Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. Jhonen would kill me if I did.
Warnings: One-sided ZaDr. A bit of language and OOC-ness, I think, but nothing too serious.
So you know how I said the next fic was gonna be terribly angsty? Well, I didn't lie this time! Totally didn't mean to, I was aiming for a fluffy TaGr and somehow this popped out. I blame 99 Luftballons. If you haven't heard it, it's the original German version of 99 Red Balloons, and it's amazing! Way better than the English. It's really not that deep of a song, but I think I played it up a bit in this. It is sweet though.
Anyway, just a little something based off that song because it's been stuck in my head for a week. Enjoy!
It was a stupid, stupid thing to do, and he knew it. It was one of the dumbest ideas he had ever had, but somehow Dib couldn't bring himself to stop hoping that maybe, just maybe, it might work. So with a soft smile at the cashier, he paid for the packet of red balloons and string, and walked out of the shop.
He hummed a catchy tune on the way home.
It was a song he had heard on the radio about a week ago when he had been driving his dad's car to school and flipped to some eighties station. It was about halfway through the song and he couldn't understand a word the singer was saying. After he had gotten to school, the catchy tune had been stuck in his head. The only two words Dib could recall in the German-sounding song were '99' and 'balloons.' So after getting home and logging onto his computer, he did a search and came up with two versions. The English version did a great job of translating the lyrics, though it wasn't the exact same, but the original German just sounded better. It had a better tune, the singer didn't sound quite so strained, and it just flowed in a way the English one didn't. And it was Dib's new favorite song, which was saying something for a guy who generally gravitated towards rock and metal.
It didn't take him long to figure out the German lyrics via Internet. The past week found him singing and humming in the halls of the high school, gaining more than a few weird looks from his fellow classmates. But that's okay because they didn't realize how much the lyrics spoke to him. Even Gaz, who had been getting along with him lately, thought this was all rather out of character. But Dib knew the only one who would understand wasn't even in school anymore. Hell, he wasn't even on Earth!
Zim had left when they entered high school. The alien was there on the first day, much shorter than the rest of the class. He had been quiet, very much unlike his usual self. Dib thought he was up to something. And when Zim failed to show up to class the next day, Dib had been on edge. He'd gone to the alien's base after school and demanded Zim face him. Only when he arrived there was a giant whole in the ground.
The base was completely gone.
Dib had been dumbfounded.
For days and days he waited for the little green alien to come back. For weeks and weeks he had monitored the skies for any signature trace of the Irkan. For months he sat on his roof waiting, hoping, the annoying space boy would come back.
But as freshman and sophomore years went by and junior year started, Dib finally realized the horrible truth.
Zim wasn't coming back.
He'll admit it to only Gaz, seeing as she was the one who had to comfort him that he cried. He cried and sobbed, shaking and holding tightly onto his little sister as he wailed. It hurt. It hurt so damn much and there was nothing he could do about it because it was too late. Zim was gone. And he wasn't coming back. Dib should have been happy about it, but all it did was leave a gaping hole in his heart. Looking back on that first day of freshman year and thinking oh how quiet the normally loud Zim had been, Dib realized something.
Zim had been sad.
The look on the alien's face had been so incredibly anguished, almost like he hadn't wanted to leave. But that couldn't be right; Zim hated Earth. Always talking and screaming about how he couldn't wait to conquer it and get off the filthy planet.
But there was no doubt in Dib's head; Zim had been terribly quiet that day. He'd only ever been that silent when Dib ignored him to study "real" science. It was quite possible the Irkan had been sad. Why? Dib wouldn't know until the next they spoke, which could be never.
And that didn't sit well with the human.
So with a catchy and meaningful song stuck in his head and a bag full of balloons and string in his hands, he made his way home.
The sound of the front door opening alerted Gaz to her brother's arrival. She briefly glanced up from her Game Slave 3000, catching the small smile on his face and hearing the feint hum of the song that's been driving her up a wall for the last week.
He went down to the basement, which wasn't all that unusual seeing as he liked to play with their dad's stuff. However, she caught sight of the bag in his hand and that was unusual.
Curiosity got the best of her. She set her Game Slave gently on the coffee table after saving and shutting it off. Then she got off and followed her brother downstairs.
She was used to walking in on Dib playing with their dad's stuff, stuff he shouldn't be playing with. She was expecting to see him play with all the expensive, nice toys. She was not expecting to see him messing with the dials on the helium dispenser in the corner, humming that same song.
"Hast du etwas Zeit für mich. Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich," he sang quietly.
"What, exactly, are you doing?" Gaz inquired, crossing her arms.
Dib jumped, dropping the items in his hand and spinning around.
"Gah! Gaz! What are you doing down here?" he asked, more curious and full of adrenaline than out of nervousness.
Gaz raised a pierced eyebrow, bending and picking up the fallen items. "'150 Red Balloons and string?'" She looked back up. "What the hell do you need 150 red balloons for? You're not trying to lure in Bigfoot again are you?" She was skeptical. The last time had been a disaster.
"No" Dib huffed exasperatedly. He snatched the two bags out of the girl's hands. "I only need 99 of them. I'm… trying to do an experiment." The twitchiness of his amber eyes gave him away.
Gaz sighed, taking a seat in a nearby rolling chair. "Dib…" she started. She hated when he got like this. Her brother was supposed to be annoying and talkative, not hopeful and depressed. He'd been having moments like this since Zim left. And she hated Zim for making her brother this way. "You know he's not coming back, right?"
Dib didn't look at her, instead staring down at the balloons. "He's out there, Gaz," he murmured quietly. "He's out there, I know it! He's got to come back. He said that he was the one who would destroy Earth. He has to come back!"
"Dib, he's not coming back!" Gaz screamed. Her usual rage was present in her voice, tinged with some desperation. Didn't Dib realize that this dream he was chasing wasn't real? "He's never coming back! He hates it here. Do you honestly think that a bunch of balloons are going to bring him back? That he'll actually see them? They won't go in space, Dib!"
"You think I don't know that?" Dib shouted back. He was breathing heavily, tears clouding his eyes. "You think I don't stay up all night staring at my computer, hoping, waiting, for any sign of an Irkan space craft? His space station is still here; he has to come back for that, at least. Gaz, you don't get it!"
"Get what?" She was glaring darkly at her brother. "That you're obsessed? I get that. You've always been obsessed, especially when it comes to Zim. I think it even got worse after he left. Look at you! You're about to blow up a bunch of balloons because some song gave you a bit of hope! Forget it, Dib! You can't-"
"I love him, okay?" Dib screamed.
There was silence.
Gaz stared wide-eyed at her older brother. He was shaking, fists clenched at his sides. Tears fogged up his glasses and made his bright eyes shine.
"You… you… What?" she stuttered.
"I love him," the boy repeated. "Can't you see? He has to come back if only so I can tell him. I can't stand knowing that he left and I never said anything. He can leave after; I don't care, but hurts so much knowing he doesn't know."
Gaz was quiet, still staring at her brother. "How long?" she finally asked.
"A couple of years now." Dib sat on the floor, leaning back against the helium tank. "After he left. Actually, I think I loved him since day one." He chuckled self-deprecatingly.
Well, wasn't this awkward? Gaz actively tried not to have conversations like this with her brother. But every so often they just kind of happened. Gaz got up from the chair and went to sit next to Dib.
"That… kind of explains why you were so desperate to get him on a dissecting table." Her attempt at some sort of comic relief was a failure, but Dib chuckled anyway.
"It does, doesn't it?" He sighed once more, looking at the bag of balloons. "I know it's stupid. I knew it since I got the idea. But it's just a little bit of hope, Gaz! I'll do anything to keep me from going completely insane."
Gaz sighed. "If you say so." She stood, dusting off her pants and hands. "So where do we start?"
Dib's head whipped up. "What?" He stared wide-eyed at his purple-haired sister.
"You want to fill up 99 balloons and distract me from my games with how loud that thing is?" She pointed at the tank. "Not a chance. The sooner you get done, the sooner I can get back to World Destroyers 2. So what do you need?"
The raven-haired teen continued to stare dumbfounded at his sister, at least until she kicked him. He positively beamed at her, hopping up and tearing into the bag.
"Can you get some paper and a pencil?" he asked.
With a smirk, Gaz nodded, turning and heading for the stairs. "You know you're gonna owe me for this, right?"
Dib laughed, accepting his fate with no problems.
When Gaz returned with paper and a pencil, Dib had her set to work blowing up the balloons via the helium tank as he wrote little notes, tearing them into small squares to stuff in the balloons. Gaz still thought he was stupid, but the thought was annoyingly sweet nonetheless. They tied off the finished balloons to their dad's desk, getting 99 balloons filled in record time between the two of them. Gaz had no idea just how thankful Dib was for the help.
It was when Dib was staring proudly up at their work that they hit a snag.
"How, exactly, are we gonna let them go?" Gaz asked.
Dib's face fell. "Well, I was thinking of letting them go in the park…" He stared at the balloons floating innocently in their basement. "I guess just grab a handful and we'll tie them up to something outside…"
Gaz shrugged. "Works for me."
And so they painstakingly untied each balloon and walked outside with handfuls at a time. It was awkward, no doubt, carrying so many balloons out of the house, but what they hadn't counted on was the walk to the park a couple of blocks over. Each had balloons fisted in each hand, some even looped around their arms. The fact that they were carrying 99 red balloons at 10 o'clock at night didn't even faze them with its weirdness. It was more just how awkward it was carrying the damn things. There were just so many of them!
About half-way to their destination, Dib started letting them go, one by one every couple of steps. Gaz watched.
"Is this part of your plan?" she asked, letting a couple of hers go at Dib's signal.
"Sort of." The other teen blushed. "I originally wanted to let them go when we go to the park. I didn't realize just how many 99 were." Another two balloons went flying.
"I kind of hope a plane runs into one of them," Gaz muttered. "It'd be funny."
Dib chuckled a little. "Yeah, I think you're right."
They shared a small smile. The rest of the walk was silent.
The park was empty when they arrived. Their load was significantly fewer than it had been, making the walk up one of the grassy hills easier than it would have been. Dib was humming that song again by the time they reached the top. Gaz didn't want to tell him to shut up considering how much this escapade meant to him, but she was getting really sick of that song.
"99 Jahre Krieg, Liessen keinen Platz für Sieger," sang Dib.
"Do you think he'll get them?" Gaz asked, if only to get him to shut up. They both already knew the answer.
"Not a chance," stated the boy quietly. He let two more balloons go. "But it's a nice thing to wish for."
Gaz stared at him in silence. Dib stared back.
Together they held up what was left of their balloons, letting them go at the same time. They stood quietly in the dark, watching as the last of them flew up, up, and up, away from the humans. The lights of the city twinkled prettily off of their red shells. Eventually they floated out of sight and Gaz turned to her brother.
There was s ingle red balloon clutched tightly in his hand.
The younger sibling took note of the tears in Dib's eyes. He watched the balloons fly away. Gaz turned. She didn't want to ruin his moment, but this evening had been awkward enough for her.
"You owe me a week's worth of pizzas for this," she muttered. She wasn't expecting a reply, but smirked when Dib gave watery chuckle.
"I'll keep that in mind," he said. He kept his back to her as she walked away.
Eventually, the sound of his little sister's footsteps faded away, leaving Dib alone in the empty park with nothing but a red balloon with a little note stuffed inside. Despite the tears that continuously welled up on his eyes, Dib smiled.
"This is really stupid, you know?" he stated to no one in particular. However, there was only one person on his mind. "You would laugh at how humanly sentimental this is. Then you would call me stupid. Or tell me my head is big, which it totally isn't!" He shook his fist at the night sky in frustration. "You always used to say such stupid things! Saying my head's big, calling yourself human, saying that you were gonna take over the world!"
The angry tears were falling now, dripping off his chin and fogging up his glasses. "Well, you haven't taken over yet! You see this?" He spread his arms, clutching the balloon string tighter. "This is me, walking the Earth, still free! What was all that about enslaving Earth, huh? You said you'd make me a slave. You said you'd watch me grovel. Well, I'm not groveling yet, you stupid alien! Earth hasn't been taken over yet!"
"So where are you?" he shouted. "Why haven't you conquered this place yet?"
His whole body was shaking now. The poor human was outright sobbing. His knees gave out in him, Dib collapsing to the ground as he cried, hands fisting the dirt.
"Where are you?" he whimpered. He clutched the balloon close with one hand. "Why haven't you come back? Is it because I kept defying you? If that's it, then I'll stop!"
Dib's head whipped back up to the sky. "I'll stop! I'll give up! You can win! You can have the planet, it's a dump anyway! Just please, come back!" He sobbed harder, chin dropping to his chest. "Come back…"
Minutes passed as the human teen kneeled there in the dirt, sobbing and shaking and wishing. Everything hurt, but it felt so good to finally let out four years' worth of frustration, anger, and abandonment. He didn't know how long he sat there hunched over and crying, but eventually he was able to gain control of his emotions once more. With a few sniffles, he dried his eyes with the sleeve of his coat and stood on shaky legs. He wiped his hands off on his pants.
"I miss you," he said quietly. "As unbelievable as it sounds, I really do miss you. You were the one constant in my life for so long. I mean, sure, Gaz has been a bit nicer lately, but that only started after you left. I can barely remember a time when you weren't there after you arrived. I miss everything about you; your yelling, your stupid plans, your base, Gir, our fights, you skin, eyes, everything! I miss you so much and the sad part is that I don't think you miss me. Sure, you looked sad the last time I saw you, but that could have been for a number of reasons! But to be completely honest, I hope you do miss me…"
The balloon swayed back and forth in the breeze, catching the light from the nearby buildings. A few stars twinkled through the smog in the sky. Dib couldn't have picked a better night for this.
"I love you, Zim…" he finally admitted. He stared up at his red balloon. "I love you and I miss you. I know you can't hear me wherever you are, but doing this makes me feel a little better. Gaz and I just sent up 98 red balloons so that if you do come back, one of them reaches you. I doubt it, but here's hoping." He chuckled.
"But those? Those were just in the hopes that if you're here, you might get one. But this one…" He paused.
He didn't know what to say. Everything he had said up to this point had just sounded so right; had been needed to be said. It was everything he had felt for years now finally let out in the open. But how could he describe love? How could he put into words what he felt for the alien, put into words just how much this whole little ceremony meant to him? He couldn't describe just how much he enjoyed their fights, their taunts, Zim's humor, Zim's manners, his skin, his eyes, everything about him! He wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to! But everything that came to mind just didn't fit.
And then that song came to mind.
That damn song that'd been stuck in his head for a week that gave him this whole stupid idea in the first place.
Humming the catchy tune, Dib stared up at the red balloon. Funny enough, it wasn't even the German lyrics that slipped out of his mouth. On the last word, he unclenched his fist, gazing up as the last of the 99 red balloons floated up.
"And here is a red balloon. I think of you and let it go."
These two hardly get a break, don't they?
Please leave a review and tell me what you think!