Hi guys. Its me, Icy, with another oneshot xD
Well this is a sad one since I'm using Fourth Of July by Fall Out Boy as the theme. Its seriously my favorite song from American Beauty/American Psycho. Makes me cry every time. This is an Ereri fic in Eren's POV.
Alright then, proceeding with the story!
Giving you guys a warning again in case you didn't read the summary. This will contain at least a suicide attempt. So if you're not comfortable with that topic, then I suggest you don't read it. Thank you.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own SnK or the song. This story is mine and mine alone though.
Another morning. Simply just another day.
I sighed and turned my head to the side, forgetting for a moment that I was alone in bed. "Ugh, I don't want to get up..." I had countless sleepless nights, more often times than not going for weeks without it. Today was actually the first time I had slept an entire night in a long time. I crawled out of bed, reluctant to get ready for work which wasn't very exciting anymore.
I made myself eat something for breakfast, even though I was pretty sure my body wasn't going to keep it in. In all honesty, I had given up. Every day was just me going through the motions. Nothing gave my life meaning anymore.
I left for work, which was a crummy fast food place where pay was horrible and management treated you badly. I wanted to leave but I wouldn't be accepted anywhere else I applied for a job. Six years in college, graduating at the top of the class and yet, here I am, waiting for customers to order, getting yelled at, and earning minimum wage. What a waste.
At the end of my shift, I was approached by another someone I couldn't distinguish at first. "Yo, Eren! I was gonna hang out with a few friends. We wanted to see if you could join us." It was Connie, a past schoolmate of mine and now we worked together.
"I think I'll pass this time. Sorry." I gave him a fake smile and continued to gather my things, almost leaving until I was stopped.
"Dude, you feeling ok? Lately you seem kinda... I dunno, depressed?" He had genuine concern on his face. I was almost regretting lying to him. Almost.
"I'm fine Connie. I'm just not feeling well today. That's all. Don't you worry 'bout me." And with that, I left.
On my way home, I decided to turn on my radio for once, tuning it to one of my favorite stations.
'And up next some Fall Out Boy.' It was a while since I've heard them so I left it. That's when I recognized the song that was starting to play.
You and I were
You and I were fire...
Tears had already started forming in my eyes.
It was the Fourth of July
You and I were
You and I were fire
Fire
Fireworks
That went off too soon
And I miss you in the June Gloom, too...
Why did it have to be this song? I could've easily changed the station or just simply turned off the radio, but my body wouldn't move. I hurried home, wanting to forget everything, wanting to hide away in my room. As soon as I arrived to the apartment complex, I ran out of my car. I didn't even bother locking it. The tears wouldn't stop anymore and as I ran, the song kept playing in my head.
I said I'd never miss you
But I guess you never know
May the bridges I have burned light my way back home
On the Fourth of July
I reached my front door and went in, slamming it behind me and dropping all my belongings on the floor as I rushed to my room. The memories started to plague my mind before I had the chance to get rid of them. I no longer had the strength to fight them off.
I'll be as honest as you let me
I miss your early morning company
If you get me
You are my favorite "What If"
You are my best "I'll Never Know"
"No no no... stop, please..." I could faintly hear my cell ringing persistently. I got up slowly, reluctantly walked to my things and checked my phone. "Mikasa..." Without even a second thought, I declined her call only to have her call me again. "What?! What do you want?!"
"Why haven't you been answering your phone?! Connie called and said you've been declining EVERY invitation to hang out. What the hell is wrong?"
I groaned. "I'm not in the mood to listen to you yell at me and demand explanations."
"No, don't you dare-" I quickly hung up on her and turned off my phone before she had the chance to call back. Can't they see... See that nothing is worth anything anymore...? That my life is not worth living...? I looked around to see what I could do, to see if there was anything to keep me distracted from painful memories. Yet, the song from earlier had not left my mind.
I'm starting to forget
Just what summer ever meant to you
What did it ever mean to you
Oh I'm sorry
I didn't mean any of it
I just got too lonely
In between being young and being right,
You were my Versailles at night...
"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for how things ended... Levi..." That night was followed by many more sleepless nights.
~.~
"Eren! What's up?"
"Connie, if you're going to invite me to hang out again I will quit this job."
"Whoa there, chill. I just wanted to talk." He sat down in the chair in front of me.
"What about?" I wanted to leave already. Connie noticed my cold tone and shifted a bit in his seat.
"So... I'm pretty sure you know I called Mikasa..." I nodded in response. "Dude, we're all worried about you. You didn't have to treat her that way."
"I was in no mood to listen to her demand explanations for what I'm doing. She should've just left me alone. She isn't my mother."
"Even so-" I slammed my fists on the table and stood up. Connie was taken aback and froze. Unfortunately, I had gotten the attention of the people around us as well. Without another word, I just walked away and returned to my shift.
My nine to five is cutting open old scars
Again and again till I'm stuck in your head
Had my doubts but I let them out
You are the drought
I'm the holy water you can live without.
And all my thoughts of you
They could heat or cool the room
And no don't tell me you were crying
Oh honey you don't have to lie
The manager yelled at me for the commotion I caused in front of the customers and told me to take the rest of the day off which was oddly nice of him to do. I left without fighting back because, honestly, I didn't want to be there anyways. I decided to just go for a walk, maybe it would help me clear my mind a bit.
I found a bench to sit down on by the local park. I was glad it was quiet today so I was able to enjoy it. I closed my eyes. Maybe a small nap would be nice. I was so wrong. I let my guard down and the memories began to return to me again. All thanks to that fucking song. I was tired of everything now. I had given up for good. I looked around and caught a glimpse of someone walking my way. Someone who looked very familiar. Shit. I didn't want to see him, at least not the way I am now. I panicked, trying to find a way out of the situation I would be in but it was too late.
"What are you doing here?" I stared. "Oi, you haven't gone deaf, have you?"
"N-no, I can hear perfectly fine..." Silence.
"Mind if I sit here?"
"No, go ahead..." Suddenly, the floor was much more interesting than anything else. I just couldn't look at him anymore.
"So, how've you been?"
"Fine..."
"Really?" I didn't need to see what expression he made, I pretty much knew what it was. "Then why aren't you at work?"
"Day off."
"Uh huh..." The small talk was agonizing since I didn't know what to say or how to act. I just decided to leave.
"Sorry, I'm heading home now. It was nice seeing you again Levi." Levi looked at me, scanned me and sighed.
"Eren, you look terrible. Take care of yourself, will ya? Bye." I felt a relief wash over me the instant he was gone.
I wish I knew how much you loved me
Ooh~
I wish I cared enough to know
Ohh~
I'm sorry every song's about you
The torture of small talk
With someone you used to love...
I let my memories take over. The way back home, I was just empty inside but I still felt a tremendous amount of pain. I wanted to get rid of it. I wanted everything to go away already. I had made up my mind.
I went straight to the bathroom where I had my painkillers, a full bottle of them. I thought I had made up my mind but the doubts had started to creep in. I wanted to die; it was the only way to stop my pain. But I felt guilty for thinking about it and then thought of my closest friends and... and him...
"I'm sorry..." My vision became blurry and I fell to the floor, my back against the wall as I kept contemplating. the more I thought of him, the more I had convinced myself that this was the only way. "Things will never be the same..." I took out my phone, typed in 'I'm sorry.' and sent it to all my contacts, his included. I opened the bottle and poured all the pills that could fit in my hand. "I'm sorry Levi..." I really loved you. No... "I still do..." I swallowed all the pills and waited. It seemed like an eternity until my body began to feel heavy. I heard a beep from my phone and, with the little strength I had, I checked who it was. Someone had taken their time to write an entire paragraph. But it was too late now.
Things were never going to be the way there were before. I screwed things up. My life had been hell because of my fault. My last thought of my only regret. I never wanted you to leave, Levi... I never wanted things to be like this... I began to lose consciousness and I was gone.
'Eren, I know things went south between us but... I never blamed you. I'm sorry too, for everything that led to this. We both had our pride that got in our way. We were young and new to love. Losing you was hard on me. But trust me, if we were to try again now, I would definitely give us another chance. Eren, I still love you even after being apart this long.
... would you like to give us another chance? If you don't I get it... Just know that I loved you, that I still love you, and that I always will.'
WELL THAT'S IT. I did it and I'm crying T-T I love putting my characters through pain and suffering...
Seriously though, I love this song and really liked the idea of using it for Ereri. So tell me what you thought through reviews please! I would appreciate it very much! I needed to get this outta the way before continuing with Everything Will Be Alright, Trust Me.
Welp, till next time!
-Icy