Forever and Always
A tear fell quickly down the young mans face. As he felt the cool wetness he gripped the pink rose in his hand tighter, till the sharp thorns tore into his skin. Blood was drawn but he did not care. No, he could be hit by a speeding truck at that very moment and he would gladly accept it. Anything was better than this fate.
She promised that she would never leave him, she said that they would never be apart. As young children they had sworn on it, the promise held together by the joining of pinkies. He had believed her when she said that, that when they got big that she would marry him and they would have their happily ever after. How wrong she was. Her name was Serena, when they met she was only 4 while he was 2 years her elder. He remembered the moment they met, a memory he cherished greatly, he saw her for the first time on the swings at the community park. She was alone and trying feebly to pump herself higher on the old wooden swing. He felt instantly drawn to her and her long golden blonde hair and cerulean blue eyes. He rushed over to her and calmly introduced himself as Darien and asked if she needed a push. She smiled and nodded eagerly with innocence that only a child could possess. As he rushed behind her and began to push her back as hard as he could he asked who she was and where her parents were. It was the start of a strong friendship and they quickly learned that they shared many of the same things including neglectful parents. Serena's parents were quite wealthy and travelled frequently leaving their only child alone with neglectful nannies. Darien's parents were both severe alcoholics who didn't flinch when lifting a hand to their child. He was physically abused often and tended to avoid his parents and home for that reason.
At the thought of their first meeting Darien began to sob loudly and lowered his head causing his coal black hair to fall into his eyes. He had lost all he loved. What else did he have in his world. No one. He was truly alone. The black clad strangers around him paid him no attention, who would blame them. They each were wallowing in their own sadness and self pity, why be burdened by the feelings of a young sad teenager. No one cared, and no one had in the first place.
After that day at the park the two became inseparable, doing everything together. They were constantly together and most of the time stayed at Serena's house which was a blessing for Darien as he got to escape his abusive parents. He often would stay the night at Serena's, sleeping beside one another on the floor, wrapped tightly in their sleeping bags. They would have meaningless conversations for hours on end. Darien soon learned that Serena suffered from vicious night terrors, a problem she had experienced all her life since she was constantly alone without a parent to comfort her. Every time that she would begin to moan, scream and toss around frantically Darien would take hold of her hand, instantly calming her. They were the best part of one another's lives, a saviour if you will.
As the priest finished reciting the last of his prayers the casket began to slowly lower deep into the ground. Darien felt like jumping atop that coffin himself, and joining her in the cold ground. He had no where else to go. He did not want to return home again, he tried to stay away from that place as much as possible.
He remembered the first day that Serena found out what his parents did to him. He was 8 and she was just 6 years old. During that time Darien never would wear anything other than long pants and long sleeved shirts, even on the most smouldering of days, a common occurrence in their state of South Carolina. Serena was always curious of what he was hiding, after he once again refused her offer to go swimming or at least play in the sprinklers to escape the heat and sweat that they were experiencing due to a heat wave. She decided to ask him what why he refused to wear shorts or even a t-shirt but all he said was for her not to worry and that he would tell her when she was older. She would not take that for answer! Serena decided to catch him off guard when they were watching television in her living room, by pouncing on him intending to tickle him and lift him shirt slightly while he was caught off guard. She was surprised to say the least when her fingers lifted up the material slightly to reveal smoky and painful looking purple and black skin, where someone had obviously hit him continuously. He winced as her fingers brushed accidentally over the marks and she looked up into his eyes to see the over whelming feeling of sadness held in his deep blue orbs. He looked down ashamed and began to sniffle slightly, a sure sign of on coming tears. Before a single tear could drop he was engulfed by her arms, her warm body pressed closely to him. She looked up at him and with as much courage as she could muster promised that she would protect him from anyone or anything. Forever and always. Although she was just a young child it was the most encouraging thing anyone had ever told him and he truly felt safe with her, promising himself that he would never let anyone lay a finger on so one to innocent and good hearted.
Once the casket was completely lowered and the grave diggers began to slowly pile shovelfuls of dirt atop the casket, Darien's sobs began to increase until he was practically screaming. The small group of people attending the funeral turned towards him, Serena's parents looked furious and enraged that the young man was there. Her parents blamed him for her death and were never fond of their daughters only friend, claiming that he was only there for their money and a place to stay frequently. Her father Ken walked up to him and lifted a hand, quickly bringing it down hard across Darien's face, silencing his sobbing and drawing a unanimous shocked gasp from the crowd. Ken began to yell furiously at Darien "This is all your fault, if you never became so close to her this would never have happened." Darien just stared with no emotion, obviously too grief stricken to even react. A middle aged man bravely stepped forward from the crowd and placed a hand on Ken's arm silencing the enraged man. The brave man whom Darien recognized as Serena's neighbour said "Ken, don't blame the poor boy, you were hardly at home with her yourself, you left her alone. He was the only one there, you should be thanking him. No one caused the cancer, it just happened" the man said calmly. That was all it took for Darien to snap, that word. Cancer. Incurable and deadly. Darien screamed as tears rushed down his face and began to sprint away from the gravesite, letting his feet carry him somewhere far away from that awful place. Anywhere.
The day that they found out of her prognosis was the day that Darien became permanently numb. He attended the doctors appointment with Serena after she began to get sick more and more often. She was afraid to go to the doctors by herself and he of course offered to go with her, he was after all her protector. He would do anything for her. Anything. Sitting in the sterile doctors office holding tightly onto Serena's hand, Darien became to get anxious, drumming his fingers on his knee as they waited for the doctor. He was taking exceptionally long to come in. He could feel Serena beside him become nervous and he gave her a reassuring smile, trying to calm her and himself. When the doctor finally came into the room he wore a troubled and sad look on his aged features. Darien nervously asked what was wrong, hoping that the man was just having a bad day and that his expression had nothing to do with his sweet Serena. The doctor inhaled slowly and time seemed to slow down for Darien, the second he heard the words Serena and stage 4 brain cancer in the same sentence everything became a blur. He felt Serena's hand go limp in his, and a stream of warm tears fall onto their interlocked hands. He wasn't even sure if they were her tears or his. At that moment it didn't matter.
Finally Darien opened his eyes to see where he had sprinted to. He recognized that he was in the park by their bench. The very place he and Serena first met. How ironic. He looked longingly at the bench, were he and Serena had shared so many great conversations and memories. He walked swiftly to the forest green bench, the paint faded and peeling. He sat down on the side he always sat and ran his fingers over the deep carving of their initials, encased in a crudely carved heart. More tears filled his eyes, as he remembered the time when he was 11 when they both carved their names together. Under the carving it read together forever in black sharpie, written in her pristine cursive. Together forever? How wrong it was.
The doctor only gave her 6 months to live. Apparently her cancer was extremely far progressed and there was not much they could do for her. Treatment was unlikely to work and would most likely put her through unnecessary suffering if anything. Darien refused to believe that and refused to give up hope. He diligently researched every possibility, any source of a possible cure for 3 of those 6 months. He was so busy researching any possibility to save his best friend; his girlfriend; his everything. He completely neglected Serena, spending almost all his time those 3 months, grasping at straws, anything to keep her with him. He would only come and see her for a hour a day, and even then he was distracted and distant. Her parents came home for her more often at first but eventually stopped, accepting her fate and moving along with their normal routine selfishly. After about 3 months he gave up researching, accepting that there was nothing he could do but be there for her, something he had not been doing as he should have. He felt extremely guilty. He still did, the guilt plagued him and made it extremely difficult to sleep soundly if at all. He didn't care of himself though, he just wanted to do anything he could for her. She was everything.
In that moment on their park bench Darien made the most important decision of his life. He thought of it all, what did he have now, without her. His parents abuse continued to escalate steadily and it would surely result in his death. He had nothing without her. He just turned 17, he had no friends, no family, no anything. She was all he knew, all he had, all he ever wanted. Now he was left with nothing. In that moment he decided. He could not move past this. He could not carry on.
Everyday Serena seemed to get worse. During the fourth month of the rest of her life she was completely bed ridden. That did not discourage Darien from staying with her every moment of the day and night. He was all consumed by the guilt of what he had put her through, by not being there for her as he should have. She slept most of the day and when she was awake she was lucky if she could sit up, let alone keep her eyes open. Every moment she was awake Darien talked to her, babbling on endlessly of anything and everything. He tried not to let her know how scared he really was. He couldn't do that to her. What he was going through was nothing compared to how she must have been feeling. He couldn't burden her with his emotions. He had to be strong for her. Be her rock, her protector. As he always was.
Darien's mind was made and he slowly rose from the bench and began to stagger blindly to the street, wiping the continuous tears flowing from his eyes with the sleeve of his charcoal grey suit. As he reached the sidewalk he walked straight into on coming traffic and turned towards the on coming cars. A crimson SUV speed down the road, the driver obviously not paying close attention to their surroundings. Not prepared to make a sudden stop. Darien slowly opened his eyes to stare his fate directly in the eyes. He was prepared. He was willing. He was ready for whatever may come next, as long as he could be with his Serena once more. That's all that mattered.
One spring day Darien walked briskly down the sidewalk to Serena's house. The weather was warm and the sun was shining but Darien could take no pleasure in it. Spring was Serena's favourite season. A season of change, of beginning again symbolized by the rebirth of nature. that's how she would describe it at least. He smiled slightly at the thought. Perhaps he would open her windows wide for her and help her sit up and look outside. He was sure she would enjoy that. As he rounded the corner he grunted and regretted insisting on buying so many groceries on his own to bring for her, knowing that he would have to walk back. Not that she was able to eat well anyhow. He shifted the milk carton to his other hand and walked up to the front door, struggling to unlock it with his borrowed key. He walked in and called out to Serena that he was back. There was no answer which was a bit strange but he assumed that she hadn't heard him or that she was perhaps sleeping. He walked into the kitchen and placed the bags onto the counter and quickly hurried to Serena's room babbling about his trip to the supermarket. He pushed the door to Serena's hot pink room open and was met by darkness. Strange he thought, she must not have woken at all while he was gone. He walked to the window and threw the curtains open and smiled as the light streamed through. He didn't hear the annoyed grunt he had expected to hear after surely breaking her slumber. Strange. He looked at the bed and saw that she was laying in it, still sleeping. Apparently he had not woken her at all. He talked louder to her but still nothing. He walked over to her side of the bed and shook her gently. She still did not stir. He began to panic and began to call her name and shake her more roughly but there was still no response. That was when he realized something. There was no rise and fall of her chest. It was only the fifth month of her predicted six. The doctor was wrong. She was not breathing. She was dead.
That was the last memory Darien allowed himself to relive. The day he had lost it all. The day his life essentially ended. He was just a shell of what he was with her and he always would be. Nothing could change that but her presence. As the bright lights of the SUV came rushing forward, filling his vision, blinding him, he felt no fear. No, he felt at peace. He knew that he would soon join her again, his Serena, his everything and that they would be reunited, never to leave one another again. Forever and always.