SUMMARY: An accident can cause death but some consequences are worse than death.
CHAPTER ONE
The fans were screaming their names. One by one they walked onto the stage, awed by the masses infront of them. Gustav went first, walking over to sit behind his drums. Georg was next, his bass already around his shoulder. Tom swaggered onto the stage, looping his guitar over his head. The crowds screamed louder. Then Bill walked on stage and the crowd went wild. Fan girls screaming for their icon. He smiled and went to stand behind the microphone. He looked over at his brother and they smiled at each other. They started with Scream, the fans instantly joining in.
Bill danced closer to Tom, singing along to the chorus of Sacred. Bill had written the song for Tom and now he sung it to him as well. Tom gave his brother a caring smile that was returned happily. The smile split into a grin as the song finished. It was time for their big finish. After much discussion they had agreed to finish with Monsoon. Their Grand Finale would be completed with fireworks. Everything was ready.
"Thank you very much for coming," Bill gave his perfect photograph smile. "We have one last song for you." The crowd screamed as loud as they could. As the band reached the last chorus, they braced themselves for the fireworks. The stage-hands didn't disappoint. With a thunderous bang three fireworks went off fantastically. White sparks flew into the air, exploding of to the side of the open-air stage. The crowd loved it.
The band exchanged confused glances. Three fireworks had gone off but they had asked for four. Bill spotted a stage-hand fiddling with something where the fourth firework was. He nodded towards him , pointing him out to his band mates. They came to the last words of the song and Bill couldn't help grinning like a manic at the storming applause they received. They each took a bow, then headed to the stairs at the side of the stage.
Bill was stepping down when the last firework went off, heralded by a loud bang. A white light rocketed out of nowhere, heading straight for Tom, one step down from Bill. The singer gave a scream and threw himself forwards into his brother's back. Suddenly everything went white and Bill collapsed. He felt everything fading into the distance, screams and shouts becoming further and further away. He gratefully gave in to the enveloping darkness.
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Tom heard the bang and Bill's scream. A solid weight hit him in the back and he fell forward down the short flight of stairs. He hit the ground with a thud. Rolling over, he had just enough time to see the tail of the firework dragging across Bill's face. White lights flashed in Tom's vision then cleared in time for his to see his brother pitch forward. He easily caught the skinny body. With gentle hands he turned Bill over and couldn't stop the scream escaping his lips.
Bill's eyes were gone. They had been replaced with an oozing mass of burnt flesh. Blood was seeping from the wounds, dripping down to color Tom's t-shirt red. Tom just stared at his twin's face, wishing he could see those identical chocolate eyes that shined every time Tom looked at them. Those eyes that could make him do anything Bill wanted with just one look. Those eyes that were now gone.
A hand rested on his shoulder and Tom looked at it, surprised. He had forgotten he was not alone here. He looked up at Georg, the owner of the hand. His lips moved and slowly sound filtered past the cloud of numbness that had wrapped itself around Tom's brain. "Holy shit!" Georg was yelling. "Fuck! Gustav call an ambulance."
Tom looked at Bill's tiny form in his lap as reality finally set in. Bill could be dying. His mind went into overdrive, a thousand thoughts and memories whirred though his head. He couldn't breath. Tom leaned forward, mouth open in a silent scream. He felt the world slipping away and thought maybe he was dying too. He didn't care. Tom couldn't live without Bill by his side. His scream became real, chilling and haunting. Then everything was gone as he fainted.
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Bill woke slowly, or at least he thought he had woken. He could feel a sharp pain in his head, he could hear mutters and whispers somewhere far away, but he couldn't see anything. The blackness terrified him. He felt as if it was suffocating him, he was dying all alone. His breathing was coming fast, catching in his throat. His hands flailed about as he fought the darkness.
Soft hands grabbed his, gentle but firm. A low voice whispered in his ear, telling him everything was going to be all right. It was Tom. Bill relaxed. If his brother was here then Bill would be safe. The hands gently pushed his arms down and familiar lips brushed against his.
"Tomi?" Bill's voice sounded so small to him. "Tom, what's going on? Where am I? Why is it so dark?" He could feel his breath speeding up again. The hands were back one running up and down his arm, the other resting on his thigh. They stayed there until Bill calmed down and then the hand on his thigh disappeared.
"Bill?" The singer loved the sound of his brother's voice but he could hear a hesitance in it. "What do you remember?" Bill thought back. They had been at a concert. Everything had been going awesome. The fireworks had work- shit… the fireworks. A flash of images rocketed past infront of his eyes. It ended in a blinding flash of white light.
Bill's voice was shaking as badly as he was. "W-where am I?"
"You're in hospital," Bill couldn't help but flinch when his brother's answer confirmed his suspicions.
"No, no, I can't be," Tom tried to interrupt but Bill's mood changed suddenly. "How bad is it? What are my injuries? When will we be touring again?"
Tom could barely talk through the lump in his throat. He had never thought he would have to have this conversation with his brother, but now he did, he didn't think he could. He looked at his twin's face, the white bandage stretched across the place where normally he would see those gorgeous eyes. As if Bill could sense his hesitation, he raised a hand. He moved it through the air until he found the smooth skin of Tom's face. As Bill touched him, Tom felt a strange strength run through him.
"Bill, the firework went straight across your face." He went quiet for a moment. "It… you… they were unable to save your eyesight. You-you're blind." Bill made a sound something between a moan and a scream. He pulled his hand away from Tom's face, clutching at his eyes. He gave a sob as he felt the bandage there.
Tom leaned forward to stroke his brother's face. "No!" Bill pushed his hand away roughly, fumbling a little. "Get out." The words cut like a knife through Tom's skin.
"Don't say that, you don't mean it."
"Yes I do." Tom still didn't move. "GET OUT!" He stood and ran to the door, unable to stand the rejection any longer. As he closed the door he could here pained sobs. The sound of his brother so sad hurt almost as badly as Bill's words did, but he didn't turn around. Georg, Gustav and David were all sitting in the waiting room. They jumped up when they saw Tom run in.
"Where is Bill?"
"Is he alright?"
"Are we allowed to see him?" They surrounded him on all sides. Claustrophobia bit at him, stopping him from breathing. Tom gave a sob and pushed through them, running from everything that meant something to him. He ran for the exit were he thought maybe he could find freedom. The cold air hit him and he breathed it in deeply. He ignored his friends calling him back and ran away into the night.
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Bill was anxiously pacing the room he was in, occasionally bumping into furniture or whatever it was. It was his last hour in the hospital. Tom was supposed to be coming to take him back to the Tokio Hotel flat. He just hoped his brother would come. No one had seen him since he had run from the hospital to become lost in the night a week ago. Bill could feel the empty hole in him that widen more every minute he spent without his brother by his side.
A single pearly white tear leaked from under his scarred eyelid. Somehow the doctor had managed to save his eyes but not his eyesight. If he ever opened them people would see no color in them at all. The sclera had flowed into his iris and pupil making his entire eye pure white. Georg said that sometimes he could see white clouds swirling and moving in them. His tears, he was told, were the same color as his eyes. Like he cared. He couldn't even see light let alone his own reflection. Bill lifted his hand to his face, letting the pads of his fingers run of the bumps and ridges of the hideous scarring. The doctor had told him the scars would fade over time but Bill couldn't bring himself to feel happy about that. The tear was joined by another. The sound of the door opening and closing behind him made him jump. He quickly wiped the tears away and pulled the white bandage down to hide his eyes as always. He turned to where he thought the door was.
"Hello?" The question in his voice was wary.
"Hello Bill," the low, familiar voice set Bill's heart racing.
"Tom!?" Bill felt the hole inside him fill up again.
"Yeah. Hey I'm sorry I… you know… disappeared." Bill walked towards his brother's voice, hand out-stretched infront of him, feeling for his brother. He felt his fingertips brush against Tom's oversized clothing and felt his heart lift when the other boy didn't pull away.
"You don't need to apologise Tomi. I told you to go away so it was my fault. I was so scared you would hate me if you saw me so useless like I am. I was so scared that you- Do you still love me Tom? Can you possibly still love me when I'm like this?" Bill felt warm arms wrap around him and a sensual mouth press against his. Tom's individual scent enveloped him.
"Of course I still love you Bill. Maybe it will be hard to get used to but I'll find a way." Tom's voice was as comforting as his scent and Bill found himself believing that it was going to be all right. "Come on now, I want to get my baby home." Bill pulled away, heart warming at the nickname Tom used.
"My bag is over there I think," Bill gestured behind him. Gustav and Georg had brought him some stuff from the flat. He stood still and listened to Tom moving around. The sound stopped. "What are you doing?"
"I want to see them," Tom's voice was low and quiet, coming from somewhere infront of Bill. "I want to see your eyes."
"What?" Bill's hand went to the soft bandage. He didn't want his brother to see what he could only imagine ask the hideousness he had become. Tom soft sigh reached his ears.
"I want to see your eyes Bill. You can't hide them forever." A hand came to rest on Bill's face, thumb sliding a little way under the cotton material. The injured boy's hand moved to clutch his brother's, stopping him from lifting the bandage. "Please Bill. At least let me see your eyes, if no one else." Bill still hesitated but eventually let his hand drop to his side. He felt the bandage being pulled off agonizingly slowly and Bill's heart swelled at the care Tom was taking. He felt like the most precious china. He still squeezed his eyes tightly shut as air touched his scars. He hated opening his eyes, only to feel the darkness pressing in on him.
"Oh Billa," Bill could actually hear the unshed tears in Tom's voice. "I'm so sorry. How could I have let this happen?"
"No! It was not your fault. There was no way you could have stopped this. Remember the doctor's said that if the firework had hit you where it was going to, you probably wouldn't have even made it to the hospital. I had to save you Tom. I would rather live forever in darkness with your presence guiding me than see the world but never you alive again." Bill reached out until he found his brother's face and was shocked to find the wetness of tears. Tom never cried where people could see him. Bill flinched as he bitterly realised that Tom still didn't.
"Don't cry Tomi," Bill's voice betrayed none of his thoughts. "I need you to be strong. Please." Tom was still silent but he stroked the scars on Bill's face. His fingertips brushed the injured boy's eyelashes and they fluttered.
"Open your eyes," the quiet request was almost lost in the darkness of Bill's world. He slowly opened his eyes, inwardly screaming and twisting in the pain of seeing nothing but the never-ending darkness. If only he had watched the world more often and marveled in the brilliance of the colors more than once. If only he could see just one more time, the pure beauty of the world and the face of his brother. "They're white."
"The doctors couldn't bring the color back. I'm sorry. I know how much you loved the color of our eyes."
"No, don't be sorry. I think they are beautiful, just as beautiful as before." Bill could hear the sincerity in his brother's voice. "You are just as beautiful as before Bill, in every way." Inwardly Bill knew that wasn't true but he said nothing, wanting Tom to believe the words.
"Can we go now Tomi? I want to go home." Tom's hands left his face and he could hear his brother moving around but he said nothing. "Tom?" The movement stopped.
"I'm sorry, I forgot you won't be able to see me nod anymore." Bill gasped and took at step backwards as a wave of helplessness and unhappiness threatened to engulf him. He heard his brother step forward but he didn't know where he was. He heard to rain lash against the window but he didn't even know there was a window. He heard his brother speak but he couldn't see his face.
Bill's knees felt weak and he collapsed, unable to see where he was falling. Hands were trying to help him but he didn't know who's hands they were. He fell forward, tasting blood but he didn't know whose blood it was. He heard someone scream but he couldn't see why. They were screaming with his voice. He lay on the floor or at least he thought it was the floor. He looked up but was it really up? He knew the lights were on but all he could see was darkness. The darkness that stopped his freedom.
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Shouts and cries all around. People, or maybe just person, yelling "CLEAR!". A striking pain, spearing his heart. Someone was calling his name but he couldn't hear them. They were fading away.
"Bill! Bill! You have to listen to me. You can't do that. You're going to hurt yourself. Oh fuck! Bill what have you done?" Hands were holding his wrists. They were slipping no though in the liquid he could feel flowing down his arms. He knew that voice, Tom. He couldn't… quite… reach him. The darkness was stopping him.
The clinical smell was gone. It had been replaced with a strangely familiar smell that seemed to linger all round him. Then another, more important smell came to him. He smiled inwardly, recognizing that scent. He could smell his brother, so close. He lifted an arm… but fell into that black-hole of unconsciousness.
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