Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Beep Beep Beep.
The sound of the clock and the sounds of the machine next to him were the only things clouding Killian's mind. You would think that because he was in hospital and awaiting a transplant, that he would be nervous. But he wasn't. Not for that anyway.
Killian looked over at the bedside table at the pen and the pad of paper that he had requested over an hour ago. But how do you begin to write a letter to your kids telling them everything they need to know in life? How to do you begin to tell your wife how much you love her in just one letter? How can you make everything alright when there's a possibility you may never wake up again?
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Killian grunted as he reached over to grab the paper and the pen. As his fingers grasped them, he could hear footsteps entering his room behind him, alerting him that he was no longer alone.
"Mr Jones. What are you doing?" Doctor Whale said as he reached the hospital bed. "You can't overwork yourself. Your body is extremely fragile at the moment."
"I'm getting paper and a bloody pen mate" Killian replied, and his body relaxed again as he sat back against the soft, welcoming pillows that drew in his body. Killian's eyes drifted to the pen and paper once more, and took a deep breathe in, before he felt brave enough to speak again. "Is it nearly time?"
"Yes." Doctor Whale said as he sat down on Killian's bed. "The kidney is being transported here as we speak. The nurses will come in and get you ready for surgery soon. Do you have any last minute questions? …. Sorry 'last minute.' Wrong choice of words. Killian, you'll be fine. I've done this operation hundreds of times before."
"You and I both know that you can't say that I'll be fine. Because some people go into that theatre, they put the mask on and never wake up again." Killian stopped and looked out of the window of his hospital room overlooking the city below.
"Is she coming?" Whale asked after what felt like minutes later, however in reality, it was only a few short seconds.
"Aye. She's getting the kids and taking them to her parents house. She should be here."
"We can't wait Killian. We need to be ready for when the—"
"She'll be here." Killian stubbornly said. He picked up the pen and pressed it to the paper, signalling to Doctor Whale that the conversation was over. "We had an argument this morning. It was stupid, my own fault." Killian paused.
"We have to be ready for when the kidney arrives Killian. I'll try calling her."
Being ill makes any relationship difficult. Being ill, awaiting a transplant that will save your life, while trying to juggle a healthy relationship with your wife and with three children all under the age of 8 makes life that little bit more difficult. When Killian was diagnosed with kidney disease a few years back, he knew that it would put a strain on his relationship with Emma. But what he didn't know, was exactly how much.
When Killian's mind drifted from the depths of his mind back to the room, he noticed that once again, he was alone. He picked up the pen and paper and began to write.
Liam, Ellie and Elodie,
My three beautiful children. The love you brought me compares to no other.
I don't know how to write this in a way that you'll understand, but I hope that one day, you will.
It was never my choice to leave you so early. If I could have my own way, I'd be here, with you and your mother, forever. I wanted to watch you all grow up. I wanted to take you, Liam, to your first soccer game. I wanted to take you, Ellie and Elodie, to school on your first day. I wanted to be there when you all meet your 'true love'. I wanted to be there when you get married and have children. I wanted to be there, by your sides, forever.
Please remember that I'll always love you. And that I'll be alive in your hearts, forever. Liam, look after your sisters and your mother. Girls, make sure Liam doesn't get into too much trouble.
It's not goodbye, but it's until we meet again.
Love,
Daddy.
Emma,
My beautiful wife. The love of my life.
There's nothing that I can say that will ease your pain and suffering. Just know that I love you and that I'll be guiding you through the hardships that will follow.
You are an amazing mother to our three, beautiful children. I know that it'll be tough, but you are strong enough Emma. You can do this.
I promised you on our wedding day that I will love you for all eternity. And I intend to keep that promise.
We've had a good life together Swan. You can me, taking on the world together. I'll treasure the memories we shared forever….
Okay so I think you guys should get the general gist of what this story is about. The following chapters will contain the memories that Killian cherishes the most which are the ones he's decided to include in his goodbye letter to Emma.
Transplants are something very near to my heart. In 2016, my aunt received a life saving liver transplant. She was weeks away from loosing her life. Unfortunately, her disease will come back and will start attacking her new liver again, but for now, she's here and she's getting to watch her three young children grow up. I took the writing letters to your loved ones from her. Months before her transplant, she sat and wrote her goodbye letters to her children and husband. She's always said how that was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. If you take anything away from this, please just consider becoming an organ doner. Because of my Aunt and what she's had to go through for years on end, I have now registered to be an organ doner. Because at the end of the day, when I'm no longer here and I no longer need my organs, I'd much rather give the gift of life to someone else's Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Friend.
Thank you.