I need to hear you say it's over
The touch that you gave felt colder
I need to see your face one more time
But if your heart's changed
Could you make mine
cause
I don't know how to
No I don't know how to
I don't know how
To say goodbye
Do you understand
This ache inside
I'm holding so tight
I could lose my mind
Two hearts beating
To different tunes
You got me falling apart
And I fell for you
Yeah I fell for you
And I don't know how to
No I don't know how to
No I don't know how
To say goodbye
So this is what it is
I close the door tonight
You have a piece of me
But I still have what's mine
No more questions why
This is our last goodbye
Heartbeat is racing fast
No I won't call you back
So this is what it is
I close the door tonight
You have a piece of me
But I still have what's mine
No more questions why
This is our last goodbye
Heartbeat is racing fast
No I won't call you back
So this is what it is
I close the door tonight
You have a piece of me
But I still have what's mine
No more questions why
This is our last goodbye
Heartbeat is racing fast
No I won't call you back
No I won't call you back
No I won't call you back
I won't call you back
This is our last goodbye
Chapter One - You have a peice of me
It had be six week's and she wasn't sure how long she could continue this for.
She'd been ignoring his phone call's, she'd cancelled there lunch's and morning meetings, until he just stopped asking her, she couldn't even say there relationship/partnership had took a few steps back, as they'd never been this distant before.
The day she had met him, in the spot they arranged to meet a year before, she had felt her body come alive again. All the emotions she'd tried to bury, try to put in a box and hide was bursting out, she remember his arms caging around her, and the feeling of safety she felt instantly from his touch.
She'd told herself when she met him, if he had that look in his eyes for her, she would tell him how she really felt, she would tell him she was ready. And when he dropped his duffle bag and encaged her into a bone crushing hug, she thought that was it, when she pulled back, she felt the tears in her eyes well, as she looked up to the man whom had haunted her dreams for the last five years, the man whom the last twelve months she had tried to get out of her system, but had only realised how much he meant to her, Booth wasn't just her partner, wasn't just her friend, wasn't just someone whom could make her smile, laugh ... no booth was more, much more, Temperance had realised no matter what emotion's or chemical's were running through her, that nothing would change that. Seeley Booth had become part of her heart, part of her soul, the soldier had crept in and stolen the piece of her heart she thought was locked away, he'd taken it, and she hadn't even known.
So when she felt his arms around her, his breath on her neck as she hugged him to her and relished in the feeling of seeing, hearing and just holding him for the first time in months she let herself embrace him and there moment, she pulled back cupping his cheek in her hand her thumb rubbing across the slight stubble ghosting along his jaw, she seen his eye's close for a minute and leaned up on her tip toes placing a gentle kiss were her finger only seconds ago was caressing.
The moment was broken when Booth's phone rang, it was like something in him snapped, he stepped back away from her, his eye's not meeting hers as he fished his phone out of his pocket, she seen a look she didn't recognise cross his face as he turned away from her and answered the call.
She listened hoping to find a sign of what had just changed between them, when she heard him speak she knew.
"No babe, I'll meet you later, I've not unpacked or anything yet, so you can come over tonight"
The pet name told Temperance all she needed to know, Seeley Booth had moved on. And he brought whom ever he had met back with him ... that there made her realise. That was it ... he was no longer hers ...She had lost him.
Swallowing the bile she felt coming up her throat, she turned off her emotions , making sure she put the blank mask on her face, silently reminding herself she could cry when she got home.
He finished his call seconds later and turned back to her, the reunion they shared minutes before gone, and now stood two people whom a moment ago was like a couple reunited and bursting from there connection to be linked and now they stood like strangers.
A knock on her door, caused her to come out from her memories, she looked up seeing the Man of her thoughts enter.
"We have a lead, want to come and check the scene out with me, I could use a squid's assistances" Booth teased, trying to keep his voice void of emotion.
Temperance shook her head, not meeting his eye's "I've got a mountain of paper work to work through, take Daisy or Finn" she whispered out.
She didnt hear a reply, but seen the shadow of Booth's feet move, she waited to hear the door click shut and when she did, she put the pen on the table, and let her face fall into her hands, she couldn't keep this up.
- Later that day -
The day had seemed to be dragging along, it was only four and Temperance was desperate to get home, to hide herself away.
She felt sick suddenly as the conversation she'd heard repeated it's self in her head. She had been on her way to see if Hodgins had the information for the current case they were working on when she had over-heard something that broke something inside her.
Temperance didn't even know she could feel the feelings cursing through her body, in the past when people left her, it was usually in an done with out her having to suffer feeling them slowly abstract themselves away from her.
When her parents had left her, she had no idea why, she had just woken one day to them smiling to her and her brother, they announced they were going shopping and just never returned.
when she went in to the system, nothing there was hers any friends she made were gone, they'd be relocated, or she, herself would be.
Each family whom took her in, would send her away, She knew herself that part of that was her own fault, but non the less she had still be returned like an item.
That's how Temperance had spent the majority of her life, feeling like she was a property not a person, she was the state's she belonged to a list not a family.
The first time Temperance has felt like a human being was when she met Angela. It was completely by chance, one of the foster families had sent her to a school closer to the area they residence in. And Angela had been the first person to speak to Temperance, at first Temperance was wondering what this lively, bubbly girl wanted from her... since everyone wanted something., but she was pleasantly surprised to find out, that the young girl had just wanted a friend.
Angela and Temperance had been through a lot together, when one of the family's Temperance lived in became un-safe, it was Angela she called, when she had been assaulted by her Foster 'father' it was Angela whom noticed the marks on Temperance. It was Angela whom had helped her get out, when Angela's family had offered to take her in, it was Angela whom had helped her adjust, and a year later when she was accepted to the college of her choice, It was Angela whom moved away with her and helped her start her new life as a free human being whom no longer belonged to the system or the state.
The only other person whom had made Temperance feel 'human' in a completely other way was Booth. Seeley Booth had made Temperance feel things she didn't know existed, her whole life she had never experienced love of this kind.
When Temperance had first met Seeley Booth, she had immediately noticed the attraction to him as a sexual object, but in the past men had been a realise for Temperance. It has been an itch that she needed to scratch, she would get a small jolt of pleasure from her 'scratcher' but she never let herself be seen, she never shared anything personal, no feelings were involved, it was simply sex, that was until she laid her eyes on special Agent Seeley Booth.
From the first meeting he made her breath catch in her throat, and although Temperance acted cold towards him, he never acted anything but gentlemanly towards her, until there first argument. The thing what shocked her was, during there fight, Booth had given just as much as she was, and no one ... no one else had ever argued with her in such a way, it was exhilarating for her most people would ignore her, or have a ridiculous answer, but Agent Booth had stood toe to toe with her, and Brennan knew there and then that this man in front of her was going to be trouble for her, emotional and sexually.
Before she knew it, she was letting him see a side of her, that she had kept hidden, the side of her that was vulnerable the side of her that the fifteen year old had hidden the day she woke up and realised she was alone.
And Booth had taken it, he'd taken her coldness, he'd taken her insults, he pushed her to show him whom she really was, he wouldn't take her bullshit, he wouldn't let her lie or hide from him, and it became the normality for her, she suddenly didn't want to hide from him, she found herself telling him things, no one knew ... not even Angela, she found herself becoming attached to him, but Temperance wouldn't allow her self the pleasure of pursuing the relationship, she knew they were both attracted to each other, she also knew that there was feelings buried in both of them for the other, But Temperance Brennan was scared, because she realised that Special Agent Booth had become someone whom she couldn't loose, she knew ... she knew if he left her it would break it, and she hated the fact she'd allowed someone to have that power over her.
But that was why the conversation that was about to happen was so hard for her, because she knew this was the ending. This would be the last time she ever felt utter and complete trust, love and attraction for someone, she knew that Seeley was the 'one' that Angela had told her about, she knew that he was her 'one' chance, but she had ruined that a long time ago, when he had first pleaded with her to give him ... them a shot, she was petrified because suddenly she had to face not only her love for him, but her fears of him leaving. But it was inevitable now she had already lost him, she had tried to be a friend to him, even when she had come out and admitted her feelings for him and asked him if she still had a chance, and he'd informed her he was with 'Hannah' know, she didn't realise then that he truly was gone, she had still told herself she could still have a part of him, she was pleading with herself to hold on to that part, because he had a part of her, and she was petrified that if she lost his part, she'd be empty, because even if he didn't want the part of her, he had it Temperance couldn't get it back ... even if she wanted to.
She closed her eyes, her body shaking with what she was about to do, but it was time ... this couldn't go on for ever, and although she had been prolonging this, after hearing the discussion earlier she knew now was the time.
This was it - the end.
"We need to talk" Booth repeated, he had followed her into her office. "We have a case and I want you on it with me" he said, walking into the office and standing in front of her"
She had been avoiding him for the last hour after she overhead 'that' conversation.
She had been hiding in her office, sorting through everything, she had come up with a plan thirty minutes ago, She had a schedule to keep if everything was going to go to plan, and she knew this needed to happen, but her body her heart, wasn't ready.
"I cant do this anymore Booth, I'm sorry but I cant work with you" Temperance sobbed out.
"Bone's, we'll figure this out, a case will come up and we'll just click back" Booth said, his voice low since he himself didn't believe the words he spoke.
She shook her head You don't understand. "This is nothing to do with a case, its me ... I thought I could accept it, accept her but I cant, and every time I see you, I remember what I lost, what ill never have and I cant ... no I wont let it ruin you, I wont let ME ruin you." She breathed out, she could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks but she didn't do anything to stop them.
Seeley shook his head, his left hand ranking through his hair as he tugged it, wanting to wake up the part of his brain that would handle this situation.
He knew things would come to a blow sooner or later, it just didn't expect it to be like this, he had a plan.
"I don't understand Bones, You said, you was fine with me and Hannah, what suddenly changed your mind, the fact you heard me discussing marriage with Jack earlier" he asked, looking generally confused by the conversation taking place.
Temperance laughed, a hollow dark laugh. "I lied" she said. She looked to him, the man whom she was in love with, and decided that if this was the last time she would see him, talk to him she was going to tell him the truth ... she ... he ... they deserved that.
"fifty nine weeks ago, we agreed we needed a break, we needed to work out what we meant to each other do you remember that Booth" she asked, but before she gave him a chance to answer she continued. "You know, the last year, I've evaluated every single word I said that night, wishing I could of worded it differently, because if I had this wouldn't of happened." she shook her head finally wiping the tears, she didn't know why as more just seemed to appear. "You deserve to know the truth, and I'm going to tell you it, but it starts then, because what I said and what I meant was two very different things. It's on me, that ... that is on me, but Booth, I thought you knew me better, I thought that you'd understand, you see I'm logical I work via fact's, and the facts in my life were every single person who's ever said they lo... cared for me, every person I've allowed to care for me, and to care for them back ... they've left me" She stopped looking at him silently begging him to understand, because she didn't know how else to tell him all this. "And I knew, I knew that if we took that step, that I'd be the one running, because I know you Booth, and in here" she said holding her hand over her heart "In here, I knew you would give yourself completely to me, and I would to you" she smiled for a moment, before bringing her hand up to her head pointing to it "but in here, logic was winning out, and with you, it would of been different, because I would of be the one running, I wouldn't of been able to see you leave me, I wouldn't of been able to deal with that kind of heartbreak, so I would of left, and I couldn't ... I wouldn't make you feel the way I've felt, I was protecting myself and you Seeley" she whispered, she turned her back towards him as she felt more tears leave her eyes, but she needed to get this out.
"The time away, we both needed, and when you said you'd wait for me, I took it for granted, because I really thought you would" her shoulders sagged as the reality of things hit her, a sob broke through and she felt him there suddenly his arms around her, she shook her head "no" She whispered "please , don't" she begged stepped away.
"I wont get through this if you touch me, please ... I need to tell you everything" she begged him.
He nodded, wanting to hold her, to stop her but not daring, his hands were at his sides, his fist clenching knowing if he moved them he would reach for her.
"Everyday I thought of you, I went there to try forget, to try move on, because a part of me was so scared Id get hurt if I allowed myself to trust my heart instead of my head. But after a few months out there, I realised that you wasn't just my partner, the five years we'd spent together, they wasn't just as work colleagues they was so much more, Booth and I had already let you in, I'd already let you take a piece of me, and no matter what happened if you stayed ... left, If I stayed , nothing would make the pain any worse, so after seven months in, I decided I was going to tell you, I was going to be honest and take that risk. the next few months dragged by, I just wanted our day to come, I wanted it to arrive so we could finally be. The day we met back up, do you remember" she asked looking up to him for the first time in so long, she finally let herself look at him, and him her.
"I was practically vibrating with excitement, because I was going to tell you, I was going to tell you everything, and just as I was about to your phone rang, and you stepped away, and I knew ... as soon as I seen your face when you answered the call I knew you'd met someone and it was her. so I decided that you'd gave up waiting , and I was right. That fear, that was holding me back was right, you was happy , you was happy with someone else, but you was happy, and that ... that's something I'll always want for you, so I wasn't going to do anything to demolish that, and when you introduced me to her, I knew, I Knew she'd be the one for you, you looked at her in a way I've never seen you look at me, and it made me realise, that what ever you felt for me, It was gone ... I had ruined it, and I decided I could be , I could cope as long as you was in my life in some way I could cope with it all, but we was the same, we was us ... and I couldn't ... I realised I couldn't turn the emotions off, I couldn't go back ... and each time I was with you, and I heard you two talk, seen you together, I seen the happiness you had, and every time it hit me what I'd lost." she breathed out. wiping her face, before crossing her arms and wrapping them around her waist, holding her self together.
Seeley wanted to speak, he had so much to say so much to ask her but, he knew if he interrupted her now, she might stop, and he needed to know everything she had been keeping from him, everything she had been keeping to herself.
"The first week things seemed back to normal, but then when our lunch dates would have an extra guest, I felt replaced, suddenly I wasn't needed, you had a partner for work and life, and I realised I needed to take a step back, I needed to let you move on. Because I was holding you back, I was the one holding on to this hope of us ... and I think until earlier I still was" her face dropped as she felt the sob break through, her shoulders shook as she again turned her body away from him and walked towards her desk leaning against it as she covered her face with her hands.
After a few minutes her body calmed down, she breathed out a few times to get her self under control knowing this next part was the end ... and she needed to give them an ending, she needed to give them a goodbye.
"I've seen, heard of women being in your life, then not and it was like you came back to me, even when we was nothing but friends, you was there, and earlier when I heard them talking about you thinking of proposing I suddenly realised that this ... with her is real ... this is your dream. And it hit me, you really had moved on. suddenly everything was there, flashing in front of me, and I pictured you there as a happy couple, and I realised that I cant ... I wont cope with that. And if I stay I wont just be hurting me, but you as well and I cant do that, so I made a phone call this afternoon - I withdrew myself from the FBI, I'll no longer be assisting with cases, just before you came in I forwarded an email to everyone, my resignation, I thought long and hard and there's no way I can smile and be here and watch as you marry ... have a family with someone else, I cant be here, I cant be here" she shakily said.
before she knew it her feet was moving and she was pushing through the office door, his voice calling after her, and Temperance Brennan did something she hadn't done in year's since she was in foster homes.
She ran.
Please leave a review :) - I've half wrote Chapter 2 but I want to try get a couple Chapters pre written, It was originally going to be a one-shot, but if people want more I will make it a multichapter story. :)