I DO NOT OWN ANY CSI CHARACTERS! BUT AFTER THE AMAZING RECEPTION I'M GETTING FOR MAKING FUN OF IT, I SHOULD! THANKS FOR READING!

The One Where Horatio Is In Therapy

Horatio Caine is in therapy with a therapist named Mrs. Cool. They are sitting face to face.

Mrs. Cool: Now, Mr. Caine. It seems you have a problem.

Horatio: I do not have a problem. I have (puts on his glasses) a solution. (about to walk away)

Mrs. Cool: (looks at her watch) Excuse me but we have fifty-nine minutes until the end of our session.

Horatio: (sits back down, disappointed) Oh, okay.

Mrs. Cool: Now, you must take off your glasses.

Horatio: What glasses?

Mrs. Cool: Mr. Caine, you must take off your sunglasses in here.

Horatio: (takes off glasses) Life isn't fair.

Mrs. Cool: Tell me about it. I'm sitting here with the lead star from a cheesy tv show. Now, we must talk about your excessive use of your glasses.

Horatio: It's not excessive (puts on glasses) but it's impulsive. (about to walk away)

Mrs. Cool: Sit your butt down and give me those glasses.

Horatio: (sits down and give her his glasses) I don't know why you do this to me…

Mrs. Cool: Now give me the rest of your sunglasses…

FIFTY- SEVEN MINUTES AND THIRTY-NINE SUNGLASSES LATER

Mrs. Cool: Now that we got those glasses out of the way, let's talk about your personal life.

Horatio: My personal life (puts on glasses) is private. (walks away)

TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HORATIO IS BINDED IN A STRAITJACKET AND THEIR SESSION STILL CONTINUES

Mrs. Cool: Now, why do you use sunglasses?

Horatio: (crying) I need my sunglasses!

Mrs. Cool: No. Tell me why you use glasses.

Horatio: (bawling) BECAUSE IT HIDES THE FACT THAT I HAVE HORRIBLE ACTING!

Mrs. Cool: Well, at least you admit it. Michael Cera does the same thing every movie.

Horatio: Can you help me?

Mrs. Cool: Yes, I can.

IN SHOCK THERAPY

Mrs. Cool: Now, Horatio. I trust you now that I have taken off your straitjacket. On the table in front of you, there are two objects. One is a book titled "Better Acting for the Actor" and the other are a pair of sunglasses. If you so much glance at the wrong object, you will get a small, yet powerful, shock through your body.

Horatio: Does this really work?

Mrs. Cool: Yes. Explain why Adam Sandler went from Little Nicky to Punch Drunk Love?

Horatio: Oh, Okay.

Mrs. Cool: Let's begin…

FORTEEN HOURS OF SHOCK THEREPY LATER…

Mrs. Cool: (to intercom) Nurse, we're going to need a cremation coupon….

WOLFE, FRANK AND ALEXX ARE WAITING IN THE WAITING ROOM OF THE THERAPY PLACE. MRS. COOL COMES IN AND EVERYONE STANDS UP.

Wolfe: Well, how is he?

Frank: Is his acting better?

Mrs. Cool: (shakes her head) Never will be.

Alexx: Oh, well. That alr…

Mrs. Cool: Because he's dead.

Frank: What?!

Mrs. Cool: In the shock sessions, your boss constantly chose the sunglasses, which shocked him constantly. I guess he thought choosing the glasses was the best choice. Too much shocks killed him.

Alexx: Can we see the body?

Mrs. Cool: You can try but he's all over the place.

Wolfe: Wha…?

Mrs. Cool: Near the end of the session, he exploded and only his ashes are all over the room.

Frank: Horrible.

Mrs. Cool: And that's not the worst of it. While me and some others cleaned up, I… by accident, sniffed some of his ashes.

Frank: That's horrible.

Alexx: I guess I won't get to talk to his body.

Wolfe: I guess we should arrange a funeral.

WOLFE, ALEXX AND FRANK LEAVE, WITH HEAVY HEADS.

Mrs. Cool: Ashes to ashes (puts on sunglasses) dust to dust. (walks away)

YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!