I might have found my muse… not sure. Just don't throw any tomatoes. J These characters aren't mine, I just play with them.
Twelve Sharp spoilers
Jealousy
Chapter One
Jealousy is a dangerous emotion. Some people kill over jealousy, some people steal. Others leave lovers or friends. Some people get angry and others get even. Then sometimes, when you least expect it, jealousy changes your life.
For the second time in two weeks I stood before a man I love and saw jealous eyes stare back at me. Eleven days ago it was Joe. Today, it was Ranger and it only lasted a moment, but it had been there.
Joe had spent the night and was just leaving when I headed for the door to get the newspaper. Just as my hand grabbed the knob, Joe grabbed my other hand and yanked me into a toe curling, morning after kiss. When I dropped the handle the door slowly crept open. What I didn't realize at the time was that Ranger was standing on the other side of the threshold. When the kiss came to an end, I turned around and came face to face with Ranger. His eyes were wide, lips tight and he was holding in a breath. And for a few brief seconds I saw something sweep across his eyes that I had never seen before. It took me a minute for my brain to realize what it was. Jealousy.
Ranger recovered quickly. The look was gone and he replaced it with business Ranger.
"Sorry to interrupt. Just stopped by to see if you can help out Tank tonight. He needs a decoy."
I cleared my throat as Joe gave me one last peck on the cheek then headed out the door to work.
"Um. Sure, I'm having dinner at my parents at 7. What time do you need me?"
"Meet Tank down at the club around 8:30." Ranger stated a little more bluntly than was necessary.
"Sure thing. Is this sexy decoy or slutty?" I asked in hopes of easing the mood.
Ranger turned on his heel and tossed his reply over his shoulder, "Just be yourself."
As I watched him walk down the steps and out of my building a deep ache coiled in my stomach. I stepped back into my apartment and closed the door. Suddenly, I wasn't feeling very well. After a quick call to Connie to let her know I wouldn't be in for the day I walked to the bathroom to splash some water on my face.
As I was drying my face with a towel I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair was still mussed from my night romp with Joe. My lips slightly swollen; my neck red from attention. I dropped the towel and took a step closer to the mirror. Who was this person looking back at me? Surely it wasn't me. This woman staring back wasn't the Stephanie that laughed easily and loved much. This was a woman that used. These were the eyes of a woman that took from many and never offered in return. This was the image of a woman that could cause pain to flicker across the face of two men she loved and do nothing about it.
The knot in my stomach pulled tighter.
I pushed away from the sink and headed for the living room. I grabbed a pillow as a fell onto the couch. I threw my arm over my eyes in an effort to will away the image of myself that continued to flash across my mind. Even with my eyes shut, the image lingered.
I thought back to when the feeling first started. Five days ago I stood outside of Ranger's hospital room and told Joe that I loved him. While Ranger was inside possibly dying I told Joe exactly what he wanted to hear. Two minutes later, when the nurse told me Ranger was going to be ok and that he wanted to see me, I pushed away from Joe and ran into the room. With Ranger's limp hand in mine, I brushed his hair aside and placed a tender kiss upon his cheek. As I lifted myself from his side I glanced to the door. Joe was standing there watching us. And for just a second, jealousy stood there with him.
When visiting hours were over and I was assured that Ranger was going to be fine, I walked out of the hospital with Joe. I walked to his car, walked into his house and then right into his bed. I spent the next five nights with him. On the sixth day, Ranger was released from the hospital. I spent the next three nights playing nurse to him at his apartment.
A day later and I was back in Joe's bed.
I rolled over on my stomach and buried my head in the pillow. The tears hit the cloth even before my head did. I cried for Ranger. I cried for Joe. I cried for the Stephanie that I use to be. But mostly I cried because I knew nothing was ever going to be the same again. The time for change had come. I knew the knot in my stomach would never go away until I took responsibility for what I had done. For far too long I had lead on two men. I had taken from them what they had each offered me. I had taken from them equally. I had loved them equally. But I had never once stopped to think about what that was doing to them. And sadly, it had taken for me to see it in their eyes to realize that my actions were hurting them. My inability to choose was hurting them. My failure to love either of them completely, with more than half my heart, was causing them pain.
When the tears finally stopped, I sat up on the couch and reached for the phone. I knew what I had to do and no matter how much it was going to hurt, for the first time ever I was determined to do it.
I called Joe first. "Yeah?" he said in way of a greeting.
"Hey Joe."
"Missing me already?" he teased into the phone.
"Can I come over tonight? I'll bring pizza."
"Sure thing cupcake."
"Thanks Joe."
"Hey Steph?" he said before I was able to hang up. "Everything ok?"
I took a deep breath before responding. "Not yet Joe, but it will be. I'll see you tonight."
I hung up the phone and dialed Ranger's cell. He didn't answer so I left him a voicemail.
"Hey Ranger, it's me. Something's come up tonight and I can't do the decoy thing for Tank afterall. Can you reschedule for tomorrow night? If that's ok, give me a call. Maybe after the decoy thing we can grab a bite to eat. I need to talk to you. Bye."
I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. The knot was still in my stomach but the weight on my shoulders had eased. After tomorrow, I prayed that my life would finally be back on track.