fanfic by volly
ouran high school host club (c) bisco hatori
...
"Oh, hell no."
"Why not? It'd look so nice on you! And we're supposed to be representative of Japan, aren't we? What clothes scream 'Japan!' more loudly than--"
"Tamaki, it'd be a cold day in hell before you'll persuade me to wear one of those ugly--horrifying--grotesque--"
He couldn't even call it a kimono. He couldn't even find the right adjective to properly describe its monstrosity. He eyed the thing in all its frilly glory, amazed that it could even exist without spontaneously combusting with its sheer sparkliness. Exactly how many yards of lace was on that thing? He didn't know that it was even possible to fit that many sequins on a single dress.
Tamaki smirked at him, a gesture of pure and undiluted malice. "Oh, really? A cold day in hell, hmm?" He stalked even closer to his victim, brandishing the robe in an undeniably threatening manner as he withdrew a few photographs from his pocket. "Would these be able to change your mind, my dear?"
Golden eyes widened in horrified recognition at the sight of the incriminating images. He made a desperate swipe for the items, but Tamaki danced easily out of the way, shaking his head pityingly at the other's vain attempt. "If you don't cooperate, hun, you just might find these photos in the claws of a certain cousin of ours. We wouldn't like that, now, would we?"
Oh, damn.
There was now snow in hell.
"Stop scowling so much, bro, it's really unbecoming of you. And don't chew on your lip like that, you're ruining your lipstick." Tamaki tried unsuccessfully to control his laugh as he patted his unfortunate companion on the shoulder. "Did I say bro? I meant sis, of course."
"Tamaki, I'm going to kill you when this is over, I swear. They'll never even find your body--"
"What's that, sis? Hissing death threats under your breath now, are you?" Tamaki whipped out the photographs once again, neatly sidestepping another frantic grab and clicking his tongue as he prodded his brother's leg with a toe, blue eyes glimmering with amusement. "You might want to be more cooperative, princess. Make Daddy happy. Stick around as a girl for--oh, let's say a day, that really isn't so long--and Renge will never find these pictures, capiche?"
"I hate you so goddamn much, Tamaki."
The blond man quirked a brow at his younger brother, who finally growled and admitted defeat. "Fine, alright, okay, whatever. Just--don't give those to Renge, I'll do anything--"
Tamaki beamed and ruffled his victim's silky red locks. "Well now, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
The other man just averted his face, burning with embarrassment. The day just couldn't pass quickly enough.
author's notes - hello, i'm new to both this fandom and this ship. :D but ouran plotbunnies have already been gnawing at my brain so i wrote this fic. it's going to be multichapter, and i've actually got a pretty well-developed plot in mind, so hopefully if i don't run out of steam i'll actually finish one of my multichaptered fics for once.
and yes, it's a stupid title, i know, but i had absolutely no idea of what to put in there. there's a reason for the name, though i won't reveal it for a few chapters yet. ;D