A/N: This is my first time writing a "Buffy" one-shot fanfic. I do not own the copyright to BTVS.
No amount of physical pain that she had been dealt could possibly compare to the vicious, heart-crushing pain that struck each time her name was mentioned.
It wasn't that Kennedy resented Tara, and it wasn't that she blamed Willow for missing her either. After all, if she were in that position, she would mourn, too. But that was just it... she hadn't been in that situation. Kennedy could truthfully say that before Willow, she hadn't been made to feel loved. Yet even with Willow, she had her doubts. Kennedy wasn't Tara, she was never going to be Tara, and as much as it made her squirm each time she thought about it, she wasn't Willow's true love. It was something she thought of daily, sometimes to the point where her head would ache. How could she explain her feelings to Willow without sounding like a jealous, heartless bitch? What would she say, "Hey, stop talking about your dead girlfriend because it makes me feel bad."? Kennedy was no wordsmith at the best of times, let alone when it came to sensitive subjects. So she shut up. She bottled it in and crunched her teeth as people brought up memories of Tara being oh-so-perfect with glassy eyes as they spoke. Nobody noticed the way that the brunette would fidget and bite her cheek until she tasted metallic blood. Hey, what was she expecting? She wasn't Saint Tara. No, she didn't mean that, it was unkind to think in such a vitriol laced way... to hell with it. The Slayer was pissed and she was beyond tired of wrestling with her conscience.
Before Willow, she hadn't even had a real relationship. Sure, she had been involved in a fling here and there, but there was no love behind it. Drunkenly sleeping with a girl in an unknown house wasn't, believe it or not, Kennedy's idea of true romance. None of those girls meant a thing to her, she couldn't even recall any of their names. In fairness, she probably hadn't even known their names at the time. Initially, she had thought that Willow would be the same: cute redhead, definitely bedding material, and easy. Her thoughts, however had changed once they went on their first makeshift date that Kennedy had masterminded. Usually when she sweet talked a girl, it was because she was looking for a one-night stand, but what she had said to Willow on that chilly February night? She meant every word of it.
Of course they weren't going to last forever. Being a Slayer, Kennedy knew full well that nothing was eternal. Still, she was going to hold on to her sweet, green-eyed Goddess. Even if it killed her hearing Tara's name as she stayed up all night softly wiping away Willow's tears with the side of her thumb, as she cradled her shaking body. She didn't know grief, she wasn't going to pretend that she did. On the other hand, she did know what it felt like to be empty; presumably, that was how Willow felt. That made two of them.