Author's scribble-mess:
Okay, this is a weird fanfic, for all u EVA fans who like to
watch cartoons. I like cartoons. They are cool. So the title is called
what it is because Saturday Morning is when cartoons are on. But in
order to confuse you, a few of the shows are on other mornings instead.
MWA HA HA HA!!!!! Also, I have taken a few liberties with characters'
ages. Deal with it.
Disclaimer and Stuff:
Neon Genesis Evangelion and the characters of that show do not
belong to me, and if you think they do then you are an idiot. Other
characters don't belong to me, they belong to Disney and... maybe WB
(Warner Brothers) and possibly some others, I don't know.
This story may at first seem to have a plot, but it doesn't
really. This is not a lemon, so you hentai weirdos can stuff it!
Whoops now its not rated G. If you are a hentai, just add some of
these fun words and phrases into the story at random intervals:
handcuffs, S&M, walk-in freezer, steamy, shower for 2, chocolate
pudding, XXX, sweaty, whip, tequila, closet, pool table, pizza
delivery boy, and the all purpose Eva lemon fanfic catchphrase:
"When this Eva's a'rockin', don't come a'knockin'!"
Well that's enough of that, on with the story!!
==================================================================
A production of Xanthos Enterprises...
In conjunction with Manny the Uncanny...
From the demented mind of Dayglo...
With love from the staff of the Student Voice...
Supported by the kind folks at Mrs. Munger's class...
And absolutly no input whatsoever from Alistair Flindiggery...
The fanfic which proves that great minds think for themselves...
Live from Tokyo-3, it's SATURDAY MORNING!!!!!! (not the title)
(taped from an earlier live broadcast)
*********************************
Saturday Morning in Tokyo-3
*********************************
(that's the title)
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Deep in the forests of Canada (well, actually, in the middle of a city
in Canada that happens to have a lot of trees in it), Dayglo is
sitting in front of her computer, laughing an evil laugh (well,
more like a vaugly demented giggle.) She begins to write, hating
writing about herself in the third person but not really wanting to
go back and change all the her's and she's to my's and I's and
whatnot.
"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!" she said, putting down her odd snack of Cheez
Whiz on whole wheat toast, "Now that I have control of the Dimention
Messupizer, I can screw with the minds of ANYONE!!! ANYONE!!! MWA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"
She finished her rant and accompanying maniacal laughter. Dayglo
grabbed a large box and pulled it open to reveal the true form of the
Dimention Messupizer: A crayola marker. No, wait, it only looks like
a crayola marker. Anyway, Dayglo twisted off the cap and released the
awesome power...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Episode 1: Mickey Attacks!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Theme song:
Bibbity bop-bop boop-boop boo bibbity bop-bop boop-boop...
Shinji walked into the kitchen expecting to see Misato asleep with a
mass of beer cans surrounding her (translation: it was SATURDAY
MORNING, ie. the morning after FRIDAY NIGHT). He was surprised to see
her sitting at the table fully dressed and cleaning up the mess around
her (for the first time since the Second Impact... hmmmm.... make that
the first impact.)
"Good morning Shinji! Did you sleep well?"
Shinji nearly fainted. Why was Misato acting so normal?, he thought,
staring at her in shock. His brain stopped functioning and all he
could do was sit down in a chair before he felt too woozy to even focus
his eyes.
Asuka walked out of her room, bleary-eyed. The night before had been
quite tiring, but Hikari just wouldn't take no for an answer... so
they had gone to that all-night dance party.
{The author laughs maniacally at the poor depraved souls who thought
this was going to turn into a hentai from the beginning of the last
sentance. She stops laughing abruptly and pushes a bookshelf in front
of her door to keep out any hentais who may want revenge for getting
their depraved hopes up.}
Anyway, back to our red haired pilot...
Asuka sat in the chair between Shinji and Misato, not even noticing
her guardian's change of attire. She dropped her head to the table
and fell asleep promptly.
Misato finished cleaning off said table (she dumped everything on it
(except for Asuka's head) into the garbage can) and sat down in her
chair, exhausted. She was about to fare the same as her redheaded
charge when she heard the doorbell ring.
It was Rei.
"Rei, what are you doing here?"
{The author slapped herself for writing herself into a corner. There
was really no feasible reason for Rei to be here.}
"I am here to borrow a cup of sugar."
"Really? Why?" Misato had a quizzical expression on her face.
{The author decided that Misato would need to shut up very soon.}
"I'm baking cookies." replied the albino pilot.
"Why?"
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a large mallet hit Misato on the head.
{That'll teach her.}
"Actually, the reason why I was baking cookies--"
"No time for that, Rei!" said Misato nervously, grabbing her jacket.
"I do not understand."
"You can come with me to meet the new pilots for Evangelion Units 21
and 22!"
**************************************************************************
Gendo sat at his desk with his hands folded in front of him. As usual,
Fuyutsuki was standing just behind him, ever vigilant. Gendo smiled
one of his little annoying smirks and Fuyutsuki felt the urge to give
the younger man the thrashing of a lifetime (for about the millionth
time that day).
Fuyutsuki was having one of his little fantasies again {not that kind,
hentai!} He wanted Gendo to say those four magical words that made
his old (really old) soul sing. He wanted him to say...
"I must be alone."
It was all he could to to not skip out of the office of Gendo. So
immersed was Fuyutsuki in his sheer bliss, he didn't even stop to
wonder why he was leaving the office of his boss, he only felt pure
elation.
Gendo smirked again, thinking of what he was about to do. He locked
the doors of his office and turned off the lights. Pressing some
buttons on a small remote, he began to enjoy his favourite pastime on
a Saturday morning at NERV.
"Gotta get up, gotta get going, gonna see a friend tonight... He's
lovable, huggable climbing a honey tree..."
Were the walls of Commander Ikari's office not soundproof, people
walking down the hall would have sworn they heard singing. But the
walls are soundproof so I think its a moot point.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Misato and Rei arrived at the airport just in time for the 10:30
flight from Bluffington, USA to get in. After Misato's car screeched
to a halt, Rei slowly exited the car, her eyes 2 milimeters wider than
normal. This meant that Rei had just had the fright of her lifetime.
"Now Rei, you're probably wondering why you're here, right...?"
"No, ma'am."
"Well I'll tell you anyway! You're going to meet the new pilots for
Evangelion Units 21 and 22! Bet you didn't see that one coming."
"You told me already, Ma'am."
"Oh... yeah..." Misato felt a little embarrassed, but shrugged it off
as she saw the new pilot coming up to her, suitcase in hand. He was
followed closely by a girl his age with blond curly hair carrying a
cage with a small dog inside. Just behind them was a girl with chin
length red hair wearing dark glasses and a beret.
"You're... Misato, right?" asked the boy, who was wearing an ugly vest
and had his hair styled in a rather wavy, gravity-defying fashion.
"And you must be Asuka, right?" said the girl with the dog cage.
"Actually, this is the First Child, Rei Ayanami."
"I'm sure we'll be great friends." The blond girl had a shrill,
slightly scratchy voice.
"If I am required to." Rei looked bored and Misato was shocked at the
bold display of emotion. Usually Rei just appeared impassive.
"Rei, I'd like you to meet the 6th and 7th children: Patti Mayonnaise
and Doug Funnie."
##########################################################################
The two days later, the pilots had synch tests. Asuka and Patty waited
for the arrival of Shinji and Doug. No one really cared where Rei was.
In actual fact, she had decided to skip the test and was attempting to
find emotion while watching the old over-hyped American movie Titanic.
__________________________________________________________________________
"...promise me, Rose..."
Rei watched as Leonardo DiCaprio slowly sunk under the water. Her
expression did not change.
"I would feel frustration at my lack of emotions had I emotions. Of
course, frustration would be unfounded as I would have emotions. A
compelling paradox."
Rei pressed stop and retrieved another movie to watch...
***************************************************************************
Err, anyway, back at NERV headquarters, Asuka and Patti were waiting
to get changed (one patiently, one impatiantly. Guess which one.)
Meanwhile, Shinji and Doug were talking to one another in the temporary
changing room (actually Gendo's archive of episodes of Recess and
Winnie the Pooh, but all of the tapes are labelled in code). Shinji
had finished putting on his plugsuit and was sitting on a conveniently
located chair.
"Aww, man... I can't go out there looking like this!" said Doug from
behind a large pile of videotapes.
"It can't be that bad." Shinji said. When Doug came out from behind
the pile, Shinji realized that he was wrong. It was that bad.
Doug was wearing a pale green plug suit with white trim. If that
wasn't bad enough, he wasn't quite as well-built as the other pilots.
The suit looked a bit, uhhh, round in the stomach area.
Shinji was jolted out of his laughter by a muffled siren ringing
throughout the building.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In the Control Room, the sound was much louder as alerts appeared on
the main screen.
"An angel is approaching."
Misato cringed as the angel appeared onscreen.
"What _is_ that?!" yelled a boy with curly red hair, a large nose and
a leather jacket with the sleeves ripped off.
Everyone wondered how he got into the control room.
"How did you get into the control room?" said Misato, "And who are
you?"
"I'm Roger Klotz!" He was surprised by lack of recognisation on the
people's faces.
"Oh brother, what losers!"
Misato was about to respond when she remembered...
"Oh yeah, the angel!"
Anyway, the angel on the screen was a hideous beast. It had a huge
black and peach-coloured head with giant eyes and two gigantic black
lumps on top of the head (which looked like ears). It's limbs were
spindly and out of proportion and its body was mostly black, with
some areas red. It had two white spots in the middle of the largest
red area. On the end of it's two skinny arms were huge white lumps,
which it seemed to be using to crush various buildings. It had a
vaugly human face, which looked out of place on its grotesque body.
"MY GOD! It's..." Misato trailed off, shocked at the sight of pure
evil before her.
"The 24th angel: Michimaus." Risuko stared at the beast, destoying
buildings left and right.
Even Gendo looked slightly shocked. Slightly.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Shinji you idiot, get out of there! I have to get changed so I can
fight the angel!!"
Asuka was pouding violently on the door of the vid vault/temp. changing
room. Patti looked pissed off.
...........................................................................
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Skeeter and Beebe walked through the halls of NERV, hopelessly lost.
"Beebe, what are we doing here?" Skeeter asked, scratching the back
of his head. Beebe rolled her eyes.
"I already told you, Skeeskee, we're here because I want to see the
Evas!"
"But how did you get past all the security guards?"
"BluffCo built half of the stupid things in this place, including
the Evangelions!"
"Oh." said Skeeter, not really paying attention.
"Anyway, where's Doug and Patti? They were supposed to be here!"
Skeeter and Beebe managed to find their way to a large open set of
doors. They stared at the huge form of Lillith before them.
"Wrong room."
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Doug finally managed to swallow his pride and come out of the changing
room. Patti stared at him and a sweatdrop appeared on her head. Asuka
simply laughed hysterically.
"How did I get into this mess?" Doug said to no one in particular.
Shinji shrugged. The two boys didn't bother waiting for Patti and
Asuka, instead running off. Jerks. Oh yeah, the angel attack.
They reached the gigantic room where the Evas were held. Beside Units
01 and 02 were units 21 and 22. Unit 21 was a huge beige and white
Eva with three eyes. Unit 22 was a pale pink with some areas of yellow
on it. It had one eye, like Unit 00.
"Awww man! That thing's HUGE!" Doug said. He felt a little sick to the
stomach.
Shinji and Doug climbed into their entry plugs, which filled with
LCL. Doug screamed a high-pitched scream and tried to hold his breath.
His mind went a little crazy, and he had one of his little fantasies:
Narrator: Quailman, with all the virtues of the humble quail: patience,
intelligence, grace and speed, has been caught in the evil trap of his
arch enemy: The Evil-Gelion!!!
Quailman is sitting in a chair, strapped down and gagged. He struggles
to free himself, but is unable to. He is slowly surrounded by a yellow
hissing liquid. Suddenly, Quaildog flies in and saves him from the
situation.
The Evil-Gelion is shown. It is basically Unit 21, except that it has
long pointy teeth and an eyepatch. It is holding a giant cat in its
massive hands and laughing maniacly. Suddenly, Quailman, still wet
from the LCL, swoops down and punches the Eva in its red core. It
deflates like a giant balloon.
Back in reality, Doug hasn't even noticed that he's breathing the LCL.
He is brought back by the sound of Roger's voice:
"Face it, Funnie! You're a doofus who can't even pilot a stupid robot!
What an idiot."
"Yes I can!" Doug frowned.
"Prove it!"
"The things a guy has to go through to keep from being a loser..."
Doug said, grabbing the controls in front of him.
"Okay Doug, Shinji, we're launching the Evangelions." Misato's voice
came over the on board speaker. Doug gulped.
"Don't worry too much, Doug. I'll take the offencive, you can cover
me." Shinji's face appeared in a small window on Doug's veiwscreen.
"You mean... sit on you?"
Doug was answered by the sound of Roger laughing.
"Funnie, you're so dumb! That means you shoot at the monster to keep
it from attacking the other robot, so it can shoot."
"Oh yeah? How do you know that, Roger?"
"I'm smart, remember?"
Their conversation was cut short when the Eva's reached the surface.
Doug looked around and saw the angel. He gaped at its repulsive form.
"Now Doug, what you need to do is try walking for now. Just think about
walking."
Doug concentrated hard and his Evangelion took a step forward. He
nearly fell, but managed to regain his balance.
Meanwhile, Shinji grabbed a gun from a nearby armament building and
began to shoot at the Angel. He activated his AT field and promptly
fell backward, unable to move.
"WHAT?!" yelled Misato. Roger smirked.
"That had to be Funnie."
"Actually, it wasn't. It was Shinji Ikari, our best pilot." Misato
looked at the screen in surprise.
"WHAT? I'm the best pilot!!!" Asuka's shrill scream was heard over
the loudspeakers in the control center.
On the giant veiwscreen, Winnie the Pooh was running, followed close
behind by the Heffalumps and Woozles. No, wait, that was what was
being shown on the giant veiwscreen in Gendo's office.
On the giant veiwscreen in the _control center_, Unit 02 and Unit 22
had just arrived. Patti was having as much trouble as Doug had walking,
but Asuka was running at the Angel, axe in hand. She jumped into the
air to attack and activated her AT feild. Unit 02 came to a crashing
halt and fell from the air, landing on its back. It did not move.
Misato screamed.
"Its the AT fields! The angel must be using them as some sort of
triggering mechanism!" Ritsuko said, stating the obvious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rei didn't even notice the Angel attack. She was watching Forrest Gump
in silence. Actually she was in her room.
"Momma always said 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know
what you're gonna get.'"
Rei figured she was making some progress: Halfway through ET, a speck
of dust got in her eye and it had watered slightly.
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Beebe and Skeeter reached the control room a few moments after Misato
had screamed.
"What's going on?" Skeeter asked, scratching his head.
Doug's voice came over the loudspeakers.
"Skeeter?"
"Doug? Where are you?" Skeeter looked around the room, but couldn't
see his friend.
"Valentine? What are you doing here?" Roger looked shocked. No one
else paid any attention to the green-skinned boy.
"I'm the one piloting the white and brown robot." Doug replied,
answering Skeeter's question.
Skeeter looked up at the screen.
"The one that's not moving?"
"Yup."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
His conversation with Skeeter was cut short when the Angel headed for
Patti.
"DOUG!" she screamed, as her face appeared on a small window in the
cockpit of Unit 21.
He watched as Patti's Eva was thrown backwards by the Angel. It then
shot twin beams of white light at Unit 22, hitting it in the...
shoulder things.
"Doug! Use your Prog knife! Its in your left shoulder... thing!"
Misato had recovered from the shock of seeing her two best pilots and
Evas disabled in seconds.
Clumsily, Doug reached upwards and his shoulder ... opened. The knife
fell out and landed on the ground by his foot.
The Angel began to hit Unit 22 repeatedly, and Patti screamed. Doug
fainted.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
"Unit 21 has gone dead! Extreme damage to Unit 22! Pilot status is
unknown!"
Misato shut her eyes.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
On the surface, Unit 22 suddenly started to move. Its eyes glowed and
a belt appeared tied around its forehead. For some reason, underwear
appeared on it as well. The finishing touch was a cape draped around
its shoulders.
"My god..." said Misato, trailing off.
Gendo smirked.
"Its gone into Quailmode!" Ritsuko stared at the Eva in shock.
The modified Eva flew into the air and leaped at the Angel.
"He's blatently defying the laws of physics!!" Maya said, stupified.
Eyes aglow, Unit 22 leaped at the angel and basically tore it to
shreds. You don't want to hear the gruesome details. When the attack
was finished, the Evangelion collapsed to the ground. The underwear,
cape, and belt disappeared.
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
Oblivious to the noise outside, Rei continued to watch her movies. She
was already most of the way through "Old Yeller". There were two tapes
left to watch, and still no emotion.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Okay, this is a weird fanfic, for all u EVA fans who like to
watch cartoons. I like cartoons. They are cool. So the title is called
what it is because Saturday Morning is when cartoons are on. But in
order to confuse you, a few of the shows are on other mornings instead.
MWA HA HA HA!!!!! Also, I have taken a few liberties with characters'
ages. Deal with it.
Disclaimer and Stuff:
Neon Genesis Evangelion and the characters of that show do not
belong to me, and if you think they do then you are an idiot. Other
characters don't belong to me, they belong to Disney and... maybe WB
(Warner Brothers) and possibly some others, I don't know.
This story may at first seem to have a plot, but it doesn't
really. This is not a lemon, so you hentai weirdos can stuff it!
Whoops now its not rated G. If you are a hentai, just add some of
these fun words and phrases into the story at random intervals:
handcuffs, S&M, walk-in freezer, steamy, shower for 2, chocolate
pudding, XXX, sweaty, whip, tequila, closet, pool table, pizza
delivery boy, and the all purpose Eva lemon fanfic catchphrase:
"When this Eva's a'rockin', don't come a'knockin'!"
Well that's enough of that, on with the story!!
==================================================================
A production of Xanthos Enterprises...
In conjunction with Manny the Uncanny...
From the demented mind of Dayglo...
With love from the staff of the Student Voice...
Supported by the kind folks at Mrs. Munger's class...
And absolutly no input whatsoever from Alistair Flindiggery...
The fanfic which proves that great minds think for themselves...
Live from Tokyo-3, it's SATURDAY MORNING!!!!!! (not the title)
(taped from an earlier live broadcast)
*********************************
Saturday Morning in Tokyo-3
*********************************
(that's the title)
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Deep in the forests of Canada (well, actually, in the middle of a city
in Canada that happens to have a lot of trees in it), Dayglo is
sitting in front of her computer, laughing an evil laugh (well,
more like a vaugly demented giggle.) She begins to write, hating
writing about herself in the third person but not really wanting to
go back and change all the her's and she's to my's and I's and
whatnot.
"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!" she said, putting down her odd snack of Cheez
Whiz on whole wheat toast, "Now that I have control of the Dimention
Messupizer, I can screw with the minds of ANYONE!!! ANYONE!!! MWA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"
She finished her rant and accompanying maniacal laughter. Dayglo
grabbed a large box and pulled it open to reveal the true form of the
Dimention Messupizer: A crayola marker. No, wait, it only looks like
a crayola marker. Anyway, Dayglo twisted off the cap and released the
awesome power...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Episode 1: Mickey Attacks!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Theme song:
Bibbity bop-bop boop-boop boo bibbity bop-bop boop-boop...
Shinji walked into the kitchen expecting to see Misato asleep with a
mass of beer cans surrounding her (translation: it was SATURDAY
MORNING, ie. the morning after FRIDAY NIGHT). He was surprised to see
her sitting at the table fully dressed and cleaning up the mess around
her (for the first time since the Second Impact... hmmmm.... make that
the first impact.)
"Good morning Shinji! Did you sleep well?"
Shinji nearly fainted. Why was Misato acting so normal?, he thought,
staring at her in shock. His brain stopped functioning and all he
could do was sit down in a chair before he felt too woozy to even focus
his eyes.
Asuka walked out of her room, bleary-eyed. The night before had been
quite tiring, but Hikari just wouldn't take no for an answer... so
they had gone to that all-night dance party.
{The author laughs maniacally at the poor depraved souls who thought
this was going to turn into a hentai from the beginning of the last
sentance. She stops laughing abruptly and pushes a bookshelf in front
of her door to keep out any hentais who may want revenge for getting
their depraved hopes up.}
Anyway, back to our red haired pilot...
Asuka sat in the chair between Shinji and Misato, not even noticing
her guardian's change of attire. She dropped her head to the table
and fell asleep promptly.
Misato finished cleaning off said table (she dumped everything on it
(except for Asuka's head) into the garbage can) and sat down in her
chair, exhausted. She was about to fare the same as her redheaded
charge when she heard the doorbell ring.
It was Rei.
"Rei, what are you doing here?"
{The author slapped herself for writing herself into a corner. There
was really no feasible reason for Rei to be here.}
"I am here to borrow a cup of sugar."
"Really? Why?" Misato had a quizzical expression on her face.
{The author decided that Misato would need to shut up very soon.}
"I'm baking cookies." replied the albino pilot.
"Why?"
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a large mallet hit Misato on the head.
{That'll teach her.}
"Actually, the reason why I was baking cookies--"
"No time for that, Rei!" said Misato nervously, grabbing her jacket.
"I do not understand."
"You can come with me to meet the new pilots for Evangelion Units 21
and 22!"
**************************************************************************
Gendo sat at his desk with his hands folded in front of him. As usual,
Fuyutsuki was standing just behind him, ever vigilant. Gendo smiled
one of his little annoying smirks and Fuyutsuki felt the urge to give
the younger man the thrashing of a lifetime (for about the millionth
time that day).
Fuyutsuki was having one of his little fantasies again {not that kind,
hentai!} He wanted Gendo to say those four magical words that made
his old (really old) soul sing. He wanted him to say...
"I must be alone."
It was all he could to to not skip out of the office of Gendo. So
immersed was Fuyutsuki in his sheer bliss, he didn't even stop to
wonder why he was leaving the office of his boss, he only felt pure
elation.
Gendo smirked again, thinking of what he was about to do. He locked
the doors of his office and turned off the lights. Pressing some
buttons on a small remote, he began to enjoy his favourite pastime on
a Saturday morning at NERV.
"Gotta get up, gotta get going, gonna see a friend tonight... He's
lovable, huggable climbing a honey tree..."
Were the walls of Commander Ikari's office not soundproof, people
walking down the hall would have sworn they heard singing. But the
walls are soundproof so I think its a moot point.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Misato and Rei arrived at the airport just in time for the 10:30
flight from Bluffington, USA to get in. After Misato's car screeched
to a halt, Rei slowly exited the car, her eyes 2 milimeters wider than
normal. This meant that Rei had just had the fright of her lifetime.
"Now Rei, you're probably wondering why you're here, right...?"
"No, ma'am."
"Well I'll tell you anyway! You're going to meet the new pilots for
Evangelion Units 21 and 22! Bet you didn't see that one coming."
"You told me already, Ma'am."
"Oh... yeah..." Misato felt a little embarrassed, but shrugged it off
as she saw the new pilot coming up to her, suitcase in hand. He was
followed closely by a girl his age with blond curly hair carrying a
cage with a small dog inside. Just behind them was a girl with chin
length red hair wearing dark glasses and a beret.
"You're... Misato, right?" asked the boy, who was wearing an ugly vest
and had his hair styled in a rather wavy, gravity-defying fashion.
"And you must be Asuka, right?" said the girl with the dog cage.
"Actually, this is the First Child, Rei Ayanami."
"I'm sure we'll be great friends." The blond girl had a shrill,
slightly scratchy voice.
"If I am required to." Rei looked bored and Misato was shocked at the
bold display of emotion. Usually Rei just appeared impassive.
"Rei, I'd like you to meet the 6th and 7th children: Patti Mayonnaise
and Doug Funnie."
##########################################################################
The two days later, the pilots had synch tests. Asuka and Patty waited
for the arrival of Shinji and Doug. No one really cared where Rei was.
In actual fact, she had decided to skip the test and was attempting to
find emotion while watching the old over-hyped American movie Titanic.
__________________________________________________________________________
"...promise me, Rose..."
Rei watched as Leonardo DiCaprio slowly sunk under the water. Her
expression did not change.
"I would feel frustration at my lack of emotions had I emotions. Of
course, frustration would be unfounded as I would have emotions. A
compelling paradox."
Rei pressed stop and retrieved another movie to watch...
***************************************************************************
Err, anyway, back at NERV headquarters, Asuka and Patti were waiting
to get changed (one patiently, one impatiantly. Guess which one.)
Meanwhile, Shinji and Doug were talking to one another in the temporary
changing room (actually Gendo's archive of episodes of Recess and
Winnie the Pooh, but all of the tapes are labelled in code). Shinji
had finished putting on his plugsuit and was sitting on a conveniently
located chair.
"Aww, man... I can't go out there looking like this!" said Doug from
behind a large pile of videotapes.
"It can't be that bad." Shinji said. When Doug came out from behind
the pile, Shinji realized that he was wrong. It was that bad.
Doug was wearing a pale green plug suit with white trim. If that
wasn't bad enough, he wasn't quite as well-built as the other pilots.
The suit looked a bit, uhhh, round in the stomach area.
Shinji was jolted out of his laughter by a muffled siren ringing
throughout the building.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In the Control Room, the sound was much louder as alerts appeared on
the main screen.
"An angel is approaching."
Misato cringed as the angel appeared onscreen.
"What _is_ that?!" yelled a boy with curly red hair, a large nose and
a leather jacket with the sleeves ripped off.
Everyone wondered how he got into the control room.
"How did you get into the control room?" said Misato, "And who are
you?"
"I'm Roger Klotz!" He was surprised by lack of recognisation on the
people's faces.
"Oh brother, what losers!"
Misato was about to respond when she remembered...
"Oh yeah, the angel!"
Anyway, the angel on the screen was a hideous beast. It had a huge
black and peach-coloured head with giant eyes and two gigantic black
lumps on top of the head (which looked like ears). It's limbs were
spindly and out of proportion and its body was mostly black, with
some areas red. It had two white spots in the middle of the largest
red area. On the end of it's two skinny arms were huge white lumps,
which it seemed to be using to crush various buildings. It had a
vaugly human face, which looked out of place on its grotesque body.
"MY GOD! It's..." Misato trailed off, shocked at the sight of pure
evil before her.
"The 24th angel: Michimaus." Risuko stared at the beast, destoying
buildings left and right.
Even Gendo looked slightly shocked. Slightly.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Shinji you idiot, get out of there! I have to get changed so I can
fight the angel!!"
Asuka was pouding violently on the door of the vid vault/temp. changing
room. Patti looked pissed off.
...........................................................................
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Skeeter and Beebe walked through the halls of NERV, hopelessly lost.
"Beebe, what are we doing here?" Skeeter asked, scratching the back
of his head. Beebe rolled her eyes.
"I already told you, Skeeskee, we're here because I want to see the
Evas!"
"But how did you get past all the security guards?"
"BluffCo built half of the stupid things in this place, including
the Evangelions!"
"Oh." said Skeeter, not really paying attention.
"Anyway, where's Doug and Patti? They were supposed to be here!"
Skeeter and Beebe managed to find their way to a large open set of
doors. They stared at the huge form of Lillith before them.
"Wrong room."
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Doug finally managed to swallow his pride and come out of the changing
room. Patti stared at him and a sweatdrop appeared on her head. Asuka
simply laughed hysterically.
"How did I get into this mess?" Doug said to no one in particular.
Shinji shrugged. The two boys didn't bother waiting for Patti and
Asuka, instead running off. Jerks. Oh yeah, the angel attack.
They reached the gigantic room where the Evas were held. Beside Units
01 and 02 were units 21 and 22. Unit 21 was a huge beige and white
Eva with three eyes. Unit 22 was a pale pink with some areas of yellow
on it. It had one eye, like Unit 00.
"Awww man! That thing's HUGE!" Doug said. He felt a little sick to the
stomach.
Shinji and Doug climbed into their entry plugs, which filled with
LCL. Doug screamed a high-pitched scream and tried to hold his breath.
His mind went a little crazy, and he had one of his little fantasies:
Narrator: Quailman, with all the virtues of the humble quail: patience,
intelligence, grace and speed, has been caught in the evil trap of his
arch enemy: The Evil-Gelion!!!
Quailman is sitting in a chair, strapped down and gagged. He struggles
to free himself, but is unable to. He is slowly surrounded by a yellow
hissing liquid. Suddenly, Quaildog flies in and saves him from the
situation.
The Evil-Gelion is shown. It is basically Unit 21, except that it has
long pointy teeth and an eyepatch. It is holding a giant cat in its
massive hands and laughing maniacly. Suddenly, Quailman, still wet
from the LCL, swoops down and punches the Eva in its red core. It
deflates like a giant balloon.
Back in reality, Doug hasn't even noticed that he's breathing the LCL.
He is brought back by the sound of Roger's voice:
"Face it, Funnie! You're a doofus who can't even pilot a stupid robot!
What an idiot."
"Yes I can!" Doug frowned.
"Prove it!"
"The things a guy has to go through to keep from being a loser..."
Doug said, grabbing the controls in front of him.
"Okay Doug, Shinji, we're launching the Evangelions." Misato's voice
came over the on board speaker. Doug gulped.
"Don't worry too much, Doug. I'll take the offencive, you can cover
me." Shinji's face appeared in a small window on Doug's veiwscreen.
"You mean... sit on you?"
Doug was answered by the sound of Roger laughing.
"Funnie, you're so dumb! That means you shoot at the monster to keep
it from attacking the other robot, so it can shoot."
"Oh yeah? How do you know that, Roger?"
"I'm smart, remember?"
Their conversation was cut short when the Eva's reached the surface.
Doug looked around and saw the angel. He gaped at its repulsive form.
"Now Doug, what you need to do is try walking for now. Just think about
walking."
Doug concentrated hard and his Evangelion took a step forward. He
nearly fell, but managed to regain his balance.
Meanwhile, Shinji grabbed a gun from a nearby armament building and
began to shoot at the Angel. He activated his AT field and promptly
fell backward, unable to move.
"WHAT?!" yelled Misato. Roger smirked.
"That had to be Funnie."
"Actually, it wasn't. It was Shinji Ikari, our best pilot." Misato
looked at the screen in surprise.
"WHAT? I'm the best pilot!!!" Asuka's shrill scream was heard over
the loudspeakers in the control center.
On the giant veiwscreen, Winnie the Pooh was running, followed close
behind by the Heffalumps and Woozles. No, wait, that was what was
being shown on the giant veiwscreen in Gendo's office.
On the giant veiwscreen in the _control center_, Unit 02 and Unit 22
had just arrived. Patti was having as much trouble as Doug had walking,
but Asuka was running at the Angel, axe in hand. She jumped into the
air to attack and activated her AT feild. Unit 02 came to a crashing
halt and fell from the air, landing on its back. It did not move.
Misato screamed.
"Its the AT fields! The angel must be using them as some sort of
triggering mechanism!" Ritsuko said, stating the obvious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rei didn't even notice the Angel attack. She was watching Forrest Gump
in silence. Actually she was in her room.
"Momma always said 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know
what you're gonna get.'"
Rei figured she was making some progress: Halfway through ET, a speck
of dust got in her eye and it had watered slightly.
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Beebe and Skeeter reached the control room a few moments after Misato
had screamed.
"What's going on?" Skeeter asked, scratching his head.
Doug's voice came over the loudspeakers.
"Skeeter?"
"Doug? Where are you?" Skeeter looked around the room, but couldn't
see his friend.
"Valentine? What are you doing here?" Roger looked shocked. No one
else paid any attention to the green-skinned boy.
"I'm the one piloting the white and brown robot." Doug replied,
answering Skeeter's question.
Skeeter looked up at the screen.
"The one that's not moving?"
"Yup."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
His conversation with Skeeter was cut short when the Angel headed for
Patti.
"DOUG!" she screamed, as her face appeared on a small window in the
cockpit of Unit 21.
He watched as Patti's Eva was thrown backwards by the Angel. It then
shot twin beams of white light at Unit 22, hitting it in the...
shoulder things.
"Doug! Use your Prog knife! Its in your left shoulder... thing!"
Misato had recovered from the shock of seeing her two best pilots and
Evas disabled in seconds.
Clumsily, Doug reached upwards and his shoulder ... opened. The knife
fell out and landed on the ground by his foot.
The Angel began to hit Unit 22 repeatedly, and Patti screamed. Doug
fainted.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
"Unit 21 has gone dead! Extreme damage to Unit 22! Pilot status is
unknown!"
Misato shut her eyes.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
On the surface, Unit 22 suddenly started to move. Its eyes glowed and
a belt appeared tied around its forehead. For some reason, underwear
appeared on it as well. The finishing touch was a cape draped around
its shoulders.
"My god..." said Misato, trailing off.
Gendo smirked.
"Its gone into Quailmode!" Ritsuko stared at the Eva in shock.
The modified Eva flew into the air and leaped at the Angel.
"He's blatently defying the laws of physics!!" Maya said, stupified.
Eyes aglow, Unit 22 leaped at the angel and basically tore it to
shreds. You don't want to hear the gruesome details. When the attack
was finished, the Evangelion collapsed to the ground. The underwear,
cape, and belt disappeared.
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
Oblivious to the noise outside, Rei continued to watch her movies. She
was already most of the way through "Old Yeller". There were two tapes
left to watch, and still no emotion.
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