowl yelled. This was the last and final key to his reign of terror.
"Arty-"
"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU-"
"Not to call you Arty. I'm sorry."
"Remember next time Butler!"
"What do we do with all this extra thermite?"
(Artemis: *blink blink*)
"Give it to the cat." Artemis replied with a shrug.
"But it'll kill him!" Juliet shrieked.
"No it won't! It'll just... um... Give him... gas!" Artemis lied quickly.
"Igor, bring me the plans..." Master groaned from where he stood leaning over the skeletons. Tubes hung beside the body, flowing with liquids of red, blue, violet, and (algie?)... Electricity pulsed through metal coils.
"Master, the plans!" Igor grunted, emphasizing each word in a guttural tone.
"Peeerfect. I will now begin to restore the life within their empty skeletal bodies."
*the next day (after I've had some sleep)*
"What time is it???" Artemis said through a yawn.
THUNK!
Artemis looked over toward Butler. On the floor beside his passed out body was a little bottle. Artemis picked it up and read the label.
"Prozac. Made with all natural vanilla extracts, concentrated vokda, and... pancakes...?"
"I believe you have my stapler."
*later on in the day (after Butler is awake and has stopped taking Prozac)*
"Artemis, there's something wrong with the cat." Juliet said matter-of-factly.
"Heh, lots of thing are wrong with that deluded little furball." Artemis said, brushing it off.
"No, I mean, he's... sick." to put it lightly, finished Juliet in her head.
"What could possibly have made the cat sick?" Artemis replied rolling his eyes.
"Just a guess, but I think... it might've been... I mean it's possible.... Could it have been the thermite?" Juliet stuttered nervously.
"YOU... YOU GAVE THE CAT THE THERMITE?!?!?!" Artemis shouted.
"Well, that's what you told me to do!"
"I WAS JOKING!!! BRING ME THE LITTLE NUSANCE TO HUMANITY ASAP!!!"
Artemis could hear the death march begin to play in his head as Juliet walked slowly with her head down. His poor, poor kitten... How he would miss her! When he had time when he wasn't taking over the world and recovering the family fortune. Well, and when he wasn't playing with fire and electronic gizmos in his room...
"Here she is." Juliet said. Artemis took one quick look at him/her before he knew the cause of death.
"I'm afraid this cat has been... melted."
"Nooo!"
"YES!!"
"Ohhhh!!" Juliet began to sob.
"Oh Juliet!"
"Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?"
"Huh?"
"Ooops, sorry, wrong line. WHERE'S THE #$%$%^$%$ SCRIPT?!?!?!"
"Butler, I've learned my lesson. I only wish I could take it all back. Why? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY??? WHY???"
"Dude I can't feel my hands!" Butler said goofily as he swayed left and right, struggling to stay up.
"THAT'S IT!!! I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!" Artemis exclaimed as he began to cry hysterically.
"Master, the bodies, THEY LIVE!!!"
"Igor, fetch my totally kawaii cell phone. I must tell the world that if they do not surrender to me within the next six chapters, I will unleash my army of skeleton people who slightly resemble the guy from scream on the world."
"Master!"
"Wish me luck!!"
"GODSPEED!!!"
*****************
LOOK OUT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF:
ARTEMIS FOWL: I'VE LOST MY RUBBER DUCKIE!
When Artemis Fowl's favorite rubber duckie goes missing, he discovers it is only one tragedy in series of events that will cause the world's economy to collapse as we know it! Artemis learns of Master's evil plot to rule the world as his voice is broadcasted over televisions and radios all over the world. But, is it really possible to revive the dead? Artemis uncovers the horrible truth as he discovers the thieves ruthlessly take all which he holds dear, his rubber duckie, his stuffed dragoon, and his fifty million dollar action-packed action figure of the all time favorite hero MAJOR GLORY!!! Not to mention his girlfriend...