Letter to Julia
One Shot
Summary: Taken from insomnia, William decides to write a letter ... Translation from " Lettre à Julia " Wrote in may 2016.
Author: Julia R.
Character: William Murdoch
Rating: K
Disclaimer: The series returns to its creators, I'm just borrowing the characters.
Night fell a long time already, and here I am, sitting on the edge of my bed, unable to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I can not help, your face appears before me. The sweet sound of your voice echoes in my mind, sweet melody when I hear your love words, and terribletoo at the memories of some of our conversations. So I see only one solution, write, write all that I will never tell you. I sat at my desk, with only the dancing light of the oil lamp standing right next to me. I took a sheet, pen, ink, and I started here my letter "To you, Julia." Yet even the words written, do not come, none can express what I feel at this moment. This absence, this lack, this irresistible and crazy desire to rush to your home, take you in my arms and whisper in the hollow of your ear that never, I will never, let you go. Never I will let you live far from me, is that if in the case, I die of grief, pain, of your absence. I would die to not cross your eyes so soft, that each breath would be a stab in the heart. I would tell you that some nights, sometimes I think about the life you could have without me. There would be another man in your life who will love you, you'd love as much, that would make you laugh, smile, that would calm your tears, soothe your doubts, who encouraged you to undertake whatever you want. This man would take care of you in the best way he can, he can understand you, love you. I imagine sometimes his arms around you, kiss you in your hair down, muttering deep in your ear that you were everything to him, he would love you to his last breath. Sometimes I imagine that other man with you, one that can make you happy simply. This man that I am not.
One day I was told that if we really love someone, you could be able to describe the person we love without mentioning his physical. I did not believe it. Well then I fell in love with you. Of your mind, your humor, your intelligence, your spontaneity. I fell in love with your franchise, your frailty and your strength. I fell in love with the compassion you felt for the other, for your kindness and your stubbornness. It happened to me many times to looked you as you didn't notice, or I plunged my eyes in yours and I thanked God for having put you in my path. You were my soul mate, an angel, a queen, my queen. I wanted to treat you like this every day, give you the world. I , wanted to see you smile each morning and hear the sound of your voice every night. The day I heard you laugh for the first time, I fell in love with this sweet melody. Sometimes when you're not with me, I can still hear it in the back of my mind. When you're not there, my life has no meaning, I have no reason to live. All I expect is to see you, talk to you, to see you laugh. Yet I lost you, so many times. I hurt you, I've given up. But fate always brings us together. We can not fight, not against this link that unites us. I love you so much that I forget to live, to the point of wanting to give my life for you. I love you to the point of wanting to change who I am. If only I was worthy of you, worthy of your love. If only I had the courage to talk to you about my feelings. But often the words do not come. You then just you plunge your gaze in mine, smile to me, stroking my cheek. I do not need to talk to you, you understand me by a simple look, with a simple gesture. I know then that I made the right choice, all my doubts were not that smokescreen. You love me, you love me as much as I love you and nothing can separate us. Today I spent many mornings to watch you sleep against me, to see your peaceful face, watching your chest rise slow at the serene rhythm of your breathing. I fall asleep almost every night, feeling your warm breath on my neck and I am the happiest of men.
I write this letter to you Julia, the letter that you will not read. You sleep a few meters from me. Today I am the man who shares your life, I am the one who is trying by all means to make you happy. I want you to know how much I want it. And so for that reason if I had to let you go live with another man, with a person you would have loved more than me. Each day I would die by inches, every day determined to know you are happy without me would have consumed me from within. I have sometimes wondered if when we lived far apart you thought of me you. I know I was thinking about you every day, and in the bottom of my heart, I harbored the hope to see you and hold you in my arms again. Today I realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love you Julia, far more than I am able to tell you. More than anyone can understand. You saved me, without you know it, without I noticed. And today I can not live without you.
That night insomnia tugs me, thinking what could have been my life without you. And a glance at your elongated body reminds me that I do not have to think about it, you're here, and now I'm going to join you. I'll take you in my arms, whispering to you in the hollow of the ear that I love you and I will kissed your hair down. As this man I've dreamed so many times in the past, would have. Today, I am that man, and my heart is no longer plagued by pain, lack, jealousy. Today, there is only love, gratitude, joy. I put my pen here, my love, and I will enjoy the feeling of your body pressed against mine, the fragrance that emanates from your hair, the warmth that escapes your lips, feel your heart beat against mine. I will end my letter, writing once to you how much I love you, you, my friend, my soul mate, my wife, the mother of my future child, my life.
END