Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

(…Look for me in the winter forest…hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)…I know you hear me…I can taste it in your tears…inspired by the track My Last Breath by Evanescence)

Last Breath

Severus Snape shivered as the bitterly cold December wind whipped about him its icy fingers tugging at his heavy coat, his woollen muffler, his long hair, chilling him to the bone. But Snape simply shrugged off the biting cold, it was little more than an irritating discomfort, nothing compared to the coldness gnawing at his aching heart and terrifying, maddening pain he had suffered for the past seven years. So Snape pulled the dark grey fabric of his coat tighter about his skinny frame and pushed on deeper into the Forest, his only thought was the gruesome but so necessary task ahead for him.

Everywhere seemed separated into either dark shadowy or brilliant white and the only sounds breaking the eerier stillness were the crunch of his boots upon the powdery virgin snow and the rasp of his laboured, vaporous breath. Snape felt his hand tighten upon the slim glass vial safe beneath the dark folds of his robes and quicken his pace. The Forbidden Forest held no fear for him now, only sad, unpleasant memories and although the ground was thick with newly fallen snow Snape followed the narrow winding path through the trees with the ease of well-trodden familiarity.

Snape let out a tiny, frail gasp as he finally reached the heart of the Forest, his heart pounded and his mouth suddenly became dry, Snape started to tremble as he step into the small clearing.

The ancient oak seemed to towered above him, the twisted, gnarled bark glistened with white frosting, the naked branches were hung with icicles and the green leaves now replaced with snowy white canopy that bathed in the light of the almost full moon sparkled like pale crystal. Snape stood for a moment as if frozen, bewitched, his heart suddenly wrenched by such terrible pain that he clasped an icy hand to his chest. But it wasn't the ghostly beauty of the ancient oak dressed in the pale finery of winter or the lunar radiance that streamed through the trees turning everything it touch to a shimmering silver that caused Snape's heart to wither but the exquisite contrast of the bright pink Sweetbrier against the powdery white snow. The single enchanted bloom still nestled between the roots of the gnarled, twisted tree where he had left it several months ago, the spot where Remus Lupin's ashes had been scattered.

Snape stooped gathering his coat about him and with a trembling hand stooped to pickup the fragile but still gloriously coloured and sweet-smelling Dog Rose. Snape gave a lamenting sigh, haunted by memories as he brushed the soft, velvety petals against his pale cheek. Bitter, mournful tears fell from his dark eyes and clung to the flower like tiny glistening jewels.

With another deeper, more mournful sigh Snape tenderly replaced the rose in its snowy bed then straightening he took the vial from the depth of his robe pocket. Snape held the slim bottle for a moment staring at the metallic, purple liquid, a mixture of powered root of asphodel added to an infusion of wormwood as it glinted in the moonlight, tempting, almost daring him to drink. Snape fumbled with icy fingers that now seemed reluctant to tug the cork stopper free, he felt light-headed, sickening cramps gnawed at his stomach and the sound of his quickened heart pounded deafeningly in his ears. As the cork hit the snow with a small, dull thud the sharp, acidic odour of the Draught of Living Death filled Snape's nostrils, but he fought against the dizzying panic that shuddered through his body at the thought was what he was about to do. Snape had given this particular version of the draught two very special and deadly additions, the three pinches of dried Wolfsbane and generous measure of liquid silver would ensured it would be a sleep that the drinker would never awake from…the eternal slumber of death.

"Forgive me," Snape muttered softly, his rich, deep voice echoing upon the harsh, chilling wind as he cast his dark eye upon the Dog Rose and rose the vial to his lips "But I can't bare this life any longer without you."

A sudden howl, tortured, mournful and full of desperation erupted from the shadows caused Snape to freeze, the deadly potion hovering just inches from his pale, quivering mouth. Snape turned lowering the vial just a fraction as he stared into the blackness of the Forest. A fearful gasp escaped from his trembling lips as he staggered backwards from the haunting vision that padded softly from gloom. The white wolf came to a halt at the foot of the ancient oak; it glanced down at the Dog Rose then gazed up at Snape with questioning golden eyes.

"Remus?" Snape rasped his whole body started to shake as the wolf with graceful, nervous steps moved a little closer slowly closing the gap between them. It stopped, head stooped submissively gazing up through sooty lashes, the wolf was so close that it would have been so easy for Snape to reached out and feel that silvery white fur beneath his fingers. A sensation Snape so desperately missed and longed to feel again but his fear of breaking the spell forced him to resist.

"Remus…oh my god…is it you?" Snape could hardly breathe the aching in his heart was unbearable. The wolf regarded Snape for a moment its soft honey eyes seemed to flicker with sudden recollection and it gave a tiny, joyful bark.

"Remus…Remus" Snape wept as overcome with the heady conflictions of grief and happiness he rushed forward to embraced his love. But the ghostly wolf backed away giving Snape a low warning growl as its eyes flashed upon the vial in Snape's hand.

"Please…" Snape groaned in a desperate, pleading rasp and to his surprise the wolf stepped forward just enough for the fingers of his free hand to lightly brush against the icy, spectral fur of wolf's muzzle. Snape shuddered as the ghost of Remus Lupin gave a pained, lamenting whine and nuzzled his head into the palm of the wizard's hand.

"Remus," Snape whispered "I can't bare this, you're breaking my heart…I…I…" his fingers tightened around the glass vial as if to steady his nerve. Snape felt Lupin's cold, ghostly essence slip from his fingers as the wolf gave an angry snarl, baring its long, glistening fangs. Snape heard a harrowing crack and then felt a sharp pain as in terror he shattered the vial. Snape staggered backwards, the glass slicing deeper into his flesh as the metallic purple liquid mingled with his crimson blood, stinging his flesh before dripping through his fingers, staining the snow. The wolf turned trotting towards the dark trees; satisfied it prevented his lover from drinking the lethal draught. Stopping Remus glancing backwards with pleading golden orbs that seemed to glistening with tears, he gave a low, sad bark as if in farewell before disappearing…no fading…back into the Forest.

"Remus…Remus..." Snape called weakly as he collapsed trembling to his knees "Please don't leave me, not again…not like this…" Snape howled in pained rage gazing upwards into the vast night skies as the dark wispy clouds smothered the brilliant moon plunging him into despair and darkness.

"I will always be with you my love…now more than ever…and when the full moon rises remember me and don't be afraid… we shall be together again." Remus Lupin's last words suddenly seemed to drift from memory as if to comfort Snape's aching heart, he turned his gaze towards the depths of the Forest once more but the ghostly wolf was gone.

"Oh my love, forgive me," Snape wept closing his fist upon the broken shards of glass forcing them even deeper into his cold flesh in the desperate need that the ragged biting sensation could numb the pain tearing at his grieving heart. The Forest echoed with a howl-like curse that escaped his frozen lips, a strangled, desperate unearthly sound that seemed to have been tore from the depths of his very soul, nothing, no pain how ever great could sate his longing to be with Remus once again. Snape let the shards fall from his bleeding hand, covering his face as the tears stung his dark eyes, streamed down his pale cheeks, burning his icy flesh as he totally surrendered to his shame and grief, engulfed by imagines of the past…he was suddenly back in this Forest seven years ago, it was night and he was running through the white frosted trees. The moon above him hung heavy and full against the dark velvet skies, it's brilliant white light bathing the snow that crunched beneath his boots in a ghostly luminosity, that under any other circumstances would have been so bewitching.

Snape stopped trying to gather his thoughts and get his baring he had never been this deep into the Forest and he had no idea in which direction to go next…he was lost. Snape clutched breathlessly at his chest, heart pounding wildly but his terror of what might lurk within the shadows was nothing compared to his fear for Remus Lupin, it was that all consuming fear that forced him push onwards, further into the Forest…he had to find him…he could let those werewolf-hating bastards kill the man he loved… Snape stopped in his tracks, his blood suddenly running cold as a gunshot rung out a little distance ahead for him.

Oh my god they are using muggle weapons Snape thought as he draw his wand from the dark folds of his robe.

"Remus!" Snape screamed. The werewolf lay upon the ground writhing in agony, snapping at the silver chains that bound it as they sliced and burnt into its flesh. It had been shot in the shoulder, the sadistic bastards had chosen to wound their prey rather then kill it outright with a clean, merciful shot to the head knowing the specialist bullet would slowly infect the creature with silver and the promise of a slow excruciating death. The werewolf snarled with pained rage desperately biting at its own burning flesh trying to break free from the terrible agony of the chains.

"Remus..." Snape whispering with a low, soothing voice he edged slowly towards the crazed werewolf he bowed his head holding his arms out in an unthreatening, submissive posture. "Remus it's me…its Severus, I've come to help you" Snape tried desperately to hide his fear knowing that if the werewolf sensed fear it would feed the beast within, turning Remus against him, putting him in danger and helpless to safe his lover. But Snape was afraid…he had never been so afraid in his life, not even when he stood bound, naked and bleeding before Lord Voldemort, enduring the taunts and the torture when his loyalty had been called in question did he feel as nervous and fearful as he did now. But it wasn't the fear of Remus in his wolf form because with the aid of his potions Snape had shared the magical curse of the full moon on several occasions as safely as if he strolled around the grounds of Hogwarts with a large shaggy dog at his heels…no… Snape was afraid that even if he did release Remus from the chains and removed the silver bullet from his wounded shoulder that it still wouldn't be enough to save him…losing Remus terrified Snape it was his greatest fear. So gathering his strength and masking his fear Snape knelt down in front of the creature, just beyond striking distance of snarling fangs and savage claws. The werewolf froze, stopped gnawing at its bounds, ears pricking up at the deep, silken voice. It gave a little yelp as if in answer and raising its head stared straight at Snape. The golden brown eyes slowly lost their terrifying madness as the man inside reorganized the familiar face, the one he associated with understanding, compassion…and love.

"I need to get those chains off Remus…understand me…I am trying to help you." Snape explained tenderly in his deep, melodious voice as he crept forward just a fraction showing Remus his intentions meant him no harm. Snape wasn't sure if he was talking to the man or the wolf that in his obvious pain Remus might not fully understand his words and so he decided to treat the creature as one might a wounded animal, slow careful movements and a soothing tone. So far it was working Remus seemed to be calm but watchful Snape inched closer clutching his wand so tightly his knuckles whitened with the strain. Remus gave a low soft bark, lower his head he gaze up at Snape apprehensively through his long, dark lashes, if it hadn't been such a fearfully desperate situation Snape would have given that wet, black nose a kiss. He resisted, tapping the chains gently with his wand and whispering the spell to unfasten them. Remus gave a weak but appreciative bark as the burning links of silver fell away, his long pink tongue darted out and licked Snape across the cheek…suddenly Remus growled backing away. Snape turned quickly around only to see one of the Death Eaters looming over him holding the pistol.

"No!" Snape cried as he tried to shield Remus with his body while twisting around to aim a spell at the attacker but it was too late. Snape couldn't tell which sounds came first, his screams of pain as something ripped through his shoulder blade, the gunfire or the agonising howl of Remus as he was wounded by another silver bullet.

"You fucking bastard!" Snape spat the terrible pain in his shoulder seemed only to fuel his rage as a burning sensation seemed to concurrently spread creeping down his arm and across his neck up into his head. A searing white pain flashed across his temples, losing his vision to an uncontrollable red rage Snape suddenly lunged at Lucius Malfoy, knocking him to the ground with a blood-curdling scream. He snarled clawing the mask from Lucius' face as he straddled the startled man across the chest, pinning him down. Snape may have been a tall, willowy built man but he possessed an amazing strength, something Remus had found both alluring and highly satisfying. Snape punched down hard, Lucius gave a yelp of pain as the fist made contact with his face, scattering his nose. Snape gave a little triumphant bark as he punched Lucius again and again. The first blow had been so quick it had caught Lucius off guard yet even as he tried desperately to fight off the following blows, struggling to push Snape off, clawing at the crazed man's face but he was helpless. Snape's strong thighs grasped him firmly in place and the small, hard fists just kept coming punch after punch as all those years of pent up anger and humiliation were finally released. Lucius implored Snape to stop yet the fear in his trembling pleads only seemed to intensify Snape's hunger almost as if it was fear and not anger that was feeding his rage.

"Severus?"

Snape froze his fist held in mid-punch as he heard Remus calling his name, he turned to see his lover; curled naked, frightened and bleeding at the roots of an ancient gnarled oak. Lucius gave a groan of relief as Snape clambered of him; his handsome features were now reduced to a swollen throbbing mass of bleeding and bruised flesh. The pain was raw, savage; Lucius struggled to rise but a wave of nausea forced him back, he rolled onto his side as choking back bile and the bitter coppery taste of his own blood he slipped from consciousness.

Snape rushed across the snow, struggling out of his long, black frock coat sick with fear as he saw the blood gushing through Lupin's fingers as he clutched at his chest. Snape dropped to his knees; tenderly he draped the coat over Lupin then gathered the weak, trembling body into his arms.

"Oh my god Severus," Lupin gasped reaching up to touch Snape upon the shoulder "You're wounded…I…I..."

"Forget about me, its nothing." Snape snapped shrugging Lupin's hand from his shoulder, the rush of raged adrenaline had numbed the pain in his shoulder to little more than a dull throbbing ache. "Let me look at you." Snape gave an involuntary wince as he peeled back the already blood soaked fabric of his frock coat to examine Lupin's wound.

"Is this a case of do as I say but not as I do…I thought you told me not to risk everything to save you and then you go and do something crazy like this?"

"Shut up Remus…save your strength…if I can just extract the bullets then maybe I can…" Snape stopped as he felt Lupin's icy fingers curl feebly about his wrist.

"Please Severus leave it…" Lupin rasped his honey brown eyes gazed up at Snape imploringly "Even if you could removed the bullets there's far too much silver in my bloodstream now…all you can do, my love, is hold me let me feel those strong arms around me once more before I…"

"No Remus…" Snape gathered him into his embrace, plunging his shaking fingers into the long, soft tresses of his lovers greying brown hair and kissing his icy cheek "No…you can't die…I won't let you!"

Lupin bluing lips quivered into a smile as he looked up through the limp, oily curtain of hair that framed Snape's bowed face, that large, hooked nose skimmed his forehead and those dark eyes were glassy with tears.

"Severus Snape you are the cleverest…bravest…sexiest wizard I've ever met but even your great talent and fiery passion can not save me this time …you've got to let me go…I love you and I'm not afraid to die, my only regret is that we didn't have more time together…"

"Such little time…" Snape agreed with a distressed groan as he clutched Lupin even tighter to his chest in the desperate, futility that if he held onto him tight enough death wouldn't be able to steal his lover away from him. The tears started to stream down his cheeks splashing upon Lupin's upturned face but Snape didn't care, his heart was breaking.

"Don't cry," Lupin whispered "It's doesn't hurt much now…" he lied as the silver slowly crept through his veins burning him from the inside, a terrible molten agony that he had no wished to burden Snape with, making him felt even more helpless that he did now. Lupin gazed up at Snape wanting to his last conscious thought to be the memory of his lovers face. Lupin's lips trembled into a smile, compared to James Potter or Sirius Black, his chosen mate would be considered anything but handsome. Even when they had become lovers Lupin confessed that he had never seen beauty it that face yet still he had been strangely drawn to Severus…to his great intellect, magical talents, unfaltering bravery and later, his intoxicating adeptness between the sheets. As Lupin focus upon that fearful, tear stained face, soothed by Snape's soft whispers of love and the gentle sensation of those slender fingers stroking his hair the moonlight suddenly streamed through a gap in the clouds, bathing his lover in an ethereal silver glow.

"Oh my god, Severus," Lupin gasped as Snape seemed to be granted an almost angelic beauty, his chin-length hair was no longer lank and greasy but black and smooth as silk, his cold black eyes now aflame with smouldering passion, his sallow skin became clear and pale as the moon shinning with that same silver radiance softening his harsh angular features even his hawkish nose seemed less pronounced even regal.

"You are so beautiful." Lupin sighed sinking further into his lover's blissful embrace as all the pain seemed to fade from his body, he was cold, numb but Lupin didn't care any more the only thing he wanted…he needed before death took him was the taste of those thin, pale lips upon his own before this wonderful vision turned to blackness and Severus was lost to him forever.

"Kiss me," Lupin pleaded in a rasping whisper "I want you to take my last breath…"

"I love you…" Snape sobbed as leaning forward he drew Lupin into a tender kiss; he shivered as his warm silken lips brushed against Lupin's cold but eager mouth. Lupin's tongue flicked out over his bluing lips, with a little desperate groan as if hungry for the heat of his lover's mouth. Snape's lips yielded with a sigh just as anxious to bestow the warmth Lupin craved. Everything seemed to fade around them, the bitingly cold wind, the shimmering moonlight and the cries of the approaching members of the Order of the Phoenix as their mouths and tongues slid together in the heated familiarity of their fiery passion. Yet Lupin felt a strange contentment washing over him as the pain slowly ebbed away from his body, replaced by a numbing coldness and the realisation that Snape really loved him, he had finally said those three little words out loud and Lupin couldn't ask for anything more.

"I can't go on without you Remus," Snape gasped finally pulling away from the kiss "Not now…I am so afraid."

"I will always be with you my love…now more than ever…"Lupin replied reaching a touching Snape gentle upon his wounded shoulder as if trying to ease away the pain. "And when the full moon rises remember me and don't be afraid for when your times comes I shall be there to guide you…and we shall be together again."

"Promise?"

"With my last breath," Lupin hissed his mouth suddenly flickered into a smile, his expression soften losing the tautness of worry and pain as the fear faded from his eyes "I love you…Seve…"

"No…" Snape sobbed as he felt Lupin's cold, dead lips fall away from his own, he gazed down into those beautiful golden eyes now staring lifelessly up at him. A horrible, strangled howl like a dying wild animal rose from somewhere in depths of Snape as he clutched Lupin to his chest. His whole body shook with the violence of his sobs as he reached the snowy ground until his fingers suddenly curled around the handle of the abandoned pistol. Rocking Lupin gently in his embrace Snape buried his face deep into the greying softness of Lupin's hair and with a remarkable steady hand pressed the barrel of the gun against his head

"I am coming to join you my love..." Snape slowly he inched back the trigger…

"No! Severus…please put it down."

Snape shuddered, the voice of Professor Dumbledore bringing him back to reality with a shard of broken vial pressed against the pale, cool skin of his upturned wrist.

"So much pain…so much grief…but Remus wouldn't have wanted you to end it like this…please put the shard down." Professor Dumbledore said in a gentle but firm voice, careful not to make any sudden movements to stopped a concerned but respectful distance from the distraught wizard.

"But that's all I've got left my grief, my pain, my anger he took everything else…and left me alone…despised." Snape spat bitterly, his dark eyes were downcast staring with silent grief at the shard that he still pressed painfully into his wrist, torturing himself as if in penance for his frailty and cowardice at still being alive.

"No matter what you think Severus…there are those amongst us that believe your life is precious," replied Dumbledore quietly, it tore at the old wizard's heart to see the now painfully thin and utterly wretched Snape had now become, a pale ghost of the proud, shrewd, courageous Slytherin he had once known.

"But I don't want this life…not without him," Snape snarled looking up at Dumbledore baring his teeth. "We shared more than a bed…more than love…and now he's gone…" Snape struggled to his feet the shard still gripped tightly in his hand, although he struggled to wear that familiar icy mask of self-control, Dumbledore could see those pale lips quivering, breaking slightly from their thin taut line as if Snape was straining to contain the turmoil raging deep within him. His features were gaunt, skeletal and in the moonlight the streaks of grey in his black hair were more pronounced, shimmering like silver.

Seven years had passed since that terrible night and yet it seemed that the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was still as keenly consumed by the loss of his lover, as he had been when they had finally torn Lupin's cold, dead body from his arms. Dumbledore felt a great shame weigh down on his already burdened heart, the split poisonous draught was a harsh reminder of how closely he had come to almost failing Snape again, neglected to watch over him on this of all nights, the anniversary of Remus Lupin's sickening and brutal murder. Dumbledore shuddered as his gaze was drawn back to the broken shards of the vial and the dark purple that now thankfully stained the snow instead of slowly creeping through Snape's veins.

"Alas, I know it is bitter consolation Severus," said Dumbledore finally closing the gap between them, Snape did not retreat yet within his dark eyes there was that first unnerving red flames of wild, suppressed grief and rage. "But wherever Remus is, he's suffering too…" the old man squeezed Snape's shoulder, it was a harsh statement but Snape wouldn't have accepted anything but the truth, they both knew there was no real comfort, no real cure the old wizard could offer to ease his suffering…only death could end Snape's suffering, reunite him with his lover.

"Yet Remus is a patient man…you might hate your life, the loneliness, the pain; yet Remus would want you to live… "

"Even though with every beat of my broken heart I miss him…even though I need to be with him more than this pitiful, cruel life?" Snape answered in a snarl that turned his rich, silken voice into little more than a harsh grating rasp as his teeth clenched in terrible pain and long, slender fingers curling into the glass, the shard cutting into the already bleeding flesh. Snape cast his fiery, haunted black eyes upwards at the near waxed moon his lips silently mouthing a hateful curse at the silvery rounded orb, something that had once been so beautiful and mysterious to him now only caused him pain and reminded him of his stolen happiness.

"Remus has condemned me to bitter aloneness…to suffer now just as he once did…" Snape choked back a deep, throaty growl of frustrated rage and lost as the tears started to stream down his gaunt, hollowed cheeks, glistening in the forever loathed slivery moonlight.

"Please, Severus..." Dumbledore let a helpless sob escape his lips, fighting back his own tears as he draped his arm about Snape's shoulder trying to draw the frail, exhausted, angry man into his embrace as a father might comfort his son. Snape stiffened at the unfamiliar contact, he had not allow anyone (not even Harry who had strangely tried to offer him comfort…seeing him as the last link to his father perhaps?) to hold him since Remus, it hadn't just seemed a betrayal to his lovers' memory but Snape's own need to distant himself from the ones he knew cared about him…for their own good. But something about the soothing, pacifying sound of Dumbledore's gentle voice cause him to respond, obediently Snape yielded, resting his head upon the old man's bony shoulder. "Forgive me, Severus…I feel so utterly helpless not possessing the power to prevent your suffering…" Dumbledore was now stroking that grey-streaked hair; he spoke as if trying to calm a frightened animal. "I should have offered you this when you first returned to the school after Remus' death…but to my shame I was afraid…let me make amends now by watching over you… so that you don't have to go through it alone."

Snape lifted his head a fraction, frowning, he looked up at Dumbledore. His dark eyes still flickered with that strange angry fire, but his expression was one of puzzlement rather then the scornful rejection the old wizard had expected.

"You would do that…for me?" Snape asked with a surprised whimper, his body was beginning to relax and he finally let the shard of glass drop from his hand.

"It is the least I can do…I…we…owe you so much…it had been my dearest hope that with the defeat of Lord Voldemort your suffering would finally come to an end but, alas…" Dumbledore shivered as the icy winds whipped around them, gnawing at his old bones "Let's us go back to the castle, you must rest Severus…it's a full moon tomorrow and you need to take your potion."

R&R!