Shin Kidousenki GundamW ain't mine. Too bad. Oh well.
"The Gundam Wing Re-Write To End All Re-Writes!"
~by Shermie~
The military shuttle floated silently in the depths of outer space. All was peaceful. All was serene. All was--
[LOUD-ASS NOISE OF A MOBILE SUIT ZOOMING OVER HEAD]
--err right.. anyway...
"Commander! We're getting a reading of an unidentified object on our radar!" A nameless soldier shouted frantically to his superior. He looked behind in askance of what to do next because we all know extras are stupid, have a maximum of four lines, then they die. That's just how it works with extras, it's so hard to find good help these days. Anyway...
"Bring it up on the screen" A voice said... sounding very bored. And he WAS bored. Know why? Because nothing intresting ever happens in outer space. Don't worry, it soon will be a lot more fun in outer space. Wanna know why? You'll find out. Be patient, my little lambs.
"Yessir, Mr. Sex, sir." The nameless extra said and did what his taichou(That means "superior officer", kiddies!) instructed.
The other nameless soldier gasped in complete horror. He knew his end was impending. And so, he said what all soldiers say before they bite the big burrito of death... "It's A Godd-"
"Urusai!" The taichou commanded. "It's not even five minutes into the show, at least wait until I'm out of here to go screaming THAT phrase. I'm a main character afterall."
"H-hai, taichou." The second officer said.
"Now then... what does this 'thing' appear to be?" The superior, still off-camera officer asked.
"It seems to be a mobile suit of some sort."
"I see... Dispatch me a Leonardo, I'm going to check things out." He said, standing up and showing off his image for the first time. He was a tall man. He was a well-dressed man. Was he good-looking? Well, he was wearing a silvery mask with white eye holes, so first time watchers don't know. But the authoress knows very well of his bishounen-ness(if that were a word). Moving right along, The brave soldier left the cockpit and jumped into one of the Leonardos.
The two nameless officers were left alone. They stared at eachother in their stupidity.
"I didn't get to say my big line..." The first said.
"I know..." The second comforted his commrade. "But don't worry, it's coming up."
"Yipee!"
Outside where it was far far away from dumb lower officers with bad hairdos, Sex Merquise manuvered the Leonardo with expert ability. Did it matter that the Leonardo wasn't compatible for outer space use? Well... it mattered a little bit because he was...
FALLING RAPIDLY TO THE EARTH! OH NO!
.....Just kidding, he was just kinda floating there.
"Damn it" he swore quietly. "Where's the ON button on this thing?"
The blonde bishounen's question was soon answered when he hit the button that had "ON" written on it in big red letters.
Go figure.
"Ahh! Here we go! I'm gonna get you!" He shouted.
Across the way from Sex's Leonardo, seated rather comfortably in the leather upholstered seat, sat a 15-year old angst machine named Heego Woohee. But we'll call him Hee-chan. Why? Because he hates it. Hee-chan was just minding his own business typing away at his laptop, having an intresting conversation about yaoi when his mobile suit was rammed.
Pissed off and without his internet connection, Hee-chan decided it was time to get to work. "Ninmu...... Ryoukai," he said for no apparent reason as he posed with his hand infront of his face. After getting hit a few more times, Hee-chan thought it was wise to start fighting back. "No one kicks me off line without hearing about it!" He vowed before giving Sex's Leonardo the grandaddy of all Mobile Suit Bitch slaps.
Sex had come to a conclusion. He was gonna hate this Mobile Suit's pilot big time and there was no other way to get around it. And so, he chased him down to Earth. "I'll teach YOU to chip the paint on my precious Leonardo, you cocky, arrogant little man! ...And why does your Mobile Suit look so cool? Is it special!?" Sex continued to shout other things before he realized it was a Goddamn. And if he shouted THAT famous line, he would be a very crispy young man. So, going against his urges, he decided it was best to just not describe Hee-chan's Mobile Suit.
Down on Earth, there lived an ugly, spoiled little rich bitch named Relena Darlien, but because this is my fic and not yours and I've changed everyone else's names so far, her name has officially been changed to "Reallya Dorkman". Reallya was an annoying girl who had a sick obsession with people who threatened to kill her. Talk about "Love Hurts". Her birthday was coming up, so because she felt she was important in some way, decided to make invitations out to all the cast members of the show... even people she hadn't met yet. Why? Because she's rich and her Daddy said she could.
And so, because her Daddy also said she could do this... Reallya burst into song, Disney style... complete with professionally choreographed dance steps, a full orchestra, and 40 back-up singers... and that one fat lady that sings all really extra loud like "WOOOOOOAAAAOOOOOOOOOO YEEEAAAHHHH", you know the type of lady I'm talking about.
While Reallya was doing this, four red-lit mobile suits ALSO fell to Earth in precise timing COMPLETELY BY COINCIDENCE, each landing at an opposite corner of the world.
The first pilot shown was a pretty girl with long brown hair...wait.. it was a boy, nevermind. "Wheeeeee! I'm Dude-o and I kill stuff! Shi-ne, shi-ne, shi-ne!" He was the happy, go-lucky one. Because let's face it: in every anime there's a happy, go-lucky guy.
The second pilot shown only had half a face... no wait, it was hiding under his bang. That's right BANG, as in one bang... one really big piece of hair. He wore a turtle neck with pants that looked like they were painted on him with.... really ugly shoes. HELLO FASHION EMERGENCY! He was busy killing things too, but he wasn't much of a talker. "........................" He introduced himself to his enemies before filling them with bullet holes. He's the strong, silent type. Because let's face it: in every anime there's a strong, silent type.
The third pilot shown was a pretty girl with short blonde hair. She was killing things, much like the two boys mentioned before her. "I hate killing stuff!" She shouted in despair before cutting a mobile suit in half. "Oops, sorry! You should have listened to me and I only would have maced you instead of cutting you in half like that." She wears goggles and likes pink. "My name's Katopoo and I'm rich!" She said proudly, making her Goddamn pose in true magical girl fashion. Her 40 manslaves clapped for her.
"Katopoo-sama is the best!" One said.
"Katopoo-sama is awesome!" Another chimed.
"Katopoo-sama is one fine little piece of ass!" They all agreed.
"...Katopoo-sama is a boy." One lone manslave said matter-of-factly.
The rest of the manslaves nodded sadly.
...Oh well, I guess the third pilot was a boy too. My bad. I guess he's the stereotypical gay guy. Because let's face it: in every anime, there's the stereotypical gay guy.
Anyway, onto the fourth pilot being shown killing things.
The fourth and final pilot shown was an angry short kid with black hair who wore a lot of white. "KOUHEI! KOUHEI! KOUUUUHEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII!" He also liked to scream about Justice, which by coincidence was also his name. "....I'm Kouhei.... KOUHEI!!!!!!" He was very good at killing bad guys with his super cool dragon mobile suit. Know why? Because he's the righteous one! There's always a righteous one! And we all love a chaotic good aligned character! Yes we do!
Add those four guys, plus Hee-chan and you get the heroes of the story. Scary, huh? We get Mr. Angst, Happy Guy, The Chatty Dude, Girl Power, and Justice Machine... ohhh this is gonna be fun.
Back with Hee-chan...
Hee-chan's mobile suit crashed into the ocean so he climbed out of it and kissed some sand. "I miss being able to move around freely!" He exclaimed before taking a nap.
Up in the sky...
Sex sailed through the air in his nifty parachute. "Yipee! I can see my house from here... Why is Gayz-sama going through my underwear drawer!?" His face turned bright red... not that you could see. "Well, I'm bound to land sometime and when I do... he's gonna hear it!" With his thoughts and his pretty hair... Sex continued to drift further and further away from the coast. Oh well, a battleship was nearby. Maybe he would land on that instead... wow I'm bad at foreshadowing.
With Reallya...
"LALALALALALALALAAAAA!" She sang loudly, skipping down the street where the beach was. "Today was so fun, I need to burst into song more ofte-- Holy shit! There's a hot chick passed out on the beach! Time to put my mouth to mouth skills to the test!" And so, Reallya ran over and tried to give poor Hee-chan mouth to mouth.
Waking up just in time, Hee-chan screamed like a girl rather convincingly and jumped to his feet. He covered his face (which he likes to do a lot) and his crotch(which he should do more often.. spandex and waking up do NOT mix) and stared down at Reallya with death in his eyes. "DID YOU SEE!?" he asked.
Reallya blinked vacantly. "See what?"
"My morning wood! DID YOU SEE!?"
Reallya giggled. "Girls don't get those! Now c'mere you big silly!" She chased Hee-chan down the beach until he jumped in an ambulance, tossed the driver out, and drove down the street like a madman.
"It's just not my day! First, I lose my internet connection, and now THIS!" He would have whined if he had enough emotion to do so, but Hee-chan is too cool to have emotions. So he didn't.
The next day...
Reallya sighed in extreme boredom as her teacher gave a lecture on the history of yuri and what it means to a young girl like her when suddenly who burst through the door but... Kudou Yohji! All the girls (and one boy student) in the classroom swooned upon his arrival.
Yohji sauntered over to one of the girls in the front row, dipped her, and in his bedroom voice asked her...
"Hey baby, you over 18?"
The girl melted in true groupie fashion before she could word her response... which was "no". But still... this is Yohji we're talking about here.
With a sigh, the florist/assassin strolled over to Reallya and pointed out that she was naked. Reallya looked down and sure enough, she was baring it all for her classmates.
...then she woke up to find out that the hot girl from the beach yesterday was seated beside her.
Reallya rubbed at her eyes... then rubbed at Hee-chan in very inappropriate places. He blushed and gave her a bitchslap loud enough to wake the dead. Reallya was ecstatic. "You ARE real! Yipee!" She shouted, glomping onto poor Hee-chan.
Somewhere else entirely...
"...Down where it's better, down where it's wetter take it from me!" Dude-o sang happily as he skipped in his Goddamn on the ocean floor. An octopus was playing a xylophone as he walked by. He so did love the ocean. And then he tripped over something. "Oww crap... that was one Hell of a rock... Hey cool!" He looked down at the mobile suit identical to his and decided he was going to steal it for himself to use as a backup, should anything happen to his DeathSmite.
"That mobile suit is identical to mine! I think I'll steal it and use it for myself as a backup, should anything happen to my DeathSmite!" And so, with a happy, go-lucky grin(He's the happy, go-lucky one, remember?), he began to drag the suit away when all of a sudden.....!
...A Battleship
Sex Merquise was at his wit's end.
"C'mon, if you let us use your ship to re-fuel, we'll let you use our cool new water suits: the Rapheals!" He was in the middle of bargaining with the ugly captain of an even uglier battleship with an equally ugly crew. Here's a rule that applies to all ugly characters in anime: If you're ugly, chances are pretty good you're either gonna die or get hurt reeeeeeeaaaaally bad.
The ugly captain of the even uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew scratched at his chin a moment before considering pretty Mr. Sex's request. "Oh okay, but only cuz we're nice guys."
"Yipee!" Sex and his two soldiers cheered... but they decided not to hug. It was un-manly. And so, as soon as his manicure was done, Sex boarded the ugly battle ship with the equally ugly crew with his two little soldier guys.
An alarm sounded.
Sex blinked... not that you could see. "What's going on?" He asked the ugly captain of the even uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew.
The ugly captain of the uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew pointed to the radar. "It seems that there's an unidentified mobile suit lurking around beneath us!"
Sex nodded at his two soldiers. "Go out in the Rapheals and investigate this!"
The two soldiers nodded, before running off giggling. "We get to use the new suits! Yippee!"
Back with Dude-o...
"Wheeeee! I'm being attacked! Life just doesn't get better!" He hacked at the Raphaels with ease.
"It's a Goddamn!" The two soldiers shouted at the same time. Once you say it, there's just no going back.
[BOOM SPLASH BANG PING DOOT MEOW!]
The Raphaels exploded, making a very big splash in the water, someone's gun went off by accident, hitting a metal pipe, ricocheting off of a keyboard that was lying around for no apparent reason, then finally hitting the ugly captain of the even uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew's cat... the cat died because it was ugly(See? Anime rule! Ugly= Dead).
Dude-o shrugged all the strange noises off and continued to drag the other Goddamn off.
"Come to my birthday, Heego!"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Is it because you think I'm ugly?"
"Somewhat."
"There's more reasons?"
"Yep."
"Well, is it because I annoy you?"
"Bingo."
"Why? Because I keep stalking you?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Heego, are you limited to one word answers?"
"Uh-huh."
"Oh. Come to my party!"
Hee-chan sighed. Nothing was more annoying than a girl that didn't get it.
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Here's an invitation!"
Reallya handed Hee-chan the invitation to her lame-ass party. Hee-chan looked it over and held it up so everyone could see. He then went to rip it up, but he couldn't... the paper was far to thick. "Ung..."
"You can't rip it, Heego, I was expecting this so I made the invitations out of Goddamnium Paper!" Reallya smiled, and her teeth sparkled. "You couldn't rip that invitation up if you were Superman!"
Hee-chan pondered this for a moment, whipped his cellphone out of Spandex Space and dialed a few quick numbers. Seconds later, Superman appeared. Hee-chan handed the Man of Steel the invitation.
"Ooh a party!" Superman exclaimed happily.
Hee-chan shook his head.
"Oh.. it's not for me?"
"No." Hee-chan said. "Rip."
"Ohhhh! Okay!" And so, Superman tried to rip the invitation, but to no avail.
Reallya smiled smugly. "I told you so!"
Pissed off, Hee-chan tossed the invitation over the balcony and into the ocean. Reallya looked sad...
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Why'd you do that!?" She asked.
"Because." Hee-chan said simply. "I'm gonna kill you, bitch."
"GASP!" the entire student body said in shock. Unfortunately, they were idiots and read the cue card completly wrong. They were supposed to gasp.. not SAY "gasp". Morons...
Superman just kinda stood there. "Well, if he's not going then can I?"
END CHAPTER ONE
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"The Gundam Wing Re-Write To End All Re-Writes!"
~by Shermie~
The military shuttle floated silently in the depths of outer space. All was peaceful. All was serene. All was--
[LOUD-ASS NOISE OF A MOBILE SUIT ZOOMING OVER HEAD]
--err right.. anyway...
"Commander! We're getting a reading of an unidentified object on our radar!" A nameless soldier shouted frantically to his superior. He looked behind in askance of what to do next because we all know extras are stupid, have a maximum of four lines, then they die. That's just how it works with extras, it's so hard to find good help these days. Anyway...
"Bring it up on the screen" A voice said... sounding very bored. And he WAS bored. Know why? Because nothing intresting ever happens in outer space. Don't worry, it soon will be a lot more fun in outer space. Wanna know why? You'll find out. Be patient, my little lambs.
"Yessir, Mr. Sex, sir." The nameless extra said and did what his taichou(That means "superior officer", kiddies!) instructed.
The other nameless soldier gasped in complete horror. He knew his end was impending. And so, he said what all soldiers say before they bite the big burrito of death... "It's A Godd-"
"Urusai!" The taichou commanded. "It's not even five minutes into the show, at least wait until I'm out of here to go screaming THAT phrase. I'm a main character afterall."
"H-hai, taichou." The second officer said.
"Now then... what does this 'thing' appear to be?" The superior, still off-camera officer asked.
"It seems to be a mobile suit of some sort."
"I see... Dispatch me a Leonardo, I'm going to check things out." He said, standing up and showing off his image for the first time. He was a tall man. He was a well-dressed man. Was he good-looking? Well, he was wearing a silvery mask with white eye holes, so first time watchers don't know. But the authoress knows very well of his bishounen-ness(if that were a word). Moving right along, The brave soldier left the cockpit and jumped into one of the Leonardos.
The two nameless officers were left alone. They stared at eachother in their stupidity.
"I didn't get to say my big line..." The first said.
"I know..." The second comforted his commrade. "But don't worry, it's coming up."
"Yipee!"
Outside where it was far far away from dumb lower officers with bad hairdos, Sex Merquise manuvered the Leonardo with expert ability. Did it matter that the Leonardo wasn't compatible for outer space use? Well... it mattered a little bit because he was...
FALLING RAPIDLY TO THE EARTH! OH NO!
.....Just kidding, he was just kinda floating there.
"Damn it" he swore quietly. "Where's the ON button on this thing?"
The blonde bishounen's question was soon answered when he hit the button that had "ON" written on it in big red letters.
Go figure.
"Ahh! Here we go! I'm gonna get you!" He shouted.
Across the way from Sex's Leonardo, seated rather comfortably in the leather upholstered seat, sat a 15-year old angst machine named Heego Woohee. But we'll call him Hee-chan. Why? Because he hates it. Hee-chan was just minding his own business typing away at his laptop, having an intresting conversation about yaoi when his mobile suit was rammed.
Pissed off and without his internet connection, Hee-chan decided it was time to get to work. "Ninmu...... Ryoukai," he said for no apparent reason as he posed with his hand infront of his face. After getting hit a few more times, Hee-chan thought it was wise to start fighting back. "No one kicks me off line without hearing about it!" He vowed before giving Sex's Leonardo the grandaddy of all Mobile Suit Bitch slaps.
Sex had come to a conclusion. He was gonna hate this Mobile Suit's pilot big time and there was no other way to get around it. And so, he chased him down to Earth. "I'll teach YOU to chip the paint on my precious Leonardo, you cocky, arrogant little man! ...And why does your Mobile Suit look so cool? Is it special!?" Sex continued to shout other things before he realized it was a Goddamn. And if he shouted THAT famous line, he would be a very crispy young man. So, going against his urges, he decided it was best to just not describe Hee-chan's Mobile Suit.
Down on Earth, there lived an ugly, spoiled little rich bitch named Relena Darlien, but because this is my fic and not yours and I've changed everyone else's names so far, her name has officially been changed to "Reallya Dorkman". Reallya was an annoying girl who had a sick obsession with people who threatened to kill her. Talk about "Love Hurts". Her birthday was coming up, so because she felt she was important in some way, decided to make invitations out to all the cast members of the show... even people she hadn't met yet. Why? Because she's rich and her Daddy said she could.
And so, because her Daddy also said she could do this... Reallya burst into song, Disney style... complete with professionally choreographed dance steps, a full orchestra, and 40 back-up singers... and that one fat lady that sings all really extra loud like "WOOOOOOAAAAOOOOOOOOOO YEEEAAAHHHH", you know the type of lady I'm talking about.
While Reallya was doing this, four red-lit mobile suits ALSO fell to Earth in precise timing COMPLETELY BY COINCIDENCE, each landing at an opposite corner of the world.
The first pilot shown was a pretty girl with long brown hair...wait.. it was a boy, nevermind. "Wheeeeee! I'm Dude-o and I kill stuff! Shi-ne, shi-ne, shi-ne!" He was the happy, go-lucky one. Because let's face it: in every anime there's a happy, go-lucky guy.
The second pilot shown only had half a face... no wait, it was hiding under his bang. That's right BANG, as in one bang... one really big piece of hair. He wore a turtle neck with pants that looked like they were painted on him with.... really ugly shoes. HELLO FASHION EMERGENCY! He was busy killing things too, but he wasn't much of a talker. "........................" He introduced himself to his enemies before filling them with bullet holes. He's the strong, silent type. Because let's face it: in every anime there's a strong, silent type.
The third pilot shown was a pretty girl with short blonde hair. She was killing things, much like the two boys mentioned before her. "I hate killing stuff!" She shouted in despair before cutting a mobile suit in half. "Oops, sorry! You should have listened to me and I only would have maced you instead of cutting you in half like that." She wears goggles and likes pink. "My name's Katopoo and I'm rich!" She said proudly, making her Goddamn pose in true magical girl fashion. Her 40 manslaves clapped for her.
"Katopoo-sama is the best!" One said.
"Katopoo-sama is awesome!" Another chimed.
"Katopoo-sama is one fine little piece of ass!" They all agreed.
"...Katopoo-sama is a boy." One lone manslave said matter-of-factly.
The rest of the manslaves nodded sadly.
...Oh well, I guess the third pilot was a boy too. My bad. I guess he's the stereotypical gay guy. Because let's face it: in every anime, there's the stereotypical gay guy.
Anyway, onto the fourth pilot being shown killing things.
The fourth and final pilot shown was an angry short kid with black hair who wore a lot of white. "KOUHEI! KOUHEI! KOUUUUHEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII!" He also liked to scream about Justice, which by coincidence was also his name. "....I'm Kouhei.... KOUHEI!!!!!!" He was very good at killing bad guys with his super cool dragon mobile suit. Know why? Because he's the righteous one! There's always a righteous one! And we all love a chaotic good aligned character! Yes we do!
Add those four guys, plus Hee-chan and you get the heroes of the story. Scary, huh? We get Mr. Angst, Happy Guy, The Chatty Dude, Girl Power, and Justice Machine... ohhh this is gonna be fun.
Back with Hee-chan...
Hee-chan's mobile suit crashed into the ocean so he climbed out of it and kissed some sand. "I miss being able to move around freely!" He exclaimed before taking a nap.
Up in the sky...
Sex sailed through the air in his nifty parachute. "Yipee! I can see my house from here... Why is Gayz-sama going through my underwear drawer!?" His face turned bright red... not that you could see. "Well, I'm bound to land sometime and when I do... he's gonna hear it!" With his thoughts and his pretty hair... Sex continued to drift further and further away from the coast. Oh well, a battleship was nearby. Maybe he would land on that instead... wow I'm bad at foreshadowing.
With Reallya...
"LALALALALALALALAAAAA!" She sang loudly, skipping down the street where the beach was. "Today was so fun, I need to burst into song more ofte-- Holy shit! There's a hot chick passed out on the beach! Time to put my mouth to mouth skills to the test!" And so, Reallya ran over and tried to give poor Hee-chan mouth to mouth.
Waking up just in time, Hee-chan screamed like a girl rather convincingly and jumped to his feet. He covered his face (which he likes to do a lot) and his crotch(which he should do more often.. spandex and waking up do NOT mix) and stared down at Reallya with death in his eyes. "DID YOU SEE!?" he asked.
Reallya blinked vacantly. "See what?"
"My morning wood! DID YOU SEE!?"
Reallya giggled. "Girls don't get those! Now c'mere you big silly!" She chased Hee-chan down the beach until he jumped in an ambulance, tossed the driver out, and drove down the street like a madman.
"It's just not my day! First, I lose my internet connection, and now THIS!" He would have whined if he had enough emotion to do so, but Hee-chan is too cool to have emotions. So he didn't.
The next day...
Reallya sighed in extreme boredom as her teacher gave a lecture on the history of yuri and what it means to a young girl like her when suddenly who burst through the door but... Kudou Yohji! All the girls (and one boy student) in the classroom swooned upon his arrival.
Yohji sauntered over to one of the girls in the front row, dipped her, and in his bedroom voice asked her...
"Hey baby, you over 18?"
The girl melted in true groupie fashion before she could word her response... which was "no". But still... this is Yohji we're talking about here.
With a sigh, the florist/assassin strolled over to Reallya and pointed out that she was naked. Reallya looked down and sure enough, she was baring it all for her classmates.
...then she woke up to find out that the hot girl from the beach yesterday was seated beside her.
Reallya rubbed at her eyes... then rubbed at Hee-chan in very inappropriate places. He blushed and gave her a bitchslap loud enough to wake the dead. Reallya was ecstatic. "You ARE real! Yipee!" She shouted, glomping onto poor Hee-chan.
Somewhere else entirely...
"...Down where it's better, down where it's wetter take it from me!" Dude-o sang happily as he skipped in his Goddamn on the ocean floor. An octopus was playing a xylophone as he walked by. He so did love the ocean. And then he tripped over something. "Oww crap... that was one Hell of a rock... Hey cool!" He looked down at the mobile suit identical to his and decided he was going to steal it for himself to use as a backup, should anything happen to his DeathSmite.
"That mobile suit is identical to mine! I think I'll steal it and use it for myself as a backup, should anything happen to my DeathSmite!" And so, with a happy, go-lucky grin(He's the happy, go-lucky one, remember?), he began to drag the suit away when all of a sudden.....!
...A Battleship
Sex Merquise was at his wit's end.
"C'mon, if you let us use your ship to re-fuel, we'll let you use our cool new water suits: the Rapheals!" He was in the middle of bargaining with the ugly captain of an even uglier battleship with an equally ugly crew. Here's a rule that applies to all ugly characters in anime: If you're ugly, chances are pretty good you're either gonna die or get hurt reeeeeeeaaaaally bad.
The ugly captain of the even uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew scratched at his chin a moment before considering pretty Mr. Sex's request. "Oh okay, but only cuz we're nice guys."
"Yipee!" Sex and his two soldiers cheered... but they decided not to hug. It was un-manly. And so, as soon as his manicure was done, Sex boarded the ugly battle ship with the equally ugly crew with his two little soldier guys.
An alarm sounded.
Sex blinked... not that you could see. "What's going on?" He asked the ugly captain of the even uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew.
The ugly captain of the uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew pointed to the radar. "It seems that there's an unidentified mobile suit lurking around beneath us!"
Sex nodded at his two soldiers. "Go out in the Rapheals and investigate this!"
The two soldiers nodded, before running off giggling. "We get to use the new suits! Yippee!"
Back with Dude-o...
"Wheeeee! I'm being attacked! Life just doesn't get better!" He hacked at the Raphaels with ease.
"It's a Goddamn!" The two soldiers shouted at the same time. Once you say it, there's just no going back.
[BOOM SPLASH BANG PING DOOT MEOW!]
The Raphaels exploded, making a very big splash in the water, someone's gun went off by accident, hitting a metal pipe, ricocheting off of a keyboard that was lying around for no apparent reason, then finally hitting the ugly captain of the even uglier battleship with the equally ugly crew's cat... the cat died because it was ugly(See? Anime rule! Ugly= Dead).
Dude-o shrugged all the strange noises off and continued to drag the other Goddamn off.
"Come to my birthday, Heego!"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Is it because you think I'm ugly?"
"Somewhat."
"There's more reasons?"
"Yep."
"Well, is it because I annoy you?"
"Bingo."
"Why? Because I keep stalking you?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Heego, are you limited to one word answers?"
"Uh-huh."
"Oh. Come to my party!"
Hee-chan sighed. Nothing was more annoying than a girl that didn't get it.
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Here's an invitation!"
Reallya handed Hee-chan the invitation to her lame-ass party. Hee-chan looked it over and held it up so everyone could see. He then went to rip it up, but he couldn't... the paper was far to thick. "Ung..."
"You can't rip it, Heego, I was expecting this so I made the invitations out of Goddamnium Paper!" Reallya smiled, and her teeth sparkled. "You couldn't rip that invitation up if you were Superman!"
Hee-chan pondered this for a moment, whipped his cellphone out of Spandex Space and dialed a few quick numbers. Seconds later, Superman appeared. Hee-chan handed the Man of Steel the invitation.
"Ooh a party!" Superman exclaimed happily.
Hee-chan shook his head.
"Oh.. it's not for me?"
"No." Hee-chan said. "Rip."
"Ohhhh! Okay!" And so, Superman tried to rip the invitation, but to no avail.
Reallya smiled smugly. "I told you so!"
Pissed off, Hee-chan tossed the invitation over the balcony and into the ocean. Reallya looked sad...
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Why'd you do that!?" She asked.
"Because." Hee-chan said simply. "I'm gonna kill you, bitch."
"GASP!" the entire student body said in shock. Unfortunately, they were idiots and read the cue card completly wrong. They were supposed to gasp.. not SAY "gasp". Morons...
Superman just kinda stood there. "Well, if he's not going then can I?"
END CHAPTER ONE
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