Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun.
Author's Note: A revival of a classic.
The New Forge and Fizz Show
Pilot
A lone, purple-haired figure stood on a stage, dim work lights standing around him as he looked up, the small puffs of condensed air exiting his nose and mouth a tell-tale sign that the heating wasn't working. His black jeans and black shirt almost made the man invisible amongst the low-to-non-existent light, only the slight shimmer from his long hair and glasses a sign he was even there.
"How you doin' up there?" He called up to the ceiling, a single light swinging helplessly from a pole, a male grunt escaping from whoever was up in the ceiling.
"How am I doing? Same I was doin' two minutes ago when you asked! Same I was doin' ten minutes ago when you asked! So when you ask me, five minutes from now, how I'm doing, I'm going to say the same thing! I'm still scared shitless, and these lights are still kicking my ass!" The purple-haired man smiled, chuckling as more puffs of air left his mouth, scared of his laugh.
"Ah, stop being a pussy and hang the light, Jake. Everyone'll be here soon, and I want these lights working." The man above, one Jake Galaxy, groaned again as a catwalk creaked under his weight.
"I hate you, man... how'd you rope me into this shit, Xenolord?" He grumbled more to himself, hoping the man below didn't hear him.
"You owed me, remember?" The purple-haired man, one Xenolord, responded with a stalwart confidence in his voice. Jake groaned, remembering all too well the events that lead him to lying on his side, forty feet in the air, hanging lights above a stage in a tower in the coldest damn part of Weyard. Xenolord looked down, the slight patter of bare feet to wood told him he wasn't alone.
"'Ey, Mell! Hit the lights, see if they work." He called, the feet stopping and sliding, as if some form turned.
"Yealright." A serpentine voice responded, pattering over to some distant corner of the stage. There came the sound of some metal door swinging open, followed by a few heavy toggles flipping and licking into place. Seconds later, the lights on the stage clicked on, bathing everything in revealing light. Standing in the corner of the stage, by a fusebox, was a tall, black, alien figure with a banana-shaped head, a barbed tail swinging behind him, holding a hotdog in one hand, and a switch in the other.
"Awesomesauce!" Xenolord commented as he looked about in glee. Hung on a canvas sign in the back of the stage was 'Welcome Back Cast and Crew' in big red letters, hung for all to see. "Man, everyone's gonna be extatic when they come-" Turns around in place, coming face to face with a large, purple-armored statue. "Ba-aaaauuuugggh god, Dullahan!" He shouts, jumping back in a mix of surprise and terror. The towering armored figure looks down, the blue fire where a head should be showing no hints of emotions.
"Wha- oh, hey Xenolord! Welcome back! Didn't hear you come in."
"Dude! You scared the living piss out of me! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to sneak up on people?" Holding his chest, he let his heart slow for a few seconds.
"I didn't sneak up on you, man. I've been here the whole time." Dullahan droned in a bass voice. "Just, ya know... standin'. It's what I do."
"You've been standing in the dark for- cripes, how long has it been?"
"Four years, man. Give or take one." Waving the massive shield in a dismissing fashion, he continued. "Besides, five years ain't nothin'. I once stood guard for five thousand years. Now, that was boring. I had such a crink in the neck..."
"You don't have a neck."
"Do to. It's just – ya know – fire." He twisted his torso about in a fashion that almost mimicked looking around the stage. "So, you bringin' the old show back, are you? Mind if I stay for a while? Ya know... for comedic value?"
"If I say no, will you leave?"
"No."
"Yea, didn't think so. Sure, you can stay. We need some Dullahan fun, so yea, sure." There came the sound of the heavy stone door sliding open, and voices filled the antechamber.
"Gods, it's as cold as I remember out there! I think I got snotsicles hangin' off my nose..." The familiar voice of Garet chimed in. There came a pause, before Jenna's voice answered.
"Ew. That's disgusting, Garet!" She whined as Issac laughed from the back.
"Come in! Come in! And let's sit down for a time!" Xenolord called to the Antechamber, beckoning those to come in. The lighter wooden door from the Antechamber to the main stage opened, the brown-haired visage of Felix poking his head in.
"Called it." He droned, stepping in with the others in tow. Xenolord crossed his arms, looking at the group as they entered, smiling like a madman.
"Felix! Issac, Garet, Jenna! Mia! Ivan, Sheba'n Picard." He watched them file in one at a time, taking the new stage in as the walked about. "So good of you to join me. Care to take a seat."
"Where?" Felix asked, observing there were no chairs set up. Xenolord looked about, dumbfounded, knowing he put chairs up earlier.
"I could have sworn I put chairs there ealrier... KARST!" He barked off the stage.
"WHAT!" Came the agitated voice of Karst.
"Where are the chairs!"
"You had Chalis do that, remember!" Thinking for a moment, Xenolord made the 'oh' exhale before shouting off stage again.
"CHALIS!"
"I can't find them! They're lost in the closet!" Quickly power-walking across the stage, the purple-haired Saturos held up a finger, dropping the mop he was using.
"I got this." He muttered, running to help the struggling Chalis in her duties.
" 'Chalis'?" Issac muttered, more then a little confused.
"Oh, in the five years we've been off the air, Camelot came out with a third Golden Sun game. Utilizing my own abilities as a Dimensional Diety, I've pulled some of the Dark Dawn cast to supplicate more of our needs. Chalis happens to be one of them." He turned to watch Saturos help Chalis with the chairs, but turned back. "Oh, and don't be surprised if some of our younger crew members like to call a select few of you either 'mom' or 'dad'.
"You brought our children from the future?" Issac groaned. "You always were a wierdo, Xenolord."
"D'eh..." He muttered, waving it away. "Sticks and stones. Speaking of which..." He looked up to the control booth at the back of the room, facing the stage. "How goes it up there, Karis?" Sliding the small window open a young green-haired girl poked her head out and smiled.
"Almost finished, Mr. Lord! Give me a few more minutes and I'll have it done!" She called back, smiling as she saw Ivan. "Hi, dad!" She waved, pulling her head back in.
"Oh, yea, that's Ivan's girl, Karis. Sweet kid." He turned back to see one of the control panels off stage explode in a shower of sparks and electrical zaps. "TYRELL!" Sprinting over he smothered the flames with a blanket. "Gods... you're gonna be the death of me, kid. Did you splice the red and black wires, or the black and white wires?"
"Niether! It was red and white."
"Oh, good. Splice the black and white, and you would have fired us all. Red and white you just ran the risk of sending ten thousand amps of raw electrical power coursing through your body, resulting in either the worst shock of your life, or your last moments." All the color drained from Tyrell's face, he became visibly disturbed.
"I think – I think I'm going to go over here and do something less dangerous..." He staggered away to sweep.
"Ah, come on! Where's your spirit of adventure!" Xenolord called, smiling. "He'll get it back in a few, once the shock of almost dying wears off."
"Wow, Garet. I thought that would be something you'd do." Issac jeered, smiling as he watched Xenolord splice a few wires real fast and close the fusebox.
"So what do you guys think?" He asked coming back over. "I'm getting the crew back together! We're going to have more fun! It'll be-"
"An adventure?" Ivan muttered, raising an eyebrow. Xenolord smiled and nodded, happy and giddy as a lark. "Man, last time I had an 'adventure', I wound up with Karst's ass in my face, in her black lace thong."
"Is that my Ivan!" Karst's voice came from the other room, her red-headed, pointed eared smiling visage staring straight at Ivan. "IVY!" She shouted, sprinting at high-speeds towards him, practically tackling him to the ground and smothering him in hugs and kisses.
"Can't breath..." Ivan muttered, struggling to get out from under the overzealous woman. "Can't breath!" He repeated more forcably.
"Come on, mom! Get off dad!" Karis called from the control booth.
"Oi. Less talk, more painting. I'm paying you to paint!" She flashed a sheepish grin and pulled her head in. "I don't pay you to watch your parents conceive you..." He muttered in a low, silent voice so only he could hear himself. He walked over and tapped Karst's ass with his foot, nudging her off Ivan. "Come on, Karst, I'm paying you to sweep the back room, not smother poor Ivan in love." Pulling herself off Ivan, she cleaned a lipstick smudge from her chin and smiled, giving Xenolord a little curtsey. "Yea yea... get outta here." She sashayed off the stage as Ivan watched her walk away.
"Wow... what an ass." He muttered, watching her sway back and forth.
"OI!" Xenolord barked, clapping loudly, getting his attention right away. "Stand up. I'm paying you to-" he paused for a moment, then laughed and grinned. "Oh, that's right. I'm not paying you to do anything yet..." Thinking for another quick second, he came back with a rebuttle. "Get off the ground, if I were to start paying you, it wouldn't be to sit on the floor like a lump." He turned to Felix. "He, Felix, is-"
"Yes, you idiot. I'm still very much alive in this useless shell." Came a voice from Felix that wasn't Felix. The Mage of Despair, in the flesh, as Xenolord remembered him. The grin on the purple-haired man's face widened.
"Hey, Mage ol' buddy. How you hangin'?"
"If by 'hanging' you mean how am I holding up having to live with these single-minded fools, and their useless, childhood games?" He rolled his eyes. "Somewhere in the vicinity of 'swell'."
"Hey! Twister is not childish. It's bad ass, and you know it." Issac gave a pause before he continued, looking to Garet. "Hey, anyone wanna play Crossfire?" Xenolord about busted a gut laughing.
"Oh, gods, I remember that game. Talk about dominating my childhood. That and It from the Pit..."
"Speaking of which, how old are you now? It's been five years..." Mia muttered.
"Yea, I was four hundred and seventeen when we stopped the show the last time. Do the math."
"Sooooo..." Mia begins, running a few numbers through her head. "Four hundred and twenty two?"
"You bet." He turned to a tall, buff man speaking to another with red hair. "Agatio! Blados! I don't pay you two to chat!" Agatio, the red-haired buff man looked like a dramatic prairie dog as he stared. Blados, the other, hid his reaction beneath the scarf around his neck.
"Yyyyyea... you're not paying us, remember." Xenolord thought for a moment, before smiling and making a 'oh yea that's right' motion with his lips.
"Then why the hell are you two here?" Blados pointed to Chalis as Saturos helped her put chairs on the stage.
"I'm her ride. She can't legally drive in Weyard... what, after the whole speed bump issue..." Blados muttered, Agatio starting to speak.
"Yea, and he's using my car. And we're roommates, so what the hell."
"Soo, translation is you guys are freeloaders?" Blados thought for a moment, and nodded.
"Yea, about right." Xenolord rolled his eyes and groaned, not having any patience for the freeloaders.
"Fine. If you guys aren't gonna do anything, make yourself usefull and haul that fridge down from upstairs. Took six of us to get it up there when we stopped, so you two should be fine."
"SIX?" Blados blurted out, his eyes wide in surprise. "What world do you come from where two people can do the work of six?"
"It was Sheba, Mia, Jenna, Karst, Menardi and Ivan. I'm pretty sure you two can beat six girls."
"HEY!" Ivan barked.
"Five girls and one guy of girly strength. Same pot of coffee, just... get that fridge down here."
"Alright, Agatio!" Blados clapped his hands together. "Let's do this!" The pair ran off to the stairs, screaming like maniacs, ready to lift the heavy fridge. Mia watched the muscle-heads run off, looking agast.
"Do they realize it took like... fifteen of us to move that thing?"
"Yea, and I'm no weakling." Xenolord muttered, turning to face the group. "Anyways, everyone, take a seat. That means you, too, Karis!" He shouted up to the booth.
"What are you yelling for, I'm right here." She muttered behind him, causing him to jump in place, clearly not expecting her to be there.
"Jeeeee-zuz!" Xenolord growled, staring at her with a little disappointment in his eyes. "Scare the crap out of me why don't you!" He shook his head and ran a hand thorugh his hair to straighten it. "Where's Sveta?" He asked her.
"How should I know? I'm not a mind reader for crying out loud." Ivan chuckled at this.
"But I am..." He gave a sadistic little grin which Sheba knocked off with a firm slap to his head. "Ow." He stated, which she only responded with another slap. "Ow. Again."
"Sveta! Where are you..." He shouted, dropping his voice. "You cute little catgirl you..."
"Fox." Came another voice from behind Xenolord, causing him to react again.
"Gaaaugh DAMMIT!" He shouted. "Stop freakin' sneaking up on me you sickos!" He steadied his heartbeat and groaned. "I'm an old man, liable to die."
"You're a deity. You can't die, at least not by natural means. And last I checked, heart attacks were natural."
"You... she..." He scowled at Issac before offering his stern rebuttal to him. "Tell her my shoe size while you're at it!" Issac smiled to Sveta and continued.
"Nine and a half."
"I WASN'T BEING SERIOUS!" He shouted, flashing an angry red.
"I don't think the purple goes with your skin tone, Xenolord." Jenna answered, prompting a chuckle. A dull thud followed quickly by a pained scream pierced the laughing, silencing everyone. Seconds later, Blados came sprinting down the stairs and, upon seeing everyone looking at him, he slowed down and tried to look dignified.
"Hey..." He waved. "Uh, anyone seen a crowbar around here? And maybe a jack? I need them for... things..." Xenolord rubbed pushed his glasses up to rub the bridge of his nose. "And quite possibly some kind of... antiseptic spray, and some bandages..."
"There's a crowbar and a jack in the garage, and there's neosporin and bandages in the medicine box." Blados nodded and smiled.
"Right. Thanks. Got it." He took off towards the garage in a sprint again, muttering something that sounded like 'shit shit shit...'
"The fridge fell on Agatio, didn't it?" Mia asked in a drab voice.
"Yyyyyyup." Xenolord responded, watching Blados come out of the garage with a crowbar and a heavy-duty three-ton jack in his hand, and run into the bathroom.
"Think he's hurt bad?" Mia continued as Jenna stifled a laugh.
"Yyyyyyup." Came Xenolord's response as several towels and rolls of toilet paper came flying from the open bathroom door.
"You think the crowbar is gonna be any good?"
"Nnnnnnnope." He continued watching Blados come out with the entire first-aid kit and sprint back up the stairs.
"Think the jack'll work."
"Mehbeh." He continued as Jenna broke into a cackle.
"Should we help them?"
"Neh. They got it under control." He answered, turning back to the group. "Besides, it'll keep them outta my hair for a bit."
"Will he be okay?" Felix questioned. "I'm not... ya know, concerned about them, or anything but... a death does look bad on my resume..."
"Neh. You guys don't have insurance, and as long as you're working for me, you don't exist, except to people you know intimately." Xenolord muttered, smiling. "It's actually a pretty interesting curse, too bad only I know it. So..." Producing a stack of papers, he set them down before the group, and took a pen from his pocket, placing it on top. "What do you all say? Come back for another season?" Felix was the first to stand and sign the paper, signing his name in huge letters.
"Boom. I'm in." Xenolord held out his hand to the young Venus Adept, who took it.
"Welcome back, Felix and Mage of Despair."
"What? NO, you fool! Did you sign me up, too!" The Mage of Despair shouted from Felix, looking over the paper. "You idiot! I don't want to do this!"
"Tough shit." Felix responds, taking his seat again. Mia was the next to stand and sign and when she finished, gave Xenolord a hug.
"It's good to be back. Thought you'd never call us." She smiled as she sat back down. One by one, everyone assembled walked up and signed their names on the paper, signing themselves back for another season of his show. Once everyone was signed up, and after shaking his hand (or in the event of the women hugging him) he smiled and made the papers vanish.
"Well, with that little formality out of the way, I only have one thing left to say!" He took a deep breath, and in a booming voice, called: "Live from Tundrinia Tower, it's Saturday Night!" Everyone stayed quiet, and after a few seconds, Dullahan spoke what was on everyone's mind.
"That was bad, dude... real weak..."
"Hey, shut up. At least I'm not stupid."
"You're stupid!" Dullahan rebuttled.
"You're face is stupid!" Xenolord answered instantly.
"Okay, first off, I don't have a face. I've got fire... where my head should be."
"Alright." Xenolord rolled his eyes. "You're fire is stupid."
"Hey, you leave my fire alone."
"Boys, boys..." Karis muttered, seperating the two. "Let's not get violent this early."
"Agreed. Save it for next episode.