Year/ position: 1st Year Hufflepuff
Category: Assigned Themed
Prompt(s): [First Line] When you think about it, humans are strange creatures, especially when they're wizards.
Title: The Rules of Envy
Wordcount: 4582
Beta(s): Rose, Aya, Pix
(A/N) Warnings and Disclaimers: Sirius and Remus pairing, OOC behavior, strays from cannon stories, Young Lily Potter is a Necromancer, Homosexuality. I think that's it…...
When you think about it, humans are strange creatures, especially when they're wizards. They steal, fight, and torture each other. I only wanted to help them stop that. To save them all. But I couldn't, even with all of my power and kindness I offered to them. I couldn't stop it. And that pains me to this very day. It gets lessend by the help of my friends who guide me through this life. And I hope to see them again in another. Jealousy is the reason I'm here. It tore my friends apart. It forced them to be in danger, to be forced to fight. All the evil and I couldn't do one good thing…
I remember when I was a child I used to love to run around in fields without a care in the world. And as I grew, I'd run and play with my friends. But soon my friends began to disappear, all lost to the darkness that claimed our world. The first two I lost were claimed by the darkness in the harsh of night. Leaving their child alone to bear the weight of becoming a hero. The next I lost during battle, but this one was more than a friend. This one was a lover. A fighter. Even though all of them held a special place in my heart, this one had a private place; like a secret hidden deep within.
The third friend betrayed me, and all of my friends, but still survived longer than I did. I fell to the darkness holding the hand of my very best friend. This friend and I were quite special, most would think the way we died was an act of true love, and in a way it was. But not quite the type of true love one would imagine. The type of true love only best friends can share, and in the end, we gave the world a slight misunderstanding of exactly what type of love it was.
Now I know none of this will make sense to you at the moment, but I promise you all will be told in time. It's time to begin your journey into my mind, do not be afraid. All is past and cannot harm you in any way shape or form, you are completely safe.
~7th Year, Marauders Era (Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail, and Prongs)~
"Sirius!" Remus yelled, running towards the love of his life with open arms.
It was seventh year and they had finished their final exams and were celebrating by going to a muggle ice skating rink that Lily had wanted to show them for ages. They'd never gotten around to it because Remus needed to hide, or some sort of war was going on with Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor and Slytherin, or Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. The last one wasn't too common, but with the house rivalry all the time anything was possible.
When they finally got close enough, Remus threw himself into Sirius' arms, causing them both to fall over on the train platform. Laughing with their legs tangled together, Remus heard a soft chuckling from somewhere around them. Looking up, Remus saw the familiar face of his friend James Potter, smiling down on him, and to his left, under his arm, was his girlfriend Lily Evans. Remus loved them together, they worked so very well. In such perfect harmony, like a well oiled machine.
Untangling from Remus, Sirius got up and offered a hand to his fallen boyfriend. Remus took it gratefully and smiled at his group of friends that had gathered around him.
"Where's Peter?" he asked, looking around in attempts to find his lost friend.
"Over here." came the muffled reply from the smaller boy that they all knew and loved.
Peter stood in the middle of the snow, piled with bundles of scarves for warmth. Laughing at the abundance of gear he had on, Lily walked with them towards the subway.
"I didn't know trains went underground!" James exclaimed loudly, earning some odd stares from muggles that were passing by all around them.
Lily just giggled and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the depths of the subway. Peter, Sirius, and Remus all trailed behind, somewhat in awe of the muggle contraption. James, being the idiot he was, attempted to walk into the (what's the machine called where you slide your ticket through?) until Lily handed him his ticket and showed him the proper way to travel. All the while muggles stared with looks of disbelief on their faces. As the subway arrived, Peter spoke up above all the noise in the crowded area to alert his friends to a fact he should've said already.
"Guys….I don't know how to ice skate." he said.
James turned to him with a look of shock.
"You don't know how to skate? I mean, I can't skate perfectly, but I still know how to," James said to him, earning a chuckle from the rest of the group.
Sirius patted him on the back. "Don't worry Wormtail, I can teach you all you need to know."
Remus chuckled, but deep inside he was worried that Sirius was cheating on him. It had bugged him since fifth year when he'd finally allowed Sirius to say that they were dating and call him his boyfriend. It had been so long since Sirius' infatuation with him had begun, and he worried that the wild haired boy was pulling away and dating someone else. Seeing how soft he was on Peter, Remus wondered if Peter and Sirius could be dating behind his back. He knew that they were just friends, but he couldn't help feeling jealous of the care and attention Sirius was giving Peter, a kind of care and attention Sirius normally saved for him.
Remus knew he was being silly; Sirius would never cheat on him, he was loyal to Remus, he'd never in his right mind cheat, would he? Remus began to form a plan to get his boyfriend's love and admiration back. He would prove himself by showing that he was good at something for once, not just for help with homework. To show Sirius that he wasn't a complete killjoy, that he could be a fun person to hang around.
He would show his talent on the ice. Lily had taught him how to skate brilliantly when the Black Lake had frozen over in their second year. It had become their Christmas tradition to skate on it when it froze over completely. He'd expanded his talents and could do tricks that beginners could only dream of doing now. Now that they'd no longer be attending Hogwarts however, Lily decided to move the tradition to the muggle world and include their friends with them. The ice was one of the only places Remus could let go; one of the only places where he could feel free, safe, undefeatable; feel like he meant something.
The other was when he was with Sirius, but that was slowly leaving him, and he hated that. He absolutely despised that. He despised feeling like he wasn't good enough when he was around Sirius, he wanted to be safe with him, but he felt like he was slipping away. Slowly but surely, Remus was losing Sirius. He was losing the person he loved most, and the worst part of loving someone is when you lose them.
A giggle broke him out of his thoughts. It came from Peter, and Remus' head snapped in his direction to see Sirius piling the bundle of scarves over the top of Peter's head. Remus looked away, trying to find something to take his mind off of the pain he was feeling. Was this heartbreak? Was this how it felt to be jealous? No, Remus wasn't the jealous type, he couldn't be, he'd never gotten jealous before.
The ding of the subway car that signaled the next stop caused Remus to jump, and he looked up to see that they were nearing the ice rink.
Just a few more minutes. Another giggle from Peter. Just a few more minutes, a cackle from Sirius. Only a few minutes and he'd be able to be free, able to let go of all these worries.
Finally the doors opened and Remus walked out with a huff, needing to get away from Sirius; he couldn't break down in public. He felt a soft hand take his and turned back to see Lily's worried eyes looking up at him. He turned away to go, but she pulled him towards the ice rink. They were the first ones there, with the ice all to themselves, Sirius, James, and Peter all hanging behind. Sirius had his arm draped around Peter.
Remus turned away and put on his skates, the sooner he got to the ice, the better it was for everyone around him. Lily followed him closely.
"Remmy, tell me what's wrong, tell me right now." He looked at her, shocked by her question.
"You really wanna know?" he asked, which earned him an earnest nod from the redhead.
"What's wrong is that—that Sirius and Peter are dating behind my back. I just know it. I know it," he said, pain and anger mixing in his words and guilt twisting in his gut, it was too much and he felt like he was going to be sick.
Leaving the red headed girl behind in shock, he pushed off onto the ice. He heard James and the others drawing closer. He cleared his mind, put his earbuds in, and listened to music, letting go of all his cares. All his fears, his pains, and focusing on the ice and letting the music guide his body. He did figure eights, triple axels, and jumps that made him feel so free. He felt like he didn't have a care in the world, like he could do anything if he just put his mind to it. Letting the music flow through him and imagining the fields he used to roam in when he was younger. One by one his friends were beside him, skating alongside him, so perfect, so happy. It made his heart ache.
"Show off!" He heard as the song finished.
Pulling the earbuds out of his ears, he looked to see where the shout was coming from. Sirius had his hands cupped over his mouth to give his voice the effect of an amplifying spell. Peter was laughing as he was holding on to a skating assist. Remus growled and skated back to the seating area, taking his skates off and sitting down.
"You guys go ahead. I'm not feeling it anymore," he said, looking to the side.
Sirius skated over to the side of the rink to speak to him. To investigate on the behalf of Peter who couldn't make it there for the life of him.
"Come on Moony, you know I didn't mean that. Peter was just feeling down so I was trying to lighten the mood. James thought it was funny, too."
This struck a chord with Remus, tears began to fill his eyes, threatening to spill over if he spoke at louder than a whisper. He looked down, he didn't want Sirius to see him cry. Not because he was embarrassed, no, because he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a victory, of knowing he'd gotten the best of Remus.
"I'm sure Peter feels much better now," he whispered.
Even mumbling was too loud for him right now. Sirius' head snapped, obviously having heard what Remus had said.
"What did you just say?" he asked, the tone of his voice filled with fury.
The tears in Remus' eyes threatened to spill over so dangerously, like a dam about to blow. He wouldn't break down right now in front of everyone. No, he couldn't break down in front of the others right now.
"I….I said that I'm sure Peter feels better now. That's all," Remus said, his voice barely above a whisper.
He was still looking down; he couldn't bear to look at Sirius right now, to see the anger on his face. He already could see it in his mind's eye, the way his eyes filled with rage, how his eyebrows almost squeezed together, the way his features would wrinkle in upset. Remus knew that look well, but Sirius had never used it on him before. There was no point in checking if his assumptions were correct, Remus already knew from the tone of Sirius' voice.
"What is wrong with you today?!" Sirius was highly agitated now.
Remus scrunched his eyes, he didn't want to see anything right now, to feel anything right now. Because right now he felt terrible, terrible for letting little things get to him. He knew that if he let Sirius in, Sirius would fix it, but he couldn't, he couldn't do it. Remus desperately wished to just disappear, to stop feeling this way, to stop feeling at all.
"Look at me!" Sirius said, his voice becoming raised in frustration, or concern, whichever it was Remus couldn't tell the difference.
Lily attempted to move forward, but James held her back. She looked at him in disbelief, and then she realized that she had to let Remus fight his own battle for once. Remus, with his eyes still closed, could tell this was happening, and she was right, but he wished for her to help him, because he didn't know how to fight this battle. He didn't know how to calm Sirius down, even with all of his brains, that was just something he didn't know.
Remus shook his head, if he opened his eyes it would be like opening floodgates. All the tears that were welled up from his eyes, he desperately tried banishing from his eyes and somehow multiplied and would escape him before he could stop them. He heard Sirius huff and take his shoes off and hurry over to him. He could practically feel the worry vibrating off of Sirius. He felt Sirius' hand grab his shirt and pull him up off the chair he was sitting on and into an embrace, but he still refused to open his eyes.
"What's going on?" Sirius pleaded, his voice softening, frustrated that Remus wasn't letting him in.
But as he opened his mouth to speak his legs failed him and he fell, dragging Sirius down with him. As he caught his breath, he decided to tell Sirius the truth, to tell him his feelings. Why he was being so closed off towards him.
"Because, because you-and I-and fighting." He couldn't get the words out, his voice soft, sad. He couldn't get them out in the order he wanted to, he just couldn't do it.
"What?" Sirius was confused, but he wanted to know what was wrong so he could fix everything.
"Because," Remus started out strong but his will to be fierce abandoned him.
Just like Sirius had.
"Because I think you're cheating on me, and now you hate me, all because I got jealous." Remus whispered the rest, he'd let his eyes open and tears rolled down his cheeks. Sirius tightened his grip on Remus, embracing him as much as he possibly could. Leaning back, still straddling Remus, Sirius ran a hand through his hair, he'd been so stupid. Remus looked to the side, tears streaming down his cheeks, he couldn't bear to hurt Sirius, he never intended to in the first place anyway.
"It's all my fault, I'm so sorry. I didn't... I didn't mean to make you ma-" Remus was cut off by Sirius pressing his lips to Remus' quickly and pulling away.
Holding Remus's face in his hands, he whispered unintelligibly to himself, shaking his head, and leaning down towards Remus.
"No, no no no no no, It's not, it's not your fault, it never was," Sirius whispered to Remus.
"Yes, it is. I'm so stupid for letting you and Peter get to me. I thought you were cheating on me, and saying it now it sounds so silly because I know now that you weren't, and I feel terrible, I-I'm so sorry," Remus whispered. He truly felt terrible, he'd gotten worked up over nothing, and he hated it.
"No, it's not your fault. I was prioritizing him over you, and I didn't realize that it'd impact you, but I should've known it would. That is my fault and mine only, you deserve better than me," Sirius whispered in Remus' ear.
Remus reached his arms around the curly-haired boy and embraced him, even though Sirius had already initiated the hug, Remus could acknowledge the compassion now.
"Can, can we get off the ground now? You're gonna have to let me go," Sirius said playfully.
"No, I'm not letting you go." Remus buried his head into Sirius' neck and attempted to hibernate there. This earned him a chuckle from Sirius.
~5th Year Golden Trio Era (Harry, Hermione, Ron)~
It was Harry's fifth year and Remus was at Tonks' house because she'd called him frantically.
"Remus!" she yelled, throwing her arms around him, burying her face in his chest.
"Tonks, what's wrong? What happened?" Remus asked, pulling her shoulders back and seeing her puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.
She looked up at him with worry in her eyes.
"I, I was with this guy, and we loved each other a lot. But, I, something happened and I-" she cut off, breathing heavily, which worried him. He didn't want her to hyperventilate.
"I'm going to have a baby, Remus." Remus looked at her in shock, seeing the look of heartbreak on her face.
He pulled her to his chest, kissing the top of her forehead, and then an idea hit him.
"Do you want to keep the baby?" he asked, his words getting caught in his throat.
She nodded.
"I do, but I can't afford it. I can't tell my parents either. What would I tell them, anyway?" Remus took this chance, He took this opportunity that he'd been given and made the best of it.
"You could tell them that you were the surrogate for Sirius and I. And we could help with the baby," he said, looking up at her with hopeful eyes,
She was taken aback, a tear rolling down her face.
"I'd like that. I'd like that very much., she replied to him.
Remus was overcome with joy.
"I'm going to be a father!" he exclaimed.
Sirius appeared at the moment when Remus had returned the hug to Tonks, stroking her head. Sirius was shocked.
"After all our talks of commitment. This isn't enough. Is it?" Sirius said. Remus looked to him.
"Why are you here?" Remus asked, shock obvious on his face.
"I followed you," Sirius said, already fuming at Remus.
"You're misunderstanding. We, we are going to have a baby." Remus tried this approach first.
"I know, you cheated on me with her and got her pregnant. Am I wrong?" Sirius responded, Remus now knew that he'd worded it terribly and quickly attempted to change that.
"Sirius, you and I are going to have a baby. Some jerk knocked Tonks up and she can't afford a baby. So she said we can take care of it if she's able to be involved in its life," Remus told Sirius, tears in both their eyes.
Sirius shook his head and pulled Tonks and Remus into an embrace, all three of them now in tears.
~5th Year Golden Trio Era(Hermione, Harry, Ron) One week after Sirius' death~
Remus hadn't been outside in seven days. He'd been with Tonks endlessly, caring for the baby. It had been one week since Sirius had fallen through the veil. Remus knew, deep, deep down that Sirius wasn't coming back. He knew that he'd never see that wild smile again, never hear the laugh that filled him with joy. He knew that he would never be able to hold the love of his life's hand ever again, to kiss him again, to wake up to the warmth of the curly-haired man's body next to his own.
All that Remus had left were memories of how things used to be. Today was Sirius's funeral, and as he held little Teddy Lupin he couldn't help but to whisper into the nothingness a plea, what he wished more than anything else.
"Please, Sirius, please come back to me. You need to help me-to help me care for our son. I need you, we need you. T-this was a good prank, now I'm begging you to come back to me. I can't live without you." Remus began to break into tears, and Teddy reached up for his father's face, patting him on the cheek.
Remus smiled down at the boy and got himself dressed and ready for the funeral of the man he loved more than anything in the entire world. Pretty soon Remus was walking up to the podium to say his final goodbye to his husband.
"It seems like almost yesterday that I met Sirius Black," he paused, inhaled, and then continued.
"I remember quite clearly the way he would laugh and it could light up an entire room. I can see his face in my mind's eye, the way he would smile. We lost a life that we may never get back. You were a vessel, You were a room. You were so much less important than the things inside of you. You were a circuit board, swallowing the electricity of life upon birth. It wheeled through you for all of your days, creating every moment. The pulse of a story, the soft hums of labor, and love.
"And in your last moment it came, rushing from your chest and was given back to the wind. When we die, we go everywhere. Newton said: Energy is neither created nor destroyed. On average, 1.8 people on earth die every second. There is always a gust of wind somewhere. Our bodies are nothing more than hosts to a collection of brilliant things. When someone dies, I do not weep over their polaroids or belongings, I begin to look for the life that has left them. I feel out the strongest breeze and take off running.
"The theory of six degrees of separation was never meant to see how many people we could find. It was a set of directions for how to find the people we have lost. I found your voice, I found your smile. You were neither created nor destroyed, you were constantly transferred, shifted, and renewed. Everything you were was given to you. Death, does not come when a body is too exhausted to live, death comes because the brilliance inside of us can only be contained for so long. You did not die, you passed on, passed on the life burning through your throat. When you truly leave, I will not cry for you, I will run into the strongest gust of wind I can find. And welcome you home."
And with those final words Remus left the podium, the weeping of his friends and family enveloping him. He couldn't cry, not after he had just promised himself that he wouldn't. He had already cried so much the week following Sirius' death. He needed to be strong now.
~7th Year Golden Trio Era (Harry, Hermione, Ron)~
During the Battle of Hogwarts, fighting occurred left and right. Holding Tonks' hand, Remus Lupin smiled, he knew that they wouldn't make it through this battle. But he was completely fine with that. He would be able to see Sirius again, to be reunited with the one person he'd missed more than anything.
As he was cornered, he saw a glimpse of Sirius, arms open wide, welcoming him home and embracing him with such a love that Remus hadn't felt in so long. A love that Remus missed more than anything. He felt the wind blow, such a strong gust it was, and as it did he heard a faint Avada Kedavra, and a flash of green light was the last thing he saw as he closed his eyes for the last time in his mortal body.
Opening his eyes, he looked down and saw his body. He saw it lying on the ground, colorless and emotionless. His hand clutching Tonks' in a tight grasp that would never let go.
"Remus!" he heard the familiar sound of Sirius' voice and turned around, tears in his eyes.
"Sirius!" They embraced, hugging each other, breathing in the familiar scent of the other person.
"You're here, you're really here," came the muffled voice of the curly-haired man.
"I am, I missed you so much, more than you can ever know," Remus responded.
Sirius pulled away from the hug and kissed Remus.
"I stayed long enough for the funeral. Your speech for me was brilliant, you nerd," Sirius said, laughing as he wiped tears from his eyes.
~Time skip to just before Lily Potter's first year at Hogwarts (Cursed Child Era)~
"So, you're my Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius?" a young Lily Potter asked, turning to the two men who sat beside her, their hands intertwined.
Both smiled down at her, nodding.
"That's right little one," Remus responded, patting the little girl's shoulder.
"But, aren't you dead?" she asked, a look of awe on her face.
Sirius and Remus exchanged glances before conversing quickly out of Lily's earshot. Turning back to her, Remus looked down to see if she'd figured it out yet.
"Oh..." she said, her face slightly confused. "Oooh." she said again, this time with a look of realization on her face, which quickly turned to excitement.
"I can't wait to tell James and Albus! They'll be absolutely thrilled!"
Remus and Sirius exchanged looks before Remus turned to Lily.
"That's not such a good idea, you may be excited...but they may not be." Remus told her.
"What do you mean? Why wouldn't they be happy for me?" she asked Remus.
"Yes...You are a special witch, but don't let that go to your head. You are able to see the dead, and call them to you when you need them," he said, smiling down at her.
"But, this is a very rare gift that you possess, and your brothers could become jealous of you. And from what you've seen...it might not end well. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did." he finished, hoping she'd understand what he meant.
"I promise to not let it go to my head…. will you help me go through my first year at Hogwarts? I really hope I'm a Hufflepuff," she added, and looked up to her uncles.
"Of course we'll help you. Why wouldn't we? We do have to go now, and you do too, it's late and your Mommy and Daddy will wonder where you've been. Oh, and tell them we are always watching over them, you'll do that for us, won't you?" Remus asked, hopefully.
"Of course, why wouldn't I?" she replied, mimicking their response.
Lily ran back into her home and told her parents all about her day, including the part where she met Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, which her parents chalked up to an overactive imagination. But from outside the window, looking in with their arms around each other were Remus and Sirius, smiling, happy that they could see Harry again, even if he couldn't see them.